CHAPTER 9

Lily

Elyse was a mixture of surprised, bemused, impressed, and aghast.

"Both of them?" she blurted, then gazed furtively around the cafe and hushed herself.More quietly and discreetly, but with that same mix of reactions, she repeated, "Both of them?"

We were at our table, talking over coffees.I'd taken off the dark glasses and the scarf; there was no need for them with her.It seemed just like old times between us, as if we'd never been apart.Now as then, we told each other everything.I nodded and wrinkled my brow.

She repeated, this time more as a statement than as a question, as if to confirm it for herself, "At the same time.The two of them."

"Mostly, yes," I said.

"I can't believe that!" Elyse said, still seeming to need convincing even after I confirmed it.

"Why?" I said."You met them.You looked at them."

"Well, yes," Elyse said, "I looked at them.And you described them on the phone, and I pictured them from the way you described them, but my imagination never came up with anything to match…that!Lily, they're amazing."

"They're Drake guys," I said, reminding her of what we both knew so well."It's not like you haven't seen other Drake guys.You saw Mark."I stopped suddenly and made a painful, wincing look, followed by a queasy expression, disgusted at having had to mention his name.I hadn't wanted to bring him up at all.But I went on, "That's the way they are."

"And you actually let them both…At the same time…"

Her mystified reaction quickly changed my mood.I laughed indulgently."Yes, I actually let them both at the same time."I took a thoughtful little beat and said, "Well, some things at the same time.But mostly they take turns."

Elyse broke out laughing in amazement.Again, she looked around and caught herself, and put one hand to her mouth.She laughed more softly, but she was still amazed.

"One of them does it while the other one watches?" Elyse asked softly.

"Some things aren't physically possible, Elyse," I replied.And I grinned and shook my head.

That made Elyse laugh more, and she covered her mouth to keep from cackling.She turned the shade of red that I remembered from when we would sit up late talking about boys and what we would let them do, and what we'd do to them, when we were teenagers.There was a whole world of intimate thoughts that only girlfriends could share.

Catching her breath and fanning her hand in front of her face, Elyse said, "I can't get over that.You and two Drakes."

"What, you've never imagined having two guys?" I asked."Come on, you've never had that kind of fantasy?You must have.

"Sure, I've had fantasies like that," she said."You usually think about having one incredibly hot guy and he's usually human.Sometimes you imagine two.But I've never actually thought of doing a thing like that for real, and I've never thought about letting even one of them, let alone two.My God, Lily, two of them."Then, leaning forward a bit, confidentially, she asked, "What's it like, having them both?"

I explained, "They don't do it in their other body, you know.They stay human for it.They can't do it with a human when they're the other way.You know why."

Elyse shrugged her shoulders and shook her head at that."Yes, I know how they're different when they're the other way.I wouldn't even want to see that."She lowered her voice again."The double penis, with the, you know, rough scales.I'm surprised female Drakes can handle that."

"Well, human women definitely can't.So they stay human for it.And with Jake and Alex it's like being with a guy who's fit for romance book covers, except it's double."

"My God," said Elyse."And you let them both…every night?"

I nodded yes."Every night.And every day.They always come back for more."Rolling my eyes and making a "whew" sound, I said, "These two are positively tireless."

Elyse looked off for a second and sighed.Then, she faced me again and said, "Well, you have just been living the life.Looking like that, built like that, and they're tireless."

We took another moment of silence and basked in the renewed warmth of our old friendship.Then Elyse asked, "So, except for being tireless…how are they?What are they like?"

"You mean, how does Alex do it compared to the way Jake does it?"

"They're not the same," I explained."They're equally gorgeous and they're equally horny, more than a human man.But Jake and Alex are different.They both last a long time.But Jake goes more slowly, right up to when he comes; then he cuts loose.Alex cuts loose right out of the gate, so to speak.With him it's pow, pow, pow, BOOM!"

Elyse covered her mouth and laughed again.Then she turned more serious because she could tell I had more to say.

I went on, "They're both sweet.They both make sure that I have as good a time as they do.But they just have a different style.Jake is a little more romantic; Alex is rougher, more aggressive about it.So it's the best you can get in two different ways."More softly, I said, "And they both know where the clit is, and they're both good at cuddling afterwards.Or I should say, between times."

Elyse said, "Oh, honey, you're definitely living the life."She was thoroughly impressed.

"That's how it feels," I said."It's not just sexual.I feel like I'm expressing things that I had locked up inside me, things I wanted to show but couldn't let out because there was so much fear blocking it.With Mark, it got so that I was scared to express anything because I didn't know how he would react to it; I didn't know what would set him off on any given day or at any given moment.I tried to love Mark.I think I did love him at first, and then he showed me who he really was and all that love turned into fear.And I felt trapped with him and the fear outgrew the love.There's none of that with Jake and Alex — none.There's fun and passion and caring.We laugh together.And the sex — my God, all the incredible sex, every day, every night.It's like we're on this island, in this oasis, where there's no fear.I know how corny that sounds, but that's how it is."

Elyse understood."You don't have to try to love them."

"It's effortless," I said.

"And you do love them.Both of them."

"I…I…"At that moment my voice caught in my throat.I was surprised, startled, at what I'd been saying."Did I say that?I said the fear outgrew the love with Mark.Did I actually say I love Jake and Alex?"

"You sort of talked around it," she said.

As much to myself as to Elyse, I wondered, "But am I actually in love with them?Both of them?"

"That's how it sounds," she answered.

"But can I love two guys at once?Obviously I can be with the two of them in the same bed, but…loving them both at the same time?"

"Well," said Elyse, "you said some things aren't physically possible.But maybe some things are emotionally possible."

I pondered this in silence for a moment.This from her was one of the most profound things I had ever heard.Then I considered aloud, "Two at once.And there's no jealousy, no rivalry…well, mostly none.They did almost get into one fight about which one of them cares for me more, but then Jake said it was about me, not them."

"Oh, honey," she said."That's sounding awfully…not selfish."

"It is, isn't it?"I considered further."You know, what I feel mostly with them is safe.When I started with them, I was afraid to go out of the apartment.But then I let them take me to the Dragon Festival and I wasn't scared.And I let them bring me here and I wasn't scared.They make me feel safe — safe to be with them, safe to go out with them…"

"Safe to love them?"

"Maybe I do."The warmest feeling came over me, which radiated out of me in a smile."Oh, Elyse, maybe I do feel safe.Maybe they've made this new space in my life where I feel safe to love, where I know I can love and it won't hurt.Oh my God, Elyse, maybe that's what it is.They're my safe space to feel things — safe to love again!And this time there's no manipulating!There's no controlling or possessing or owning!It doesn't feel threatening!Elyse, this time it's for real!"

We reached across the table and held hands, our fingers wrapping together tightly.I started to laugh in a way that I hadn't heard myself laugh since we were girls.Elyse shed happy tears for me.

My own laughter dissolved, becoming tears to match hers.What could be more perfect than this, sharing a happy revelation with a best friend?"I can love again.How incredible is that?"

She replied, "Really incredible."

And we just sat there, crying happily together.