Chapter 12: Will

Chapter 12: Will

Apologizing to her was not easy. Admitting that I was wrong, saying sorry, and being earnest were all things that made the inner beast within me mad. The more I tried to be nice, the more this alien sensation within me prompted me to lash out at her, scream at her, and punish her.

But I did not do any of that. I tried to control it as best as I could and continued providing her with an explanation. The sudden shift of her expression from exasperation to pure shock told me what I needed to know; she was just as surprised by my behavior as I was.

“I was never like this before. I was kind and never thought about resorting to anger. Not even when the Nazis decided to ransack our village. I kept a level head, and I rescued every single member of my pack. I couldn’t have done that if I were driven with rage. A hotheaded version of me would have singlehandedly charged at the Nazis, gotten shot, and died on the spot. Instead, I waited under the floorboards with the rest of my pack for the Nazis to leave, and when they were gone, we snuck to the harbor. I did all of that calmly,” I told her in as gentle a tone as I could muster.

I did not want to offend her again. She had been through enough today. Her life had been put in danger, and all because she was affiliated with me. She had banished herself from the commune, and I didn’t know how she was making ends meet, but in terms of being dealt a shit hand, hers was as shitty as it got, and it did not make sense for me to burden her any further with my irate outbursts. Those outbursts were the reason she had left in the first place.

“Something life-altering happened to me as a result of the experiments that Edward had conducted on me. They seem to have left me infused with a sense of mania, a feeling of unkempt anger and hostility. I hurt you with my words and my tone. I am sorry for that.”

Alexis paced in a straight line, fiddling her thumbs. She cast me a look, then stopped in front of me, maintaining her distance. The longer she kept silent, the more unnerved I became.

“Please say something,” I ushered.

“I never really had a boyfriend before,” she said finally. “All my life, I kept to myself. I loved the idea of having a soul mate who was preternaturally fated to me. Instead, I got you. A man who cannot say a straight sentence to me without snapping at me. At first, I thought to myself that given what you had been through, you deserved compassion. But I saw that you weren’t exactly steaming at anyone else. It was just me you had a problem with. Then you decide to make a mockery of me in front of the entire pack, rejecting me in front of the very people I grew up with.”

“I am sorry for how I’ve been,” I said. “And I know you’re not weak. That night, when you saved me, you held your own against a whole bunch of vampires. I don’t think there’s anyone else in the pack who could have stood against the vampires as you did. I know you’re strong. Ariana was strong. You’re her blood. Kenneth was strong. You’re his blood too. I know you’re not weak. And I apologize for undermining you, for treating you like you were a kid, or thinking that you wouldn’t understand.”

Alexis gradually got to her feet, approaching me where I stood.

“I’m also not unreasonable. You apologized, and I’ve decided to forgive you. Awkward platonic handshake to seal the deal?” She held out her hand, smiling a little.

Her wit amused me. I smiled back at her and shook her hand.

“Why are you being like this, though?” Alexis asked, the smile leaving her face as she broached this serious subject.

“Today, when you were in danger, I felt like I was in danger. When you felt pain, my body felt it too. I was guided by a force towards you, a force that’s bigger than both of us. When I rescued you, and when you pleaded to me to spare Blair’s life, it made me see you in a new light. You appealed to my better nature. I could have just as easily killed Blair and been done with it, but the way you appealed, telling me that I didn’t need more blood on my hands, stopped me from taking someone’s life. I owe you that.” Every word of what I had said was true. I hoped that she would perceive it as such and believe me.

“I understand what you’re saying,” Alexis said. “But when you chuck a giant rock into a lake, you create splashes and ripples.”

“Meaning what exactly?”

“Meaning you’re the rock, and I’m the lake. And you’ve splashed and rippled. It’s gonna take time for me to become all beautiful and placid again. Everything you said and did is still pretty fresh.”

What she said made sense. I wasn’t going to start arguing with her. Although the beastly impulse certainly beckoned me to do so. Maybe it was because I was far too tired after expending a day’s worth of energy, or maybe it was something else, a far deeper truth, but somehow, I had brief control over my manic rage for the time being. For that, I was thankful.

“So what do we do in the meantime?” I asked, not knowing where to go from here.

“Oh, I guess you should enjoy bobbing up and down in the lake as the ripples ebb and flow to the shore,” she said.

“I really meant it. I am sorry. I want things to be normal between us. Can we have that?” I asked.

“I’m not mad at you. I know what you’ve been through. I understand. I feel sorry for you. You had to leave your homeland, witness a war, move to a new country, fall for someone, and never bond with them. On top of all of that, you got kidnapped, trapped, and tortured. It’s too much for a person to bear.”

“I don’t think Ariana and I were ever supposed to be mates.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, for starters, she became mates with my best friend. That’s what fate dictated. That’s how you’re here, in fact. I’m just sulking in the depressing land of what-if and what-could-have-been,” I said.

“I’m no therapist, but what little I do know amounts to this: Dwelling on the past is a recipe for depression. Fixating on the future is the root of anxiety. The only way you can find balance is by living in the present.”

Her words were oddly comforting. What she was saying didn’t feel like some banal platitude. It was heartfelt advice that I could wrap my head around. She was right. Why was I looking at my situation from a pessimistic lens?

“What will you do?” I asked. Ever since she’d been in danger, my concern for her hadn’t wavered.

“Starting tomorrow, I’ve gotta look for a job. It’s not like my parents left me a fortune or I went to one of those Ivy League places where the students develop some billion-dollar app idea before they’ve even graduated. I hope to make my ends meet and then yeet.”

“Yeet?”

Alexis grinned at me. “It’s Gen-Z slang. What the kids these days speak.”

“Gen-Z? What does that mean?”

“So, kids born between 1995 to 2005 are considered Generation Z. Those before them were considered Millennials, Generation X, Baby Boomers, and so forth. The youngest generation right now, the teenagers and those in their early twenties, they’ve created this slang language that is equal parts stupid and hilarious. Yeet means to throw something far. Or to fling something a long way.”

“So you are going to yeet yourself?”

“Yes. I’m going to yeet myself so far from this place that I’m in Mexico or San Francisco or Texas.”

“Before you go off yeeting yourself, I have to tell you something,” I said. “It’s not about us. It’s something else.”

“What is it?” Alexis asked.

“I don’t think there are many trustworthy figures around me,” I said slowly. Even as I said it, I made sure that my voice was partly drowned out by the sound of the rain and thunder.

“I think that’s called paranoia,” she said slyly and winked at me. “And I think someone in your position has the right to be paranoid.”

“But here’s the thing. Here’s the absolutely ironic thing. I’m not paranoid about you. I trust you for some reason. Everyone else at the commune seems to have their own agenda. When they talk to me, they speak as if they’re either afraid of me. Even my own brother talks in a calculated manner. The only person who’s just a little bit candid with me is that fellow, Vincent. But I don’t know anyone from Adam there. Even my brother feels like a stranger. The man I had left behind was young and spritely. The old man who greets me with his walker in a wrinkled hand is not the same Fred. And you might think that this is my paranoia talking, but something is happening in this town. I can feel it in my bones. I feel as if I am stranded in a strange country whose language I don’t speak and whose people are hostile to me.”

“They’re adjusting, the same as you. They’re not hostile. Think from their perspective. A person they had thought dead appears from out of nowhere, resumes the leadership role, and I’m guessing you’re grilling them pretty hard right now with training or something like that. They’re just adjusting to you. Just like you’re adjusting to the world. Also, it doesn’t help that you’re now notorious for your temper. People don’t want to get on your bad side. That’s what I think. And I think that’s what’s causing them to maintain a safe distance from you, making you feel paranoid and on the receiving end of hostility. But those are just my two cents,” Alexis said.

I mulled over what she had just said and kept silent for a long time, during which she took her pajamas out of her closet, went to the bathroom, changed her clothes, and came out wearing sleepwear that was quite revealing and accentuated her figure. For a second, I was dumbstruck by the spectacle but then quickly lowered my gaze.

“I don’t trust anyone,” I said. I had been wanting to say this for a long time. “Except you.”

“Why me?”

“You saved me. You rescued me when I was passed out and brought me back to the commune. Whenever anyone deals with me, they seem to have some sort of ulterior motive. I know what that is. They want to placate the alpha to earn his favor. I don’t blame them for doing that. It’s just…you’re the only one who has been sincere with me. You’re the only person whom I can look to for honesty.”

“This is the sort of stuff one thinks and says before openly rejecting someone in front of everyone,” Alexis said.

“I know!” It vexed me that she kept bringing that up. “I’m sorry. I know. I apologized for my behavior, and I understand that it’s going to take time for things to ever become normal-ish between us. Right now, I want you to look past all that. Even an alpha wolf, when outnumbered, rethinks his strategy. Right now, I am outnumbered. I don’t know what’s happening in this town, nor for that matter do I have a count for all the foes that lurk in the shadows. I don’t even know if all of the pack members have the best interest of the pack in their hearts.”

Alexis sighed deeply and pursed her lips. “I know I’m going to regret this, but how can I help?”

“I promise you won’t regret this,” I said as earnestly as I could. “Look. I know it’s difficult for me to control myself. I know it’s hard to cope with the changes that my body has been through. I will manage it. In return, I want you to assist me in understanding why the vampires are so bold and out of control. I want your help in weeding out any bad eggs from the pack.”

“Well, you already weeded out one bad egg,” Alexis said. “Maurice.”

“Maurice?”

“Yeah. I saw him come out of Beckett Pharma today. In hindsight, isn’t it clear that he and Blair are conspiring together? Dollars to donuts, Maurice has got something to do with everything. He’s the freaking mayor of the town. He’s got to have an angle.”

“When the vampires attacked, the first order he issued was to flee rather than fight,” I recalled. The more I thought about it, the more it became apparent that she was right.

“Look for yourself. The commune’s in disrepair. The wolves have been under piss poor leadership. They are afraid of vampires. Before Maurice became alpha, this was not the case. Vampires weren’t as blatant back then, either. Everything went to shit when Maurice became the alpha. He was more focused on politics, on how to do these phony fundraising events for the town, and on how to launder that money. The town never saw any of that money. How did I know that? Well, take a look for yourself. Does this place look like it’s been managed by a competent mayor?”

“You’re right,” I said. “There is something fishy about his behavior.”

“You want my help? Look into what Maurice is doing. Why did he leave the commune? Why did he want the werewolves to flee when the vampires attacked? Does any of that add up?”

“You know, you’re quite intelligent for someone your age,” I said. It was meant to come off as a disarming compliment, or so I had intended.

“Dude, I’m twenty-six,” Alexis said, rolling her eyes.

“Fair enough. Though, one can argue that I’m in my nineties,” I said. “So, will you help?”

“I will help. But only because you asked and I kind of empathize with your situation. This doesn’t change anything else,” she said. “I’m not coming back to the commune. It also doesn’t mean that we’re friends or mates. This is just us getting even for you saving my life today. Think of it as a trial basis. If you snap at me or shout at me, then our collaboration is over, and you’ll never hear from me again. Deal?”

I shook her hand solemnly and said, “Deal.”

“Now, if you’ll please excuse me, I have a very important appointment with that mattress over there,” she said, cocking her thumb at the floor. “After all I’ve been through today, I need my rest.”

“I will leave you to it, then,” I said. She was right. It was already quite late in the night. I had my own home to get back to and my pack to look after. It was about time I left. “Take care.”

“Don’t let the door hit ya where God split ya,” she called from behind.

The sheer absurdity of that last sentence made me burst out laughing. “What on earth does that even mean?”

Alexis was giggling too. “It means don’t let the door hit your ass as you leave.”

“One of these days, you will have to teach me this Gen-Z slang or whatever you call it,” I said, standing in the doorway.

“Yeah, well, remember what I said? Trial basis. And keep a cool head while you’re at it.”

“Trial basis. Cool head. Got it,” I said, closing the door behind me.

For some reason that I could not quite fathom, I lingered at her apartment’s entrance even after I’d closed the door. There was something I wanted to say to her. But it did not feel like now was the right time.

It would have to wait until the trial basis was over.

***

I couldn’t just stay outside her apartment building, but I couldn’t quite go right back to the commune either. At least not while danger lurked on both ends. This was one of the curses of being an alpha, a curse that I did not expect anyone else to understand. Here was Alexis, a werewolf who had chosen to live in self-exile. Naturally, I was concerned for her, given the danger that she had been through. And there was my Grimm Abode, where my pack members lived. Pack members on whom danger loomed in the form of vampires that could attack at any given time.

And then there was me. I was a danger to myself. The alterations in my body were severe and many. I did not yet know the extent of the mutations that had been done to me. Besides the uncontrollable bouts of rage, what else had the experiments done to me? I was still young and strong, yes, but was there another change? I wouldn’t get the answer to that question by simply sitting around in my home. Ever since I had been freed, I didn’t have a chance to try out my new abilities, if there were any.

Not to mention the imminent danger that both Alexis and the pack were in. Why did it have to be like this? I was not going to stand guard by her apartment as a sentry. If she were to be in danger again, I would be preternaturally alerted to it, just as I had been alerted today. That left the matter of the pack to deal with. I could not just sit idly by and wait for calamity to strike again.

This left me with no other recourse than to track down where the vampires lived and where they conducted their illicit business from. Knowing was half the battle, and I needed to know how deep their operation ran and how many vampires there were. I was holding on to a lot of pent-up rage that I had contained during my confrontation with Alexis, and this rage would consume me alive if I did not channel it. What better way to release it than hurting some vampires?

Thankfully, the downpour had stopped, allowing me to move through town without getting drenched. It surprised me a little that I did not feel quite as chilly. Maybe that was one of the abilities that I had gained. It was too soon to tell. I did think that it was cold, but the cold wasn’t bothering me in any way.

From shadow to shadow, I snuck through the town and headed down to Fiddler’s Cove. I was deep into the wilderness now, beyond the city. Rather than go down to the cove through the main road that led through the forest, I decided to circumvent and approach it via the beach. If there were vampires operating there, they would not see me coming from the beach. The cove was cut-off from the beach on both sides thanks to the rugged cliffs.

As the dark of the night deepened, and as my path veered further to the right, I finally came to the beach and could make out the shimmering lights coming from the cove. This was the base from where they operated their cartel. It had to be. The cliffs sheltered the cove from above, not even allowing moonlight to shine through.

Suddenly, to my left, a car raced through the forest. I tucked myself behind some shrubs to hide from whoever was driving to the cove. But this was an interesting development, prompting me to follow the car. I was not going to do this in my human form. As strong as I was, I could not chase a car in this body.

I shifted in the full light of the moon and chased the car from a safe distance, not coming too close to the road. In my wolf form, I charted a path through the wilderness that was sandwiched between the beach and the road and came to a halt just a quarter mile before the cove.

From here, I could see who was coming out of the car. I could even see and smell the vampires as they came out of the cove to greet the person getting out of the car.

Fumes billowed from my nostrils as I identified the person. It was Maurice Grimm. Alexis was right all along.

“What was that all about, Maurice?” a gnarly voice came from the shadows.

“Ralph, I swear. I didn’t even know,” Maurice replied.

The vampire, whose name was Ralph, came out from the shadows. He was taller than all the other vampires standing around him. His face and his arms were riddled with scars. There was a giant patch of burned skin on his right cheek. Unlike most of the vampires, Ralph was not completely bald. He had a thick head of black hair that made his persona look menacing. He resembled a fierce nocturnal animal, standing there in his long leather trench coat.

“The deal was, Morty, you’d let us have the Abode, and we’ll help you in the next election. I don’t have the Grimm Abode. Does it look like I’m operating out of the Grimm Abode? No! Will I help you with the next election? No!”

“It’s not like that. I asked the pack to retreat. If it weren’t for that fucking Will, the pack wouldn’t have fought. I can tell you that if he’s around any longer, we’re both gonna be out of jobs,” Maurice said.

“Morty, Morty, Morty, that sounds like a threat to me. Are you threatening me?” Ralph crooned in a singsong voice, fiddling with the revolver he was holding.

“Fuck no. I’m telling you, we have a common enemy. But we also seem to have a common friend, someone who shares our vision,” Maurice said. “And don’t call me Morty. I’m not ten.”

“Fine. Maurice, it is. Tell me about this enemy. You say he just appeared out of nowhere all of a sudden?” Ralph asked.

I crawled to the edge of the wilderness. The only thing between them and me was Maurice’s car. As my blood boiled with fury, I wanted to take on all of them at the same time. Having learned that Maurice was a betrayer had driven me to the point of insanity. I sought no reason. The only thing that I wanted to do was fight the vampires and kill Maurice.

But then, at the last moment, right before I was about to pounce into the clearing, Alexis’s face came into clear focus. I remembered the words that she had spoken to me. Keep a cool head, she’d said.

So, rather than attack, I listened intently, barely able to control myself.

“Smells of wet dog here,” Ralph said, sniffing loudly.

“I told you I didn’t appreciate your wolf-phobic humor. I can’t help that I’m a werewolf any more than you can help the fact that you’re a vampire,” Maurice said.

“It’s not you. We’re used to your smell. Someone else is here. Did you rat us out?” Ralph growled.

“I swear I came alone,” Maurice replied, raising his hands in the air and waving them frantically.

“Look around, men!” Ralph said.

Before I could so much as move, I saw a group of vampires, all of them armed, coming out of the cove, poking around everywhere with the barrels of their rifles.

I slunk back into the wilderness, retreating into the shadows, surrounded by the thickets of trees and bushes around me. Here I waited in silence as the vampires prodded around.

I even shifted back into my human form so that they wouldn’t be able to smell me.

To my right, Maurice’s car veered and revved up the road. Had the vampires not been searching for me, I’d have chased Maurice and would have found out where he was hiding. I would have interrogated him ruthlessly and found out what he was planning.

But for now, I just lay low and waited for the vampires to move back into the cove.

I waited for a long time.