Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Aspen

My stomach flutters when he dusts kisses on my face just as the adrenaline rush dissipates, leaving my body weak. My insides feel like they're twisting. My head's pounding and my eyes are teary. I'm anxious and angry. No, furious at Anderson. He left the house after receiving a call without much explanation, only a "there's a work emergency." Hours later, he called asking how to treat gunshot wounds and if I could stitch them.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Of course, baby, just give me a hand here." I wasn't crazy about the answer. Adopting my professional voice and forgetting he could be the one in danger, I walked him through everything. "We should be landing soon."

"I'll drive to the hospital." I started looking for my keys.

"No, we need you to do this at home. Please, don't tell anyone."

I called Brynn to come home in case Anderson had played it down and he was the one in need of medical assistance. Then, I dialed Victoria, asking her to assist us and to bring equipment for a surgery. She works part-time as a nurse, but also owns an at-home care company and owns medical supplies. Impatiently, I waited for him to arrive. When he did, I wanted to smack him and kiss him at the same time.

"Aspen?"

"Who are you?" My lips tremble, the anger making me shake. I want to detangle myself from his hold but my need to be close to him is stronger. "An agent, some secret ops guy…what are you?

"I don't have a title." His voice is so calm, his arms so warm. "An agent, a mercenary, a man who uses his skills to catch bad guys?"

"That could've been you." My voice trembles, there's no way to mask my anguish.

"If that had been me, you'd have fixed me. I believe in you." The smooth talker is …what is he doing by touching me so gently and using that husky voice? "I work mostly undercover, infiltrating organizations and gathering intel."

His green eyes caress my soul, and I feel lost in a roaring whirlpool. "I have one last assignment and after that, we'll have time for us."

When he touches his fingers against my skin I hear the last thunders. The storm is about to end. "I was only gone for a few hours, but I missed your kiss, your touch, and your body." My body shivers as he whispers against my neck.

I open my mouth to say something, denying the ache between my legs and the desire for my soul to bond with his. The image of the three black trucks and men approaching hit me all at once, along with the fear that clenched my heart when I didn't see Anderson right away. What if it had been him? The grief feels like lightning striking my chest. The oxygen in my lungs vanishes.

The fear of losing him is like hands snapping my neck.

There's an internal battle in my heart. An urge to push Anderson away so far that whatever happens to him won't hurt me. Yet, the need to connect with and to cherish him is overwhelming.

"I'm confused," I admit. "I don't know what this is or where we're heading."

My breath comes out in a massive rush. The fear of losing him is into drilling the back of my head and hammering the pieces of my already mangled heart. "We're taking things too seriously."

Anderson stares at me, looking at me suspiciously. "You'd prefer a casual fling?"

Shaking my head, I look down at the floor, hiding my feelings, feelings I shouldn't have for a man I only met a few weeks ago. Covering the distress crippling inside my heart, my empty, burning lungs fighting for the oxygen I deny them. For years I avoided feelings. I moved around, evading big emotions. Yet here I am, falling madly, deeply in love with a man who faces danger for a living.

So yes, the answer is I prefer a casual fling, Anderson. An insignificant connection where only sex matters and my heart can feel safe. The irony is I've never felt as safe as I do when Anderson is near me.

"Have I mentioned I'm confused about everything? What if we're pretending there's something between us?"

"How so?" His inquisitive tone is refreshing. When he said he wanted me to teach him how relationships worked, he wasn't kidding. Anderson brings his thumb to my face, caressing my cheek before placing it under my chin. My lips part as he leans forward, I gasp anticipating the electrical surge we create when we kiss. He only pecks my lips moving further from me, only a couple of steps.

Don't go! I gasp. The short space between us feels like miles. The ache in my body is unbearable, I needed his kiss like I need air. Reassurance, that's what I need right this moment—the comfort of knowing he's with me. I'm frozen in place and mute. What's happening to me?

"There's no pretending. I'm new at this, but you're fucking scared of your feelings." My eyes widen, how does he know? He narrows his gaze at me, his features remain smooth, yet he keeps a distance between us. "We can figure it out, together. There's no path. We decide the journey and the destination. As long as we're together, we'll be ok."

I blink twice, this isn't the conversation I thought we'd have tonight. Anderson continues making himself comfortable, not only in my life, but also in my heart. He's not giving up; his soul has said as much. He won't give up until I fall. And then…what will happen to me if I lose him? The air around me disappears. No. Not again.

"Stop torturing yourself, Aspen." Anderson finally walks to me. Using those long, strong arms he hugs me, halting the stupid ideas swirling inside my head. "We're fighters, survivors. Please, don't let your fear convince you that this isn't going to work out between us. It will."