Chapter 21

21

In the semidarknessof the carriage, her gray gaze was intense on him.

“Did you have to run away from your chaperone?” Richard asked.

She chuckled. “Yes, I lost him in the crowd quite easily.”

He smiled back.

“Jane, when we talk to Reuben, and if he finally tells us what we need…”

She shook her head. “Don’t be so sure. He may refuse,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

“But if you convince him…”

The implication was clear. If she convinced Reuben and he did tell them everything, all of this would be over between them. The thought was like a boulder sinking in his soul.

He ached to say he did not want it to be over. But that meant they would actually have to marry.

The scent of lavender wafted from her, freshening the mustiness of the carriage interior. His heart pounded as he watched her lips, still parted, tremble slightly.

“If I convince him,” she said, her eyelids fluttering ever so slightly, “this charade will finally be over, and I can get back to working on my school without needing to walk in Hyde Park or attend soirées and balls. And you will be free.”

His throat became very dry, and he swallowed. “I do not know that I want to be free from you.”

Her breath caught. He was conscious of the heat radiating from her body, only a hand’s width away from his.

“You can’t tell me what happened between us didn’t mean anything to you. Tell me you didn’t enjoy our kisses,” he said, his voice low and intense. “Me touching you…”

Her eyes darkened and glistened. Her body wavered gently towards him. Then she shook her head.

“It doesn’t matter if I did or not,” she said. “What matters is…you never wanted to marry me, and I cannot marry you.”

Her rejection stung.

“Can you really not, Jane?” he asked softly. “Can you not see that I told you things I’ve never told anyone in my life? Can you not see that I stopped playing games and don’t see anyone but you?”

Silence stretched between them. Jane’s eyes fluttered shut, her lips parting as though she wanted to speak, but no words came out. Richard’s heart seemed to vibrate and crackle, as if he had his own little thunderstorm in his chest. She held his gaze for a long time as the carriage moved and rattled under their feet.

“Richard, I want to believe you, but…”

“But what, Jane?” he murmured, his lips touching her ear. “You must see I can’t stay away from you.”

He leaned down to her and brushed his lips against hers. The touch was light but shot a jolt of something sweet and delicious through his blood. Her scent was in his nostrils—lavender soap and something else that seemed floral that wasn’t flowers at all but her own essence. He inhaled her scent deeply, and all his thoughts were extinguished like the wick of an oil lamp—all except how he wanted more of this. More of her lush, soft lips. And as she opened her mouth for him, of her gentle tongue, and of that taste of hers—fresh and herbal and as intoxicating as a good glass of brandy.

He couldn’t do anything but wrap his arms around her. Heavens but how small and fragile she felt in his arms, like he could envelop her whole and she’d be all his. With his blood seething in his veins, the kiss deepened. He stroked her tongue, hungry for more…starving for anything she’d give him. As he encircled her waist with his arms, she arched her back, pressing into him, prompting him to hold her even more closely.

He was out of breath. All he could sense was her small warm body, her scent in his nostrils, and her taste on his tongue.

He pulled her onto his lap, despite a discontented whine from Hercules.

“Can you not see,” he murmured as he kissed her face, “that I want to give you as much pleasure and happiness as you can take.”

“I promised myself I wouldn’t let you do this again,” she breathed as he made his way down her neck, inhaling her divine scent. He undid her spencer and kissed the tops of her breasts. He cupped them right through her frock and her corset.

“Look at you,” he said as he licked and scraped his teeth against her flesh, delighting in the delicious taste of her skin. “You have no idea what I’d like to do to you…”

“Richard…” she said in a low, throaty voice. “You cannot do this here.”

He growled. He was so hard, his cock hurt as it pressed against his breeches.

“Where, then?” He continued feasting on her soft, warm flesh. “Name a place and a time, and I’ll be there.”

“We can’t,” she said, still breathless, pulling away.

Richard sighed and straightened his back, looking at her. He breathed hard, his heart slamming against his ribs. His erection felt tight and aching from need for her. Halting himself now required as much strength as stopping a carriage at full speed.

But her no was enough.

“All right,” said Richard, still holding her.

Hercules whined, and his tail thumped against the carriage floor, filling the air with a rhythmic drumming, his paws landing on Richard’s lap.

Jane giggled, the sound like music to his ears. “Perhaps Hercules wants a kiss, too?”

Richard leaned back, the heat of Jane’s body still lingering on his skin. “Your brother shouldn’t worry about sending Reuben or your maid,” he said, his voice light with amusement. “Your beast makes the perfect chaperone.”

Jane sighed and slipped down from his lap. “Hercules is right, actually. You must see that.”

Richard took in a deep breath, commanding himself to think about things that appalled him. Like Lady Whitemouth in a night chemise. His cock started to calm down.

“How are the children doing?” he asked Jane.

And it was worth all the effort because Jane’s face lit up with enthusiasm. “The children are making good progress. I’m very pleased. Most importantly, they’re also enjoying themselves.”

Richard smiled. “I am so glad to hear that. What you said before, that the ton is so rich and yet these children are starving and forced into a world of crime…what can I do to help? I mean it. Ask me anything, and I’ll make arrangements right away.”

Her gaze softened, and she squeezed his hand. Hercules put his head on Richard’s lap and Richard patted him.

“We need books. Paper. Pencils and quills. Ink. Right now, we only have the tiny room behind Elysium. But, one day, I’d like to have a whole building somewhere in Whitechapel. Hire teachers, a cook, and a cleaner. So money for that would be most welcome.”

He nodded. “Of course. Just tell me how much, and I’ll make sure you have it.”

She smiled. “Thank you, Richard. I am very impressed and very grateful. These children have had a hard enough life, and I feel like I’m truly doing something meaningful by helping them.”

He nodded again, his heart squeezing. “I admire your enthusiasm, your passion. What we talked about before… You’re inspiring me to do something to make a difference, too.”

“That is wonderful. Like what?”

“Well…I’m thinking of opening a business, like you suggested, but somewhere in Whitechapel where it can benefit those in the community. Like a mill—but I’d open one that provides a safe work environment and fair wages. Not one of those mills that leave people mangled. I don’t want to be one of those cutthroat entrepreneurs who makes money at the expense of desperate, starving people. I wouldn’t hire children like others do, but I would offer their parents a higher salary than most and suggest that those children go to my wife’s school.”

Jane’s face fell, and Richard realized what he had just said.

His wife’s school…

His wife…

A simple slip of tongue. But why did it feel so right?

“Only, I won’t be your wife,” she said, her eyes wide behind her spectacles. “Will I?”

He forced his face into a smile. “Of course you won’t be, Jane.”

Even though it felt wonderful to imagine that she, in fact, would be in his life every day. That he would be tasting her lips, making love to her every night, talking to her. Just seeing her, just being in her presence would make his days brighter.

His chest ached with the dream of something he would never have.

He looked out of the window at the shabby houses, people sitting on the streets and begging, menacing men talking with their faces close together, women standing on the corners, prostituting themselves.

To distract himself, he said, “I just meant starting something here may be a smart idea. Buying land here would not be expensive, and building something using the local workforce would give local people work and money. Give them jobs.”

“That sounds wonderful, Richard,” she said.

He locked eyes with her. This was what she did. She’d opened up a whole new vision of life for him. He nodded. “I need to ask Spencer. He has a knack for these things…”

His voice trailed off as he realized the second slip of the tongue he’d committed today and saw Jane’s eyes growing sad. He shook his head.

“Ask Spencer? What am I talking about? We still don’t know where he is or if he’s alive.”

“You must believe that he is.”

He nodded, something in his chest breaking. “I don’t want to ever lose a brother again.”

She swallowed. “Did you lose a brother before?”

“Yes,” he admitted, his voice hardly more than a whisper. “Growing up, Preston was my closest friend. I worshipped him. I was barely six when Spencer and Preston got into a bad fight, and they sent Preston to the boarding school in Scotland. One day, he was just gone.”

Her face softened with understanding, her eyes filling with an empathetic sorrow. “I understand. Something very similar happened with me and Thorne.”

His brows knitted together. “Didn’t you two grow up together?”

Jane nodded. “Thorne was a lot older than me, but we were close. But something so serious happened between him and Papa that Papa chased him away.”

“It felt like he abandoned you, didn’t it?”

Richard turned his palm up and laced his fingers with hers, squeezing her hand gently.

She nodded, sniffling. “Yes. I was so alone.”

In that moment, the carriage, the world outside faded away. All that remained were Jane’s warm gaze and something that bound them together like an invisible thread.

And Richard, for the first time since Lady Charity left him, felt a sense of home. The walls he had built around his heart began to crack, revealing the vulnerability he had hidden for so long.

As he gazed into Jane’s eyes, Richard knew she had touched a part of his soul he had forgotten even existed. And he realized, with a terrifying clarity, that he was falling for her.