20. July 1st

20

July 1st

I t's summer in the south, and I should have expected that the marina might be crowded, but I am still thoroughly surprised when Darius and I arrive to a full parking lot, after a silently awkward ride over.

The marina isn't the main source of crowd though, it is actually the restaurant above, which is where we are headed now.

The restaurant itself looks like it is made out of old boats and anything you can find in a junkyard, but once inside, the smell is amazing . My mouth instantly salivates and I am innately aware I have not eaten yet today.

Darius, who apparently knows more about me than I know myself, takes me to the one empty spot in the restaurant.

A booth in the corner with a sign on it: "Reserved."

He pushes me gently down first, and I continue looking around as I sit.

It's weird to be out in the real world. It's weird that time didn't just stop because my brother died, because Tripp died. People are just here going about their day without a care in the world. All of the tables are full and the noise ricochets off the paneled walls.

A full room, and again, I feel alone.

I am grateful for the location of the booth, because once I am settled down and slide all the way in, I can't see anyone and hopefully that means they can't see me either.

"Hang tight, I'll get you some food," Darius promises. He offers me one last wary look before walking towards the kitchen.

It feels like less than a minute later that a newcomer is sliding into the booth across from me.

It's not someone I want to see.

"William." The word is laced in disgust and my face hardens.

"Sunday," William's voice comes out softer, sweeter. Sickly sweet. His frosty eyes are coated in trepidation, and I cannot get a read on the man.

"What do you want?" My anxiety was already through the roof with just being here in this new environment, now it is sky-rocketing. I wipe my sweaty palms on my shorts under the table.

William's nose wrinkles, his lips curl in distaste, his jaw tightens. He clearly doesn't like this interaction any more than I do.

So why did he sit down?

"Don't come for 4 th of July." William's voice is hushed and if we weren't so close together, I wouldn't have heard him at all.

Humiliation heats my skin; I never really was one to go to parties. But to be uninvited? By a jackass like William? It hurts my pride a bit. "And what are you going to do if I show up?"

William rubs his temples and once more looks around as if he is searching for a mysterious arrival. "Just don't, please ?" His voice is soft, desperate, as if he is trying to relay information to me that I should already know.

Before we can continue the discussion, Rayden, Maxwell's brother, walks up.

Rayden's hand lands on William's shoulder. "Well, hey there, Miss Sunday, where have you been? I have been missing you at our parties." Rayden's voice is husky and kind. Genuine. I don't know him too well, but he was nice enough when I saw him at the party.

Except I am still just as on edge as I was before. I offer up a small smile. "I haven't been up to it." I shrug a shoulder.

"Well, that's too bad. Was William inviting you to his party in a few days?" Rayden's voice is suddenly just a bit off .

"Actually—" I start to relay how I was in fact un invited, but William interrupts me.

"Yeah dude, that's what I was asking her, just like I told you. So, Sunday you better be there, or else," William says the words jokingly, but I can't help but to notice that his face is now an impenetrable mask. Emotionless.

What the fuck is going on?

Before I can really understand any of this interaction, Darius and Axel are approaching.

Axel is apparently the cook here, if the black apron covered in grease is any indication.

"Fuck off." Axel glowers at the men. Darius is holding two plates of food, but Axel's hands are free and he uses one to physically remove William from the booth.

William puts his hands up. "Look man, no problems, we were just leaving."

Rayden laughs out loud. "Aren't you on probation, wouldn't want to mess that up too, now, would you?"

I'm caught off guard by the acidity in Rayden's voice that was so gentle just moments ago, but I have to remind myself that the man Axel beat into a pulp, all those years ago, was Rayden's good friend, Mark.

Darius sets the food down in front of me and places himself between Axel and Rayden.

"Go, now, please," Darius bites out each word.

Rayden offers me one more soft grin and then the brothers a two fingered salute. "Come on Willy boy, let's go somewhere where we are welcome." Just before the door shuts behind him, Rayden calls over his shoulder, "See you at the party, Miss Sunday."

I turn my attention back to the O'Brien brothers arguing.

"You were supposed to be watching her!" Axel snaps out, I can practically see the steam coming out of his ears.

"He wasn't supposed to be here," Darius placates before ending the conversation altogether and sitting across from me. "Eat," he states, grabbing one plate of food.

My heart warms. In front of me is shepherd's pie. The last time I ate it was with Auggie and Tripp when we wanted to try to feed ourselves. It was the one item we thought we couldn't fuck up. We were wrong.

"Why is she leaking, you idiot?" Axel's voice startles me from the memory.

I reach up and realize that I am in fact leaking. Tears. No longer do I even notice when the emotions overflow and my waterworks release on their own. I am officially a blubbering cry baby.

"I'm sorry," I whisper out hoarsely. "I was just remembering the last time I had this." I offer up both the brothers a soft reassuring smile.

Axel is clearly still irritated, but he says nothing else as he storms off in the direction of the kitchen.

I take a bite and the flavors of the food deliver me back to that memory again. Of us laughing and throwing mashed potatoes at each other, of the shredded cheese ending up more on the counter than the food, of the decision to not eat the meat because it was undercooked.

Unlike in my memory, this food is edible. In fact it's really good.

"Did you make this?" I ask Darius.

He's mid bite and finishes it before answering. My eyes are drawn to his throat as he swallows. I avert my gaze.

"Axel did," Darius provides.

"Are all of you chefs? Must have skipped Tripp."

Darius laughs. "No, just Axel and me. We wanted to revamp this place. Make a luxury menu for the weekends, but then he got arrested, and life kept throwing punches, and we never got around to it. It does well as is, but one day, if we can make it out of this endless loop, that would be the dream."

I jerk my attention back to him, the emotion in his voice bleeds through and I can practically taste his pain. "I'm sorry." I offer up the useless words that people say, when they don't have any way of fixing something bad.

Darius chuckles again, this time he shrugs his shoulders too. "The world is a cruel place and anyone that says differently has had it lucky. But I wouldn't say they've had it easy."

His voice sharpens and I watch his face morph again, he is now a jaded older man that has gone through too much.

"Because if you live your entire life in peace, what happens when one day it all collapses? You won't have a contingency plan in place. You won't know what to do."

His words resonate.

"I think that might be me. This is the first time I feel like my bubble has popped. Like the outside world is suffocating me. On good days? I am numb and I accept just that. But on bad days? I just need to feel something besides the numbness that pushes me into the ground. I feel so buried that not even a shovel could undo the damage done. That I will live in this sinkhole until I can accept that nothing is ever going to be okay again. That this feeling, that I'm just going to have to learn to live with it. Learn to be alone." My chest is heaving as I let go of the feelings that have swirled around me for the last month.

Darius reaches out, taking my hands, his long hair swoops forward covering his soft amber eyes. "Oh, precious Wildflower, you are never going to be alone again. Not as long as any of us live and breathe. You may not know it yet, but our fates are tied intrinsically. You will forever be wrapped in our presence."

His words are heavy, too much. I try to tug my hands away, but his much larger ones don't allow any room to budge. His long strong fingers wrap around my wrists, shackling me.

"‘Tempt not a desperate man.'" Darius suddenly releases me as if I have burned him. He stands abruptly and gathers our empty plates. "Grayson will be here soon to show you how to expo. No human interaction and think of it like a big puzzle." He rushes away and I watch until he is out of sight.

My emotions are everywhere. This rollercoaster named life has decided to take me on another loop and I'm not sure if this one will be the last or if I am stuck on this ride for the foreseeable future.