Chapter Nineteen

CLARA

H is voice is smooth, princely, more nervous than I’ve ever heard him at Eternity, like he’s unsure of what my reaction will be. I don’t allow myself a second to think.

I take his hand.

Allie says something to me before he leads me up the stairs, but I can’t hear her over the rushing of my own heartbeat in my ears. Eyes are drawn to us as we make our way to the center of the dance floor, but neither of us can look away from each other. The entire world fades away as he pulls me close, one hand twining our fingers together, the other cupping my waist. I have no idea how to dance, really, but he leads me with such confidence that all I can do is follow. I can’t stop staring at him, the lights and music and mass of people all disappearing as I look into his eyes, searching for an answer to a question I don’t even know how to ask.

He twirls me, slow and gentle, and then dips me low in the middle of the dance floor. I clutch onto his shoulders, breathless and overwhelmed.

And then he kisses me, and it feels like something entirely new, something more than we’ve ever shared. It feels like something real.

He pulls away slowly as we straighten up, the fading music hardly registering as I blink up at him in shock. This isn’t a possessive hand around my jaw under the lowlights of Eternity, or a hungry kiss as he pushes me down onto a bed. This is tender, caring, a claim of ownership unlike anything he’s given me before.

“Come with me, little one?”

It could very easily be a command, but he phrases it like a question. I nod without hesitating, squeezing his hand where it still rests in mine. Something like relief flashes in the dark pools of his eyes, his lips curling into a smile.

I follow him out of the ballroom, hand clasped firmly in his. With the lull in the music as the band resets for the next song, I can hear quiet whispers and feel the occasional glance thrown our way, but it doesn’t matter right now. No one knows who we really are, and the anonymity here is just as freeing as it is at Eternity. My eyes are glued to him as he leads me down one of the hallways, obviously familiar with the building. He’s broad and sturdy, but there’s a tension in his spine that I’m not used to. Is he nervous?

We make it to a private lounge, the lights already on inside. His hands shake as he opens the door and beckons me inside.

I walk in, my nerves spiking when he closes and locks the door behind me. I’ve trusted him with far more than a locked door at Eternity, but what if this is some sort of mistake? What if he’s not the man I’ve thought of him as? He obviously knows more about me than he should, considering the NDAs at Eternity, but that thought hasn’t ever scared me before now. It hasn’t felt real before now.

He doesn’t move for a long moment, his back to me, shoulders shifting as he takes a long, steadying breath.

And then he reaches up and tugs at the ties of his mask.

The mask clatters to the carpeted floor of the lounge with a quiet noise, but he doesn’t turn immediately. My heart beats so fast in my chest that it hurts, anticipation and anxiety warring in my gut.

“I thought a few nights would be enough,” he says, his voice soft. My heart clenches at the raw emotion in his tone. “It’s not. I want more. I want us, Clara. No more hiding.”

Warmth spikes in my gut at the sound of my name on his tongue. It sounds so new, but familiar at the same time. It sounds right.

He turns, and all thoughts of fairy tales and romance shoot right out of the back of my head, shock overwhelming everything.

It’s the same midnight eyes that I’ve seen so many times, the same pronounced jawline, the same tumble of inky black hair that teases at sharp cheekbones. They’re all features I’m familiar with, all features I fantasize about on a daily basis. I don’t know how it can be such a shock to see them without a mask that doesn’t even cover that much of them.

But coming face to face with Zaiden Hawthorne is the last thing I expect.

I gape at him, shock and confusion and awe and disbelief all streaming through my mind. This makes no sense. He’s filthy rich, famous enough to make headlines, so arrogant that I’ve wanted to wring his neck over rumors I’ve heard. And I’m me . I’m the opposite of him in every way I can come up with. I’m not fancy and rich and special enough to be on his arm, or in the public eye. We come from entirely different worlds, but none of this makes sense. Nothing that I know about Zade Hawthorne matches up with the man I’ve gotten to know as my Elite.

And then my shock only doubles because as I stare at him, baffled, he tugs at the hem of his suit jacket and glances off to the side anxiously. The familiarity of the action slams into me, and my jaw drops as I come to another realization. I yank my own mask off to get a better look.

“ Santa ?” I practically screech the word, my surprise so severe that I can’t control my reaction. “You—you’re Santa? You’re Zade Hawthorne and my Elite and fucking Santa .”

His face lights up on a smile, and he damn near doubles over in laughter. It’s soft and breathy, not at all what I expected him to sound like when laughing, and he looks so caught off guard that I can’t help but laugh with him.

“Of course that’s your first question.” He doesn’t sound annoyed, or even teasing. He sounds totally adoring, enamored with me, and when he straightens and closes the distance between us, I see nothing but honest affection shining in his eyes. “Yes. Grumpy Santa, that’s me. And Zade. And your Elite.”

I blink in astonishment, staring down at his hands on my shoulders. Those hands have been on my skin so many times before, but it seems so new now.

“I should have told you,” he says. “I knew the first night I saw you at Eternity.”

I flinch at that, instinctive distrust flooding my veins. Did he pick me that night as some sort of joke? Did he just want to get back at me for going off on him? Was this whole thing just to get revenge for?—

“I know it sounds bad,” he says bashfully, an honest apology shining in dark eyes. “I just couldn’t keep my eyes off you, even when you were wearing that ridiculous elf costume. When I saw you there, I couldn’t stay away.”

“Oh.” I blink at him, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. That wasn’t the explanation I expected. “And… the Santa thing?”

“The Santa thing is for PR, we’re keeping it secret until after the holidays,” he explains. “I thought I was going to hate it. I did hate it. But then there you were, so kind and caring and trying to make the whole thing special for each and every kid, and I couldn’t keep fucking off when I knew how important it was to you. I… I haven’t done much good in my life, not out of the kindness of my heart. I thought it was useless to put other people’s needs before my own, even when I had more than I needed. I’m learning to be less selfish, and it’s because of you, but I can’t deny myself this bit of selfishness. I want you, Clara.”

I can hardly pull in enough breath to stay standing, much less to think straight enough to answer any of that. How could I have done anything to change him so much? Especially without even knowing I was doing anything?

“I know this is a lot,” he continues, a pleading note in his voice. “I’m not asking you to agree to anything permanent right now. I’m just asking for a chance.”

He sounds more vulnerable than I thought him capable of. Like he’s… human. Like he’s just a man.

“A chance?” I ask weakly. “You knew about me this whole time, and now you’re asking for a chance? Wait, is that why you hired me? I knew that job was too good to be true.”

People like Zade Hawthorne don’t ask for chances . They take what they want. But the man in front of me is touching me so gently, looking at me like I’m something precious, and I don’t know how to handle any of that. My Elite always made me feel this way, special and taken care of, but everything I know about Zade Hawthorne doesn’t fit. Even so, the look in his eyes right now is just as tender, just as caring and protective as when he looks at me at Eternity.

But he didn’t say anything until now. There has to be a reason. Was he hiding me? Was he ashamed?

“Just one,” he says, his voice shaking. “I made sure you got hired because you’re good at what you do, but also because I wanted to be around you. I had no idea how to tell you any of this, how to ask for anything more than what you already gave me. You dropped your wish list, and I wanted to make all your dreams come true, but I didn’t know how to do it as myself, so I did it as your Elite. But that’s not enough anymore. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know each other—properly, without hiding behind masks. I want to do it, just me and you. Let me take you out for a day in the city. I’ll pick you up in the morning, and we’ll do anything you want. You’re what I want, Clara. Please, give me one chance to prove it to you.”

There are a million different things I could say. Questions to ask, answers to demand, details to figure out. The job and Eternity and my list, they’re all things I need more than just a choppy, half terrified explanation of. But he’s begging, something I doubt he’s ever done before in his life, and he’s begging for me .

“What about the media?” I ask, instead of demanding answers for anything else. “I… I can’t handle being in the spotlight like that, and I don’t want to hear what the tabloids would have to say about our relationship.”

He shakes his head firmly, steel in his gaze.

“Let me handle that,” he says. “I’ll protect you, I swear it. If anyone says something bad about you, I’ll go to bat for you.”

It can’t just be that easy, can it? I shouldn’t just say yes.

I should take longer than a second to think. It’s hard to reconcile the Elite from Eternity, who I’ve become so attached to, with the rumors I’ve heard about Zade, and with the grouch I know as my Santa. When I open my mouth, though, only one word comes out.

“Okay.” It’s quiet, a breath of a word, tinged with incredulous laughter. It feels like the most honest thing I’ve ever said. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Okay?” Zade asks, his hands tightening on my arms as his face lights up with pure glee. “That’s a yes?”

I laugh, helpless to do anything else.

“That’s a yes.”

He pulls me into a tender, gentle kiss, his mouth soft on mine, and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, drinking in the soft sigh of relief that falls from his lips. I want to put my faith in this, in him , but I can’t help thinking that this could easily be a very quick road to heartbreak.

I guess all I can do now is see where the road takes me.