41. Sea

Sea

I had hoped what happened at the cliffside stone circle was a one-off.

Every time before that, my wolf had stayed docile and shy in the presence of our Mairinua — even when Lorcan's and Ronan's mate had gone into heat.

But something about seeing Wild with his head between her legs had sent my wolf into a frenzy that morning outside the gods' stones.

And now, just over a week later, the animal inside of me was rearing again when my human staying in control counted the most.

I'd somehow lost every stitch of clothing, save for my boots, since Wild had laid our queen out on the bed. And as the supposedly Feral King took his time claiming our Mairinua, I was the one pacing back and forth. Trying to calm myself down. Trying to hold back the beast .

"Sea! Sea, please," our Mairinua called from the bed. "Make him stop torturing me!"

I froze, the human part of me, who could deny her nothing, struggling to surface.

"Ye are the reason for her torture!" Wild snarled in the old language before I could respond. "Ye are not in control of yer wolf, and I cannot make my claim until I know ye can make yers soon after without hurting her. For if ye hurt her, I'll gut ye like a pig. Fuck my True King Vow."

My fault.

Wild was right to chastise me. Right to threaten me with death if I harmed her.

I could barely hold on to my wolf, let alone help her convince Wild to release her from his sweet torture.

Shame and regret stormed in my chest as the wolf threw itself against the cage of my skin.

A thought crossed my mind to leave. Maybe, with some distance, I could regain control.

But I couldn't take a step out of the room. I couldn't even look away.

Especially not when our Mairinua managed to break through to Wild, and he finally lost his iron grip on his control.

"My turn!" My wolf growled, thrashing and surging inside me as I watched Wild claim her with sloppy strokes.

The other king would knot and unknot soon. I wanted nothing more than to take his place. But it was taking every ounce of willpower I possessed to keep myself from muzzling.

It wasn't safe. I couldn't hurt her. It wasn't safe .

Relief washed over me when she passed out almost immediately after Wild threw his knot. Her heat cut off abruptly, and I collapsed forward from the waist like a puppet cut from its strings. For the first time since arriving at the old Belfast House, I could breathe.

But…

"Ye're still not ready."

I heard, rather than saw, Wild get off the bed — then cursed when he saw the state of me.

His proximity caused my wolf to take another violent lunge inside me.

The scent of her need was no longer screaming in the air above us, but I could smell her on him. I could…

I squeezed my eyes shut. Answer Wild or lose my head — the world had narrowed down to that single choice.

"Shite, ye're too far gone." Wild cursed again.

"I'm going downstairs to get Dublin for her next turn. She'll wake up again soon. Ten, fifteen minutes, tops. Keep your wolf down until I get back."

He moved away, giving my nose some relief.

Keep your wolf down. Keep your wolf down. I breathed those words like a silent mantra as Wild, and the scent of his first claim receded from the room.

Keep your wolf down. Keep your wolf down. I could do this…

The beast inside me began to settle, sinking back into the pit of my gut. My heart rate slowed, and the skin on my face stopped prickling with the urge to sprout hair .

I was doing it. I had control.

Until suddenly, I didn't.

Wild had been wrong about how long we had until her next cycle. The scent of her heat filled the room before I could shove my wolf back down.

It hadn't even been five minutes.

This time, there was no breathing. No mantras.

Just the loss of my head as the scent of her heat tore through me.

Before I could stop it, the monster took over again.

I couldn't… I couldn't hurt her… couldn't take her — not like this.

In a desperate bid to regain control, I did the only thing that had worked when the date of the new moon wedding was barreling down on me.

I took my still human length in my still human hand and ferociously jacked it, praying to the three gods for a release that would return me to human. I couldn't hurt her… I couldn't… I couldn't …

… get more than a dribble of seed to fall from my cock.

A desperate animal sound formed in my throat when I saw the pitiful result of all that effort.

"Sea?"

My head snapped up at the sound of her voice. She was awake now, sitting up in the bed, staring at me with wide-eyed shock.

Oh, shite. Oh, shite. Shame and lust battled inside my chest.

"Go!" I snarled at her. "Run from me. Go find Wild or Dublin!"

But, of course, she didn't understand me. Like nearly everyone outside the Wild Wolves in Ireland, she didn't speak the language of the beasts we were supposed to keep buried inside. Especially when your mate was in heat.

"Sea, is that you?" To my horror, instead of running, she raised up on her knees and moved toward me. Her voice confused, her cunt dripping.

My wolf surged, and I gripped the bedpost with both hands, fighting to keep myself from lunging at her.

"Go! Run!" I snarled again. "Me danger. Me not know how long me can control me!"

But she didn't run. In fact, she got closer, her gaze sharp and curious. "So it really is you hiding inside of there…"

She tilted her head, eyes running over my furred face like someone solving a puzzle. "Okay, well you didn't mention this in any of your lengthy letters."

Was she seriously taking the piss at a time like this? My mate-starved wolf thrashed inside of me. Demanding to dominate her.

"You no understand!" I tried to explain to her. "No stay. I hurt you if. You must —"

"How long?" she asked suddenly, cupping my wolf face in her hands. "How long have you been hiding this?"

To my great relief, I didn't completely wolf out at her touch. But my beast didn't back down either. I let out a low chuff and nuzzled my black nose against her soft skin, almost involuntarily.

"Since boy king," I admitted, the words coming out in a whimper.

She studied me, her expression softening. "So, I'm guessing a long time?"

Humiliation washed over me, and I closed my eyes for a moment, then nodded .

"I've been hiding, too," she confessed, her voice quiet. "When I was sixteen, the bookstore owner next door gave me an old laptop and her WiFi password. I've been pretending ever since. I love my parents, but I'm…"

She lowered her eyes. "I'm not a good W?lfennite. I was planning to go to university, to leave my family and my best friend behind forever when you and Wild kidnapped me. They had no idea. I felt like such a fraud."

Her gaze came back up to meet mine. "Is that how you felt, hiding this? Is that why you didn't talk about it in any of your letters?"

I nodded again. Another chuff .

Her eyes softened further, reflecting my own sadness. "That must have been so hard for you."

The heart still beating in my human chest quivered. I'd feared showing her this side of me, terrified she'd turn away. But instead, I felt something I hadn't expected.

Understanding.

She laid her forehead against mine, and we both sighed. Together.

Then she leaned back to say, "But you know we can't do anything in this state, right? Either we're both wolves or both human."

Her lips twisted into a sympathetic smile. "And I'm pretty sure you can't give me your pledge like this."

She still wanted my pledge?

Without hesitation, I gave it to her, the Gaelic words rolling up from my wolf throat.

"Hey, there you are!" she said when I was done .

I hadn't even realized I'd unmuzzled — turned back to human and given her my pledge out loud with my full sapien throat until a huge smile split her face.

"Welcome back!"

"Thanks," Wild's voice answered before I could respond. "Brought ye a present."

We both turned to see Wild wheeling what looked like a gaming chair into the room.

But why would Wild gift our Mairinua a gaming…?

That question trailed off when he spun it around to show us its contents.

A naked Dublin. Both his wrists and his ankles bound to the chair with rope.

And that was how my first spoken words after unwolving became, "Wild, what have you done?"