23. July 2nd

23

July 2nd

F uzzy. I feel fuzzy.

Everything is tumbling, moving, and spinning.

Wait, that's not right. It's me.

I try to open my eyes, but nothing changes. I am in complete darkness.

My head knocks back into a hard surface, it doesn't hurt exactly, but I use my arms to keep me in place as I continue my spiraling. My hands make contact with cool metal. I place my head on my knees, trying to keep it protected as everything continues to shake.

My fingernails drag against the material, my bare feet lodge into the bottom. I do my best to not be knocked about as whatever I am in continues its path.

I can't move my body, I am lodged in place, my knees pinned to my chest. My arms with limited mobility.

I try to discern what I'm in. I move my fingers against the surface. Up and down. Left and right.

Realization strikes me. I am inside a metal drum.

I open my mouth to scream, but nothing comes out.

Time passes in painful beats as the barrel continues its path of destruction.

Finally, after an eternity, I am stationary.

But I am no less stuck.

The urge to cry heats my eyes, but nothing comes out.

Endless emptiness shrouds me. Hopelessness finds home in my gut.

It is dark, quiet, cold, lonely.

I am scared. And every passing beat has my breath leaving a bit quicker.

Will I run out of air? Will I starve to death? Will anyone find me in time? How did I end up here?

My brain is a slushie of painful unanswerable questions.

I can feel as my panic takes hold and I begin to lose rational thought, but before I spiral too deeply, a loud noise snaps me out of it.

The lid to the barrel is removed, and I look up into soft emerald eyes. It is dark outside of the drum, but his eyes glow in the moonlight.

"Sunflower, we need to stop meeting like this." Tripp bends down and slowly, carefully tugs me out of my tomb.

We are in the woods, a tall hill stands behind us, one that is oddly familiar, past it there appears to be a large building, but it is blurry and my vision won't allow me to focus on it. Broken branches, unsettled soil, and ripped out grass prove that the hill is the path the barrel took down.

My arms reach out to grab hold of Tripp, I see that I am, but I can't physically feel it. I can't feel anything except my own inner turmoil.

I look down at my body and I see that I am in torn shorts and a stained white shirt. My feet are covered in dirt and blood. And my entire form appears to almost shimmer .

"What's wrong with me?" I sob out, but still, no tears come.

Tripp lifts me up and wraps my legs around him. "It's okay Sunflower, I've got you. We've always got you."

My head falls to the crook of his neck. After a few moments, a throat clearing has me lifting it up. Auggie stands just a couple feet away.

"Oh, lil sis. Trauma is a mysterious thing, isn't it?" Auggie steps forward and Tripp gently places me onto the ground.

I can't feel anything on my bare feet. Not the pain of the cuts digging into the ground, not the temperature, not the itchiness of the grass.

Auggie pulls me into a hug. "It's going to be okay, I promise, you just have to let it go. I love you, sis. Please just listen to me. Please ," Auggie begs the word into my hair as his presence warms my heart.

I don't understand what they're saying. "I miss you two," I choke out.

Tripp steps up behind me and pulls me back into his arms. "We know Sunflower, but it's time. You need to trust my brothers. Please. Before it's too late. We can't be there for you anymore. We can only wait and hope that you won't come back here again."

My vision darkens and pain explodes across my nerves.

I open my mouth to scream.

***

"You knew better!" Grayson's voice is heated, angry, laced with worry.

"She is going to be fine!" Axel's deep voice throws back.

My brain is trying to catch up with this reality. I can't understand what is going on. The last I truly remember is being on the back of Axel's bike.

"You're just jealous! Just stop holding back and do what you actually want to do!" Each word Axel says is saturated in irritation.

Wait. I'm not on the bike, I'm in Axel's room. He's covered in scars. He told me he went to jail… for a crime he didn't commit. That Tripp had.

"No, I just want to be someone she can rely on while you two are thinking with your dicks," Grayson hisses the words out softly.

"Just stop it," Darius's calm voice pierces the air.

I start to shift and realize I am on a bed. The mattress is too soft to be my own and judging by the scent that surrounds me, I am in Grayson's room. In Grayson's bed.

I open my eyes.

Darius is laying next to me and he offers up a soft smile before reaching out and squeezing my hand.

The other two brothers are too heated to notice my consciousness, they are standing at the foot of the bed, staring each other down.

"Keep your distance from her before you fuck everything up." Grayson's words are threatening and he stiffens his spine, straightening up until he towers over Axel.

"Bigger men than you have tried to scare me. You aren't shit," Axel sneers.

Darius's long fingers stroke the top of my hand. "Let up, will you two?"

They both turn their wrath to him but stop when they notice I'm awake.

I offer up an unsure wave. "Hi?" I ask.

Grayson's eyes examine my face, until they stutter on my neck.

The side where Axel kissed me earlier.

"What the fuck did you do to her?" Grayson turns back to Axel, grabbing him by the shirt and lifting him against the wall. "She is eighteen! Barely an adult! She doesn't need you attacking her, confusing her!"

While I appreciate the sentiment, it also annoys me. "I'm an adult," I rasp out, sitting up.

"That's hypocritical as fuck!" Axel snarls back, wrestling against Grayson's hold.

"Let him go," Darius murmurs, his fingers tracing up my arm.

Grayson drops him, and Axel pushes against Grayson's chest.

"Until next time." Axel offers me a dirty smirk, before he storms out of the room.

Darius's hand drops and he kisses my forehead and gets up from the bed. He clasps Grayson's shoulder as he leaves the room.

"Don't," Darius warns. He turns and gives me a reassuring look before closing the door behind him.

Alone with Grayson.

An angry, red, chest heaving Grayson.

Except it doesn't make me nervous at all. Instead, I pat the bed next to me.

My gut is pulsating with energy.

Grayson lets all of the air whoosh out of his lungs before he comes over and settles next to me on the bed.

"You need to stop worrying us," Grayson states plainly. His strong hand reaches out, cupping my cheek.

I lean into the contact. "I'm an adult," I say again.

Grayson laughs and the movement has his hand pushing further into my face. His fingertips digging into my jawbone, his thumb stroking my cheek, his palm partially covering my mouth. Everywhere he touches my skin heats, it comes alive.

"You are," he agrees. His eyes catch mine. They are flickering with amusement.

I can tell he doesn't mean it, but I don't push it.

"You know from the outside looking in, you would be the bad guys in this story. Shouldn't I be running away? You all keep following me, showing up when I least expect it, manhandling me." The words muffle a bit against Grayson's hand. "And it's not just Axel, it's all of you."

"Except you trust us, don't you?" His tone is mocking.

I turn a bit and lean forward more into his hand. I am on my knees now, my face a few inches from his.

His hand on my face moves to my hair. I expect him to tuck it behind my ear, and he does, except instead of letting go, he holds onto my curls.

"You are too beautiful for your own damn good." I can tell Grayson doesn't mean to speak the words into existence. As soon as they are out, his face pales, before he slides a neutral expression into place.

For a moment his hold on my hair tightens, and I think he might kiss me but then he lets go and gently pushes me back to my side of the bed, forcing me to lie back down.

"I would tell you not to go to the river party, but no matter what I say, you aren't going to listen, are you?" Grayson's voice is resigned.

"Maybe, if you told me why I shouldn't?" I offer up as Grayson pulls the blankets over me, all the way up to my neck. His scent wafts through the space. It is unbelievably comforting, and I find that I am still incredibly tired. My eyelids grow heavy, but I want to hear his answer. I want to understand what is going on because currently I feel like a wool sack is placed firmly over my head.

Grayson lies back and wraps his arms around me. He pulls my back flat to his chest. "Can I please just hold you tonight?" Grayson's voice shakes as he speaks.

I don't argue, instead I lift the blankets and cover him with them, snuggling back closer to him. His scent, the safety of his arms, the warmth of the blankets. It isn't long before I fall asleep in his embrace.