29. Maddie

The walls were closing in, and her heart was racing. When Ian had told her that he was going out of town for work, she felt as though she couldn't breathe. All she could think about was that the last time someone she loved went out of town for work, he never came home, and that could happen with Ian too.

Maddie believed with part of her mind that she was overreacting, so she didn't tell Ian she was panicking. He would think she was crazy, and the last thing he needed to deal with on top of everything else he had to deal with between work and helping her heal was also dealing with having a crazy girlfriend.

As soon as he left for the airport, she felt like her lungs were constricted, and her mind wasn't thinking clearly. She tried to work, but she couldn't focus on anything, and even though Ian had told her to eat something, she couldn't. Her tummy hurt, and she felt as though she could vomit at any moment, so instead, she went up to her Little room and crawled into the twin bed they'd picked out for the room.

Snuggling the stuffed elephant that Ian had bought her after their zoo trip, Maddie closed her eyes and tried to count to one hundred to refocus her mind. She had learned many techniques over the years to help cope with her anxiety, but this time, before she even got to twenty, her breath was sawing in and out of her lungs.

Everything is fine, Maddie. You're just panicking. You aren't really in danger. Ian isn't in danger.

She needed to take her medication when it got this bad, but she had run out two days before and hadn't made it to a pharmacy to get it refilled, and there was no way in hell she could drive like this.

Call Ian. Tell him.

Maddie swore she heard Cameron's voice as that thought ran across her mind, making the tears she'd been holding back fall freely from her eyes. Ian couldn't fix this. It was her problem, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Besides, Ian was working, and she didn't want to create issues with him and his clients. She was a grown woman, and she could take care of herself.

Wiping the wetness from her cheeks, Maddie buried her face into the fluffy elephant and sobbed loudly. It was stupid to worry about Ian suddenly dying, but everyone else in her life that she'd loved had died, and now that she'd fallen head over heels in love with a man who treated her like she walked on water, she was terrified she would lose him too.

When her tears finally dried and her breathing was back to normal, Maddie got up and went to the bathroom. She washed her face using a wet cloth and then did her business and washed her hands. She really needed to get back to work, but she didn't have the energy. Whenever her anxiety acted up, her energy was shot, and she could barely function until she slept it off, so she went back to the twin bed and curled up under the blankets. She grabbed her pacifier and popped it into her mouth, and within minutes, she faded to sleep.

I love you, Bug.

I'm so proud of you, Maddie!

Is this Madison Michaels?

I'm officer Sean Meyers, and I'm calling from the City of Denver police department. Am I speaking with Madison Michaels?

I'm so sorry to tell you this, ma'am. Your brother, Cameron, was in a fatal car accident tonight.

Maddie jerked awake and let out a pained cry. Blinking her eyes several times, she realized she had been dreaming those words. Tears streamed from her eyes as she tried to push the blankets off of her because she was covered in sweat, but her feet were tangled up in the sheets. She realized she must have been thrashing around in her sleep to get that tangled up.

Finally getting herself free from the bedding, she sat up, but her heart was beating too quickly again, and she was still sweating as she counted her inhales and exhales to calm herself down. Waking up from dreams like that could easily trigger a full-on panic attack, it had happened before, and as much as she hated having anxiety, panic attacks scared her even worse. She always felt like she was dying.

Maddie stood and slowly walked into the bathroom so she could splash some cold water on her face in hopes that it would snap her out of the panic feelings that she was experiencing. Turning on the cold tap, she leaned over the sink and splashed herself several times, thankful that the water seemed to be cooling her overall body temperature, but her breathing was still heavy, and she felt wobbly on her feet.

She held onto the edge of the counter and stared at herself in the mirror, noticing the fear that was plainly written across her face. She wanted Ian. She needed him. Deciding it was time to call and tell him what was going on and, if anything, hope that his voice would calm her down, Maddie let go of the counter and turned to leave the bathroom, but her leg buckled under her. In what felt like slow motion, she fell, and hit her head on the side of the bathtub before she landed on the floor.

Lying on the cold tile, completely stunned with the wind knocked out of her, Maddie opened her eyes, and as soon as she did, she saw a puddle of blood on the floor next to her face. She blinked several times, trying to focus her eyes before the world started going dark before her until there was nothing but black.