Chapter 11

Krystin feels like she's been fighting off a panic attack the entire night. It's like the minute before she tears into the ring, the slowed-down sixty seconds of girding Ringo before they run, her heart like lead in her chest, rattling against her lungs. No matter how deeply she inhales, she can't get enough air. She's mildly nauseous.

And Lauren's asleep in the bed next to her.

Fuck.What was she thinking? She can't say she blacked out. She can't even say it's a blur, because it isn't—she remembers everything. She can still feel it.

She tries to do her breathing exercises, but it doesn't work. Her body is operating without her. Is this why people use paper bags? She pulls the covers over her head to try to simulate the experience, but that makes her feel like she's suffocating.

She can't help it—she looks at Lauren. She's facing Krystin, her fists curled up in the duvet. Her hair tangles behind her, a few strands stuck to her lips, which are slightly parted. Krystin wants to brush her hair away. She wants to drag her thumb along Lauren's bottom lip. She wants to do it all again.

Her face feels hot, then her neck, then her entire body. She squints her eyes shut and focuses on the black. Josh smiles at her. Josh, the whole reason she's here. Josh, the man she wants to marry. The man Lauren wants to marry.

Doesn't she?

Krystin peels the duvet back. This doesn't have to mean anything. It didn't mean anything the last time … but the last time, it hadn't been Lauren.

She plants her feet on the carpeted floor. Her group date doesn't start for another two hours, but that doesn't mean she can't get there early. She thinks about showering, but worries it might wake Lauren, so she just changes into the outfit she'd laid out for herself as quietly as possible and then treads out the door.

The day happens around Krystin. She participates in a Hopelessly Devoted–themed beach volleyball tournament that Josh watches from a lifeguard chair. Lily and Kaydie take their team captain titles way too seriously, and Krystin wonders how she was ever painted as the "competitive" one. Especially after Josh gives Kaydie the date ribbon for "really standing out" and "leading her team to victory." Lily looked like she might use her personally trained biceps for evil.

They head right into the cocktail party after that. Krystin keeps to herself, ignoring Lauren's relentless stare. Instead she talks to Sara, which basically guarantees Lauren's distance, since Lauren once told her she'd never willingly talk to someone who wore that much Lilly Pulitzer. She has a vaguely "intimate" conversation with Josh in which she shares that she misses home, and he thanks her for "opening up." After what seems like an eternity, they line up for the string-cutting ceremony and she watches blearily as Josh cuts Hilarie's string.

She takes a moment before letting him walk her out, and says in one dignified breath, "I don't think you ever really saw me in the passenger seat of your pickup."

After they wrap, Krystin hangs around with Kaydie until she's certain Lauren will be deep in REM. She falls asleep counting the minutes until she has to wake up again.

The hotel lobby is relatively empty, given that it's 6:32 AM. A front desk agent watches as Krystin drags her suitcase through the silent space and chooses a couch to sit on. She's early again, this time on purpose, and she intends to use her time productively.

She pulls out her headphones and the old iPod she convinced Holland to let her have, scrolling through her music library until she sees the episodes of Josh's podcast she'd downloaded to listen to on the way to the chateau. She needs to remember why she's here. She selects a random episode and tries not to feel weird about listening to her quasi-boyfriend's disembodied voice. It's kind of like training, right? Like practice.

Holland rolls into the lobby an hour later. She looks suspicious.

"What are you doing here?" she asks as she parks her luggage next to the couch.

Krystin pulls an earbud out of her ear. "This is where we're supposed to meet, isn't it?"

"Yeah, in—" Holland looks at her phone. "Another hour. You're all usually late, which is one of the reasons I have a Xanax prescription."

"Then you should be thanking me. Maybe I should ask what you're doing here."

Holland smirks. "I'm a producer. I have to do things that you can't know about."

Krystin shrugs. "I couldn't sleep. Travel anxiety."

"Well if you're a puker, do me a favor and don't eat, all right?" Holland taps at her phone. "I do not need a repeat of last season. You remember Monica?"

Krystin nods. A four foot eleven strawberry blonde who went home after a bad group date involving a Guinness World Record.

"It was bumpy on the way to Aspen. Passed me in the aisle on the way to the toilets." She looks up at Krystin. "Did not make it there on time."

"Noted."

Holland goes back to tapping, a fervent determination in her eyes. Krystin wonders what it might feel like to be on the receiving end of one of those emails. Not good, she thinks.

She's about to put her earbud back in when Holland looks up at her again.

"You know," she says, resting her phone in her lap, "it's normal to be nervous at this point, once it starts feeling really serious. It happens every season."

Krystin pauses. "Yeah."

"If there's anything you wanna talk about …"

"No," Krystin replies, a little too quickly. Holland raises her eyebrows slightly. "It's just travel," she repeats.

Eventually, Jim steps off the elevator, trailed by a few PAs. He tosses Krystin a questioning glance, which Holland bats away.

Krystin watches them settle into a table a few feet away and slide out their laptops. Holland and Jim dip their heads together, probably to discuss next week's dates, and how they'll meddle from outside them. Krystin presses play on another podcast episode. And another. And another—

"Hey, baby."

Krystin rips her ear buds out and whips her head up. "What?"

Kaydie stands above her in an Exercise Dress, sipping an ever-present green juice. "Jesus, you're squirrely this morning."

"Sorry." Krystin releases the breath she's been holding. "Long morning. And night."

Kaydie pouts. "Yeah, poor Hilarie, right?"

Krystin scoffs. "You're full of shit."

Kaydie smiles. "Yeah, I am." She sighs, tossing herself onto the couch next to Krystin. "This week has been great for me. I crushed volleyball, got a date ribbon, and I've slept so well since Madison was dumped. No shrieking, no singing Journey in the shower, no asking me if I want to trade clothes for our dates. I've never been happier."

Kaydie leans serenely into the cushions. Krystin thinks about Kaydie's Instagram bio, which self-proclaims empath.

Kaydie turns to Krystin. "But what about you? You've had a pretty good week."

Lauren's lips on her neck, the smell of her shampoo …

"Huh?"

"The cocktail party last night," Kaydie supplies. "Your conversation with Josh? Come on, don't play coy."

"Oh, yeah." Krystin shakes Lauren out of her head. "Josh is great. You know."

Kaydie waits.

Krystin swallows. "We talked about traveling. I've never really been anywhere before, it feels kind of weird."

"You must have had a lot to say," Kaydie says, blithe. "Since you talked for so long."

Krystin pauses. Was that a dig? She doesn't know if she considers Kaydie a friend, necessarily, but she doesn't want to think of her as an enemy either.

She decides to play dumb. "Did we? I guess I always feel outside of time when I'm with Josh."

Kaydie smiles stiffly. "Next time I'll give you a watch."

"Hi, girlies!" Sara bounces across the lobby, so chipper that Krystin feels Kaydie bristle beside her. "Ready for our next adventure?"

"Totally," Kaydie gushes, and Krystin feels something like guilt gnaw at her stomach.

Sara settles into the couch across from them. "It's gonna be so cold in Patagonia. Do you think there'll be a hot tub?"

"God, Sara, do you really need another reason to wear a bikini?" Lily walks up behind her and sits on her suitcase.

Sara sits up so fast she almost knocks her copy of Rupi Kaur to the floor. "Okay, what's up everyone's ass this week? First Hilarie rips my head off for singing in the shower, and now you're coming for my throat over bikinis, which by the way, I've worn two one-pieces." She holds up two fingers.

Lily cocks her head to the side. "Well, what were you singing in the shower?"

Krystin interjects before Sara can dig her grave deeper. "We were all sad to see Hilarie go."

"But now you can sing as loudly as you want," Lily laughs.

Kaydie turns to Krystin. "What about you? Where's your roomie?"

"I'm right here," Lauren says, and she is, flipping her blown-out hair over her shoulder. "You guys talking about me?"

Krystin forces her gaze to her lap, where she plays with a stray thread on her sweats. Lauren either doesn't take the hint or doesn't care, because she squeezes between Kaydie and Krystin on the couch, ignoring the open seat next to Sara. Krystin feels a buzz jolt through her thigh where it touches Lauren's and inches away.

"We were talking about hot tubs in Patagonia," Sara answers.

Krystin can feel Lauren looking at her, but she won't meet Lauren's eyes. All it takes is focus and determination, both of which she has.

She avoids Lauren for the rest of the conversation, and then avoids her in the car, and on the airplane, and all the way to the next hotel.

Krystin spends most of the day alone. They're in single rooms now (thank God), and she's been rotating between sleeping, eating, and looking out the window at the snowy peaks. She keeps steaming out her dresses even though they don't have any wrinkles. She could see what the other girls are up to, but she can't be around Lauren without feeling like she's somewhere between horny and throwing up. She figures the best she can do is a detox: She just has to wait it out, and eventually Lauren will be out of her system. It's like how skin regenerates so that every seven years you have completely new cells covering your body. Or like flushing out toxins. Or going on a juice cleanse.

Sometimes she gets caught up in herself and realizes she hasn't thought about Lauren in a few minutes, but then that means she remembers what she's trying not to think about. She just needs to get through this week so she can focus on bringing Josh home next week.

It's a good plan, solid and simple—until they get their date cards.

They're sitting in a mock living room, on a few love seats facing a fire, when it's announced that Kaydie and Lily have this week's one-on-ones, today and tomorrow morning.

Krystin feels herself sink deeper into the fuzzy cushions when she hears her name called after Lauren's on the group date card. She knew it was coming, but she was really hoping to get by on the avoidance tactic.

Sara immediately bombards Lily with questions about the date and what she's going to wear, which tests Lily's ability to maintain her composure in front of the cameras. Kaydie just smiles smugly into her mug of hot cocoa.

The hotel's decoration almost looks like Montana's log cabin aesthetic, which does more to displace Krystin than comfort her, because two of the walls are windows facing the Andes. She can't help it—she feels homesick. And the more she thinks about home, the more she thinks that she never should have come on this godforsaken show in the first place.

When they arrive at the group date, Krystin nearly bursts. Josh stands in the rocky landscape, squinting in the sun as they spill out of the car and fawn over what stands behind them: six gorgeous horses standing in a line, equipped with saddles and reins, ripping at patches of grass below them.

Krystin can't help it—she gasps. Then her hands fly to her mouth in embarrassment.

"Holy crap," Sara says, staring at the horses with eyes like saucers. "We aren't gonna …"

"Ride them?" Josh supplies with his ever-present smile. "You bet."

Sara nods stiffly.

"They're so pretty," McKenzie says, and Krystin wonders if she ever breaks character.

"You okay, Lauren?" Josh asks. They all turn to look at her, even Krystin.

Lauren manages a nod, but she looks like she's biting back acid reflux. "Absolutely," she answers. "I've just … never done this before."

"Well, that's a-okay," Josh says, and then gestures behind him at an appropriately rugged man who has appeared behind the horses. "We've got Diego here to guide us on this trail ride, and obviously—" He turns to Krystin. "We have Krystin here for some additional expertise."

Now they all look at Krystin. She blushes. Josh continues talking about the date, and then steps aside to allow one of the guides to explain some safety rules for riding. But McKenzie's gaze lingers on Krystin a little longer, and when Krystin turns to meet her, she's pretty sure she can see a glare of envy in her eyes. Maybe she can break character, after all.

The minute she swings her leg around onto the saddle, Krystin feels her stomach start to settle. She trots the horse around a little, getting to know his movements, then circles back to join the rest of the group. Josh looks outrageously out of place, his curly hair sprouting out from under his hat. Sara and McKenzie seem steady, if a bit rigid. Lauren, however, has knotted her fingers into her horse's mane, and has a manic flash in her dark eyes. Krystin feels the stone in her stomach reappear as she fights the urge to take her hand

They set off calmly. It's beautiful—azure, unbothered skies, the air crisp as it nips at their cheeks. The trail takes the group through the mountains, curving around rocky bluffs and looking out onto miles of grassland. Krystin's horse moves steadily under her, his legs melting into her hips. As she feels her mind sync with her horse's movements, Krystin realizes she hasn't felt this much herself in weeks.

She can't say the same for the other Devotees. McKenzie flinches every time her horse kicks a pebble, and Lauren's holding her reins way too tight, which Krystin can tell is starting to grate on the horse. Sara actually seems like she's doing okay, but that's because she's been humming the same Hayden McGranger song for the past twenty minutes.

Krystin tugs on her reins, letting McKenzie and Sara pass her. She glances back at Lauren a few feet away. "Hey," she calls softly. "You have to loosen up your grip. He's getting a little antsy."

It's the first time Krystin's allowed herself to look into Lauren's eyes, and it hurts.

"I think I can handle it," Lauren says. "Thanks."

Krystin waits back as Lauren passes her, wishing she hadn't said anything at all.

They keep climbing steadily, and Krystin isn't even listening to the guide talk about the land. To be fair, she can't really hear him from the back of the pack, but still. Sara and McKenzie are trailing Josh, neither able to get their horses up next to his. Krystin could—and she should be using this time to talk to Josh—but she doesn't. It feels too good to be riding again, and she doesn't want to share it just yet.

Eventually, the trail plateaus, and Josh turns back to face them. "This is supposed to be the most beautiful view in all of Patagonia," he announces, and Krystin wonders why everything they do always has to be the most.

But it is. They round a corner, and a massive field expands in front of them, waving with wildflowers. Sara shrieks in delight.

"Wow," Krystin says.

"It's really something," says Josh. "Really something."

Krystin looks to find Lauren to see her expression, to watch her take in something so stunning, but Lauren's not looking at all. Instead, she's wrestling with the reins as her horse huffs and shakes his head underneath her.

And then she takes off, galloping into the field.

Well, the horse does. With Lauren on it.

Krystin doesn't even think, just takes off after her. She clicks her teeth and kicks her heels into the hide until she's as fast as the wind, and her hair whips out behind her. She leans forward, going faster and faster until she's gaining on Lauren, who, bless her heart, is holding on for dear life.

"Hold on, Lauren!" she yells as she kicks again, and her horse bolts under her.

"Obviously!"

And then she's beside Lauren, looking at her as the trees blur past them.

"Okay," Krystin shouts. "I need you to grab one rein in each hand, and pull really hard!"

Lauren technically follows her instructions, but she's yanking so chaotically that it's ineffective.

"One long pull, with all your strength, and don't let go until he stops," Krystin instructs. "On the count of three. One, two, three," and then she shouts "Whoa" as Lauren pulls, really pulls, until her horse gives up and stops under her.

Krystin keeps going, then loops around back to where Lauren sits, pale and sweaty on the horse's back. Krystin dismounts, then helps Lauren down off her own horse. Lauren stumbles back into Krystin, and Krystin steadies her. She's shaking slightly under Krystin's hands, and Krystin stifles the urge to pull Lauren completely into her arms.

She releases Lauren, and steps away. "Are you okay?"

Lauren swallows. "I was getting used to asking you that question."

Well, at least her humor's intact. "It's the adrenaline," Krystin answers, even though Lauren didn't ask. "You'll feel fine in a bit. You have to get your land legs back."

Lauren nods.

"It's honestly a miracle you didn't fall off," Krystin says, reaching for Lauren's horse. He's still agitated, kicking up the grass with his hoof.

"I told you I could handle it," Lauren mumbles.

Krystin laughs. "Okay, yeah. Sure."

Lauren eyes her horse warily. "I'm not getting on that thing again."

Krystin frowns. "He's not a thing. He's a majestic being."

"I'm not getting on that majestic being again," Lauren deadpans.

"Fine," Krystin says. "Then you will just have to get on this one."

Lauren shakes her head. Then she crosses her arms for good measure, like a four-year-old at bedtime. "I'm walking."

"Lauren." Krystin sighs. "You may not realize, but your horse was very fast. It took me a while to reach you after you bolted off, and now we're really far from the others, wherever they are, and we—" Krystin pauses, and looks at Lauren, who is—because when is she not?—smirking. "Look, just get on, all right?"

"Fine."

"Fine."

Krystin guides Lauren to her horse. "Jump up, and I'll give you a little lift."

She does, and Krystin lifts Lauren from the hips. Her hands linger there, on the soft flesh separated only by a thin layer of stretch denim, before helping the other woman swing her leg over.

She hands Lauren the reins to her horse. "Hold onto these," she instructs. At a noise of protest, she explains, "You won't have to do anything, just hold them. I promise." Then she hops on herself, settling her hips into the curve behind Lauren.

Lauren feels warm against her. Her posture is rigid, almost reluctant. Her hair is motionless against her back, and Krystin fights the urge to brush it to the side, to kiss the place behind her ear. She wraps her arms around Lauren, and Lauren flinches slightly.

"I'm just getting the reins," Krystin explains. Lauren is silent.

Krystin holds the leather ropes outward and guides the horse forward, leading the other horse behind them. Lauren starts at the sudden movement.

"I've got you," Krystin says, and maybe it's despite herself, but Lauren softens a bit, melting into Krystin just a little.

They ride in silence, listening to the wind rustle the flowers. Krystin isn't sure how far they are from the group, but figures they must be somewhere over the hill that rises in front of them.

"Why did you come after me?" Lauren asks suddenly. "Like, why didn't you just let the guide or whatever come get me? Or let me fall?"

Krystin thinks. "I don't know. I didn't really think about it. Instinct, I guess."

"How very heroic."

"Well, look around." Krystin gestures at the expanse of field, empty except for the two of them and the horses walking with them. "It's a good thing I did, because that guide sure as hell didn't."

"Or maybe you just wanted to play white knight."

Lauren turns around to look at her, and Krystin expects to see her features drawn into icy lines—but they're not. Lauren's eyes are wide under softened brows; her lips are parted slightly, and she runs her tongue lightly across her bottom lip. Krystin recognizes Lauren's expression as the same as the other night's, and all at once realizes the futility in her plan.

They're so close, and the cameras are nowhere to be seen. And Lauren's nose is rosy from the chill, and Krystin wants to kiss the very tip of it, and then make her way down.

Krystin breathes. "I guess I didn't want to see you get hurt."

"Thanks," Lauren replies, without looking away.

Krystin thinks she should probably say something else, but she sees Diego trotting over the hill at a clip. Josh bumbles after him, and the other women behind him.

"Are you two all right?" Diego calls.

Krystin can't see Lauren's face, just hears her say, "Just fine."

They keep walking until they reach Diego. Josh catches up to them soon, and fumbles with his reins until he gets his horse to stop.

"Thank God you're both okay!" Josh says, and he looks genuinely relieved. "Well, I knew Krystin would be fine. But Lauren! You're in one piece."

Lauren smiles, and Krystin can tell it's forced. "Yep, all thanks to my savior here."

Josh turns to Krystin. "Hey, are you gunning for my job?"

Krystin pushes out a laugh more like a bark. "Ha! No, just doing my due diligence. Earning my crown and all." She hands the reins to Diego, then dismounts. "She's all yours."

The rest of the group date goes relatively smoothly. Lauren spends the rest of the trail ride on Diego's horse, grudgingly holding onto the guide as they descend the mountainside. Josh trails them to the best of his ability, and McKenzie and Sara are plainly irritated by the attention Lauren's garnered from her bucking bronco experience. Krystin tries to return to the serenity she felt before the date went left, but the tranquility has been irreparably disrupted. It's like she was a crystal clear lake, and some asshole steered a motorboat through her no-wake zone. She's all buzzy.

A few hours later, they're showered and changed and on their way to the evening portion of the date, which is getting weirder the fewer women there are on them. Josh waits for them outside a small brewery that looks more like a yellow farmhouse. He waves as they wait in line to hug him, each woman desperately wishing there wasn't another woman waiting behind her.

Krystin tries not to look at Lauren, but it's hard when there are only five of them. She's wearing high-waisted jeans and a plunging red top that has to be a bodysuit, considering how tightly it's clinging to her torso, and lipstick to match. Krystin wonders how easy it would be to smudge.

The inside of the brewery is dim and sparsely populated, its wooden walls lined with beer bottles and coasters from various locales. It's warm, a welcome relief from the plummeting mountain temperatures outside, and smells like salt and firewood. Josh leads them to a table near the center of the room and tells them that they're going to do a beer tasting.

"I wanted to get the local experience," he says, scooting his chair into the table. The camera crew hovers a few feet away. "When in Patagonia, right?"

"Right!" Sara responds, even though she's told Krystin she thinks beer tastes like puppy pee.

Krystin, on the other hand, is grateful for the break from bubbly. It's starting to taste acidic, the carbonation burning the back of her throat, and not in the good way.

McKenzie settles in next to Josh, flipping her hair purposefully over her bare shoulder. "What a great date," she says to him, ignoring the other women. "I can't imagine today getting any more perfect."

"Just you wait," Josh says with a wink. "I've got something really special in store for all of us."

The girls ooh. Krystin can't imagine what more could be in store for them, and hopes it doesn't involve a hot tub.

McKenzie doesn't wait. "Josh, mind if I steal you?"

He doesn't. They stand from the seats they literally just sat in and walk through an open doorway to another part of the bar. As soon as they're out of sight, Holland approaches them.

"Sara, can we borrow you for an interview?" she asks, though she's not really asking. Then they leave the room for the dwindling afternoon light, followed by a Steadicam.

Krystin scans the room. A few parka-wrapped skiers huddle around a table recounting their day on the slopes. She eyes the doorway that Josh and McKenzie walked through, but she knows that they won't come back until someone makes them.

She looks at Lauren from across the table. Lauren looks studiously at the woodgrain of the table.

Krystin sighs. "So … how are you doing after your little mishap earlier?"

"Swell," Lauren responds silkily. "I actually feel great. I've really caught up on my sleep. I know some of the other girls have had a hard time catching those Zs."

Krystin ignores the dig. She chooses her words carefully. "I think this process can get a little overwhelming. Maybe they just need some time to decompress."

Lauren's eyes are steely. "I actually think it's pretty easy when you know what you want. Really, I'm energized by it."

"Well, I think it doesn't come as naturally to everyone. I would give them the benefit of the doubt."

Lauren shrugs. "If you can't take the heat …"

She leans back in her chair with what Krystin's mother calls that devil-may-care flair, usually when talking about 1980s movie-star heartthrobs. Well, the devil may care, but Krystin won't.

"I'm gonna … go freshen up," Krystin says, and scoots her chair away from the table.

The restroom is just two stalls and a sink, with an unlit candle labeled "Fireside" on the counter. Krystin places her hands on the edge and leans forward, examining herself in the mirror. Her makeup is impeccable, her hair falling in perfect beachy waves. She washes her hands, dries them, but doesn't leave. Instead, she closes her eyes and inhales the "Fireside"-scented air.

"Are you performing some kind of ritual?"

Krystin startles, flicking her eyes open. Lauren stands behind her, reflected in the mirror. Krystin turns around to face her.

"I figured you didn't want to talk to me," she says.

Lauren raises her eyebrows. "That defense might work if you hadn't snuck out of our room before sunrise yesterday. Kind of made it seem like it was you who didn't want to talk."

Krystin grimaces. "Okay … that's fair." She searches Lauren's face for any sign of uncertainty, but Lauren is resolute, almost daring. "I guess I assumed the … kissing … was a mistake, given where we are." She gestures around them.

Lauren crosses her arms. "I don't do anything I don't want to do."

Krystin can't say the same. Except she did want to kiss Lauren. And she wants to do it again.

"So what are you doing in here?" Lauren asks. "Because it seems like you're trying to put some distance between us."

Well, it's clearly not working.

As if to prove her point, Lauren takes a step forward, leaning into Krystin. "Are you worried what could happen," she whispers, "if we get too close?"

Krystin can feel Lauren's words on her lips. She can feel them between her legs.

Lauren lifts a finger, drags it up Krystin's arm to her neck, raising the hair as she goes.

Krystin swallows. "I'm gonna go get a drink," she says, and leaves the room.

When she gets back to the table, whiskey in hand, Sara's returned from her interview. Her cheeks are ruddy from the chill.

"There you are!" Sara says, rubbing her hands together. "I thought you'd gone to get Josh."

"Oh," Krystin says, realizing that she could have done that. Lauren is back to ignoring her. "No … I got whiskey instead." She lifts her glass.

Sara eyes the brown liquid. "Are we allowed to do that?"

She doesn't know. "No one stopped me." She hovers awkwardly above her chair. Suddenly, the prospect of sitting down with Lauren and Sara feels more than unbearable. "Um," she starts, shrugging her cardigan off and draping it across the chairback, "I actually am. Going to get Josh, I mean."

"Okay," Sara says, and seems disappointed that she didn't get to him first. Lauren just stares at her stonily.

"So." Krystin raises her glass half-heartedly. "Cheers." Then she sets off in the direction of Josh and McKenzie.

The adjoining room is cozier, embroidered pillows littering the floor and stacked against the window benches. McKenzie and Josh are snuggled into one. Krystin sees a hand high up on a thigh and considers turning around, but they've already seen her. McKenzie sits up abruptly, her smile immediately falling.

Josh doesn't lose his cheer. His hand does drop from McKenzie's leg, though. "Krystin!"

Krystin swirls her glass lightly. "Mind if I interrupt?"

"Not in the slightest," Josh says, though she's sure McKenzie disagrees.

As soon as Krystin replaces McKenzie on the window seat, she realizes she doesn't have a thing to say. She clocks the cameraman in the corner, Jim standing next to him.

"You were a superstar today," Josh starts. "Seriously, I looked around and you were gone like that." He snaps. "Diego didn't even have a chance."

Krystin wishes they could stop talking about it. "Instincts, I guess."

"Great ones. You really saved the day. You're the only reason Lauren's all right."

Krystin drinks instead of answering. "I hope I didn't show you up," she says after swallowing.

"Don't worry about that," he says, and his eyes look heavy and dark. "I think it's really hot."

And then his lips are on hers, wet and sloppy, and all Krystin can think about is how scratchy his facial hair feels against her chin. His hands grip her waist. Did he hold her this tight when they kissed before? Maybe he's turned on from McKenzie, Krystin thinks, but wait, why is she thinking about McKenzie? Don't think about McKenzie. Think about Josh. His cologne. His tongue in her mouth. His fingers scraping against her denim-covered hips.

Shouldn't someone be coming to interrupt them? Where's Sara? Where's Holland? And then she remembers the camera, and she opens her eyes and sees the red light blink back at her. Oh God, did it see her open her eyes? She doesn't want to be like that one Bruno Mars song. Her heart is beating really fast, and she doesn't know what to do with her hands. She tries to take a breath, but Josh just sucks in her air.

She pulls away, panting slightly. "Maybe we should … stop."

Josh blushes, then nods, and Krystin realizes he thinks she said that because she's turned on. She tries to play off like he's right.

"Just a preview of Honeymoons week," she smiles, and hopes she doesn't look too twitchy.

Josh squeezes her knee. "I can't wait."

In another world, she'd be flying on that reassurance. She should be elated that he wants to keep her until then, and that he's telling her as much. But she just feels like she asked him to play cards. She feels like she wants to be kissing someone else instead.

"So." Krystin twirls a finger through her hair. "What was that big surprise you had planned for us?"

"Ah! Yes." He points to Jim, who signals that it's all ready to go.

Krystin looks between them, and then follows Josh back out into the main room, where a mic stand and a screen have been set up in front of the bar, in direct line with the table the other women sit around. Sara waves excitedly, while Lauren zeroes in on Krystin's lips. Krystin fights the urge to cover them with her hands. You're not doing anything wrong, she reminds herself, but she's never been less sure that's true.

Several glasses of beer sit on a platter in the middle of the table, but it seems that the intention of tasting has been forgone in the desire to be drunk.

Josh gestures for Krystin to sit down, and then grabs the mic. "Ladies and gents," he says, loudly, "I have here in my company four gorgeous women, who are crazy enough to want me."

The bartender whoops.

"Well, they're all gonna grace us with a song or two—"

"What?" Lauren shouts. Sara shrieks in delight. McKenzie smiles uneasily.

"But first," Josh holds up a finger. "This little kid from Long Island can't believe his luck tonight. So I'm gonna sing a little number from another small-town East Coaster." He points to the bartender, who nods. And then Krystin recognizes the keyboard melody from Bruce Springsteen's "I'm on Fire."

He's not good. The song is entirely too low for him, and he also doesn't quite know the words so he keeps tripping over them as he reads them on the screen. Even McKenzie stifles a laugh when he tries to hit the high oooh ooohs. But Josh doesn't care, and Krystin thinks it might be the most endearing thing about him. He growls his best Bruce impression, all brooding and mysterious, two things he couldn't be further from.

Josh detaches the mic from the stand and dances over to them. He pulls McKenzie from her seat and twirls her around until she stumbles dizzily back to the table; even Lauren is tapping her block-heeled boot along with the beat. When he finishes, he bows dramatically to a roaring applause. One of the skiers howls in support.

"Thank you, thank you," he says, and starts to ask who's next, but Sara pops up like a Whac-A-Mole and grabs the microphone out of his hands.

Sara, true to herself, sings Katy Perry's "Roar," and gets everyone to clap along with her. Krystin's glad Kaydie isn't there to claw her eyes out, but then she looks at Lauren, who seems ready to take up Kaydie's mantle.

She decides to try again. "Not a fan?" she asks Lauren, leaning across the table.

Josh is busy watching Sara, and McKenzie is busy trying to make him pay attention to her instead.

"It's not my favorite Katy era," Lauren responds, taking a swig of her beer.

"Yeah?" Krystin says. "What's that?"

"‘I Kissed a Girl.'"

Krystin can't tell if she's joking. Lauren's looking at her straight-faced, and the rest of the room starts to warp around her. Krystin looks down at her drink, but it's empty.

"I'm gonna get another one."

When Krystin returns with her second whiskey, Sara's finished her rendition and has taken Krystin's seat, forcing Krystin to take the open chair next to Lauren. She waits for Lauren to make a comment about it, but she doesn't. She just watches McKenzie take the stage and start singing Kelly Clarkson.

Krystin's body feels like it's static TV. Every time she wants to look at Lauren, she tenses a muscle in her body.

But then Lauren looks at her. "Aren't you glad Gabi went home before this date?"

Krystin meets her eyes, but it doesn't do anything to assuage the buzziness. "Yeah, she would've had a field day with this."

"Maybe we should sing ‘Rich Like Me' in her honor."

Krystin laughs.

McKenzie places the mic back in the stand, and Josh high-fives her.

"Krystin?" He points to her. "You ready, girl?"

Krystin stands, more confidently than she'd expected. Maybe it's the whiskey, but the anxious hum is evolving into more of a glow. She walks to the stand and types her song choice into the screen. It might be a little on the nose, but fuck it.

"Kenz, you're gonna be a tough act to follow," she says, and then hears the signature sliding guitar.

Krystin can tell everyone is shocked, and Sara a little dismayed, when she starts actually singing, and she realizes she never told anyone that she's been a regular at the local bar's karaoke night since well before she could legally drink. She's comfortable in front of a crowd. She loves it.

She belts as the song swells to the chorus. "Hopelessly devoted to youuuu," she wails, squinting her eyes shut. When she opens them, they find Lauren, who looks unraveled. Just one tug, and her whole tapestry would fall apart. Krystin breaks her gaze and takes a sip of her drink before the next verse.

Josh looks thoroughly enthralled. He keeps pointing at Krystin and yelling, "That's our show! That's our show!"

When she hits the second chorus, her eyes flick back over to Lauren, and stay there. Her hands sweat around the microphone, and she adjusts her grip. She knows she should look at Josh, but she can't. Not when Lauren is looking at her like she invented the song, the whole bar, all of Patagonia. And mid-lyric, she feels it: what she sees in movies, and what they sing about in country songs on the radio. She feels it all over her body, a simultaneous sensation of goose bumps and flames, that undeniable, ballooning feeling of want.

She's lucky she ruined her tape of Grease from hundreds of viewings, or else she'd have forgotten the words.

And then the song is over. She sustains the last high note, holding her drink high in the air.

Josh jumps up, clapping enthusiastically. "That! Was! Amazing!" He pulls her in for a hug, and she looks at Lauren over his shoulder. McKenzie shifts in her chair when Krystin passes her, probably peeved that all she got was a high-five.

"So," Lauren says when Krystin takes her seat next to her. "Another secret you've been keeping. Surprise, surprise."

Krystin opens her mouth to ask what other secret she's talking about. Lauren raises an eyebrow. Come on, you know.

"Well," Krystin says, drawing circles on the table with her glass. "I guess I'm not as predictable as you thought."

Lauren shakes her head, but she's smiling. "And the hits just keep on coming."