12. Gabby

Gabby woke up to the sounds of light snoring next to her. Blinking her eyes several times to focus, she looked over and saw Sean sleeping. Looking around the unfamiliar room, she realized they were in his bedroom, and she was tucked in under the blankets with Patches stuffed under her arm while Sean was fully clothed, lying on top of the covers.

She was exhausted and had to go to the bathroom desperately. She wondered what time it was and how long she had been sleeping. The memory of those familiar, terrifying eyes looking at her and the resulting panic attack rushed into her mind, and she realized why she felt as though she'd been hit by a freight train.

Those eyes and that scar were exactly like one of the monsters from her past, and she had freaked. She had no idea who the man was, but she'd had to get away from him before her knees gave out, so she had run into the safest place she knew. The nursery. Thankfully, the only person who had followed her had been Zane, although she remembered only wanting her Daddy at that moment, and as soon as he'd stepped into the room and started talking to her was the first time since the attack had started that she felt like she could breathe.

Scooting to the edge of the bed, Gabby pulled the covers back and tried to get down from the tall bed as quietly as she could, but she was so short that when she dropped, there was a light thud on the carpeted floor and Sean's eyes popped open.

"What's wrong, baby girl?" he asked worriedly.

"I need to go potty."

He immediately stood and came around the bed, picking her up as though she weighed nothing, and carried her into the bathroom. Before her hands could reach the waistband of her leggings, he was tugging them down and gently pushed her back to sit down on the toilet. She had expected him to leave after that, as he always had in the past, but this time, he stood in front of her with a concerned expression.

"You don't have to stay in here, Daddy. I can go potty by myself."

Although, as much as she hated to admit it and as embarrassing as it was, she really didn't want him to leave her. She was still feeling vulnerable and shaky. Sean shook his head.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. Go potty. I'm staying right here with you."

She chewed on her lip as she looked up at the tall man who'd told her he loved her, and she felt her insides go to putty. It was silly to want her Daddy to be in the bathroom with her while she peed, but he was becoming her rock, and she felt the safest with him right beside her.

Looking down at her feet, Gabby tried to ignore the handsome man in front of her and just focus on what she was in there to do. As soon as she voided her bladder, Sean grabbed some tissue and pulled her forward slightly, wiping all of her delicate folds. She was so surprised that she didn't even think of protesting.

When she stood, he pulled up her pants again and washed his hands before picking her up and carrying her back to his bedroom. Setting her on his bed, he turned on the TV and found Clifford the Big Red Dog playing.

"It's already almost nine, but I want you to eat something before we go back to bed, and I need to change you into your pajamas."

He went to his bedside table before walking around to where she was and held a pacifier up to her mouth.

"You seemed to like this earlier after your panic attack. Want to try it again?"

She eyed the device and nodded. Sean slipped the soft nipple between her lips and kissed her forehead.

"Be right back."

When he returned, he was carrying a tray of food. He set the tray in the middle of the bed and sat down. She eyed the food and smiled when she saw nothing but finger foods. Cheese, grapes, crackers, grape tomatoes, tiny peanut butter and jelly sandwich squares, and baby carrots with ranch.

They ate in silence for several minutes while Gabby watched the big dog on TV as he got into all kinds of mischief.

"Baby girl, what brought on your panic attack earlier today?"

She swallowed, and suddenly, she didn't feel the least bit hungry anymore. He deserved to know, and while he had never pressured her to talk about her past, she knew he would never really know all of her unless she told him. But the fear of him completely rejecting her was so strong that she was feeling almost strangled for air.

"Gabby, breathe, honey. I'm not trying to upset you."

She breathed in and out slowly before moving her gaze to look up to his loving face.

"I'm scared to tell you."

Sean's eyebrows furrowed, and he took a moment before answering.

"Sweetheart, no matter what you tell me about anything, I am still going to feel the same about you. I am still going to love you and still be your Daddy."

As much as she trusted Sean, she didn't know that she could trust that what he said was true. He didn't know what she was going to tell him, and she didn't know how anyone could love her after finding out about her past. She was tarnished for life.

You can do it, Gabby. Trust Sean. He has never given you any reason not to trust him.

She fidgeted with her hands and took several minutes to gather her courage before she took a deep breath and looked directly at Sean.

"The man that was at the club earlier today looked like the man who used to rape me."

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she felt a tiny bit lighter, yet Sean had turned sheet white, and his expression had turned terrifying. She felt herself begin to tremble, knowing she had made a mistake telling him and feeling like her whole world was crashing down around her at the look of disgust on his face.

"Who raped you, Gabby?" he said so low she could barely hear him.

"One of my foster dads."

Sean stood from the bed and began to pace.

"I'm sorry, Sean," she whispered.

He froze and looked at her, his eyes blazing with anger, yet as soon as he met her eyes, she saw him instantly soften.

"Gabby, you have nothing to be sorry for. You… your foster dad? You were raped? What the fuck? What. The. Fuck?"

The ferocity of his words made her entire body begin to shake, and before she realized it, he was at her side, pulling her into his arms.

"I'm sorry, baby, I'm not upset with you. You did nothing wrong. I'm just so angry. You should have been safe… protected, and loved unconditionally."

She had never seen Sean so shaken and upset. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, but at the same time, he looked ready to rip something to shreds.

"When did this happen, Gabby? For how long? Is the guy in prison? I'll fucking kill him if he's not. How old were you, baby?"

He was talking aloud and asking questions, but he was staring off into space as he did as though he was in shock.

"Who the fuck is the guy? Where is he? How did you end up in his care? I'm going to kill the bastard. Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

He was cradling her in his arms like a baby, yet he wasn't looking down at her, and she needed him to see her. Obviously, he was seeing nothing but red at the moment, and she needed her Daddy back. Lifting her hand, she touched the side of his face.

"Daddy," she said softly.

Sean looked down at her with such painful intensity that she winced.

"I'm okay, Daddy."

He sighed heavily and blinked as though he was seeing her again.

"Gabby, I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm so sorry, my baby girl. I wish I could have protected you back then."

"You are protecting me now."

"What happened to the guy who did that to you?"

"He went to prison. I wasn't his only victim. It was happening to another one of the fosters that lived in the house at the same time I did."

"Why were you in foster care in the first place, baby?"

She took a deep breath and rested her head on his chest.

"My mom got pregnant with me while she was on drugs. It's one of the reasons I'm so small. I never fully developed in her womb because of all the drugs that she was taking. I was taken away from her at birth because there was heroin in my system when I was born.

"She got clean and was able to get me back when I was two, and for several years, things were okay. She was still kind of a mess, but she tried to be a decent mom for a while. I don't know when exactly, but she started getting back into using drugs and mixing in with her old friends. She was found dead with a heroin needle still in her arm when I was seven.

"After that, I was bounced around from foster home to foster home. I was too old for anyone to be interested in adopting me. I was abused in most of the homes, either physically or sexually, before they would send me back to child protective services, who would then just send me to another horrible home. It always seemed to be the men who lived in the homes that were abusive, either beating me or touching me and then raping me, which is why I am so frightened of men. On the day of my eightieth birthday, I was given fifty bucks and put out of the system. Raff found me after that when I was living on the streets. If it weren't for him, I would probably be dead."

Sean held her tightly against him in silence as she spoke, and when she finished, she felt as though she had been freed in some sort of way. She had never told anyone about her past. A tear slipped down his cheek, making her own eyes fill with tears.

"Daddy, I'm okay."

He wiped the wetness off his face and nodded.

"I will make sure you are always okay, Gabby. I love you, and I will always take care of you as long as you'll let me. I can't change your past, but I will make sure you have the happiest and brightest life going forward."

"It's okay if you don't want me anymore after knowing all of that. I know it makes me dirty and icky and fucked up."

Sean's eyes widened, "Little girl, nothing would make me not want you. There is nothing dirty, icky, or fucked up about you. You are a fighter, and I am so proud of you for everything you've already overcome. I will never let you go, do you understand me?"

His hands held either side of her face so she couldn't look anywhere else but at him, and she felt the force behind his words. He wasn't just saying it to say it. He meant every word he was saying to her, and she believed it.

"I understand, Daddy."

He held her for a long time as they sat in silence. She was exhausted, yet she felt more light and free than she had in her entire life. The only thing she was missing was the reason she had come to Seattle, but even that didn't seem to weigh heavily on her anymore because she had Sean, and he loved her wholeheartedly.

"Daddy?"

He looked down at her.

"Yes, baby girl?"

"Will you kiss me?"