Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

O ut in the far distance, dark clouds began forming, and if the wind didn't turn, they were sure to experience a storm by nightfall. Edan watched the sky from his bedchamber window, where he had spent some of the morning alone with his thoughts.

Parallel to the weather, a storm was brewing inside the castle too, and in more ways than one. Tensions were high as the news of his injury had travelled from the laird to the stable hands. The MacMillan clan had been attacked before, but after his and Caitlyn's kidnapping, there appeared to be more pressure mounting.

Of course, that was not the only storm that was likely to cause immense damage. Now, solid in his decision to break off the betrothal to Effie, Edan had been readying himself for the colossal explosion his news was going to bring. In battle, some men were injured or killed to enable those behind to press forward to victory. Edan supposed it felt something like that. While Effie was not going to die, he was certainly going to cause her a great deal of pain.

It was a little before midday when he met Darach out in the courtyard. The brothers had seen and spoken to each other since his injury, but Darach still asked about it.

"I am healing well, as I always dae," Edan said.

"Be that as it may, braither, ye are nae invincible," Darach replied steadily.

Edan shrugged. "Nae quite, but almost." He grinned.

Darach smiled and shook his head. "One o' these days, yer pride is going tae teach ye a lesson."

"It isnae pride, Darach. ‘Tis what comes from being a laird. If I am nae confident in me abilities, how can I expect the men who serve me tae be the same?"

Darach nodded. "I see yer point. But I also worry about ye, Edan. Ye havenae been yersel' since we returned."

"I've had a lot on me mind."

"Caitlyn, by any chance?" Darach lifted a knowing eyebrow.

"Among other things. I have come tae a decision. I realize that I cannae longer commit mesel' tae Effie. It isnae only because o' Caitlyn. The fact is, I ken I will forever be pining fer something else. Fer someone else. And it isnae fair on either o' us. Effie deserves a better husband than that."

"Does Caitlyn ken?"

"She does."

Darach nodded. "And how does she feel about it?"

"It was difficult fer her at first, but she's finally come around tae see the situation fer what it is."

"I see."

Edan came to a stop and turned to Darach. "Tell me, braither. Dae ye think I am making the right choice?"

Darach smiled. "It has never been usual fer ye tae ask me opinion in making yer decisions. Why now?"

"This is hardly a usual circumstance, and besides, we both ken ye have always been the smartest o' the two o' us. I seek yer opinion fer I respect it."

"But me opinion shouldnae sway ye," Darach noted.

"It willnae. But I am intrigued as tae what ye think about it. Ye are me braither and me closest companion. It is ye alone I trust. Ye have always been honest and true. The truth is, I desire tae ken if I have yer support."

"Ye dae," Darach said plainly.

As they continued their stroll, Edan was not surprised at his brother's forthright answer. It was Darach's way. As intelligent as he was, he never did see a reason for small talk. In fact, he had, on many occasions during their life, made mention of men using far too many words to say something they could say in a few.

"Thank ye, braither."

"As I told ye the first time ye came tae me with this problem, the heart doesnae think in right and wrong. The heart feels. As I predicted, it has fought back all the suppression ye have placed upon it."

"I love her, Darach."

His brother smiled widely at him. "I ken. I've kent that from the day ye met her. I dinnae think ye realized it at the time, but as I've watched ye over the years, it's become blatantly obvious tae me."

"Ye never said." Edan frowned.

"What would the point have been? Besides, I would only have been confirming what ye already kent. The fact of the matter is this, our faither and Laird MacMillan arranged this marriage tae strengthen the clans. Neither o' them thought about feelings or love. It was a business arrangement. If ye dae marry Caitlyn, that arrangement willnae change. Ye'll still align the clans. Ye'll still fulfill yer duty, and thus, everyone is happy."

"Nae everyone." Edan sighed.

Darach inclined his head. "True. But then, ye wouldnae be happy if ye married Effie either. One way or another, someone is going tae get hurt."

Darach stopped and turned to face him. "But here is me logical analysis. On the one hand, ye can marry Effie. Ye'd be miserable, Caitlyn would be miserable, and eventually, Effie would be miserable too, because ye would be unhappy and ye wouldnae be able tae love her the way she needs ye tae. On the other hand, if ye marry Caitlyn, ye will be happy, she will be happy, and Effie, fer a time, will be deeply hurt. The equation, when put like that, is simple, and shows the best outcome fer all."

Edan raised an eyebrow. "Ye have reduced me future tae an equation?"

Darach smirked with a shrug. "It is the way me mind works."

Edan placed an affectionate hand on his brother's shoulder. "I ken, braither. And still, I love ye."

A little while later, Edan and Darach headed to Laird MacMillan's study. Edan was nervous of the laird's reaction, but he had to swallow that fear if he wanted to be with Caitlyn.

"It is good tae see ye up and well again, Edan," the laird said, welcoming the men in and gesturing for them to sit. "MacTavish is certainly determined tae kill ye."

"It was only a flesh wound, Conor. I'll live."

Conor chuckled, handing a glass of amber liquid to himself and Darach. "Ye are the same now, as ye were when ye were a child, Edan. Hardy and strong."

After pouring himself a drink, he joined them and let out a heavy sigh. "Kieran has doubled the guard since the attack on ye. There has been nae more word from MacTavish, but I ken his sneaky tactics. I doubt he'll announce it when he makes his move."

"I agree." Edan nodded. "As I told ye that day I returned. He was determined tae discover yer army's weaknesses. He fears fer the loss o' his men, which tells me, he's perhaps nae as confident in them as he pretends."

"Dinnae underestimate the man, Edan. That being said, with the union between yersel' and Effie, we will be stronger than ever."

Edan took a deep breath in. "It is that subject that brings me here tae see ye. There are things I must tell ye that I believe ye willnae want tae hear. And yet, tell them, I must."

The laird fixed an intense and curious gaze upon Edan, and then he nodded. "Go on."

With a clenching stomach, Edan began to speak. He told Conor everything. He started from the moment he and Caitlyn had met when they were children, explaining his disappointment when he discovered it was Effie he was to marry.

"It was me faither's will, and thus, I went along with it as a necessary arrangement, fer I was still child" Edan said. "Over those years, I distanced meself from Caitlyn fer me own sake and out o' respect fer Effie."

He then relayed what had occurred when they were held hostage, how he and Caitlyn had grown closer, and, once Caitlyn reciprocated his feelings, how difficult things had been since their return. He was wise enough to leave out the fact that Caitlyn and he had spent several nights together, and what had transpired on those occasions.

At the end of his confession, Edan said, "I am in love with Caitlyn, me laird. I have been fer a very long time. In light o' all I have told ye, I cannae, in good faith, marry Effie."

After listening to Edan's heartfelt explanation, Conor sighed heavily. "I sensed something like this was going tae happen. Since yer return, I've noticed the change in ye, Edan. The fact that ye havenae approached me with another date fer the wedding had me considering if ye still wanted tae go through with it. I've also seen a heaviness in Caitlyn that was never there before."

"I can understand if ye're angry with me, Conor. Me decision is going tae cause Effie a lot o' pain, and I would never want tae hurt her," Edan said sadly.

"I'm nae angry with ye." The laird shook his head. "Tis better this is dealt with now, rather than ye going ahead with the union and me daughter being miserable fer the rest o' her life. That being said, ye're right. Effie will be devastated. It will take her a long time tae come around."

Conor had always been a level-headed and reasonable man, but even knowing that, Edan had expected a much more explosive reaction from him. The sense of relief he felt thanks to the calm rational response of the laird, coupled with Edan being able to finally unburden the weight from his shoulders, was indescribable.

"I assume ye have yet tae speak tae Effie," Conor correctly concluded.

"Aye, me laird. I wanted tae lay me cards on the table with ye first. ‘Tis the right and honorable thing tae dae."

"Well, thank ye fer yer honesty, Edan. Ye now have a job on yer hands, because I can tell ye, Effie willnae react as calmly as I."

Edan blew out a long breath. "If there were any other way, I would take it."

The older man nodded. "I can see this has taken its toll on ye. I suppose, I ought tae be grateful, at least, that this wasnae an easy decision."

"It hasnae been, me laird. But as me braither so profoundly stated earlier. The heart doesnae think, it feels."

After the meeting, Edan and Darach left the study and walked down the corridor side by side. The relief Edan had felt with Conor was short-lived, however, for now he had to face the woman who had, for most of her life, imagined she would be his wife.

"And intae the lion's den I must go," he muttered to himself.

"Are ye going tae speak tae her now?" Darach asked.

Edan nodded. "It is best tae get it out in the open. The sooner it is done, the sooner everyone can move forward. I would never, in me wildest dreams, want tae hurt Effie. I'm doing what is necessary, but there will be nae part o' me that will enjoy it."

Darach nodded with a saddened expression. "Now, I must face the woman whose heart I am about tae break."

Edan found Effie in the drawing room with her maid. While Effie had, seconds before, been intently concentrating on her needlework, his arrival caused her to drop it on the sofa beside her and jump to her feet.

"Edan." She sounded both surprised and delighted, which, given the distance he had kept between himself and her since his return, was a natural reaction.

"Hello, Effie."

She moved toward him and took his hands in hers. He remained where he stood as she reached up and kissed his cheek. "I'm so glad ye are here."

He managed a strained smile. "I wonder if I can speak tae ye privately," he said nodding toward the maid.

"O' course." Effie turned toward the maid. "Helen, will ye leave us please."

"Aye, me lady." With a bow toward them both, the maid hurried from the room.

She beamed up at him once they were alone. "Och, I have missed ye so much, Edan."

Her warm and unassuming smile only made him feel more guilt for what he was about to do. "Effie. I need ye tae sit down with me fer a minute."

"All right." Her brow twitched with uncertainty, but she let him lead her to the settle she had been seated on only a moment before.

"There is something we must discuss," he began, still holding her hands. "I must warn ye, though. ‘Tis nae an easy discussion."

Effie frowned and looked worried. "Something has happened."

"Aye," he replied vaguely. "It is best if I get straight tae the point. I'm afraid I cannae marry ye, Effie."

"What?" she gawped at him. "But why?"

Edan took a deep breath. "I've had much time tae think about things over these last few weeks. A lot has happened, as ye ken, and I have come tae the realization that I dinnae love ye."

Effie's mouth fell open in astonishment.

The urge to reassure her was overwhelming, but Eden knew he had to go on. This needed to be said, as much as it was going to devastate her. "Marrying ye would be unfair. Fer the both o' us. I cannae be the husband ye need me tae be, and I dinnae want tae trap ye in a loveless marriage fer the rest o' yer life."

As predicted, Effie jumped from the settle were both sitting on, and raged at him.

"How could ye dae this tae me?" she yelled. "After all this time I have waited fer ye. I have been patient and given ye all the space ye asked fer, and now, ye tell me ye nae longer want tae marry me?"

Edan stood and walked towards her, but Effie backed off. "Get away from me. I cannae look upon ye," she spat, spinning and turning her back to him.

"Effie. We need tae talk about this. Please. Dinnae make it any more difficult than it already is."

"Ye think this is difficult fer ye ?"

Suddenly, she spun around and glared at him. With her brows knitted and her mouth tight and twisted in anger, she scowled, "Is this because o' Caitlyn?"

Caught off guard, Edan was stunned into silence at her direct question. He floundered, and could not find any words with which to answer her. While he did not speak, it appeared his silence was an admittance in and of itself.

Effie smirked mirthlessly. "I kent it," she spat. "Ye have both been acting exactly the same. Ye've both been distant with me. Ye've both changed. Me sister cannae look me in the eye, and neither can ye."

"Effie, I'm so sorry," Edan lamented.

Tears trickled down her face then. "How could ye?" she sobbed. "How could ye dae this tae me?"

Edan stood there feeling utterly powerless. Her devastation was nearly palpable as her body shook with grief and anger. He could feel it within himself as his heart ached for what he was doing to her, and yet, there was nothing he could do to make the situation better.

"Dae ye love her?" she cried, her face grimacing.

"Effie, please."

"Dae ye love her?" she shrieked.

Edan sighed and dropped his head. "Aye, I dae. I am in love with her."

A heartbreaking sob burst from her chest. "Och, me god." Turning away from him, Effie ran from the room.