Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32

A rabella followed him into the study, feeling the weight of his unease. He seemed genuinely scared to speak to her, and the discovery of his cousin only seemed to deepen the mystery. She dreaded what she would find out as he closed the door behind them.

He turned and sat on the armchair by the fireplace, indicating the chair beside him. Arabella lowered herself into the seat, her hands gripping the armrests. The anticipation weighed heavily on her.

“Very well,” he started. “Do you want to know the truth? I will tell it to you, and whatever happens, happens. Yes, it is true, Helen is my cousin. She is the daughter of my uncle Richard and my aunt Annabelle. She is a child, and the drawing you saw—although I did not make it—depicts her and my aunt.”

“Why did you tell me that you made it?” Arabella asked, though she could already guess the answer.

“Because I needed to hide it from you,” he said. “From the world. You see, my uncle is embarrassed of her. Having a disabled child was one of his worst nightmares. On top of that, she is a girl.” He shrugged. “I suppose it is best if I tell you everything from the beginning.”

Arabella listened intently, though she feared the complexity of the situation might be overwhelming.

“After my parents drowned in Ireland, I was left in the care of my aunt and uncle. Uncle Richard was never what you would call a warm or loving man, but he had always wanted prestige. He wanted to be admired, valued, to be a guardian of the Dukedom of Sheffield and its heir—and that is what he got. He was already knighted by then and had risen in esteem, but never more so than when he was in charge of the Sheffield holdings.”

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, and Arabella could sense how difficult this was for him to recount.

“At first, when my aunt was still alive, life was not so bad. I missed my parents terribly, but she was kind and sweet and loving. She had wished for a child for a very long time, and having me brought her much joy. I had been living with them for four years when she finally conceived and Helen was born.

“I adored her. Everybody did. Even my uncle. She was a perfect, little angel. Even when she was still a toddler, my uncle made plans for whom she should marry and what sort of alliances could be made with her as his bargaining chip.”

“That is terrible,” Arabella gasped. “He sounds just like my father.”

“He is like your father in many ways, I am afraid. That is one of the reasons why I wanted to marry you—to get you away from that. I know what life is like with a man like your father. His temperament is so similar to my uncle’s, only I was fortunate that my uncle was not a drunkard on top of everything else.”

Arabella couldn’t deny that she saw similarities between her father and his uncle, and it was daunting to realize they shared this common trait.

“As for Helen, although my uncle still wanted a son, it was not to be. My aunt was not able to conceive again before she was killed in a carriage accident. It was dreadful. She was killed, and Helen—she was maimed. She was only two years old back then, and she lost her ability to walk. Her hand was smashed, and she carries it at an awkward angle even now, but she still manages to paint and draw and do everything she wants to do thanks to Mrs. Hollingsworth.”

Arabella recalled seeing Helen’s hand, the awkward angle it was bent at. Two years old. Helen had been so young that she probably didn’t even remember what it was like to walk or use both of her hands.

“Did your uncle change after Helen was injured?” Arabella asked.

He nodded. “Yes. At first, he was determined to find the best physicians to help her walk again. He spared no expense. In fact, he used quite a lot of the dukedom’s funds, but of course, I would not have minded even if I had been old enough. But over the years, it became clear that she would never walk again, that she would always need help. She is sharp, very clever, and has a keen interest in many things. She is just like any other young lady aside from her physical limitations. She is also prone to getting sick… Her health is not the best.”

He blinked, and Arabella saw the tears shimmering in his eyes.

“Once he realized that she would never be the kind of girl he could match with someone high-ranking to advance his position, he lost interest in her. Worse, as she grew older, he became embarrassed by her. He decided to hide her away. First in the countryside, then at Sheffield Manor up north. In the end, he decided it would be best if nobody knew she existed. He started spreading word that she had died. She was about five. People believed it because of the severity of the accident.”

Arabella twisted in her chair. “Why would he not want people to know she existed?”

“It was easier for him. He received a lot of sympathy when my aunt died, and then again when my cousin’s condition became known. But in time, people pitied him more than anything else, and I think he grew to despise it. As long as she was kept at his homes or mine, people knew that she still lived. Thus, he bought a home in Cheapside, where he installed Mrs. Hollingsworth, who had been my aunt’s lady’s maid, and some other trusted servants. Helen lived there for a while.”

“However, people began to question who the young lady was, so he kept moving her to worse and worse neighborhoods where people were less prone to ask questions or could be easily silenced with the right amount of money. He would not let me pay for her upkeep. In fact, he would prefer if she and I never saw one another again.”

“But you see her often, do you not? Mrs. Hollingsworth said you visited her regularly, and if half of the business meetings you told me you were at were actually visits to Helen, then I would say you see her several times a week.”

He flashed a small smile and nodded. “It is true. I see her as often as I can. I adored her when she was a little girl, and I adore her still. My uncle will not let me help financially, and when I try, he punishes me by moving her to a different location without telling me where she is.”

Arabella’s mouth dropped open. “He hides her from you?”

“Yes. He does. Once, I hired another maid to help her—someone experienced with helping young ladies in her condition. I arranged for her to meet another young lady with the same condition, in hopes that she would make a friend. I paid for upgrades in the house. This was all when I came of age, before I understood just how serious my uncle was about wanting to hide Helen away forever.”

“He found out that you were helping?” Arabella asked.

“He did. Helen disappeared overnight. Nobody knew where she was. I found out that he had moved her into a horrible house in the rookery in Saint Giles. It was awful. I did not find her for several weeks, not until Mrs. Hollingsworth was brave enough to send me a message. I went to find her and was appalled by the condition of the place. I confronted my uncle, and he deduced that it was Mrs. Hollingsworth who had told me and swiftly sent her away.”

“Oh my goodness,” Arabella breathed, feeling all the color drain from her face. “This is terrible. Poor Helen.”

“My uncle said that if I really thought his methods were wrong, he would change them. He said he would have Helen back in his house, and he did. At first, I thought that I had won, but when I went to call on her some weeks later, I found that he had installed her in a room below stairs, in the space usually reserved for the maids. She had nobody looking after her but the maids, who were helping out of the goodness of their hearts. But she has needs. She requires a strict schedule and must adhere to her medication. I spoke to my uncle once more, realizing that if I did not do what he wanted me to, Helen would suffer.”

Arabella frowned. “Harry, has your uncle been keeping Helen locked away like this as a tool to control you?”

He nodded. “He knows that I love Helen and that she loves me. She’s like a sister to me, and I am the only family she has that loves her. I agreed that I would allow him to continue serving as my senior advisor, that I would heed his business advice, and in exchange, Helen would be installed in a proper home, with Mrs. Hollingsworth by her side, as well as other trusted servants. He did this, putting her in a house in Holborn and then the one she is presently in. I am not allowed to financially contribute to her care. I do it anyway when I can, but it is always in secret—if he knew, he would make it so that I could never see her again.”

Arabella sank into her chair. “You were wrong,” she mumbled. “Your uncle is not like my father. He is worse. My father is terrible, and he’s a drunkard, and he is cruel to us, but this? He would never treat us quite as badly as this.”

“Now that I tell you this whole story, I am inclined to agree,” he said with a bitter laugh.

“I still do not understand why you kept her a secret from me. Do you not trust me? I would never have told your uncle that you introduced me to her or that you still see her.” Arabella then paused for a moment. “But your uncle knows that you see Helen. I overheard you talking, and he says he does not understand why you love her and care for her.”

“So that is how all of this came to pass, I see. It is true he does know. He lets me see her, but as I said, only as long as I cooperate with him when it comes to business. Let him take advantage of the prestige that comes with being connected to the Duke of Sheffield, and in exchange, he allows me to see Helen. But it is all on his terms. However, I have no intention of staying under his thumb. I had planned to change things even before I married you, but now that you are involved, I am more determined than ever to break the hold he has over me.”

“You are trying to send her away,” Arabella concluded. “The child that you were going to send away is not a baby, but it’s Helen.”

He nodded. “You are quite right. It is Helen. For some time, I have been looking for a place where I could send her under the cover of darkness, where my uncle would not find her. I would have to send her out of the country. I had made a few connections over the last couple of years with Brandon’s help, but no place seemed good enough or secure enough. Now there is a home in Scotland. The couple seems nice and is willing to take in Mrs. Hollingsworth as well. It would be more difficult for him to try to claim her back from there, even if he did find her.”

“And if she was out of the picture, you would be able to stand up to him.”

“I could banish him from my life,” he said. “But it would still be a terrible cost, for it is not just Helen he holds over me.”

Arabella remembered his grave words and his worry that she would no longer love him once she knew the full truth.

She sank deeper into her chair. “Harry, what else is there? I know there is something.”

He bit his bottom lip. She saw his teeth digging into the flesh as he looked out into the bright, sunny afternoon. Without looking at her, he blinked and spoke the words she knew had been weighing heavily on his soul.

“It was my fault. The accident that killed my aunt and maimed my cousin was my fault. I caused it.”