Chapter 3: Ashton

three

ASHTON

No man is offended by another man’s admiration of the woman he loves; it is the woman only who can make it a torment.

— JANE AUSTEN

I followed Holden and Christy as we climbed down the rows of seats in the Commonwealth Center, the home of Richmond Rockets ice hockey. The game was about to begin and the arena was only half full. Looked like the Rockets were still struggling to find a fanbase.

I glanced over at the woman my sister-in-law, Christy, had hand-picked to be my date. Persephone Baker. A new teacher this year at Seddledowne High, she taught honors English. Imagine that. She was beautiful. Shiny blond hair that hit right below her shoulder blades. High cheekbones, huge blue eyes, probably five foot four. Maybe a little too short for a tall guy like me but close enough.

Tally’s the perfect height. She’d fit right under your chin .

STOP. IT.

Persephone wasn’t too loud but she wasn’t too quiet. She was funny, and smart, loved Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, and hated Jane Eyre as much as me.

So why did my stupid, dead heart feel nothing? Not a twitch, or a twitter of attraction.

“Theeeooo.” Tally’s sing-song voice entered through my eardrums, jolted through my veins, and hit my lungs with a WHAM! My heart bucked against my ribs, trying to catapult out of my chest and run straight over to her without me.

Looked like I wasn’t dead after all. I was so freaking alive it was annoying.

It had been a month since I’d met with her in my office. The first week had sucked like it was a real breakup. My chest had ached so much it hurt to breathe. But I kept moving. Kept pretending everything was fine. Spoiler: nothing was fine. Everything was terrible. But I’d done the right thing. Should’ve done it a year ago. This would get better with time.

The question was, how long? Even now, five times a day, I had to fight the urge to text her a meme or tell her how put off I was that Garrett kept trying to weave Doctor Who fan theories into his thesis on time travel paradoxes in contemporary sci-fi narratives.

My gaze followed the sound of her voice. She stood in front of her seat, tall and willowy with her dark brown hair that almost reached her waist. Her huge brown eyes were bright. She seemed happy to be here. Looked perfectly fine now that I wasn’t her advisor. That thought brought the dull ache down to lung-crushing level, undoing days of progress.

“C’mon over here.” She smiled at her eleven-year-old nephew who had a mini-hockey stick. From the pretend skater's motion and the sound effects he was making it looked like he was trying to play his very own game in the stands. “I got you a hot dog. And root beer.” She snuggled her nine-year-old niece, Charlotte, against her side. Everyone called her Charlie. She was adorable and had the same long brown hair and big brown eyes as Tally. Apparently, the Hawkins genes were strong.

I hated what seeing Tally in Madden’s jersey did to me. Truth be told, at that moment I wanted to peel the jersey over her head, set it on fire, and burn it in effigy. I liked Madden. I hated that Madden was with Tally.

Her gaze flitted up to us and locked on mine. I smiled, my metaphorical olive branch. Her cheeks went pink, but I swear the sparkle deepened. Until she saw Persephone. A small crease formed between her brows, and she glanced away, her smile disappearing altogether.

Maybe it’s like the old cliche, absence made her heart grow fonder?

Nuh-uh. Nope. I was not doing this tonight. I would not obsess over every micro-expression or inflection in her voice. Thoughts of what it would be like if she realized she had feelings for me, would not ruin my evening. I would not think about what it would feel like to wrap my arms around her waist. Straight up heavenly. No doubt. Or what her lips would taste like—maybe sweet vanilla or creamy caramel. She loved lattes. Said she had to be properly caffeinated to start the day. Or how it would feel to hold her hand. I let out a small sigh.

No! Thoughts of Tally would not overtake my evening. I wouldn’t let them.

They just did, noob.

I released a low growl, irritated at myself.

Persephone glanced over at me. I pasted on a smile and pressed against the small of her back, urging her forward. It was time to slip on my Everything is Great face. I’d gotten pretty good at it over the years.

Anna and Blue were seated two rows up from Tally, along with the rest of my family. Anna hopped out of her seat and bounded up the stairs toward Holden and Christy. When Anna saw me she made a face like she’d smelled something sour. Her eyes flitted to Persephone, then to me, then to Holden, looking frustrated and confused.

Anna quickly hugged Christy. “Hey, Aunt Chris.” But she glared at Holden, her lips pursed in an angry line.But then her gaze shifted, and it wasn’t saying angry anymore. She looked distraught. Almost panicked.

“Well, hello to you too.” Holden’s easy chuckle only made her eyes narrow further. He scoffed. “What could I possibly have done wrong? I just got here.” He opened his arms. “C’mon, you know you want an Uncle Holdie hug.”

Anna sidestepped him but I caught how her finger hooked through one of his belt loops keeping him in place. She spoke to Christy over his shoulder. “I need to steal him for a moment if that’s okay. He’ll be right back.”

Christy, who looked curious but amused, went on ahead. She hugged Blue who was holding Anna’s seat like someone might take it. That man had to have her next to him at all times. I got it. Sort of. Long ago, fate had torn them apart for four miserable years. But you’d think he’d have learned to relax by now. They shared the same last name, for crying out loud.

“Hi, I’m the niece. It’s very nice to meet you,” Anna said to Persephone as she pulled Holden behind her. “I’m going to borrow Ashton too if that’s all right.” She nodded at me.

Persephone wore a tiny scowl. “Sure. Of course.”

As my date fled the uncomfortable scene, Anna jammed her finger in my belt loop and yanked both of us along. I glanced over at Holden as we stumbled up the stairs we’d just come down, trying to see if he knew what this was about.

After tripping up five rows, Holden uncurled her finger. “Anna! What in the world?”

Anna whirled. “What are you doing?” she hissed at Holden while thrusting her hand at me. “I specifically told you not to invite Ash.”

I blinked like I’d been slapped. We weren’t that kind of family. We didn’t exclude. Ever. If one was invited, all were invited. “That’s kind of rude, don’t you think?” More than kind of. She was raised better than this. “ Why don’t you want me here?”

“I can’t say.” She spoke through gritted teeth. “I’ve sworn with a blood oath.” Right then her gaze skittered down to Tally and her brow furrowed.

Did this have something to do with Tally?

“I guess I can leave.” I huffed. “I think my date might find it kind of off-putting though. And I rode with Holden, so no car.”

Anna’s fists curled and uncurled as she squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them, tears shimmered there. Her hands bobbed up and down with her words, still speaking to Holden. “I texted you. I said, whatever you do, do not invite Ashton .”

My chest tightened as my mind whirled. What was happening that she didn’t want me here? It wasn’t like her at all. She was the most inclusive one of the Dupree bunch. Like she was filling her momma’s—my sister Sophie’s—shoes. The glue that held us together, right behind Mom.

“No. You specifically said to invite him.” Holden fumbled in his pocket for his phone. He quickly found their text conversation. Our heads together, the three of us read the text.

Annadorable: Whatever you do, invite Ashton.

Anna slapped a hand over her forehead. “That’s what I get for using the swipe-typing feature. It left out the word don’t. ”

She sniffed. I noticed her hands shaking. “ I’m sorry for snapping at you, Uncle Holden.” She turned, her eyes pressing into me like I should be able to read her thoughts. “Ash, I love you. But you do not want to be here. Make up an excuse. You feel sick. You forgot about a test you have to administer tomorrow. Whatever. Trust me on this.”

I put my hands on my hips, annoyed. I’d trimmed my beard for this date. Bought a new pair of jeans. I purposely didn’t eat my delicious leftover Lemon Garlic Shrimp before I left home. I’d driven two hours to get here. First, forty minutes to Holden’s and then an hour and twenty in his cheerio-encrusted van, making uncomfortable first-date small talk with Persephone—who, I was reminded every minute we were together, I was not the tiniest bit attracted to. The least I could get out of all my efforts was a good time at the hockey game. I’d spent the last month feeling dead inside. I needed some happy endorphins. Watching guys slam into each other on the ice was just the ticket. Even if Tally was here.

“What about the Dupree Family Creed?” I asked.

“Duprees never, ever lie.” She repeated the exact wording that had been ingrained in all three of us since birth. She looked at me. “I don’t care. Burn the creed. Forget it ever existed. Change your last name for the night. But you need to leave. Now .” Again, her gaze ping-ponged to Tally.

“But I want to see the game, Anna. And Persephone is a diehard Rockets fan.” Christy had told me that when she set the date up.

Holden rubbed his chin. “Maybe tell us what’s happening and we can figure it out together?”

“I can’t,” she hissed and then muttered something about walking a tightrope.

The announcer asked everyone to head to their seats for the National Anthem that would begin momentarily. Anna groaned and waved at me. “Fine. Do what you want. But you’ve been warned.” Then she turned, shoulders slumped and headed for her seat.

Holden glanced over at me, so confused. I shrugged like it was nothing. But a boulder the size of Mount Rushmore settled in my stomach with a hard clunk .

Our seats were wedged in the row between Tally’s family and mine. As I walked down the aisle, my parents fist-bumped me. Then my older brother Silas, his wife, Lemon, and Peyton, a family friend.

Peyton’s boy, Cash, shoved his tiny fist in there and I leaned over to scruff him on the head. The kid had eyes blue enough that he could’ve been a Dupree. But they were his mom’s eyes. Light blue like the sky on a cloudless day. Cute kid.

I smiled at Peyt. We’d kind of been friends in high school. I didn’t know a lot about her anymore except that she worked at Lemon’s Barre studio when she wasn’t busy being a mom. I also knew she was newly divorced. Oh, and that my brother Ford hit on her every chance he got. But the woman had a will of iron. As loaded and famous as Ford was, the guy could get pretty much any woman he wanted. Except Peyton. But it didn’t stop him from trying.

I stood in front of Lemon and right behind Tally’s nephew, Theo. Tally was to his right.

Theo turned around, standing in his seat as he looked up at me. “Ash,” he said through a lisp. “Did you see the Strange Worlds finale last night?”

Tally turned to him and put a finger to her lips reminding him the anthem was about to begin. Her eyes caught mine and she whipped around, the tips of her ears bright red.

Ooh-kay.

I winked at Theo, delighted that he was holding fast as a Trekkie. Then I held up my hand and split my fingers between the ring and middle finger in the Vulcan Salute. He did the same, grinning.

I nodded and raised my brows excitedly. I saw it, I mouthed. We can talk later.

He grinned again, and then tugged on Tally’s sweater, trying to tell her something. She leaned down but his lisp made it impossible to whisper very well. I clearly heard him say, “I like Ash.”

I chuckled. Whenever he dropped the last syllable of my name, his lisp made it sound like he was saying a swear word.

I liked him too.

Tally glanced at me, eyes soft for a second before her brows pinched in a glare. I sighed. She was still mad about the switch to Professor Gibson. She turned around, ramrod straight.

I’m pretty sure my sister-in-law, Lemon, saw because she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Glad you could make it.”

At least somebody was.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

Persephone gave me a demure smile. My family was winning her over whether I wanted them to or not. That’s when I realized…

“Where’s Ford?” I asked, looking around.

Silas leaned down by my ear and pointed to the far end of the rink. A spotlight turned on, showcasing my youngest brother. The arena broke out into cheers.

I groaned. “Of course.” He couldn’t come watch the game like a normal person. No. He was on the edge of the ice, the light blinding him as he waved to the crowd, blowing kisses.

I heard Peyton blow out a pfft .

Same, Peyton, same.

Ford pushed away from the glass and gingerly skated toward the center of the rink. Halfway there, he wobbled dramatically, making the crowd laugh. Then he righted himself and glided like a pro.

“Since when does he know how to skate,” I muttered.

“He practiced for hours,” Holden said from the other side of Christy. “ Hours .”

Somehow my baby brother whipped out a spectacular loop with a guitar strapped to his back. Then he slid to a hard stop in the middle of the ice looking like he’d skated since childhood. Show off. Was there anything he wasn’t good at?

He strummed the first chord and began the Star Spangled Banner. I slapped my hand over my heart. I was more impressed at the fact that he could stand there on skates without falling over than I was at his singing. But I was pretty jaded when it came to his voice. I’d been listening to it my whole life. Usually at the most annoying times, like long car rides when I couldn’t escape. Or anytime I was upset. He said it was soothing. It made me want to punch something.

When he was done, everyone clapped. Even me. We sat down. I eyed Persephone, trying to decipher if she was here to get to Ford like most of the women I met. Ford’s fame had made it intensely difficult to find genuine women to date. But peeking at Persephone, there was no twinkling of the eyes, no twitterpated sigh. Huh. Maybe she was here for me.

Maybe if I worked at it, I could make myself feel something. This was only the first date. Maybe I needed to ramp up slowly.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Ford’s voice came through the speakers. The crowd went insane. “We’re going to start this game off a bit differently. So if we can all turn our attention to our favorite Knoxville native, we’ll get things rolling.”

A second spotlight came up, landing on Madden. But that tall son-of-a-gun wasn’t wearing his hockey uniform. No. He had on an expensive-looking suit. And he was holding a colossal bouquet of red roses. Probably two dozen. Tally let out a little gasp. The crowd cheered at the sight of him. He shoved off the wall, gliding toward Ford, a twinkle in his eye, a mischievous smirk to his lips.

Oh crap.

My hands moved to my knees, squeezing as the pain hit the center of my chest. Suddenly I knew exactly what this was. Knew what the suit was about. And the roses. Knew why Anna didn’t want me here. Of all the events in the history of the world that I could’ve been witness to, this was the very last one I wanted to see.

My family gasped behind me. Well, at least my family hadn’t come to support this proposal knowingly. The thought did nothing to ease the pain.

Eyes burning, I glanced at the empty aisle to my left. There was no one between me and freedom. It would look suspicious. My brothers might tease me for years. Persephone might figure it out.

I didn’t care. I could hardly breathe. Couldn’t see straight.

I shoved my leg out, about to stand, when Anna, who’d been in the row above, stepped over the empty seat next to me and onto our row. Blue was right behind her. She gave me a sad look as she slipped in beside me.

Her arm wound around mine. “I’m so sorry.”

I leaned my cheek against her hair and tried to distract myself by reciting “The Litany Against Fear” from Dune .

I must not fear.

You love her. You’ve loved her since the moment you met her. How are you going to live if she’s married to another man?

Shut. Up.

I closed my eyes and pressed on.

Fear is the mind-killer.

You’re going to be alone for the rest of your life.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

You’ll never love anyone like you love her .

I will face my fear.

Do something! Grab her. Take her to the lobby, tell her how you feel, and make her listen. Do not let him slip that ring over her knuckle.

I glanced at Tally. She was right there. All I had to do was lift my hand and?—

“Tally, could you join me down here please?” Madden’s voice boomed through the speakers.

It was no use. This was happening whether I liked it or not. The crowd erupted in approval.

An image of our old yellow lab, Giddyup, slid into my mind. May he rest in peace. It had taken that dog forever to potty train, and whenever he messed up, Mom would shove his nose in the mess so he couldn’t forget.

I was Giddyup, this was my mess, and I would never forget this moment. It would be seared into my memory until I was only a pile of bones in the ground.

Tally’s ears were even redder than before. She sat stone still, her eyes wide in shock. Was it a happy kind of shock? A rethinking all her life choices kind of shock? I couldn’t tell. Ms. Hawkins rubbed a quick circle on her back and gave her a gentle shove. Tally stood and started walking. Charlie tried to follow her but Ms. Hawkins hooked her arms around her waist. An usher was at the bottom of the stairs, waiting to guide Tally to the rink entrance.

Persephone leaned over and whispered, “This is exciting.”

I grunted. It was all I could do.

When Tally reached the glass door, Madden was there waiting. He handed her the roses, which was awkward because she was fumbling to get her feet under her on the ice. Five steps in, her legs went cross-wise like a pair of open scissors. Madden scooped her up and carried her, making everyone laugh. Everyone but me. And Anna. She rubbed my arm.

I hadn’t even realized Ford had exited the ice until he came jogging up the steps to our group, waving and high-fiving fans as he passed by.

Peyton snorted at his attention-seeking parade. Normally I would’ve found it amusing. Not today.

Ford’s gaze locked on mine. He gave me a pity smile. I wanted to punch him. Traitor.

I looked back at the ice. Madden faced Tally, his hands out to catch her just in case.

Then he dropped to one knee.

Lemon slid her hand over my shoulder and gripped me in a silent show of support. I’d never spoken my feelings for Tally out loud. Not a single time. It wasn’t something we talked about. But my family knew. Every single one.

“Tallulah Hawkins.” Madden’s voice poured through the speakers. “I’ve loved you for what feels like forever. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

That was it? I snorted in my head. After four years of dating, this tool didn’t know her at all. Tally didn’t want this proposal. She wanted to be somewhere private, just the two of them. And she wanted the words to be well thought out. Maybe throw in a quote from classic literature. Something Bront?—heaven help us—or Jane Austen or Thomas Hardy.

Fine. Madden wasn’t a tool. He was a good guy. But still, he should’ve known better. Had he not paid attention at all?

I held my breath as my fingers curled around the edge of my seat, waiting for The Yes. The entire arena was pin-drop silent. For about five seconds. Then people started to squirm. I squirmed. Lemon’s grip tightened. I needed Tally to do it. To put me out of my misery. I held my breath, praying it was a no.

Tally’s head swung around and she scanned the crowd. Her gaze stopped, and I swear she was looking at me. At least that’s what it felt like. It was hard to tell from this distance. Holden, Christy, Anna, and Blue were definitely watching at me. I could feel it. I kept my eyes straight ahead .

Thankfully, Persephone, who I’d forgotten existed for the last sixty seconds, was leaning forward, her elbows propped on her knees, her chin cupped in her hands, gazing dreamy-eyed at the proposal.

Whispers broke out everywhere.

Tally swung her gaze to Madden but still, she said nothing. He chuckled nervously and adjusted his knee. It was probably starting to go numb from the cold.

“What is she doing?” Anna hissed. “Say yes already.”

As if Anna had mind-melding powers, the word finally came out.

“Yes.” It was quiet but it was there.

My chest threatened to implode. Was this what a panic attack felt like?

Madden shot up off his feet and spun Tally around so fast her legs flew out behind her. It almost looked practiced. Like something you’d see at the Olympics.

The arena exploded in shouts of glee and congratulations. Persephone tackled me with a squeal, hugging me so tight you’d think we’d gotten engaged.

I blinked, processing, as I patted her on the back.

You knew this day would come. You prepared for it.

It was true. But it didn’t make it any less painful. Apparently, I hadn’t prepared enough. If I had it wouldn’t feel like the world was caving in on me.

As Tally came through the glass, hugging the gigantic bouquet, tears streamed down her face. But she wasn’t smiling. It almost gave me hope. Which was ridiculous. She was wearing another man’s ring.

She looked up at us with a flat expression. Her eyes were as solemn as the first day I’d met her in my parent’s kitchen. And then she grinned. The last bit of hope I had slipped through my fingers like water from a broken glass.

Lemon finally released her death grip.

As Tally came up the stairs, my family descended on her, jabbering about what a great couple they were and how happy they’d be together. Anna disappeared to congratulate her friend. Blue was right behind her. Even Persephone joined in.

I glanced to my left, the aisle even more open than before. I gave Tally one last look.

Then I made my escape.