Chapter Twenty

Darius paced from one side of the garden to the other. It was smaller than most gardens on the palace grounds, but that was part of the appeal; this courtyard had been designated to house plants from the lush, humid clime that had been the homeland of one of Darius' ancestors as a private retreat, and it had been largely forgotten by everyone except the gardeners since then. It was still well-kept, however; the constructs that maintained the proper amount of moisture in the air as well as keeping the light levels lower than was typical for Karazhen were well-made.

Darius pushed a large, smooth frond aside to look up at the sun. Kai's message had said noon, and it was past that already. He dropped the leaf back into place, continuing his pacing along the mossy path that ringed the garden. He wasn't sure what cause he had to feel so agitated, except that… well, he had more than a small suspicion about what Kai wanted to talk to him about. Kai was nothing if not efficient, so there was a very high chance he'd managed to arrange Tanitha's passage to Sarthen. Which meant that Darius had to decide how to tell him that he'd told Tanitha she could remain for longer.

It had been nearly two weeks since he'd made that offer, and at first, he'd berated himself for it; he'd confirmed she was a soul-speaker, for the love of everything good in this world. He should be practically desperate to send her away. But… the truth was, he'd come to look forward to her company.

At first, he'd striven to keep any interactions with her strictly focused on helping her develop her abilities. Her early success at soul-speaking notwithstanding, she'd been very dubious that her more general elemental abilities hadn't just faded as they did with most people. He'd encouraged her to keep trying, however, feeling quite certain that the abilities hadn't disappeared, but had simply been repressed out of fear. It had taken about two days before she'd been able to break down the barriers she'd built in her own mind against her abilities, and the results since that time had been frankly astonishing. She was already able to summon flame instead of simply manipulating extant fires, and she'd also demonstrated that she could bend light as opposed to simply summoning or banishing it, which meant that she might soon be able to manage basic illusions. All while continuing to progress in soul-speaking, developing new ways to test and strengthen herself.

But Darius' determination to keep their interactions limited to guiding her practice had faltered quickly. He found himself returning to his Hold earlier and earlier in the evening, sometimes well before sunset, looking forward to the opportunity to spend time with her. After he'd brought her that funerary text, something about their interactions had shifted, and an openness that he would have thought impossible had begun to develop between them. They frequently talked for hours, and he felt he couldn't hear enough of her, of her stories of growing up in the Sanctuary, of her childhood antics with her sister, of the pride she'd always taken in her work. Other times, she'd talk of harder memories, and he'd fight the desire to offer her the comfort of an embrace, holding himself away from the contact despite the strength of the yearning to hold her close.

He closed his eyes for a moment, willing that same sense of yearning to dissipate. Tanitha was every bit as self-possessed and intelligent and diligent in her care for those around her as any woman his mother had thrown at him, but with none of the guile and games that he'd had to wade through his entire life. And yet… he had to keep himself distant, contenting himself with knowing that all he could do was shield her from further suffering. And that would have to be enough. Even if a deep and buried part of him knew that he wanted more.

He thought back to what he'd witnessed several days previous, to that moment when she'd brought the geese and the songbirds under her sway, one hand raised as she turned in tandem with their motion, her hair gleaming like molten gold in the light of the setting sun. She'd been nothing short of radiant, and the memory awakened a peculiar ache inside of him, one that he couldn't let himself give a name to.

There was a rustling sound of wings catching against wind from above, and Darius paused in his pacing, looking up to see a scald-crow banking sharply with its pinion feathers flared, a small leather folio gripped in its claws. It dropped the folio on a stone bench, then landed a few feet away, where it transformed.

"Sorry I'm late," Kai said, straightening his plain grey tunic. "I just got a report on some interesting developments from our elemental scholars. You'll want to hear it later, yourself; it's part of the initiative your mother launched after we got word from our spies about those enchantment-breaking devices they're working on in Sabria. But anyway… Travel documents, as requested." He nodded to the folio.

Darius crossed to the bench, picking up the leather case and undoing its tie to open it as Kai continued, "If we can get her to Myrtia, she can get on a trading ship. They'll be willing to offer her safe transport to Sarthen if she can pay." He made a face. "You have no idea how many people I've had to bribe this week."

"You want to send her through Sabria?" Darius demanded, looking up from the documents he'd been examining. Myrtia was one of Sabria's most important port cities, and as such, it was a common stop for ships from other nations— nations that didn't harbor such intense loathing for the demon-ruled cities— but still, it wasn't a good place for a woman who intended to offer her talents to Karazhen's rulers.

"It's too dangerous," he said flatly.

"You're the one who said that her cover story was that she's from an isolated hill tribe, and if that were the case, that's the route she'd take," Kai replied firmly. "Yes, there's some risk, but it will be easy enough to hire an armed escort for her. If she doesn't talk to any locals in Myrtia about her destination, no one will have any reason to bother her."

Darius tensed his jaw, hating that Kai was right.

"Two guards," he said reluctantly. "No fewer." He would have felt better with four or more, but that would paint Tanitha as someone of means, and therefore a possibly wealthy target. The city of Myrtia wasn't exactly a beacon of civic order. Though perhaps he could find a way to watch over her himself from a distance, in addition to the guards. Sabria was obviously dangerous to his kind, but if he kept to his hawk form and stayed a fair distance away, maybe…

"Fine, two guards," said Kai. Darius gave himself a shake, a little surprised at what he'd just been contemplating, at how foolhardy it was. Kai gave an impatient wave, batting away a small cloud of bothersome insects. "And before you ask, yes, I've set up the sponsorship. The administrators at Sarthen were only too happy to accept the arrangement, even anonymously, though they're obviously going to know that she has the favor of someone important. They'll be practically tripping over themselves to keep her in comfort." He rolled his eyes. "The additional stipend you're giving her was a bit much, you know."

"We want her to feel friendly enough toward us to forgive our mother attempting to murder her, remember?" Darius said, folding his arms. "I think a little generosity isn't out of order here."

At that moment, the iron gate to the garden swung open, and Darius had to restrain a startled jump as Alethia walked in. He set the documents down on the bench quickly.

"Your Highnesses," she said, with a respectful nod to Kai, and a slightly deeper bow to Darius that somehow managed to convey more annoyance than respect. "I'm terribly sorry to interrupt, Prince Darius, but I was just treated to a rather interesting tour of some of the vineyards on the City's southern plain." Darius' insides gave an unpleasant jolt. He'd been meant to accompany her on that tour, but the matter of Tanitha's documents— the matter of her leaving— had completely driven it from his mind.

Alethia folded her arms, her expression distinctly unimpressed as she regarded him. She continued, "I wonder if you might be willing to entertain a few questions on the matter from me. Your guides were engaging and informative, of course, but—"

"Alethia, I am so sorry," Darius interrupted. From the way she was looking at him, he rather suspected her questions would have less to do with wineries and more to do with why he thought he could invite her to stay in Karazhen and then proceed to largely ignore her. The matter of courtship aside, she was an emissary from Zharen, which was a valuable trading partner as well as a military ally. Embarrassing her by publicly failing to accompany her was a diplomatic mistake on multiple levels, not to mention simply rude.

"Truly, I apologize," he said. "It wasn't my intention."

"I'm sure," she said coolly. "You've mentioned that you've had other matters on your mind. May I ask what it is that has been so thoroughly commanding your attentions?" Her gaze fell on the document case on the bench, which a light breeze had blown open. Darius forced himself to not so much as glance at it or move to obscure her view of the documents, trying to convey anything but the sudden alarm that shot through his blood.

"Writs of travel?" she asked, frowning. "To Sarthen? Why…?"

"Lady Alethia, this is entirely my fault," Kai said, stepping forward suddenly. To Darius' intense relief, Alethia turned to him, waiting. "There's been a matter that Prince Darius asked me to handle discreetly, and I wanted to report to him immediately on some significant progress. I'm afraid I distracted him at a critical moment this morning. The fault is mine."

Alethia did not look remotely convinced on that last point. "Discretion?" she asked, taking one step out of range of a swaying branch that the garden's breeze had set in motion. "I'm unaware of any situations where enrolling a young woman in one of Sarthen's academies would require that."

Darius swore internally; he'd been hoping her vision wouldn't be acute enough to make out that level of detail from where she stood. And there had been a distinct barb in her tone on the word ‘woman.'

He cleared his throat. "Kai is very kind to take responsibility, but the failure belongs to me," he said, somehow managing to keep his voice free of the anxiety that was tightening his chest. Deciding the best strategy was to invent as few fictions as possible, he continued, "It's a matter I've taken an interest in, but it didn't truly require my involvement. Some of Kai's sources got reports on a strong but still untrained elementalist in Ibalia. Our people managed to recruit her, but bringing her to Sarthen requires travel directly through Sabria."

Kai's posture loosened slightly as Alethia turned her attention fully away from him, back to Darius. Warming to his theme, Darius continued, "I'm sure you can appreciate the need for discretion on that particular matter, but as I said, I shouldn't have let it distract me today. You have my deepest apologies." He forced himself to stop talking, knowing that continued explanations would only pique her suspicion that he had something to hide.

Alethia regarded him for several seconds. Her expression finally lost some of its frigid edge, though Darius didn't imagine he was out of danger just yet.

"I see," she said. She tucked a strand of her dark hair back. "Perhaps I was too hasty in my assessment of the situation."

"Not at all," Darius said, forcing his tone to remain contrite but without any of the anxiety that was still surging through him. "Your assessment that I was thoughtless was completely accurate."

"Nonetheless, I apologize for my earlier tone. It was unwarranted." She tilted her head, her gaze intent on Darius. "I assume this fledgling elementalist is something remarkable, to have arrested your attention so thoroughly?" she asked lightly, her voice completely at odds with how focused her gaze was. "Have you witnessed any of her talents firsthand?"

Normally, Darius appreciated perceptiveness, but right then he found himself cursing whatever god had decided to bless Alethia with it. He didn't imagine her word choice was accidental, no matter how mild her tone, and he had to admit that she had reason to be suspicious on this point, given their first conversation. He also strongly suspected she would have asked what she really wanted to know much more pointedly if Kai hadn't been present.

"I haven't had the opportunity, no," he said, keeping his voice calm, bordering on disinterested, despite how hard his heart was beating. "And of course she hasn't been formally tested yet, so perhaps the reports are exaggerated, but she does sound as if she'll be a very promising addition to our forces." Extremely keen to direct her thoughts elsewhere, he said, "Normally I take my evening meal at my Hold, but would you care to join me for dinner here tonight?"

Hopefully she'd accept that as a peace offering, but he found himself strangely reluctant at the prospect of delaying his return to the mountains for the evening. Which had nothing to do with Tanitha and everything to do with wanting to retire for the night, he told himself sharply. The lie to himself, unfortunately, was far less effective than he hoped the lies to Alethia had been.

He ignored the thought with a surge of frustration at himself, returning his attention to Alethia. He really needed to prioritize spending more time with her. Despite her occasionally acerbic nature, he didn't dislike her, and nor did he think she was putting on any real affectation for his benefit. Actually, she seemed almost disinterested in his opinion of her, seeming much more focused on developing her own opinion of him. And he doubted he was doing particularly well on that front, dinner invitations notwithstanding.

"I'd hate to burden your servants on such little notice," Alethia said briskly. Darius almost winced; apparently a quickly-arranged meal wasn't going to serve as enough of an apology for his negligence, and again he was grateful for Kai's presence for protecting him from much sharper words to that effect. "Perhaps another time," Alethia said. "Good afternoon, Your Highnesses." With that, she turned and strode away.

Both Kai and Darius remained very still until the gate's latch caught, then looked at each other in tense apprehension.

"Remind me not to get between her and her chosen prey again," said Kai, his wings rustling as a shudder darted through him. "Did you see the way she looked at me when I tried to take the blame?"

Darius hadn't— she'd been facing away from him in that moment— but he could imagine.

"Do you think she believed me about the documents?" he asked, fighting to keep his tone level.

"There's no reason she shouldn't," Kai said, though there was still anxiety in the set of his shoulders. "Gods," he muttered. "That was too close."

Darius gave an uneasy nod. If Alethia had overheard any of the conversation, if they hadn't already had a story in place, if that had gone even slightly differently in any of a thousand ways… it didn't bear thinking on.

"I'll be glad when this is over," Kai continued. He nodded back to the documents. "Everything's set. If you can get her to the docks two nights from now, I can have someone there to get Tanitha to Myrtia."

Two nights? "No, not that soon," Darius said. Tanitha still hadn't managed any water elemental work, and…

"What?" Kai asked, his tone so sharply incredulous that Darius was shaken out of his thoughts. "What do you mean, not that soon?"

Darius blinked, looking back at him. "There are a few skills I want her to master before they assess her."

"Darius," Kai said flatly. "She is going to a school. She can happily learn skills there. Meanwhile, you have a soul-speaker in your home . Why in the name of everything between Heavens and Abyss would you delay this?"

Darius folded his arms, trying not to feel on edge. He did, after all, have perfectly legitimate justifications for the delay.

"She has truly impressive potential," he said. "She might prove to be the strongest human elementalist of her generation, given time and training. They should recognize that."

"They can recognize it after she's been there for a few weeks! What does it matter?" That was true, but Darius wasn't inclined to agree aloud. Kai continued, "I'm all for trying to smooth over any… hard feelings that she might be carrying, but you are stalling. And I can't think of any sane reason for that, unless—" He broke off, blinking rapidly. Darius tensed as Kai abruptly refocused on him, his gaze both fixed and incredulous.

"Darius," he said slowly. "Please tell me that Alethia wasn't right."

"About what?" Darius asked, still trying to push down a rise of defensiveness. Another breeze rustled the pages of the travel documents, and Darius turned to pick up the case and tied it firmly shut, glad for the excuse to look away. Unfortunately, Kai didn't seem inclined to be so easily diverted.

"When she implied that you might have some feelings toward the prodigy elementalist you're sponsoring," he said, his words still slow and deliberate. " Was she right? "

"You're being ridiculous," Darius said with a dismissive motion, though his heart was suddenly beating hard.

"I'm not so sure of that," Kai said, still staring at Darius in open astonishment. "Gods, what did… did Tanitha seduce you?" he demanded suddenly.

"I haven't touched her," Darius snapped. "And I don't appreciate the implication that I'd take advantage of someone in her situation."

"I didn't say that, and you know it," Kai shot back. "Don't try to turn this around." He pressed a hand to his forehead. "I should have seen it," he said, his voice strained. "This is my fault. I should have told Naratha immediately. Why did I think you'd be sensible for once? You send every eligible woman in your path on her way, and yet now you decide to—?"

"Well, what of it?" Darius asked abruptly. Kai blinked at the admission, clearly dumbfounded, and Darius took advantage of the second of silence to push on. "What if I am developing feelings for her?" he asked, his heart beating hard in his ears. He hadn't meant to say any such thing, but there was such a relief in voicing what he hadn't even wanted to admit to himself that he couldn't regret the words.

"Is it such a bad thing?" he pressed on. Before Kai could overcome his astonishment long enough to formulate a response, Darius continued, "She's fated to rise to greatness. What if this is the path that her fate takes? What if she rises through her association to me?"

"Association?" Kai demanded. "What kind of association ? What's your plan? Sponsor her training, then take her on as a palace mage? Keep her as a mistress behind everyone's back? It's not as if you could marry her."

Darius started to speak, but forced himself to stop. As he hadn't truly allowed himself to consider his own feelings, he also hadn't allowed himself to consider any practicalities beyond the matter of Tanitha's survival. Given that, he was surprised by how deeply he hated the idea that Kai had just voiced. Tanitha deserved better than that.

He took a slow breath. "What I plan to do is to make sure that she is cared for," he began, but Kai was already shaking his head.

"Darius, please, please stop and think for a moment," he said. "I am begging you. Honestly and truly begging you. You've already guaranteed her a life of privilege with the sponsorship. Let that be enough. It's time to walk away before this goes one step further."

"The oracles said that Tanitha's fate was twined with our family's," Darius reminded him stubbornly.

"Yes, and you've done everything you can so far to ensure that it's twined in a way that benefits both us and her. That's admirable, but it's also enough. If you do anything more, if you have any sort of a personal relationship with her, you are endangering yourself, and her ."

Darius looked at him sharply, taken aback both by the statement and the level of certainty in Kai's voice.

"I'm not endangering her," he said, his gaze wary. "That's absurd."

"Is it?" Kai demanded. "You're barely keeping your distance as it is. What happens if you do secure placement in the palace for her? Can you honestly tell me— and yourself— that you'd be able to keep yourself away from her?"

Darius started to speak, then found that he couldn't. The thought of Tanitha being here, living and working in the palace, yet remaining out of reach, was excruciating in ways that Darius couldn't even begin to name. Kai shook his head once, apparently hearing all he needed in Darius' silence.

"Let's suppose this takes its best possible path," he said quietly. "Let's suppose that your mother doesn't realize that the prodigy rising quickly through the ranks is the same girl that you were meant to kill. It's possible, I suppose, if unlikely. But what isn't possible is that she wouldn't eventually realize that you've fallen for Tanitha. And when that happens?" He made a helpless gesture. "Tanitha is human, Darius. Do you not know…" He trailed off, then met Darius' eyes directly. "Do you not understand how badly your mother hates her kind?"

Darius straightened, startled. "What?"

"Maybe you can't see it," Kai said quietly. "She tries very hard to hide it, after all, and I suspect she doesn't think highly of that trait in herself. But it's still there." He looked at Darius with something that was very nearly sympathy. "You've truly never seen it?" he asked. "The contempt, the loathing that appears in her eyes when she's near them, even if it's only for an instant?"

"They're her people ," Darius protested. "She… she appointed three humans to the Upper Senate this year alone. She is constantly finding ways to make their lives better."

"Because she knows that we aren't strong enough to stand against the rest of the world without them," Kai said. "There aren't enough of us. She knows we need them, but that doesn't mean the hatred isn't there. Watch for it, and you'll see it. Why do you think she couldn't tolerate your earlier proposal, your idea of mentoring Tanitha and shaping her talents in our favor?" Darius couldn't answer, and Kai continued, "I'm telling you this for your own good. If your mother detects the slightest hint that a human may have any sway over you, she will forbid you from involvement. And if you defy her? If you insist on carrying on?" He shook his head once. "I'd give it less than a week before Naratha takes matters into her own hands and some unfortunate accident strikes Tanitha."

Darius drew back a half pace. "She wouldn't do that," he said, but he could hear the uncertainty in his own voice.

"She would," Kai replied, his voice low and full of the conviction that had been absent from Darius' a moment earlier. "She can, and she would, and you'll only be endangering Tanitha if you tell yourself otherwise." He met Darius' eyes. "I can see how badly you want this," he said. "But this isn't the way. There is no path here. Please, for your own sake, listen to me. Do not let yourself get any closer to her." Darius didn't answer. In truth, there was nothing to say.

"There is no way Tanitha will ever be safe here," Kai said quietly. "Do you understand?" Darius still didn't reply. Kai lowered his voice yet further, then continued, "If you care about her as deeply as you say, then you need to let her go."

Darius turned away. He couldn't acknowledge Kai's words, because to do that would mean that he had to face that Kai was right. He'd have to face that he'd wanted to find a solution so badly that he'd been lying to himself. His mother had ordered Tanitha's death without ever having laid eyes on her. He'd be a fool to forget that.

He'd be a fool, and Tanitha would be dead.

"Darius?" Kai asked quietly. "Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

Darius forced himself to exhale, the breath harsh. Turning away from Kai, he nodded.

Darius flared his ink-black wings, alighting gently on the balcony outside of his mother's study. The pale stone was stained fiery orange by the light of the setting sun, and for a moment, his mind darted back to the last time he'd been here, that fateful night when Naratha had sent him to end a threat. That fateful night when, unknowingly, she'd set him on the path he walked now. A path that was somehow more painful than if he'd obeyed the order to bear the weight of an innocent woman's blood.

Naratha glanced up from the vellum scroll she was reading as Darius entered. It appeared to be a religious text, and he thought back to Tanitha's words about how some people said that Naratha's public piety was a front. He'd been a little disconcerted in that moment to realize that he couldn't say if that was true or not; even reading such things in her private moments could be simple preparation for discussions she'd need to hold with the city's priests.

And then there was what Kai had said, his words about Naratha's deep hatred for humankind. The moment Kai had said it, he'd known it was true, and he'd had to face something else he'd been ignoring. And that was the simple fact that, no matter what he told himself, he didn't really know his own mother at all.

"What is it, Darius?" Naratha asked, looking at him quizzically.

Darius started to speak, but his voice caught, and he had to start again. "I wanted to ask if you'd be willing to speak to Alethia for me," he said, forcing his voice to remain devoid of emotion this time.

Naratha sat upright, the iridescent scales on her wings rustling in clear irritation. She dropped the scroll on the desk, then returned her gaze to him with incredulous exasperation.

"If you are determined to alienate every eligible young woman, Darius, I'd expect you to at least have the decency to not seek out an intermediary for the task," she said, her tone sharp. He held her gaze, his jaw set. "What is it this time?" she continued. "What invisible deficiency has disqualified her?"

"I'm not asking you to send her away," Darius said, his voice still flat. "I want to move to the first stage of contract for an engagement."

Naratha blinked. It was the first time in recent memory that Darius had seen her even temporarily at a loss for words, but he'd been trying to stifle his own feelings too much that day to even take any satisfaction in that.

"I see," she said after a moment. Somewhat to his surprise, she was keeping her own voice level and neutral as well. "You… like her, then?"

As if that had ever been a consideration to her, he thought, trying not to let bitterness wash over him. He pushed against the feeling. It was never meant to have been a primary consideration for him either, and he'd been foolish to hope otherwise. Alethia would be a good ruler. And though they had little in common, she was direct enough in her presentation of herself that at least that had been clear from the start. It was more than he could say for the others.

"I think she's a suitable match," Darius said.

A brief expression of something like sorrow or sympathy passed over Naratha's face, but it was gone too quickly for him to fully identify it. A part of him thought that was perhaps for the best; he didn't think he could stomach sympathy from the person who had put him in this situation to begin with.

He'd been trying to remind himself that only some of this was actually her fault, and none of it was due to malice, but with little success. Every time he thought of doing what he had to do— sending Tanitha away— he felt devastatingly empty. But Kai was right. He needed to face reality, and the reality was that Tanitha would never be safe here. Alethia, however, would thrive.

"Darius," Naratha said quietly. "Are you all right?"

He blinked. He wasn't certain when the last time she'd asked after his emotional state had been. Possibly not since he was a child. And perhaps that should have made it more meaningful, but somehow, it only made the show of concern all the more irritating.

"I'm fine," he said shortly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You haven't been yourself for some time now," she replied. "At first I thought it was because of what I asked you to do a few weeks ago." Darius turned slightly away, unwilling to meet her gaze there, though dearly hoping she'd attribute that to what she would assume was pain at the memory of taking an innocent life. "Was I right?" she asked quietly.

He didn't look at her. "It doesn't matter," he replied at last. "What's done is done."

" What's done sometimes lingers," she replied, her tone still aggravatingly gentle. "If you wish it, I will send Alethia away for a time. She can return in a few months, when you're more yourself."

Darius shook his head. "She'll leave for a time anyway, if she accepts the initial contractual offer," he said. It was an offer he'd have little part in crafting; that was a task for administrators and diplomats. His task was to offer himself, body and soul, to a woman toward whom he felt nothing. And if Alethia agreed, she'd leave to train for the Trials that would formally establish her elemental strength, ensuring that she was of sufficient caliber to mother the next generation of rulers. He was confident that she'd easily pass them, but that would be weeks or even months in the future.

He could only hope it was enough time for his pain at what might have been with Tanitha to fade away.

"Are you certain?" Naratha asked quietly. Darius nodded once. "Perhaps you'd like to speak with her on the subject yourself, then?" she said.

Darius shook his head. Perhaps this was the coward's way out, but he nonetheless couldn't persuade himself to do otherwise. Alethia wasn't a fool. If he spoke with her now, at a time when he was feeling raw with the loss of what might have been, he was certain his reluctance would be obvious to her. She was an admirably self-possessed woman, but even so, political expediency and pressure from her own family might make it very difficult for her to extricate herself from an offer once it was made. He didn't want to give her a reason to want to do so. It had occurred to him that perhaps this was unfair to Alethia, but he'd dismissed the thought. She knew the realities of the situation as well as he did. She might not know about his feelings for Tanitha, true, but he was giving himself time for those to fade. It was the only way to keep Tanitha safe.

He had to let those feelings fade. For all their sakes.

"Very well, then," Naratha said. "I'll send for Alethia in the morning."