Chapter Twenty

Sarah

" … Thirty! Ready or not, here I come!" I called, taking my hands off my eyes, peering around the apartment for any obvious signs of hidden people, big or little.

The sound of a giggle from down the hallway drew my attention and a smile.

"Hmm, I wonder where everyone could be?" I said loudly enough to be heard. "They seem to have just disappeared!"

More giggles.

I crept slowly toward the hallway in silence, moving as stealthily as I could. An open door to Levi's bedroom beckoned like a beacon in the night. Grinning, I entered, eyes sweeping left to right, analyzing it for extra Jakub-sized lumps.

"Hmmm, doesn't seem to be anyone in here. I guess I'll check the next room," I said, stomping up and down on the floor as if I were leaving.

A giggle from near the closet gave away the ultra-super-duper secret hiding spot. Of course, so did the shifting bundle of clothes, but I was better than that. I could play it cool.

"Yep, definitely nobody in here ," I said, shutting the door behind me and staying perfectly silent and still.

More shuffling and moving about. My heart swelled, seeing the excitement of my son, as it did every time he was having fun. Something about your child's laughter … it was a medicine I hadn't known I'd needed or wanted until the first time he'd giggled in my arms.

I let a minute pass, watching him squirm with impatience.

Then I opened the door. "He's not anywhere else. He must be in here. He just must," I said, clomping noisily to the other side of the room, opening drawers and closing them randomly. "Not in the dresser. Maybe he's under the bed!"

I bent down to check under the bed—

And scrambled back with a yelp as Levi's leering face peered out at me from underneath it.

My shoulders hit the dresser as I came to a stop, clutching at my heart.

"Holy moly, you creeper!" I said, swatting at him as he came out from under the bed.

"Creeper? We're playing a game! You had to find me or Jake. And I see Jake is still in hiding," Levi said as he carefully extricated himself, speaking loud enough to be heard under a pile of clothes.

"He's a very good hider," I said. "One of the best. I might never find him, but I'll try."

Levi smiled.

"Once my heart slows down," I added, thudding my head back against the dresser as I did, still jumpy from the unexpected discovery.

As I did, something fell from it, landing in my lap.

I caught it before it could bounce off onto the floor, but the lid popped open as I did.

Levi scrambled toward me, arm out. "Let me have—"

But it was too late. I stared at the contents on top.

"Levi?" I asked, reaching in to pull out one plasticky card, small enough to fit into my palm.

" Shit ," he muttered, hanging his head. "You weren't supposed to find that."

I stared at the image on the Polaroid, shocked.

"Sarah, listen, I can explain. I …"

"You kept these?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Yes."

I shook my head, stunned. "I thought I lost these, that they got tossed out in some cleaning rampage or another after Jake was born. But I never did. You took them with you."

He nodded.

"Why?"

Levi shrugged. "I told you. I didn't want to leave. I had to. I was ordered back. I … I didn't want to forget you, I guess."

I stared at the Polaroid and the handful of others. They were all from the same night. My cheeks started to burn as I recalled what we'd done in the photobooth after . There was no way we'd been secret about it. Not when it was obvious to anyone on the outside that I was on my knees, between someone else's legs.

All sorts of emotions filled my chest. Flattery. Astonishment. Something giddy and floating that lifted me up into a cloud of thought.

Five years, eight months, and twenty-two days now. That's how long he'd kept those Polaroids of me. Of us.

"I'm shocked," I said, looking down. "Maybe a little flattered, too."

"I had no idea if I would see you again," Levi admitted. "But I don't give up easily, I guess."

"Yeah," I said, sliding through them once more, noting the smiles on our faces, the eyes only for one another. We didn't care what our pose was when the camera went off. We were too into one another. Too focused. "You don't give up, do you?"

"Not when I see something I want," he said possessively.

Glancing up at the change of tone, I found myself locked down under his stare. The orange-brown circles bored into me, revealing some of their closely held secrets. It was the most open I could ever remember him being. I drank it in, not knowing how long it would last.

"What … what is it you want?" I eventually asked.

I knew what the answer would be. So, why did I ask it? I almost pulled away to analyze my actions. But Levi's stare wouldn't let me. I couldn't look away, couldn't drop it. He had me now. I was his prisoner until he let me go.

"You," he whispered softly. "Both of you, Sarah. I want you in my life. Need you in my life. What do you say?"

"I, um, well, I …"

My stammering was cut short by a shout from the other side of the bed.

"Mommy, I'm over here!" Jake said, getting impatient as all children do and throwing off the clothes.

I gave Levi what I wanted to be an apologetic smile, but in reality, it was likely some sort of grimace-twisting facial expression that he would never be able to forget. Then I went to my son, secretly grateful for the temporary escape.

Sooner or later, I knew I would have to address it. Somehow.

But how? To do that, I had to know what it was I wanted, and at the moment, I was just as confused as before. Perhaps more.