Chapter 19

CHAPTER

NINETEEN

Colton had no idea why he just said that. Actually, he knew exactly why he'd said it. Because he couldn't stand the look that had crossed Ella's face when he'd shut her down a couple of minutes ago. Couldn't stand to hear the hurt in her voice and know that he'd been the one who'd caused it.

How the hell had she noticed in such a tiny bit of time what his entire team—people he worked with day in and day out—hadn't noticed in weeks?

Still, he didn't want to talk about it. He set the bowl to the side and walked back over to the other mixers. He was almost done with the final batch he was working on.

"Colton…"

He held out a hand to stop her. "I know what I said, but I don't really want to talk about it."

"But—"

"It's not you. It's just not something I have anything to say about right now."

"Yeah, but?—"

He didn't want to hurt her again, but he didn't want to chat about his emotions either. "Seriously, Ella. Just let it go. "

She let out a sigh. "All I was going to say was that you need to combine the wet ingredients together before adding them to the dry ingredients. I'm not sure if that's in the instructions or not."

"Shit." He ran his forearm across his brow as he looked over at her. "I'm an asshole. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It's fine."

That was Ella, wasn't it? The peacekeeper. Always quick to forgive and to include others. She'd been that way for as long as he could remember, even when they were kids.

But for the first time tonight, he could see that maybe she paid a price to be that way. That she opened herself up and it hurt her when people stepped all over her feelings. As it should. Everyone was just so used to Ella not demanding anything that they took her gentle spirit for granted.

He stepped back from the mixer. He was in a shit mood, and staying here would only lead to him hurting her more. "I should go. I'm not in a good place, and I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry I hurt you."

He was so lost in his own thoughts, he didn't realize she'd walked over to stand beside him. She touched his arm. "If you need to go, I understand. But you don't need to do that for my sake. If you don't want to talk about what's going on, I'll leave it alone."

He didn't say anything as he finished the batter, and true to her word, she didn't ask any more questions. It wasn't long before they were stacking the rest of the mixing bowls and containers into the washing pile.

"Thank you for your help. You saved me a lot of time?—"

"Why did you leave that night?" Another thought out of his mouth he wasn't expecting. But he wanted to know. Everything he knew about Ella did not gel with the theory that he was just a sexual trophy for her.

"You know why," she said softly.

He rubbed the back of his neck. Maybe he'd been wrong. "Because I was a notch in your bedpost? Look, I'm not judging, if that's your thing. You wouldn't be the first woman who'd come to my hotel room because they'd wanted to be able to say they'd slept with a quasi-celebrity."

" What ? No. No, that's not it at all. Honestly, I've never thought of you as a celebrity. Around here, you're just…Colton."

"Then why did you leave?" He took a step closer to her. Hearing her say she hadn't been using him for his celebrity status eased something in him.

And it made sense. That wasn't Ella. Thinking about it now, it was ridiculous to even consider that as her motivation.

"You know why I left. You're the one who brought it up in the first place. What you said that night."

He racked his brain to figure out exactly what she was talking about. "What I said? When?"

What could he have possibly said that would make her sneak out?

"Right before you fell asleep?"

He looked over at her. He had no recollection whatsoever of saying anything bad that would've caused that reaction from her. But studying her now, he knew she was telling the truth. Her brow was furrowed, and she was wringing her little hands together.

He took a step closer, reaching out to stop the nervous movement. "The only thing I can remember was how amazing our lovemaking was and saying I needed a break in order to recuperate for round two."

"Not that." Her voice was quiet. Too quiet.

"Whatever I said, I didn't mean it the way you took it, Butterscotch."

"You confessed that you were with me because Lincoln told you I had a crush on you."

"What?" He remembered that conversation with Lincoln at the wedding, but that wasn't what he'd been expecting her to say.

"You told me about it right as you fell asleep. That you were glad he'd let slip I had a crush on you. "

"And I was."

She tried to pull back, but he wouldn't let go of her hands. He didn't know why she was so upset about this, but he was going to get to the bottom of it.

"That's why I left. Because Lincoln—and I get it, he didn't do anything on purpose—but he basically set me up as some sort of sure thing for you. Like some sort of…" She faded off and looked away.

"Some sort of what?"

"It doesn't matter." She still wouldn't look at him. "Once you said that, I just knew that you hadn't necessarily invited me to your room because you wanted me."

" What ?" This conversation was getting more off track by the second. "What part of that night made you think I didn't really want you? The way I pounced on you in bed and lasted such a short time that I was mortified?"

She shook her head, still staring down at the floor. "You don't have to pretend with me, Colton. I know what that night was."

"Enlighten me, then."

"A pity fuc?—"

His lips were on hers before she even finished that filthy phrase.

Not that he had a problem with the F-word, but he was absolutely floored by the fact that she could possibly think that. The only thing he could focus on now was erasing that thought from her mind.

Because nothing on earth could be further from the truth than him thinking of her as a pity fuck .

He ravished her mouth. He might not have been able to find the words to set her straight about what had happened that night, but he could damn well show her.

He reached under her armpits, not caring a bit how unsexy it was, and hoisted her onto the counter. He slid one hand into her hair, gripping it hard—because damn it, he was fucking pissed—holding her in place so that he could plunder those lips. The other hand, he slid down to her hip and yanked her to the edge of the counter so that he could press up against her.

"Don't you dare ever call yourself that again." He slid his tongue deep into the recesses of her mouth before nipping at her bottom lip. "Ever. Do you understand me? There's nothing pitiful about you in any sense of the word, and most definitely not when it comes to you and me making love."

"But—"

He nipped at her lip again. "No buts."

He hated that this was why she had left that night, but it explained so much. And it changed everything, at least for him.

She hadn't been using him. And somewhere, he'd always known that—it was completely opposite of what he knew of Ella O'Conner's personality to think she had used him in that way. He should've followed through weeks ago. Demanded to know why she left that night, rather than to have assumed the worst. If it hadn't been for the accident and those damned panic attacks, he probably would have.

He pressed up against her, loving that sigh that escaped her.

"Lincoln telling me that you were open to some sort of advance from me just gave me the freedom to do what I'd always wanted to without risking alienating a precious friend. Trust me, there was no pity involved in that night. Only heat. Passion. Explosive chemistry." He punctuated each word with a kiss.

"Really?"

"I don't think I'm going to be able to accurately tell you this with words. Will you let me show you instead? Pick back up where we should've left off that night after my nap?"

Those green eyes looked up at him. "Okay."

He couldn't stop the grin that broke out on his face. "Do you still have the place upstairs?"

She shook her head. "No. I bought a little house down the street a couple years ago."

"Can we walk?" As soon as she nodded, he slid her off the counter. "Get what you need. "

He waited, not at all patiently, as she grabbed her bag and shut down the lights. She kept shooting him somewhat wary looks, but each time she caught him still looking at her, she blushed and looked away.

She liked it. Liked that he was beside himself with the need to get her into the nearest bed. Good. It was good right now that she didn't want soft and romantic.

"Because all I'm going to be able to give you is hard and fast, Butterscotch. This unquenchable need I have for you isn't going to allow for much else."

She blinked over at him, not responding to the fact that he was obviously having a conversation in his mind. And only making part of it verbal.

The walk to her house didn't take very long—thank God—and he didn't let go of her hand the whole time. He wasn't sure he could've forced himself to stop touching her, so he was glad he didn't need to.

She got the door unlocked, and they walked inside. "This is it. It's not much, but it's?—"

He kissed her again. Without breaking the kiss to respond, he swept an arm under her knees and lifted her up.

"Colton." She let out a nervous laugh. "I'm too hea?—"

"Don't you dare even say it. Just point in the direction of the bedroom, or else I'm going to take you right here against this wall."

He knew she was skeptical, and there was nothing he would like more than to prove that he was more than capable of doing exactly what he threatened. As a matter of fact, he would definitely be proving that to her—first, that whatever she thought her weight problem was, it wasn't a factor, and also, that he was more than capable of handling every ounce of her.

Lying, sitting, standing…he'd take her all the ways he could get her.

But tonight, he really wanted her in a bed. So, when she pointed down a small hallway, he headed in that direction .

"I should have never taken a nap that night. Shame on me." He laid her on the bed.

"I actually liked that you needed a nap. It was just when I thought the other was true that I…"

"In case I haven't made it abundantly clear, that night, this night, every night we have together… None of them will ever be out of pity." He unbuttoned her blouse. "Unless it's you taking pity on me."

He moved his lips across her jaw and down her throat, paying attention to where her breath hitched. Interesting how his sweet little Ella liked pressure that almost bordered on pain. Liked it when he grazed his teeth against her neck. Liked it when he made quick work of her bra and sucked hard on one breast and then the other. She gripped his hair, pulling him closer to her.

"I want you inside me."

"Don't worry, I'm going to be. But I want to taste you first."

He unzipped her jeans and slid them over her hips and down her legs, leaving her gloriously naked, laid out on the bed.

"I made way too many tactical errors last time."

Concern fell over her pretty face. She shook her head. "No. No, it was amazing for me."

"I'm glad, although it couldn't possibly have been as good for you as it was for me. But what I mean is that I didn't take my time and appreciate you the way I should have. I assumed we had all night, when I should not have taken that for granted."

"I'm sorry I left without giving you a chance to talk things out with me."

He reached over and trailed his fingers gently down her cheek. "I'm mostly sorry that those thoughts went through your head at all, Butterscotch."

He was going to do his damnedest to make sure that never happened again.

He made short work of his own clothes then reached down and ran a hand up her leg, starting at her ankle. She was shy, trying to close herself off to him .

His mouth began to follow the same trail his hand had taken. "Too late to get shy on me now, Butterscotch. I want to see you. I want to taste you."

He eased her thighs open, wishing he could make her understand how beautiful she was to him in every possible way. All he could do was show her.

And that was exactly what he did.