4. Ian

Ian left Maddie's room and went downstairs to his office. He hadn't asked Maddie more questions about the accident because he didn't want to upset her even more. He would find out the information himself. Seeing Maddie so heartbroken had made his entire body ache. He wanted to protect her and keep her sheltered from as much pain as he could.

He spent the next several hours digging for information about the accident. The police report said the semi-truck driver had worked extended hours and had fallen asleep at the wheel. Ian stared blankly at the crash photos on the screen, the reality of Cam being gone settling into his bones. Leaning forward, Ian rested his face in his hands while his mind raced. He needed to take care of Maddie. Cam would have wanted that. But he didn't know how he would be able to do that and keep his feelings for her at bay.

It had been easier when she'd lived in a different state, and he only saw her once every couple of months. He was able to keep her at arm's length and keep his love for her under a tight seal. He wouldn't be able to do that if she was living with him, but he would have to figure it out. Maybe if he visited the club more often to get the Daddy side of him out more, he wouldn't feel the need to be her Daddy. To want to claim her and possess everything about her.

Yeah, right. There is no one like her.

It had been over six years since they'd lived under the same roof, and before she'd gone off to college, Ian hadn't had those feelings for her that he had now. Back then, she was a minor, and he only viewed her as his best friend's little sister. Sure, he had loved her, but only in a brotherly type of way. After she'd gone to college and he saw her for the first time, his love had gone from brotherly to wanting to be her Daddy and love her in a completely different way. She was Cam's baby sister, though, and he would never have betrayed his best friend by going for his sister. He wouldn't do it when Cam was alive, and he wouldn't do it now that Cam was gone.

Ian listened to the voicemails on her phone from the funeral home and wrote down all the information provided. He would work on getting everything figured out in the morning, along with getting in touch with Cam's attorney. Ian and Cam used the same attorney, Andrew Bates, a friend of theirs who went to the same college as the two men and was also from Seattle. There was a lot that needed to be sorted out.

It was after midnight by the time Ian went upstairs to bed. He peeked in on Maddie, and she had her stuffed Stitch clutched to her chest and her thumb in her mouth. Ian stared at her for longer than he should have. He'd never seen her suck her thumb before, but he hadn't watched her sleep before either.

You're being creepy. Go to bed and stop wishing for something that isn't there.

Ian listened to the voice in his head and went into his room. His mind was still on the sweet girl in the next bedroom as he climbed into his bed. Maddie had always been so sweet, quiet, and innocent. Yet she had a side to her that she didn't show to anyone other than him and Cam. A silly, sassy and energetic side. He wondered what she would think of him if she ever knew about his Daddy side. Would she think he was a weirdo and want nothing to do with him? Or would she be intrigued and want to see that side of him?

As much as he wished it was the "intrigued" version, he felt as though he wouldn't be so lucky, and he would never want to take a chance on losing her from his life. He'd rather live out the rest of his life with Maddie as just his friend than to have nothing with her. He just wished like hell that he could have it all with her. Be her Daddy and her best friend.

No matter what, he would always be there for her. Protect her. Take care of her. Watch over her. Even when there came a time that she fell in love with someone. It would rip his heart out to see her with another man, and just the thought of it was enough to make his jealousy spiral, but he would deal with it if it meant that she was happy in the long run.

Ian lay awake in bed for several hours thinking about Cam and all they'd done together over the years. The parties they'd gone to in college, the brainstorming they did when they created the software system that they'd sold, the Friday movie nights with Maddie, all the fun and good times they'd shared. They'd always had each other's backs with everything. There wasn't another person in the world that Ian would have trusted as much as he trusted Cameron.

I'm going to miss you, my friend. I promise to take care of your sister. I love you, buddy.

As those thoughts ran through his head, Ian felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up as though Cam had heard him and was giving him a pat on the back. Ian wiped the tears from his eyes and drifted in and out of a fitful sleep all night long.

When he finally gave up on sleep the following morning, he got up, changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and went to the garage where he had a gym set up in the third bay. He needed to burn off some of the sadness that was weighing him down. Strapping on his boxing gloves, he stood in front of the bag that hung from the ceiling and made his first swing. With each hit to the bag, Ian felt the invisible weight lifting from his shoulders, little by little. It wasn't until he was drenched in sweat and he had run out of steam that he removed the gloves and went inside to shower.

As he passed by Maddie's bedroom, he peeked in briefly and saw that she was still asleep. It wasn't even seven in the morning yet, and he hoped she'd sleep for at least a couple more hours. He didn't like seeing the dark circles under her eyes.

After he showered and dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a navy-blue t-shirt, Ian headed toward the stairs, but as he walked by Maddie's room again, he heard her talking quietly. She was lying on her side when he looked in, facing away from the door with her Stitch stuffy facing her.

"What are we going to do, Stitch? I can't stay here. It will be too hard."

Ian frowned.

She will stay here, forever if needed.

He wondered why she thought it would be too hard. Maybe because she knew he wasn't as easygoing as her brother was. Cam had been a total sucker for his sister, and she would have gotten away with murder if not for Ian. He had always kept his eye on her and had given her more lectures when she was a teenager than he probably should have, but Cam never did, so he'd just naturally become the strict one between the two. Well, she was staying whether she liked it or not, and she would just have to deal with his bossy ways.

Not wanting her to find out that he was listening to her conversation with her toy, Ian moved away from the door quietly and continued his way downstairs, but his thoughts went back to the previous night when she was sucking her thumb, and now, she was talking to her stuffy. Maddie had a lot of Little traits. He'd always known that. And maybe that's why he had fallen for her six years ago. Perhaps she had even more tendencies than he had realized.

Or maybe you're delusional because you just wish she was a Little.

Ian went to the kitchen and scanned the contents of the refrigerator and cupboards. Grabbing his tablet, he made a quick online grocery delivery order, making sure to add things he knew Maddie would like to eat. He also added ingredients for salads and vegetables, which he knew she detested, but he would make her eat them anyway because they were good for her. Yeah, he was kind of an asshole. He always loved watching her turn her nose up to eating vegetables, only for him to scold her until she would sigh dramatically and eat some small bites of the greens to get him to shut up.

Deciding to make her another bowl of oatmeal, Ian added some walnuts and dried cranberries to it for some flavor. He hoped her stomach would be up for eating something not so bland. Ian still wanted to lecture her for not eating for four days, but he also understood. He didn't really feel up to eating either after getting the news.

Ian tapped on the door to Maddie's room before pushing it open with the corner of the tray that he carried. He'd cut up some grapes for her as well and brought a cup of coffee with an absurd amount of creamer that he knew she always added. She sat up and leaned back on several pillows against the headboard.

"Morning, how'd you sleep?" he asked.

She shrugged, "Okay. On and off. What about you?"

He set the tray over her lap, "Like shit."

Maddie picked up the cup of coffee and wrapped both hands around the warm mug.

"I can tell," she said with a grin, "Thank you for making coffee."

She took a drink and gave him an appreciative smile.

"Just the right amount of creamer."

Ian grimaced, "There's more creamer in there than coffee."

She nodded, "As I said. Perfect."

He rolled his eyes and picked up the bowl of oatmeal.

"You have to eat. Not negotiable," he said, holding a spoonful to her mouth.

"I knew the coffee was a trap."

Ian gave her a stern look, "Open, brat."

She obeyed, accepting a bite. He fed her bites between her sips of coffee. He'd fed her nearly three-quarters of the bowl when she shook her head. He gave her another look.

"I'm full. Thank you."

Letting out a deep breath, he set the bowl down.

"At least eat some grapes for me, please."

He felt relieved when she ate most of the grapes before returning to her cup of coffee.

"I need to work on making arrangements today. Do you want to be a part of it and help make some of the decisions on the funeral?"

Maddie shook her head, "I don't want to have to think about it. Is that terrible of me?"

Reaching out his hand, Ian cupped her chin and tilted her head back until she looked at him.

"No, baby. That's not terrible of you at all. I want you to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I will take care of anything you don't want to deal with."

Her green eyes burned into his soul, and he nearly pulled her into his lap to snuggle her but decided against it. He needed to keep his mind as clear as possible.

"I just feel so bad putting it all on you," she said softly.

Ian leaned forward until his face was only a few inches from hers.

"I will gladly take it all on if that means you don't have to stress or worry about it. Besides, have you seen these shoulders? They are made for carrying heavy things."

He leaned back and flexed. Maddie grinned and shook her head, giving him an eye roll. Yeah, he might be cheesy, but it made her smile, so it was worth it.

Her small hand reached out, slipping it into his, "Thank you, Ian."

"You're welcome, baby. Make yourself at home here. I'll be down in my office if you need anything. Groceries are being delivered this afternoon."