Chapter 9

My shoulders ache something fierce as I put away my supplies. The day's work done again. My routine now is to go to the mess hall, find portable food, take it to my room, eat, then stare at the ceiling until I fall asleep, rinse and repeat and another day will happen.

The flavor of the epis lingers on my tongue though. Or maybe that's only my imagination. It's hard to be sure, but one way or another I want to find Provyd. I want to apologize for the way I acted. It was uncalled for and he did nothing wrong. I close the closet door, turn, and bump into someone.

"I'm sorry," I mutter, taking a step back and only then realizing it's a Zmaj I bumped into.

"You are Kai?" he asks.

I stare through the curtain of my hair unsure who this alien is. It's not Provyd. I'm sure I've seen him around but I've not paid any attention to the individual Zmaj before now. Yet he knows my name.

"Yes," I say, taking another step back from him and darting a glance around.

We're alone in this room and he's between me and the one exit. Cold pimples form on my arms. This could be bad. Is he here to punish me for the way I acted?

Do I deserve any less?

"Good," he says, nodding. His tail twitches with that raspy sound they make across the floor. Fear makes my belly clench tight around a hard ball that is cold as ice. "Would you come with me?"

"Do I have a choice?"

He frowns, tilting his head to one side.

"Of course," he says, shrugging.

"Then I choose no," I say, stepping to the side but half expecting him to grab me as I do. I'm surprised when he doesn't move to intercept.

"Oh," he says, his shoulders drop in what I can only interpret as disappointment. "Okay."

I sidle towards the door, uncertain of what I'm doing, still acting out of fear.

"Where did you want me to go?" I ask.

Why? Why did I ask that? I don't care. I need to get away.

"Provyd asked I find you," he says. "I speak your language better. He thought it would help."

"Help what?" I ask, stopping in the doorway.

"Explain, I think," he says. "Honestly. I'm not sure. Provyd thinks he upset you and wants to make it right, but he's not sure either, which does nothing to help me to understand if you understand that. Oh, that is too many understands in one of your sentences. Hmmm."

"It's fine, I get it," I say. The tension is building in my shoulders again making my headache. "Tell him…" What? Tell him what? I search for the words. Apologies are not something I have any practice with. I've spent so much time pushing people away, who did I have to possibly apologize to? "Tell him it's fine."

"It is?" the Zmaj asks.

"Yes," I nod, or try to, but my neck is so tight it barely happens. "Fine. All good."

"I will tell him, but…"

He trails off as I take a step out the door and it pulls me back in. I can't leave without knowing what the but is, damn it.

"But?"

The Zmaj looks sheepish. Which I would have thought would be quite a feat for a Zmaj, with his horns, scales, and chiseled looking face, but he pulls it off as naturally as any human. He shakes his head and looks around the room as if he's trying to come up with the right answer and hoping it's in here somewhere.

"You should come."

"I thought it was my choice?"

"Of course," he says again.

"You're not making me?"

"No!" he exclaims, taking a step back and raising his hands between us.

"Oh," I say, as the fight drains out of me.

I'm not even sure what I'm fighting at this point. Him, this, me. Who knows, but all I can tell you for sure is that it's gone.

"Please?" he asks, a wide grin on his face as he arches one eyebrow.

I roll my eyes. Well, eye, the scars on the other side make that impossible for that one.

"Fine," I say, "lead the way."

He claps his hands so loud it hurts my ears and laughs. Then he comes forward and I recoil. He stops dead in his steps, raising his hands again.

"I am sorry," he says stepping back. He points at the door. "That way?"

I shudder, shake my head, then move out of the door.

"Sorry," I say. "Jumpy."

"It is my fault," he says. "Truly."

We could argue fault for hours on end to no point whatsoever so I let it go at that. I don't know why I'm so jumpy but I am. Well, I do know. He's a really, really big dude. A big alien, factually. What other reason does a woman need to feel jumpy around someone? If he decided to hurt me, I'd fight, sure, but end of the day I'm going to lose.

He walks down the hall, glancing over his shoulder to make sure I'm following, and I trail in his wake. Wondering if this isn't the biggest mistake of my life. He stops just past the airlock. I stare at him and he motions to the door.

The airlock door is closed, as it should be, and through the window comes the light of the setting double suns. I arch an eyebrow unsure what it is he expects of me. He smiles and bows, continuing to unhelpfully wait.

"What now?" I ask when he doesn't give any clarifications.

"He asks you to step outside," he says, holding his bow.

An urge to go home hits so hard it's almost overwhelming. My breath trembles as I deal with this need to leave. To return to normal.

But why?

Why indeed. It's not like my ‘normal' is a life worth living. I barely exist and have forced every other person to be so distant that I could vanish and I don't think anyone would notice for a long time.

It feels like I'm standing at some kind of a weird metaphorical crossroads. The one path is comfortably familiar, if lonely and dull. The other, through this airlock door, is an utter unknown. Do I go through the door and find out what happens next?

The resounding thought in my head is to go home. Forget this insanity. I owe an apology, not an adventure outside. I may have acted badly, but this isn't bad, this is insane.

As one foot begins sliding to the side of its own accord I hit the panel on the airlock and it cycles open. Stopping my betraying foot, I step through.