Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

Ainsley

Two weeks. Mason disappeared for two weeks. Not one text answered. My phone calls go to voicemail, and today, when he resurfaces, he rings the bell.

He has a key.

Why isn't he opening the door?

I stare at the security monitor in the kitchen, at the man who waits to be let in like a stranger.

Mina and her husband planned to stay for two weeks, and instead, they left. No cooking lessons, no embarrassing pictures, or… I scratch my head one more time and trudge to open the door for him.

Any other time I'd imagine myself eager by his arrival, squealing on my way to the door, fixing my frizzy hair, and smiling wide. I'm jaded, and not hearing from your boyfriend for two weeks is never a good sign. The sign most likely reads ‘game over.'

"Hi." I restrain my arms from moving. They fight me because they want to hug Mason. I want to wrap myself around him, tell him how much I missed him, but I can't because the guy in front of me has a flat face and a stern look to him. My brain is ordering me to shut the door and hide under the bed for a few days. I fear what's coming is not going to be pretty.

Lightheadedness hits me from the lack of oxygen. I force myself to breathe.

"May I come in?" he finally speaks.

I move aside and spot a duffel bag. My entire body relaxes, knowing I was overreacting to something stupid. The explanation for his disappearance must be work-related.

He climbs the stairs without uttering a word to me. Not even a hello, or to inquire how I am. I follow behind, skipping steps to reach the top almost at the same time as he does.

"What's going on, Mase?" I point at the open, empty bag he carries, and he looks around my room then steps in front of the closet.

"This. Us." He takes two more duffel bags down from the top shelf of the walk-in closet. "It's going too fast. We should slow down." Mason doesn't meet my gaze. He opens one of his two drawers, pulls out his underwear, and shoves them into his bag. "I think you and I have different expectations."

I do not understand that sentence.

I wait for him to expand. He never does. Instead, he continues shoving his clothes in the bag, taking his presence away from my house.

"I thought things had progressed," I say, looking around my room. "Our relationship is evolving."

"You've taken it further than I intended," he tells me, engrossed with the task of packing.

"Me? We both did." Didn't we? I am trying to find fault in my actions for this new development, but I can't find any. "Your entire wardrobe is here. I never told you to bring it over."

I point at my closet. My pumps, sandals, boots, and miscellaneous shoes share their space with all kinds of industrial boots, running shoes, and a pair of dress shoes.

"It's like you moved in, and I didn't know, but nothing was forced, it happened naturally."

"No, there's still shit at my place."

I can't help but laugh, not sure if it's the nerves of not knowing what exactly is going on or the fact that he has a new place. "Are you going on a trip, Mase?"

"No, I'm taking my shit back where it belongs." His harsh words make my heart twinge. "This, being here, is giving you the wrong idea. I know it gave my mother the notion that you and I are serious."

"Mase!" The strangled sound of his name is due to the knot constricted in my throat. I rub my hands on my jeans, grounding myself, and try to understand what is going on.

One day we're happy, playing a game. The next, he's withdrawing from me and vanishing.

"The last time I checked, we were in a committed relationship. Weren't we?" For the love of God, what happened?

He stops the task of packing and turns to face me, giving me his attention for the first time since he stepped into my room. "Not that committed. Sorry, Ainsley."

He goes back to scanning the room. "We said no expectations, live in the moment, and have fun. I never intended to give you that idea, and you are already throwing words at me that I can't reciprocate."

His eyes flinch but recover fast. "You barely finished your fucked-up relationship with Porter."

"Porter and I broke up years ago," I raise my voice.

This man in front of me isn't Mason. This man is an asshole who is looking to hurt me so bad I'll bleed for the rest of my life and never recover. No one is allowed to do that, not even him. "I know what I feel, Mason. You don't get to dictate what I should or shouldn't feel. I always fall for idiots who aren't worth my time or my heart.

"I won't lie, Mason." I confess the only thing I really hoped for while together, "I honestly believed that you'd learn to love me if I loved you. You'd learn to let others love you and let yourself love. Congratulations, your heart is safe from feelings and messy situations."

He stops and gives me an annoyed glare. "Look, Ainsley, my life is too complicated to continue with you. We're about to sign a few contracts, and I need to focus on myself and what I want out of life. If I'm lucky, I'll be gone for about a year. I hate to be in one place. I suffocate."

A few deep breaths later, I finally find my footing. "All those nights, I wrote songs about our love story, and you were searching for a way to escape, to write your own adventures." I stare into those grayish eyes. Whatever happened when his mother came to town created this. That morning two weeks ago, my heart warned me that everything would crumble. Still, I decided to believe in small miracles.

"After Porter, I tried to keep myself safe." A wave of sadness hits me, and the rush of tears threatens to slide down my cheeks. "I guarded my heart with a coat of ice to avoid another heartbreak. You melted it, and now you're telling me to fuck off?"

Toby enters the room, purring, and jumps onto the bed, curling himself next to my pillow. At least I still have him. As I move my gaze back to Mason, I see him stare at the kitty he gave me, or maybe he's just looking at the bed. I'd pay good money to know what he's thinking and why he is doing this.

"Don't take it that way." Mase's gaze locks with mine. He throws the duffel bag and puts his hands in his pockets. "We can slow things down, take away the intensity. The expectations."

The expectations?

"You want me to be your fuck buddy?" I shout. "A booty call at your beck and call. Is that what I am to you, a good romp between the sheets?"

He opens his mouth, closes it, and lets out a huge exhale, giving me an apologetic look as he shakes his head.

"I'm sorry," I utter. "I have to break my promise. You also lost me as a friend."

Some tears make it through as I realize I won't be able to call my friend, Mase, about my latest breakup and how much it stings. More than it did with Porter.

"I can't stomach seeing you pile your belongings as you escape what we shared." I head toward the door, come to a halt, and say, "I know you felt something for me. I just wish I knew why you worked so hard to asphyxiate it. I'll be next door. Text me when you leave, please."

"Ainsley," he calls after me, anguish attached to my name.

"Nine!" I spin around, shouting the name at him. "The name is Nine, Ainse, Janine. You never call me Ainsley. What was it, Mason?"

Now I'm furious, or I'm becoming angry to cover the excruciating pain this is causing me. "You found another girl?" I demand to know. "God, I'm such an idiot. But you know what, you won't bring me down. This will hurt, but I won't shut down. I'll keep taking my chances at these—at life and love. Because everyone has a tale, a happy beginning with a love story attached."

My blurry vision clears as I reach my parents' home. They are out of town. Like the grown woman I am, I've decided this isn't worth interrupting anyone. I'll ride the wave for a few months until the pain subsides. My only hope is that Mason hurries, gathers his shit, and leaves my life.

I wish I could regret loving him, but I don't. Those months I spent with him were the best of my life, so far. A great start to a happy, healthy, mature life with grown-up relationships. This real-world thing sucks, too, but I'll survive it.

I fall asleep in my parents' bed, and when my cell phone buzzes, it's dark outside.

Mase: I'm out.

Mase: I want you to know there's no other girl. I wish things were different.

Nine: Thank you for everything, for all those years by my side. I'm going to miss you.

Nine: For scientific purposes, what did I do wrong?

Mase: Nothing, you're perfect. One day you'll make someone happy. That's not me. I can't risk any more of myself and end up like my father. Sorry.

Risk? That sounds… stupid.

He screwed everything up because I'm perfect and he doesn't want to take a risk? I'm not perfect, and he isn't his dad. His parents, his fear of not believing, all those experiences in his life affected him. They now affect me, too.

Nine: I'm glad you called this off, then. It sucks to know I was the only one in this relationship. Next time, give it a try. Something wonderful might happen to you. Loving someone is one of the best thrills you can experience in this lifetime.

Mase: Sorry.

Nine: That's okay. A part of me will always love you. Not only as a friend but also as a man, you can't change that. I wish you luck.