Chapter 8

Eight

S unlight peeked through the drapes in Theo’s bedchamber. He hadn’t remembered to fully close them when they’d come back to his room the previous night. Elena lay nestled against him, her glorious red hair spilling over his chest, and a surge of happiness spread through him. Stroking the soft locks with reverence, he thought how he would give anything to wake each morning to this sight. She was so utterly lovely that it stole his breath. He adored her and wished to cherish her for the rest of their days. Somehow, he had to make her see how good it could be for them—how they deserved more than just one night.

“Darling,” he whispered. “Elena, wake up, love.”

She yawned, rolled onto her back, then sat up abruptly. “I’m still in your bed.”

“Indeed,” he said, smiling. “Come back here and let me kiss you properly.”

She shook her head and moved to the edge of the bed, searching for her clothes. Finding her shift, she slipped it over her head, her expression shifting to one of panic as she gathered her gown, stays, and shoes. She still wore her stockings, which had been deliciously distracting the entire night. He frowned and slid out of bed, unbothered by his own nakedness.

“I cannot stay,” she said, her voice tense. “The scandal…”

“Elena,” he called her name again, hoping to capture her attention. “There’s no need to rush off.”

“Of course there is.” She frowned at him. “The night is over. I should have left before dawn. Surely, someone will see me leaving your bedchamber.”

Theo’s heart sank. She was truly ending this. He had not believed she could leave him so easily, yet he realized he had been a fool to think otherwise. Clearly, she could not allow herself happiness. That bloody bastard of a husband she’d had ruined her. He sighed, sitting on the bed. Fighting the inevitable would change nothing. Theo had agreed to one night, and he would not insist on more. He loved her, and he would have to let her go. Somehow, he would find a way to live without her. He was not sure how he would accomplish that impossible feat, but he would. Otherwise, what purpose was there in living?

“All right,” he said quietly. “Go on, then, and do what you do best. Run away, darling, and retreat to your solitude.”

“There is no need to be bitter,” she replied, her tone disapproving. “You agreed…”

“I know what I agreed to,” he cut in, harsher than he intended. “And I am honoring it. I am not asking you to stay, even though every part of me is begging to do just that. I am watching you walk away from me—for the last time.”

“But…” She frowned, confused. “I don’t understand.”

“I am done, Elena.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “My love for you is not enough, and I can’t keep trying. Not that I did much before this house party. Foolishly, I thought you would come to me when you were ready. When it became clear you would not, I came to you.” He shook his head, disappointment thick in his voice. “You do not want me—not really. If you did, it would not be so easy to toss me aside as if I meant nothing. It is time I accept that we have no future. You have received what you wanted, darling. I gave you your one night of passion. Go now and protect your reputation.”

“Theo,” she began. Her eyes were filled with concern but he could not allow himself to stray from the course.

“I do not wish to hear apologies or explanations.” He kept his gaze averted. His heart was truly broken. He had lost all hope. Their one night together had been filled with passion, and he would cherish it forever, but nothing could compare to the pain of letting her go. “Do not fret, love. Once you are gone, I will not linger here. I will have my carriage brought around, and you will never have to see me again.”

“You do not have to leave,” she protested. “Why are you acting this way?”

Slowly, he lifted his gaze to meet hers. The despair he felt must have been evident, spilling from his eyes. “I can’t be near you anymore. Don’t you understand? It is too difficult for me. I have to go. If I have any chance of moving past what I feel for you, I need distance. I just…” He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. When he opened them, he finished with difficulty. “I just can’t.”

Elena inhaled sharply. “Theo.” She placed a hand over her heart. “I never meant…”

“Darling,” he interrupted softly. “There is no need to say anything. I knew what you were asking of me, and it is my burden to bear. I knew you wanted nothing beyond last night. I have no regrets. I would not change a thing. I love you. I adored our time together, and I foolishly hoped you would want more than one night. But you have done nothing wrong. You never promised me anything. Go to your room, love. I will be all right, I promise.”

He prayed he could keep that promise, though he doubted he could. It would take time, but he hoped he could live up to his words. She clutched her gown to her chest, then nodded. “Very well. I will leave now, but please…do not depart without saying goodbye.”

He could not agree to that. If he saw her again, he might not leave at all. “You best go now, before it is too late to avoid another guest. You still have a chance of escaping this room unnoticed.”

She frowned, hesitated, but then turned and left his bedchamber. Once she was gone, he began packing, dressing quickly. He was thankful he did not require a valet; it would make his departure easier, quieter.

With a final glance at the bed where they had shared their night, Theo finished preparing to leave, knowing he was leaving his heart behind.

Several days later…

Elena browsed the shelves of the library. She didn’t truly want anything to read, but ever since Theo had left without saying goodbye, she’d been restless. She had hoped a book might soothe her nerves, though none of the volumes on the shelves seemed to hold any appeal.

At the sound of her dearest friend’s voice, she tensed. Eli was bound to be less than pleased with her, especially given her recent choices. “Not sure what you wish to read?” he asked.

Turning, she managed a smile, though she didn’t feel it. It was merely a pretense—an attempt to feign contentment with the choices she’d made. “I fear I’m experiencing a touch of ennui,” she replied, her voice bright yet brittle. “I’m surprised to see you back so soon. I trust your trip was successful?”

“It was,” he confirmed, though he offered no details. Leaning against the wall, he crossed his arms. “Do you know where I went?”

Her lips twitched. “I was told you went to procure a special license in time for a Christmas wedding.” She moved a little closer. “Was I correctly informed?”

“And if you were?” He arched a brow.

“Then I would say I won our wager.” She wiggled her eyebrows playfully, genuinely pleased for him. She had hoped Eli would find happiness. If anyone deserved it, it was him. “And you owe me a boon.”

“Perhaps,” he conceded with a shrug. “Yet I feel as if I’m the true victor of our little wager.” He pushed away from the wall. “I have Gabriella, and she’s worth more than any boon you might request from me. Love isn’t something to be avoided, Elena. I know you feel something for a certain earl.”

She looked away. “I admit to no such thing,” she said, unable to meet his gaze. “I’m never marrying again, and love is not an emotion I care to claim.”

“You don’t love me?” he asked softly. “Is that why you felt comfortable locking me in a room with Gabriella? Do I mean so little to you?”

Her gaze snapped to his. “That’s not the same at all. You mean everything to me. I did that only so you’d finally admit how you feel about her. It was clear you loved her, and yet you resisted.” She had no regrets; she had locked him in with Gabriella before going to Theo that night, knowing Eli would eventually confess his heart. Gabriella and Eli belonged together—it was as simple as that.

“I could say the same about you,” he replied, his voice gentle. “You’re fighting your own feelings.” He sighed and shook his head. “But I won’t push you. Perhaps one day, you’ll allow yourself to love him, or perhaps you’ll choose to remain alone and guarded. I cannot force you to seek happiness.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you for caring about me, Elena. Now, if you’ll pardon me, I have a lady to see about a wedding. You’re welcome to attend the ceremony, should you wish to.”

He left her standing alone in the library, his words striking her heart like an anvil. He hadn’t said anything she hadn’t already considered herself. She had made a mistake. She should never have let Theo go.

Suddenly, she knew precisely what she needed to do. Theo had said his farewells and departed, but surely he hadn’t meant it. If she went to him, he would welcome her back. Elena closed her eyes, steadying her breath. She could no longer allow her fears to rule her. She had to take a leap of faith and trust in Theo. He had never given her any reason to doubt him. She believed he loved her, and now she needed only to find him and beg his forgiveness.

Theo sat in his study, attempting to focus on his account books, yet he couldn’t seem to concentrate. His vision blurred as he looked over the columns of numbers, and he knew it was a futile effort. All he could think about was Elena—and the devastating realization that he had lost her forever. He would never again hold her in his arms.

How had it come to this? He had thought, foolishly perhaps, that enough time had passed since her dreadful husband’s death. That now, at last, he might have a place in her life. But he had been utterly wrong in that assumption.

Still, he had no regrets about the night they’d shared. How could he? That night would remain forever cherished in his heart, a memory he could revisit even if he never saw her again.

“My lord,” his butler interrupted. “Pardon the intrusion.”

“What is it, Bivens?” Theo asked, glancing up.

“There’s a caller…”

Theo frowned. He wasn’t expecting visitors, especially during the Christmastide season when most people were with family. “Did they leave a card?”

“No, my lord,” Bivens replied, a hint of hesitation in his voice. “It’s…well, there is no delicate way to say this. It is a woman.”

Theo stood abruptly. He knew who he hoped had come to his door, but he dared not give in to such dangerous optimism. If he allowed himself to believe that Elena was here, in his home, he might truly lose his mind if it turned out otherwise. Swallowing, he closed his eyes briefly, bracing himself. “Bring her here,” he said, steeling himself for disappointment.

He moved to the window, looking out over the frozen, dormant garden awaiting the first bloom of spring. At the start of Lady Winston’s house party, he’d had high hopes for a joyous Christmastide—only to watch them crumble. He’d risked his heart for Elena’s love, and lost. Now he was left, a wretched man, resigned to the life that stretched out before him, empty and bleak.

“Theo,” a soft voice said behind him.

It was her voice. Yet surely, he was imagining it. He remained motionless, his heart pounding. He feared turning around, afraid to face either the joy or the despair her presence might bring. Slowly, he turned to see her standing there. She was as beautiful as he remembered, her cheeks flushed from the cold.

“Elena,” he breathed, scarcely believing his eyes. “Why are you here?”

She crossed the room, standing before him. “I made a mistake.”

“Did you?” He raised a brow, uncertain, holding himself back. “And what mistake would that be?”

“I should never have asked for only one night with you.”

He sighed. “I already told you?—”

“Let me finish,” she said softly, her gaze earnest. “I should have demanded much more than that. One night was not enough. Not for us.” She reached up to cup his cheek. “A lifetime wouldn’t be enough. I love you, my dearest, and I owe you an apology. I know you didn’t ask for one, but you deserve it. I used you for my own selfish purposes, and you allowed it because you’re a good man, wanting only to treat me as something precious.”

“You are everything to me,” he replied quietly. “No one else could mean more.”

“I know,” she said, her voice trembling. “Please forgive me, love. Tell me it isn’t too late, and that you still want me.”

Theo closed his eyes, taking in a steadying breath. He prayed this wasn’t some fevered dream. If it were, he wouldn’t survive the reality. “My darling,” he murmured, his tone soft, welcoming. “I love you beyond measure. I want forever with you. Always. We don’t have to marry if that is your concern. I only want you near, for the rest of my days.”

She smiled, her eyes shimmering with emotion. “I adore you for offering me that, but I do wish to marry. I want more than forever—I want the promise of eternity. I never want to be parted from you again.”

“Thank heaven,” he whispered. He pulled her into his arms, his lips finding hers in a kiss that was both a reunion and a vow. It was a promise, an edict, and everything in between. Theo could not love her more than he did in that moment, with her standing there, having braved her fears to come back to him. As if he could have ever denied her... He could hardly wait to begin their lives together, to marry her and start the future they’d long been denied.

He would have waited forever for her, but thankfully, he didn’t have to. She held his heart—and he prayed she would never let go, just as he would never let go of her.