Chapter 6

SIX

Clarissa

Clarissa nibbled on another biscuit while she kept her distance from Dee. If this had been any other event, she would've just left but that would raise more questions. Questions she didn't want to answer because frankly, she felt embarrassed. The burning pit of shame she wrestled with as a teenager was an all too familiar feeling.

She tried not to think about her mother. Her and her dad never talked about her either, not even now he was dying and abandoning her.

No, that wasn't fair. Her mother abandoned her. Her father was just sick.

Her hands trembled just thinking back to her mother, how she so callously walked out, how Clarissa had felt defective for years. Unlovable. Endless nights wondering what she did wrong all while bottling up all the feelings tight, tight, tight, because she didn't want anyone to know.

It wasn't right to blame Dee for not knowing either. She'd never told her, never wanted to admit it. And now, she'd just blurted it out and brought all these awful memories back.

She glanced across the room, accidentally making eye contact with Dee. Clarissa quickly looked away and pretended to listen to the latest story from one of Sissy's friends.

A sharp clinging of metal against glass silenced the room.

"We're going to do the Crescenting now so Michael can go to bed," Asim announced from the front of the room, his arm wrapped lovingly around Sissy.

At least that meant the party would be over soon which was good because she needed to get out of here.

Since Clarissa had no part in the Crescenting, she shuffled to the side to watch. Not that there was much to see. Asim poured a little bit of water from the local sacred lake over Michael's forehead, causing him to cry. It was a lot of party for a little bit of fuss.

"We thank the Moon Goddess for bringing us together and hope she blesses our son with a fated mate and a good life," Asim said solemnly.

Michael cried even harder and Asim tried to soothe him with little kisses while Sissy rocked him back and forth.

To her surprise, tears pricked in Clarissa's eyes. That baby was so loved and that was what parents were supposed to look like.

Asim tried to appease the crying baby with a stuffed bear toy but to no avail.

"I'm going to put him down for a nap," Sissy said, turning towards everyone. "Say night night, Michael."

He just cried.

While Sissy was gone, Clarissa's gaze fell on the bottle with water from the sacred lake. Nobody even knew if these Crescentings did anything but it was supposed to ensure that Michael would be able to find a fated mate at Crescent Lake once he was an adult too. Allegedly.

She'd been Crescented too, not that she had any luck finding a fated mate so far. Not that she was really on the look-out. Then again, wasn't love supposed to come to those who weren't looking?

Unintentionally, she made eye contact with Dee again. Clarissa quickly turned away, deciding that it was better to leave after all. She just had to get her coat and say goodbye to Asim.

She caught him in the doorway between the kitchen and living room.

"I'm going to head home but congratulations again," she said, surprised by how normal her voice sounded.

He beamed, blissfully unaware. "Thank you. Sorry I've missed so many trivia nights."

"That's alright, your new baby comes first," she assured him. "Michael is super cute."

"He is, isn't he? He looks just like Sissy," Asim said with a dreamy smile.

"He looks like both of you." Clarissa gestured to the door. "Alright, I'm off. I have to make sure my dad is okay." Not technically a lie, not technically the truth.

Asim gave her a quick hug. "Well, I'm glad you came. I'll text you about trivia night, okay?"

Relieved she'd said her goodbye, Clarissa just needed her coat and then she could get out of here. She had no intention of going home though. She wanted to paint.

Someone called her name and she recognised Dee's smokey voice easily. Clarissa stubbornly ignored it and kept going, desperate to get out of here.

"Clarissa! Wait!"

She quickened her pace but Dee caught up with her, easily blocking the exit. She was panting slightly and had a weird look in her eye.

"What?" Clarissa asked.

"I'm sorry. About your mother. And that I never asked," Dee said sheepishly.

It was unusual to see Dee so bashful, Clarissa thought. She was used to bold and snappy remarks, needling each other about nothing and everything. Not this humble apology about something she couldn't have known.

Clarissa let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have snapped. Truth is, I'm still raw about my mother. I think this whole party has just been unexpectedly triggering."

"Want to, umm… Talk about it?"

"No, definitely not. I'm just going to go home." Clarissa turned on her heels.

"Coffee!" Dee blurted out. "You said you wanted to get coffee sometime. Let's do it."

As much as this response would've delighted Clarissa earlier, right now it just felt flat. She knew the look on Dee's face well, the one marred with pity. Dee wasn't offering because she wanted to, but because her conscience felt like she had to.

"It was nice to see you," Clarissa said instead, managing half a smile.

She made it around the corner before she broke down in tears. She hadn't expected this party to drag up those old feelings but here they were, almost as sharp and painful as the day it happened.

She tried to force the tears back but they just kept coming.

"Oh, god. Are you okay?" a smoky voice asked.

Clarissa almost choked and angrily wiped her tears away. "Why are you following me?"

"Sorry, I thought you were mad, not sad."

"So you came to fight?"

"No, I just wanted to apologise again but I can see now that was the wrong choice."

Clarissa chuckled humourlessly. "No shit."

"Sorry. I would leave but now I'm worried about you. Is this really because of what I said or is something else going on?" Dee asked, sounding much softer and gentler than usual.

As touching as her concern was, it was also a bit odd. "Okay, you're kind of freaking me out with your politeness and concern. Go back to being snarky," Clarissa said.

"Your hair sucks," Dee quipped but her voice didn't have the usual bite to it.

Despite the tears, Clarissa chuckled. "You suck."

She sat down on the curb and wiped her eyes and face. As horrified as she was that Dee saw her cry, she also felt lighter, like a stone had been lifted from her stomach. It had been too long since she last cried. She always had to keep strong and keep going because that's what everyone needed. What she needed.

Dee took a seat next to her but remained quiet, which Clarissa appreciated. She sat with her thoughts for a bit, her arms around her knees, while she tried to sort out her thoughts and feelings of the day.

Eventually, she spoke. "It's not you. Everything is just going wrong at the moment."

"I know what that feels like," Dee said softly. "Are you worried about your dad?"

"Yeah, he's in really bad shape. I'm barely keeping up with everything. His hospital appointments, the store, my class. I barely have time for myself, let alone paint. I feel like I'm fading." Clarissa wasn't sure why she was admitting all this, especially not to Dee. Then again, it wasn't like she had anyone else to talk to. She'd never been good at making friends and even worse at sharing her problems.

She scoffed, mostly to herself. It was a little pathetic that the only person wanting to listen to her problems was an old childhood rival who she hadn't seen in almost ten years.

Dee let out a hum. "Anything I could do?"

"No, not really, but thanks." Clarissa gathered a deep breath and released it as a sigh. She wiped her cheeks again and straightened her back, ready to put her sadness away again. Over the years, she'd become good at composing herself.

She turned to look at Dee. "Does my hair really suck?"

"God, no," Dee said. She sounded like she really meant it too. "Your hair is fantastic."

"Fantastic, huh? Really?"

Dee's cheeks flushed red. "Oh, shut up."

Laughter bubbled up from deep within Clarissa. Her cheeks were still stained from her tears and she felt slightly embarrassed that she'd just cried in front of Dee, but sitting on a random curb with her was the most Clarissa felt like herself in a long time. It reminded her of better, easier times and a small silly part of her wished it could last forever.