Chapter 12

Siena wasn't sure if it was her words that distressed him or the burning stable.

Perhaps both.

But she certainly wasn't helping.

They sat there together in the overgrown grass, watching flames lick at the wooden walls of the stable while black smoke billowed out into the air, the smell of burnt hay and smoke mixed with the sharp tang of wet wood and the musky scent of the horses blanketing them.

Just when it appeared the fire was threatening to spread, however, it seemed to quickly die out, struggling to catch on the wet wood of the stable's exterior. Being contained to the flammable contents inside muffled the crackling of the fire, creating a dampened and almost eerie sound.

The servants had arrived with buckets, but they weren't needed. The rain from the previous days had done its job and stifled the fire – although not before destroying the stable. Most of it stood, but Siena guessed it would have to be torn down and rebuilt.

Levi stood before Siena could ask anything further, his breeches soaked through from sitting on the damp ground. He held out his left hand to assist her. She took it, the warmth of his touch rushing through her.

With everyone now safe and the fire contained, Siena had the chance to mull over Levi's reaction when they had discovered the fire. The look on his face had been one of pure terror as his entire body had rigidly stood in one place.

That was panic if she had ever seen it. It was how she had felt on her wedding day, knowing what awaited her.

If it hadn't been for Eliza, she never would have found her way out of it.

Which was why she was determined to be there for Levi. To help him come to terms with the event that had scarred him and had turned him into a shell of the man he used to be. She could see it within him, knew there was more to him that was struggling to come out, that he wouldn't allow a voice.

The tenseness remained between them as they walked through the front door of the house together. An air of emptiness surrounded them as all of the servants had vacated to see to the fire – even the maids had likely been filling buckets and adding their assistance wherever possible.

Siena and Levi said nothing to one another as they climbed the stairs, taking the same turn at the landing as his bedroom was at the end of the wing where hers was located.

She paused in front of her door, waiting for him to stop, to say anything, but his steps continued down the corridor as he didn't even look back at her.

"Levi?"

She didn't know why she had called to him – she just knew that she didn't want him to go. It was the first time she had called him by his first name without his prompting, and somehow it felt right. He might be a duke, but here, on this estate with just the two of them alone, they were Levi and Siena, two people who had found one another at a time when they both needed comfort.

"Are you truly well?" he asked, concern crossing his face. "Or were you injured?"

"I am well, although I fear my throat might ache for a few days from the smoke," she said. "Would you like to… come in?"

She waved toward her bedchamber, and she saw the hesitation on his face. She wasn't sure if it was because of the kiss they had shared or his reaction to the stable fire, but he seemed rather ill at ease.

"I won't bite. I promise," she said, attempting to inject some humor into the situation, but he didn't seem to notice. "I suppose I was just hoping for some company after our ordeal."

It was true, she realized. She didn't want to be alone. But even more than that, she sensed that he needed someone, and it surprised her how much she wanted to be that person for him.

"Very well," he said, walking by her stiffly.

"I suppose I shall need a bath, although I do not want to bother the maids, not with everything else they are busy with," she said, which caused him to stand and walk to the door, and she held up a hand before he could do what he was likely planning and call for help for her. "No, please do not ask them."

"Their first priority should be to see to your comfort."

"I am fine. Truly," she said. "Nothing that I cannot see to myself."

She walked over to the washbasin in the corner, pouring water into the bowl before dipping linen into it and wiping her face, trying to rid it of the soot that had covered it when she had entered the stable.

Entering the stables had terrified her, and yet she had acted without thinking, focused on one purpose only — saving the horses. She hadn't realized how affected Levi had been until she had come out the other side.

Levi was now standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, so Siena walked over to the bed and sat down on the end of it before patting the mattress beside her.

"Come sit," she said, although he didn't move. "Please?" she added, and finally, with a terse nod, he did, the limp on his left side obvious.

"Did you hurt yourself when you prevented the horse from hitting me?" she asked, and his lips drew tightly together. She had thought the big horse was going to knock her over with one of those large hooves of his when he had risen up in panic, but then Levi had saved her. Again.

"I'm fine."

"You do not always have to be fine, you know," she said, to which he gave a snort of derision.

"Oh, I am far from fine. I am always far from fine. That is the very problem."

He said it with such passion that Siena knew she should be upset, but she had a feeling that it had nothing to do with her. Rather, it was emotion he was finally releasing.

She leaned in toward him, watching his expression.

"Levi, what happened?"

"I didn't do what I should have done. You are the last person who should have been saving those horses. That was my job. I am not only the lord of this manor and all that reside within it – people and animal alike – but I have been trained to protect those around me, not to put them in further danger."

"I am not speaking about what happened today," she clarified, "although I should note that this is the third time you saved me – the first from the highwaymen, the second in the library when I fell from the ladder. I would say that you have proven yourself to be a rather adept protector. But what I am wondering is what happened in your past that has caused you to be so terrified of fire? I know that you wanted to go into the stables today, but something prevented you from doing so. Your scars look like burns to me. Did it happen during the war? Or were you there when your home burned down?"

"Are you trying to gather gossip so that you can add to the fodder about me?"

She allowed his acidic words to slide off of her, knowing that he didn't mean them – not against her.

"We both know that I am not returning to London anytime soon," she said, meeting his eye and arching a brow. "Nor am I one to add to any gossip. I sense, however, that you have never spoken about what happened to you and I think, perhaps, it is time that you did so. Now, tell me. What has you so afraid?"

Levi lowered his head,resting his face in his hands, unable to look at her any longer. She was right. He had never spoken about it. Fitz knew the particulars, but most of it he had gathered from servants who had shared some of the facts of the day with him.

She was so intent on labelling him this savior figure. However, he wondered if he should tell her the truth – maybe then she would understand that he didn't deserve any of the accolades or compliments she sent his way.

"You know that I was in the army," he said, his mind leaving the room they were in, this conversation between them, and heading back years in time but felt like another lifetime entirely. "I was an officer, of course, my brother having purchased my commission, as I told you. When I entered the war, I was doubtful, resentful, wanting to return to the life that I had left."

He stood now, hands in his pockets as he walked away from the bed and stared out the window at the land before him, the sky as grey and cloudy as his mood. Guilt washed over him at the emotions he had held toward the brother who had only wanted what was best for him.

"Over time, I began to… not necessarily enjoy what I was doing but I did lean into the purpose it had provided me. I learned what I was capable of as I became responsible and protective of those who were under my leadership."

That part of the story was the easy part to tell. It was what came next that he struggled with.

"My father died ten years ago, and my brother, who was five years my senior, became a tremendous duke. He was the man who every woman wanted and every other man wanted to be. He was prepared to marry the jewel of the season, although the two of them did seem rather ill-matched. He had the lands in order, the house at its peak. He was a stand-up member of Parliament, never missing a session, always ready to attend any function required of him. My mother had been so proud of him before she died." He paused for a moment, remembering how he had never felt that he could measure up, that he was always lacking in some way, which was why he had tried to be someone else instead of a shadow of his brother.

"It was her funeral which brought me home. I was on leave, at our family estate. I am sure you heard what happened. There was a fire. I was out on a ride when it broke out in the kitchen. It should have been contained there, but there was so much happening throughout the home that there was much to catch flame. The structure was stone, but the fire was strong and ripped through the areas we so commonly used – kitchen, dining room, drawing room.

"I returned right when my brother was preparing to enter. I wanted to see to our safety, but my brother said he was the leader of the estate, and he should be the one to make sure that no one was left behind. He entered the kitchen to save a scullery maid who had become trapped behind a table. Just as he was leading her out the door, a timber fell on top of him, crushing him, although somehow, he managed to push the maid out of harm's way."

A choked sob emerged from Siena, and he closed his eye at the pain that remained, that was resurfacing from this telling.

"I tried to lift it off of him, truly I did. But it was wedged in tightly and was far too heavy to even budge. From what I'm told, eventually the fire overtook me. It was burning my clothes when one of the footmen pulled me off of my brother and managed to put out the flames upon me, although it left its mark."

He didn't know she had moved behind him until her hands pressed softly around his waist. Before he knew what was happening, she was resting her head against his back, her arms wrapping around him.

"By the time they put out the fire, my brother was gone. Burned. They thought I was going to die as well, and I should have."

He turned around to face her fully, pushing away her arms, needing her to understand that he didn't deserve this from her.

"It should have been me who died instead."