31. Maddie

The beeping noise was not doing her throbbing head any favors, and she had no idea where it was coming from. Lifting her hand to rub at her temples, Maddie felt a tug of something in her arm, and when she opened her eyes to see what it was, the blinding light of the room made her cry out in pain.

"Shh… honey, relax. What do you need?"

The voice was familiar, but it wasn't Ian's, and she couldn't put her finger on whose it was. She couldn"t get any words out when she opened her mouth to speak because her mouth and throat were as dry as the desert. Maddie closed her mouth and swallowed several times, trying to get as much lubrication as she could.

"C-can the lights be turned off?" she whispered.

She heard movement and her chest tightened, wondering why Ian wasn't here. Why was someone else in here with her? Where was she? It sounded like a hospital, but she couldn't know for sure until she opened her eyes.

"Lights are off, honey."

Opening one eye slowly, she saw that the room was much dimmer, and it didn't feel as though a million daggers were being shoved into her eyeball. She opened the other eye and blinked several times, trying to get her eyes to focus. Looking around, she realized she was in a hospital and had an IV attached to her arm and another monitor clipped onto one of her fingers. When she turned her head slightly, she noticed Damian sitting in a chair next to her.

Panic filled her as she saw his concerned face. Where was Ian? What happened? Why was she here? Her lip began to tremble, and tears filled her eyes.

"Where's Ian? Did he die?"

Alarm filled Damian's face, and he bolted up off the chair and stood closer to her, grabbing her hand.

"No, honey, Ian is fine. He's on a plane. He's on his way here. From what I could tell when I found you, you fell and hit your head on the bathtub. Do you remember anything about what happened?"

Maddie took a calming breath at the knowledge that Ian was okay and coming for her. She racked her brain trying to recall what had happened. Visions of her panic attack and falling, and blood flooded through her mind, and she began to sob.

"I want Daddy," she said through sobs.

Damian nodded and grabbed some tissues, bringing them up to her face and cleaning her up as more tears spilled.

"I know, sweetie. He will be here soon, but you need to calm down. Take a deep breath and then let it out. Shh. Everything is going to be okay. You are safe."

She didn't know Damian very well, but the one thing she could tell about him is that he was a good man and she was safe with him. She took breaths with each of his instructions and felt herself calming down a little bit with each one.

When she had finally stopped crying, she looked over and studied him.

"How did you find me? How long have I been here? Have you been here the whole time? Is Ian mad?"

Amusement filled his face, "You always this inquisitive?"

She smiled and then winced because moving her face was not helpful to the pounding in her head.

"My head hurts so bad. Can I have some ibuprofen?"

Damian chuckled, "Little one, I think it's going to take more than some ibuprofen to help your head. You got a pretty good gash on there that required stitches. Let's call the nurse and see what they can give you to help the pain."

He pressed the call button and then sat back down in the chair beside her.

"I found you because Ian called me. He had called you several times, and when you didn't answer, he was worried and asked me to check on you. You've been here for about four hours, and yes, I've been here with you. Ian is scared and upset because he was so far away and couldn't protect you, but he's not mad. Why would you think he was mad?"

Maddie rubbed the starched sheets between her fingers and chewed on her bottom lip. Before she could answer Damian, the nurse walked in. He told the woman that she needed some more pain medication. The nurse promptly started pushing buttons for the IV and within minutes, Maddie felt some of the pain in her head ease up.

Damian stood and put his phone in his pocket after the nurse left the room.

"Ian is here."

Within a minute, the door opened, and Ian walked in, looking scared to death. He looked at her and rushed to her side but didn't touch her. He looked like he had been crying, but she wasn't sure.

"Daddy."

He gave her a small smile, "I'm here, baby girl. I'm so sorry I wasn't here to keep you safe. Fuck, I'm so sorry."

She reached for his hand as tears began to fall again. He reached out with his other hand and wiped her tears gently.

"Shh, don't cry, baby."

"Her head is hurting pretty good. The nurse just came in and gave her some pain medication. They are going to keep her overnight for observation. The doctor said she should heal up just fine, but she will need to take it easy for a few weeks," Damian said.

Ian's attention moved to him, "Thank you so much for everything you did. I don't know what I would have done without your help."

Damian nodded, "I'm glad I was able to help. I'm here if you need anything while this little one is healing. I should get going though so she can rest, and you can spend some time with her."

Ian walked Damian out to the hall and returned within a couple of minutes, sitting down beside her. He took her hand in his and leaned forward, resting his forehead on the back of her hand.

"I was so scared, Maddie. I have never felt so fucking scared and out of control."

"I'm so sorry, Daddy."

He raised his head and looked at her, "Baby, you don't need to be sorry. This wasn't your fault. It just scared the shit out of me."

She swallowed the lump forming in her throat.

"It was too my fault."

Ian stared at her, waiting for her to continue.

"I was in the middle of a panic attack when my legs gave out on me, and that's why I fell."

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help you through it. Fuck. I'm never traveling away from you again."

When she opened her mouth to say something, he put his fingers up to his lips.

"Just rest, baby. I'm not going anywhere, but I want you to try to rest so you can get better."

Ian made her rest for the next twenty-four hours while she was in the hospital, which she couldn't complain about because the meds made her sleepy. When they got home, he carried her from the car up to their bedroom and set her down on the bed.

"I'm going to run you a bath and then get you tucked into bed. You are going to need to eat something."

She grimaced. Food sounded awful. He gave her a look and disappeared into the bathroom to turn on the water. When he came back, he carefully undressed her and picked her up to take her into the bathroom. She didn't argue because she knew it wouldn't do any good. Ian would take care of her the way he saw fit and arguing would just get her lectured. Not that he would probably lecture her while she was injured, but still, she didn't want to irritate him.

He tied her hair back, being careful not to tug or do anything to cause more pain to the bandaged area on the back of her head.

As soon as he set her in the water, she felt her muscles relax for the first time since she'd woken up in the hospital. Ian grabbed a cloth and immediately began washing her. He hadn't put in any bubbles or toys for her in the water, so she sat quietly and let him do his task.

She took a deep breath, "Daddy."

"Yes, baby?"

"I need to tell you something, and I'm afraid you're going to be mad at me."

He moved his gaze to her face as he continued moving the cloth over her skin.

"Tell me, baby girl."

She lowered her eyes from his, "I've been having terrible anxiety for the past few weeks, and when you left, it got even worse, and that's why I had a panic attack."

Ian cupped her chin and lifted her face until she was looking at him, his face full of concern instead of anger.

"Why didn't you tell me, Maddie?"

"Because I didn't want you to worry about me. I thought I could handle it by myself and that I would get over it."

She saw the hurt flash across his face, and she hated herself for hurting him. It was the last thing she wanted to do. He released her chin and started washing her again.

"Was your medication not helping?"

She shrugged, "It helped some, but I ran out before you left for California."

His hand stilled briefly before he began moving it again, but he didn't say anything. He was silent as he finished washing her and then lifted her out of the bath and wrapped her up in a towel, carrying her to the bed. He grabbed one of her nighties and a pair of panties and carefully got her dressed. She wanted to say something. Anything that would make it so he spoke to her, but she felt that he didn't want her to talk, so she didn't say anything when he tucked her into the bed.

"Stay in bed. I'll be back," he said before leaving the room.

It was only a few minutes before Ian returned with two baby bottles in his hand. He came and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I know you don't want to eat, so I made a nutrition shake for you to drink. It's vanilla."

He held the bottle up to her lips, and when she tried to reach for it, he shook his head. Dropping her hands back to the bed, she parted her lips and let the nipple slide inside. As soon as she started sucking, the sweet liquid filled her mouth. It wasn't terrible.

Ian watched her while he fed her, studying her face closely. He didn't say anything, and she wanted to push the bottle away and say something, but she also knew what he was expecting right then, and she didn't want to let him down even more than she already had. When she finished the bottle, he held another bottle up to her mouth that was filled with water. She took a few gulps of that before turning her head away.

He sighed and set the bottle of water on the nightstand.

"I called in a refill of your prescription. Damian is going to pick it up and drop it by."

She lowered her eyes from his and nodded.

"I'm sorry, Daddy."

"Madison, you are my girl. My most important job in this entire world is to take care of you and protect you, but without knowing what's going on with you, I can't do my job. What if I hadn't sent Damian to find you? You could have bled out and died. I… I can't fucking lose you too, Maddie, do you understand me? You are my everything."

Tears fell from her eyes as she nodded. She was a real bitch. How could she have been so thoughtless?

"You are never a burden or a bother or any of the things you think in your mind. I would sell off every object and business I own just to be with you and take care of you the way you need. You are my priority, and everything else comes second. Your health and safety, and your happiness are what I live for. It just… it hurts me that you didn't come to me."

She reached for his hand and tugged him towards her until he was leaning over on top of her, and she had her arms wrapped around him.

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm so sorry. It will never happen again. I'm so sorry. I can't lose you, and that is what some of my anxiety has been about… losing the last important person in my life."

He hugged her back, burying his face into her neck.

"I can't promise that I'll be on this earth forever, Maddie. No one can promise that. But I can promise you that I will do everything it takes to be here for as long as you live and that I will love you with every fiber of my being while I am on this earth."

She sobbed in his embrace, and she felt his tears dripping down her neck as she held him in return.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Madison Rose."