Chapter Fifteen

Brooklyn

I'VE BEEN BACK with my men for a week now and I'm not sure what's going on with me. While I've been sitting on the couch or laying in bed as everyone else goes about their day, I've had nothing but time to think about everything going on in my life right now. The only thing I try not to think about is anything having to do with Bennett. That asshole is out of my life and still sitting in jail as I try to wrap my head around the fact that I've married Gavin and went through a commitment ceremony with Jayce. The three of us will always be linked no matter what happens in our lives because of the babies, but I've tied myself to them and have the rings on my finger to prove to the world I'm a married woman. A large part of me feels as if we're moving too fast and this is all going to come crashing down around us when we realize we moved without thinking things through the way we should have.

While thinking about my relationship with Jayce and Gavin, my thoughts inevitably go to the fact that we're having twins. Two babies. I could tell when we were looking at the screen that Gavin was in shock and scared as hell. His entire face went pale and his hands were shaking for hours after learning the news. Still, he smiled for me and made sure I had everything I needed as he remained by my side until exhaustion claimed me. Jayce managed to hide his feelings about us having twins so I'm not sure where he lands on the idea of bringing two babies at one time into our lives. It's something we all need to talk about and haven't been able to yet. First, I think I need to wrap my head around the fact that I'm carrying two babies and not just one like we thought.

Everyone's been busy working around the compound on top of their daily jobs as they prepare for winter. The bikes have been getting winterized even though they'll ride them until they no longer can, while the trucks and SUVs are getting serviced so they know nothing is wrong when they have to start driving them on a daily basis. Nanny has had the guys over to help her pull the last of the vegetables from the garden before making sure the plots are covered for winter. I guess it's something she's done since she learned how to garden and feels it makes the plots better the next year when it's time to plant seeds once again. Honestly, I never realized how much went into getting everything ready at the compound for winter time. Especially when it comes to making sure the clubhouse will be ready for everyone if a bad storm hits. They've got a few generators and have had people in to ensure they're in working order if we lose power. No one wants to go without heat in the middle of winter so we'll all move to the clubhouse as a family.

Theo gets to come home soon. I haven't been able to see him, but the guys have assured me Theo wants to see me as bad as I want to see him. He feels horrible about what happened to me and everything I suffered through because he failed and let me down. Those are his words and we will be talking about them because there was nothing he could've done differently in the situation we were put in that fateful day. Theo was hit from behind on his bike and went flying before slamming into the ground and sliding for what felt like miles. Jayce and Gavin have been in to see him and tried to talk to him about the situation but Theo won't listen to anyone. He'll listen to me. I love Theo like a younger brother and have been dying to see him. There is no way in hell I'm about to let him feel an ounce of guilt over what happened to us. We took every precaution we could and bad shit still happened. Now, it's time to move on from that day and start to live our lives the way we want.

Last night I called Dr. Matthews. I have to get the hell out of the house and asked her if I could go down and sit with Nanny while she takes care of her chickens. I'm not going to help her like I usually do, but I want to get out and feel the sun on my skin after being locked in that cage in a damp, dark room in the basement. With the guys gone all day long and into the evening, they make sure the women in the club come up and spend time with me. So far, each one of them has spent a day with me at the house. Nanny is the only one who hasn't come up to hang out with me because she doesn't leave her cabin for too much. It's given me a chance to hang out with Tracy and Autumn though since Autumn isn't here that often. I guess she spends part of her time in Dobber's Cove with a motorcycle club there. Still, I've enjoyed getting to know the women here on the compound even if I wasn't sure how to talk to them.

It's been a very long time since I've had someone I could consider a friend so I'm out of practice when it comes to friends and what you're supposed to talk to them about. Plus, I don't really know these women and have no clue what to talk about. Tracy was easy to be around though. She told me all about her life. Including her time spent in rehab as Robynn and Anguish took care of her daughter Nora. Nora is a beautiful little girl and so damn smart. She loves her mama and it's easy to see. I'm glad Anguish and Robynn stepped up to keep this family together and help her even now as they still share custody of the little girl. Tracy isn't ready to let Anguish relinquish his guardianship of Nora and he's more than happy to keep things as they are. We talked for a long time about it and Tracy broke down a few times when she was talking about how much she could've lost if she hadn't met the club. I can't wait to continue getting to know her.

Still, today Dr. Matthews has given me permission to be taken to Nanny's cabin so I can hang out with her for a while. As long as I'm not up moving around and chasing chickens, I can remain with her all day long. Nanny isn't gonna let me do anything to harm the babies or myself. She'd probably get out her wooden spoon and smack me with the damn thing if I even mentioned doing something she doesn't believe I should be doing. Yes, I've heard the stories of her chasing Hulk and Goliath with anything she could get her hands on when they were growing up. Her wooden spoon was her favorite weapon of choice to threaten them with since they were so much faster than her. I can just picture her chasing them all over their old farm while yelling at them as she still does today.

"Love, are you ready to head to Nanny's now?" Gavin asks me, walking into our bedroom since Jayce is already at work for the day.

"I'm ready, Gavin. You know I love you?" I ask him, needing him to know the truth of my words as we stare at one another.

"I know you love me. I love you too, Love. Where's this comin' from?" he asks me, walking up and wrapping me in his arms.

"I just want to make sure you know that I do love you. I never thought I'd be able to love anyone after all the shit Bennett put me through if I'm being honest. You and Jayce show me every day not every man is the same and that you only want the best for me. It's what made me fall in love with you to begin with," I tell him, a small smile on my face as I look up at him.

"Love, you never have to worry about us treatin' you horribly. You're our queen and we'll always treat you as such. Jayce and I always knew we'd share a woman between us and the second we saw you walk into Cricket's we knew you were meant for us. Hell, I didn't even see a single inch of you and knew you were supposed to be mine. Jayce knew the second you turned around and rushed toward us. In that second, we vowed to do everythin' in our power to protect and love you," he tells me, making my eyes fill with tears that I try to hold back from spilling over. Damn pregnancy hormones!

"Let's get out of here," I say, needing to get off this topic before I spend the rest of the morning bawling like a baby.

Gavin leads me out of our home after grabbing a bag he's packed for me. It's got bottles of juice and water, some cookies, a small sub, chips, and a few other things for me to snack on. He's already fed me a large breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacon and sausage, juice, and toast. No, I didn't eat it all because it was too much food for me to eat at one time. My husbands are always trying to take care of me and anticipate my needs on a daily basis.

We ride in silence to the cabins after Gavin helps me up in his truck. Give me another month or two and I won't be able to get in either one of the trucks my men choose to drive around. Right now, the only time they're on their bikes is when they're heading to work. I can't be on them so they sit in the barn with the rest of the bikes not in use at the moment. Our silence is comfortable and I'm excited to be out of the house despite the chill in the air.

Gavin pulls up in front of Nanny's cabin and we find her waiting in her rocking chair for me. A large smile is on her face as she watches my husband get out of the driver's seat and come around to help me down from the passenger side. He reaches in the truck and grabs one of his hoodies and slides it on over my head before grabbing the bag of food and drinks he's packed me.

"Look at you taking care of your wife like a good husband," Nanny teases him with her eyes locked on us.

"I'll always take care of my wife no matter what she needs. Keep this hoodie on, Love. It's gettin' colder and I don't want you to get sick. You took your vitamins before we left?" he asks me.

"Yeah. I took them right after breakfast," I answer him, leaning up and kissing the underside of his jaw.

"Good. I'll be around if you need me. I love you, Brooklyn," he says, leaning down to press a soft kiss against my lips.

"I love you too, Gavin," I return, looking up at him and wondering how long before he can come pick me up and take me back home.

"I can tell where your thoughts have gone, Love. You haven't been cleared for sex yet. The second you are, you can guarantee we'll be all over you. Now behave yourself and go spend the day with Nanny," Gavin says, his voice full of laughter as he lightly smacks me on the ass after giving me one more kiss.

He watches me walk up to Nanny as she takes my bag from me and sets it in the cabin before we head around to where the chicken coop is. Nanny has the biggest smirk on her face as she enters the coop. She's already got a chair for me sitting outside the chicken's home so I can't get any ideas about going in with her.

"How are you feeling, Sweetheart?" Nanny asks me as she feeds the chickens and makes sure they have water.

"Okay. I'm still sore some days and I know laying around isn't helping me there. I don't really have morning sickness. There are times I feel really nauseous, but I haven't gotten sick once since I got pregnant. Cricket and Ophelia have told me I'm lucky as hell in that regard," I answer her honestly as the endless thoughts of rushing our relationship circle my mind.

"Where's your head at with everything, Brooklyn?" Nanny questions me, always knowing what we're going through without us having to say a word to her.

I asked her about it once and she told me that you don't get to be as old as she is without having the ability to know when those you love are going through something. She told me it's all in our eyes and how we sit, talk, stand, and interact with everyone around us. Most people don't take the time to look at those they say they care about, but she's got nothing but time on her hands and is really good at observing everyone around her.

"It's fast, Nanny. Really fast. I'm scared that Jayce and Gavin are going to wake up one morning and realize they don't want me like they thought they did. I'm pregnant with twins and I know the guys would never turn their backs on their children. It's not who they are. My worry is that we're moving at warp speed and we don't know everything about one another. Maybe we were all just so scared and that's why Gavin and Jayce proposed and I accepted. Or they wanted to put Bennett in his place and thought making him watch us get married was one of the best ways to do it," I tell her, tears filling my eyes once again as I think about Jayce and Gavin leaving me alone in the world with no way to ever move on from them.

"Do you really love them, Brooklyn?" Nanny asks me, walking through the chickens as she searches for eggs that have been left outside for her to find.

"I'm so in love with them, Nanny. That's why I can't stop thinking about this. I know I'm all in and love them with every beat of my heart and inch of my soul. The guys could literally have any woman they want and I come with a ton of baggage. Who the hell wants to deal with that?" I return, looking up at her as she turns her eyes to me and the first tear slips free and slides down my face unchecked.

"Baby, don't cry. Jayce and Gavin are so in love with you. See, what you don't realize is these men have seen the best in the world and the absolute worst. Most of them almost lost their lives overseas when they were in the military. Every single man in this club was hurt in one way or another during one mission. They live with those memories, or demons if you will, every single day of their lives. That's why when they find the woman they love, they're all in immediately and don't give a shit what that looks like. If it means marrying you in less than a year, then that's what they'll do. It's because they've learned the hard way that you're never guaranteed tomorrow and today is only as good as you choose to make it. I can tell you with absolute certainty that I've never seen two men more in love with a woman than Wheels and Soul," Nanny states, her voice full of determination and the truth she feels deep inside her.

"Okay, Nanny. I know I need to talk to them about how I'm feeling so they know and we can deal with it together. It's just still hard for me because I've never had people in my life who genuinely care for me," I promise her as she finally exits the coop and lets most of the chickens out with her so they can wander the compound as they do on a daily basis.

"Make sure you do, Sweetheart," she says, waiting for me to get out of the chair so we can make our way to the front of the cabin and sit in the rocking chairs.

As we round the cabin, Scorch races past us like his ass is on fire and he has no clue what's going on around him.

"Son, where's the fire?" Nanny calls out, halting Scorch in his tracks as he almost faceplants into the ground in front of him.

"Fee just went into labor. I gotta get her to the hospital," he answers, looking around.

"Okay. Where is she, Scorch?" I ask, not sure where his wife is since he's running on his own.

"Fuck! She's still at the house," he informs us, dropping his head and taking several deep breaths as a truck rounds the side of the clubhouse and I watch as Anguish and Goliath stick their heads out the windows of the front of the truck.

"Think ya forgot somethin', Scorch," Goliath calls out, laughter filling his voice as Scorch flips him off. "Get in the truck. Cricket called me and she's with her at the house. They're waitin' on your ass to get back there. And I know your truck is already parked there so where the fuck were ya runnin' off to?"

"I don't fuckin' know, Goliath. When Fee tells me she's in labor, it's like a switch is flipped in my head and I lose all rational thought. Fear takes over because you never know what's gonna happen. I can't be alone with her when she gets this close to her due dates any longer," he says, his head dropping once again as he walks over to the truck and climbs in behind Anguish.

"We'll see ya at the hospital. Fetch will be here soon to get all the women," Anguish informs us as I turn to Nanny who's smiling big with the thought of a new family member being born today.

"Let's get ready to go, Sweetheart," Nanny says once Anguish and the guys have left to go grab Ophelia and Cricket.

"I'm not gonna go to the hospital, Nanny. That's for family only. You go and let me know when she has the baby. I can wait until she's ready for me to see her new baby," I tell her as I grab the bag of food Gavin packed me and prepare to walk to the house.

"Brooklyn Sord-Calhoun, you listen to me right this minute," Nanny says, her voice harder than I've ever heard from her before. "You are a member of the Tattered and Torn family as much as I am, Tracy is, Autumn, the kids, and everyone else on this compound. I know it's gonna take you time to realize and feel as if you're part of us, but you are. Today, I'm gonna let you stay behind because I don't think you should be sitting at the hospital for hours on end. Robynn will be here with the kids since they can't go sit in the hospital all day long. You need anything, call her and she'll be there in a heartbeat."

"I'll be okay, Nanny. I'm just gonna go home and get some rest. Though, I think I might wait until Fetch shows up to get you. Gavin and Jayce wouldn't want me walking all the way back to the house on my own. Especially since I'm not supposed to be walking that much until I go back to the doctor. Would that be okay?" I ask, still so unsure of my place in this new world.

"Fetch will do that no problem," she assures me as we watch Anguish drive back past us with Goliath laughing his ass off and Ophelia yelling at Scorch about never touching her again and all sorts of other stuff. I've never heard her swear so much in my life and I can't help but laugh as Scorch looks like he's about to pass out.

It doesn't take long for Fetch to show up. He drives me home and I get in the house before he turns around and leaves me alone to get the women to the hospital to wait for the newest family member to make their arrival into the world. With my bag in hand, I make my way to the couch, grab the remote, and sit my ass down. I turn on the TV and find a movie that's one of my favorites. Pulling out my sub, a bag of chips, and one of the bottles of juice, I make myself comfortable and get lost in the movie. Every time those intrusive thoughts try to enter my mind, I push them away and concentrate on eating and my movie.