29. Chapter 29

Chapter twenty-nine

W e had cleaned up in my chambers and headed down to the dining hall together, arm in arm. The moment we entered through the double wooden doors, we heard someone say in a loud, exaggerated voice, “Well, well, well… Look who decided to grace us with their presence, Em.”

I stared at Bastian incredulously, “Em?” And then to Emilia, who raised her shoulders in a shrug. She looked a little worried.

“Short for Emilia.” He lifted his nose in the air. “A nickname I gave her, which you would have known if you were there.”

This man. This man was actually pouting, with his lip puckered and everything.

“What are you going on about, brother?”

Callum put his hand on Bastian’s arm and rubbed it, “He is just a little sour about…” Callum scrunched up his face as though he were thinking carefully about how to word the rest of his sentence.

Bastian finished for him. “We heard you fucking.”

I raised my eyebrows and looked up to see Soren smiling. He wasn’t fazed at all. He wrapped a hand around my waist and tightened his grip as we approached the table.

Soren looked down at me and smiled wide. “I told you so.”

He leaned down to kiss my forehead and pulled out my chair.

“And now they have inside jokes.” Bastian rolled his eyes, waved a hand in the air, and looked at Callum. “Is this how you felt when I fucked her?”

“I have told her majesty that it doesn’t matter to me how many people she has sex with. I will love her always.”

“Now, now, Bast. Jealousy is not a good look on you,” Soren said playfully.

He was jealous? I slapped my hand over my mouth as a fit of laughter bubbled its way out of me. My body shook as I tried to stop, but that only made me laugh even harder, especially when I looked around the table at their stunned faces.

“And what, pray tell, is so funny?” Bastian asked.

“I didn’t realize that my darling Bastian could be so jealous when he tried to kill me not too long ago,” I said between the gaps in my laughter. Tears lined my eyes, I tried to blink them back to no avail.

I wiped the tears away to focus back on Bastian as he said, “It’s a little too soon to be joking about that, don’t you think?”

I shrugged and reached forward, taking a sip of wine.

He crossed his arms and sat back, cutting his eyes toward his brother. “I am not jealous. Especially not of Soren.”

Emilia spoke up finally after this little heated exchange. “Your actions are in direct conflict with what you’re trying to convey.”

When Bastian lifted his brows, Callum simplified, “Your temper tantrum shows everyone that you’re jealous.”

Bastian stood and announced, “I’m going to go get the food that I slaved over all afternoon.”

When we heard his retreating footsteps, I leaned forward and asked, “What in the world was that all about?”

Callum answered, “Well, we were in the hallway,” heat enveloped his neck, face, and ears, and I knew exactly why, but kept the smile hidden as he continued, “headed back to the library, but heard noises and when we looked in we saw how he,” Callum pointed toward Soren, “was taking you.”

So they saw everything… Interesting.

Just then, Bastian walked up the stairs with two large platters full of roasted pork, swiss chard, steamed potatoes, glazed carrots, fresh blueberries, goat cheese, and bread. He set down the platters mumbling something nobody could hear and began cutting into it aggressively.

I sighed, stood, and walked behind his back as he split up the portions of meat he cut and wrapped my arms around his stomach. It felt so good to be this casual with them all. Allowing them to see my affectionate side. I never realized how draining it was to always be on guard.

Bastian finished slicing the pieces, set the cutting utensils aside, and wiped his hands on the damp towel hanging from his left shoulder. He threw the towel down, clasped a hand over my own that was sliding up his chest, and pulled me until I was in front of him. He lifted me in his arms, just as his brother had a few hours ago, and held me to him by grabbing my ass while his other hand grabbed the nape of my neck and crushed his lips to mine.

He squeezed as he pulled back and breathed huskily, “I just missed you today, is all. And seeing you with my little brother, well, okay, yeah, it made me a little jealous.”

I smirked, thinking about the perfect way to mess with him. I slid my hands over his shoulders and down his stomach and back up as I leaned in until our lips were almost touching, drinking him in, and whispered, “Did you imagine me bent over the chaise as your brother fucked me from behind, wishing it was you who was buried so deep inside of me that it was all I could think about?”

I nipped his bottom lip, took advantage of him being too stunned to react to hop off of him, and sat back down, eating a large bite of pork.

He asked me incredulously, “Are you going to say all of that and pretend as though nothing happened? My balls are aching now!”

Soren couldn’t contain his laughter any longer, and it was contagious because everyone had joined in—even Bastian.

“I suppose we should talk about what this means,” Soren suggested. We all looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate. “We all want her. So what does loving the same woman mean for us?”

He wasn’t asking anyone else, but his brother. Were we going to talk about this now?

“And if I tell you to back off?” Bastian raised a brow.

“That’s not something I can agree with.”

I interjected, “Would anyone like to know what I think?”

They ripped their eyes from each other and looked at me expectantly. Did they want me to choose? “I don’t think I need to remind everyone that I am my own woman who can choose who she wants to mount her.”

Someone choked on their drink as I continued, “There is nothing to do or decide. I want you both and I will not choose. If that is a problem for anyone, then you are more than welcome to stay away from my chambers.”

It was my turn to cross my arms and stare them down.

The brothers looked back at each other, and Bastian rubbed the nape of his neck as he said, “We both love her, it seems. And she has made it abundantly clear that we either agree or she will cut us off.”

“Neither one of us wants that option.” They both shook their heads.

“Just know that in any other situation, I would fight you for the right to be with her. And honestly, as long as I get to be with her, I don’t mind sharing her with one more person.”

“Well, that was poetic.” Soren ran a hand through his hair as I smiled at Bastian, appreciating what he said. “It is rather unconventional, but I have waited my whole life to be with her, and I am not going to let something superficial get in the way of that.”

I clapped my hands together and popped a blueberry into my mouth. “I am happy we are all on the same page because it would have been rather difficult for me to keep my hands off of any of you. Well, except for Emilia.”

She snickered. “Yes, I would rather be kept out of this foursome of yours. Respectfully speaking, of course.”

“Speaking of happy occasions. Were you ever going to tell us that your birthday is in a few days?” Emilia asked.

I lifted my brows, stunned they even knew about it. My eyes slid over to Soren’s, who looked at me sheepishly and said, “Don’t be cross, but I read it when I found that book about your family history.”

I smiled as I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I am not upset, but I didn’t see a reason to bring it up. Which is why I didn’t.”

“Well, how are we to celebrate if we don’t know?” Emilia asked.

“I don’t see a point.” I huffed. “I am—”

“Three hundred and seventy years old. Yes, yes, we get it.” Bastian waved his hand.

“I think after everything that has happened, we all need something to celebrate, don’t you think?” Callum said matter of factly.

I looked to Emilia to help me out, to agree with me, but she shrugged and said, “I think they have a point. A party is a good way to let loose a little and have some fun.”

Traitor.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Is this really what everyone wants?” They all nodded their heads.

“And you don’t have to do anything. Just don’t go into the ballroom until we bring you in,” Emilia added.

I smiled, slowly getting excited over the idea as Callum laughed to himself. “Let’s eat before this delicious meal gets cold.”

We all dug into our food and had a strange sense of unshakable peace. I was smiling so much that my cheeks were in pain. All I had ever wanted was a family that welcomed me—saw me for who I was, flaws and all, and loved me. I thought I had found it in Circe, all those years ago. Never did I imagine I’d find it here, all this time later.

A sense of dread began to wash over me. I had what I wanted, and I was cursed to be alone. I’d watch them all die and wither like the forest around me, only they wouldn’t grow again in the spring. They’d be gone, forever.

I swallowed, and Callum cleared his throat, as if trying to pull me from my dark thoughts. “Are you happy, your grace?”

I suppressed my fear. “Very much so.”

“Good. It warms my heart seeing you so…”

“Affectionate?”

“Happy. Just happy.”

I smiled some more.

Dinner had died down and we were all chatting away happily. None of us were in a hurry to rush off when I asked, “Can I show you all something?”

No one asked where we were headed, though I could feel their curiosity. I didn’t know why I thought this was a good idea, but I had already let them in, and it felt like the next step was for them to see this part of me—my human side. The very part that I hoped I would be able to give them one day.

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stared at the top shrouded in darkness. I stepped forward and ran my hand along the banister coated in dust.

“Thea, what are we doing here?” Bastian asked.

“You don’t have to do this, Rose. If it’s too soon or too hard, then let’s go back and enjoy a stroll around the—”

I took a deep breath, and said into the abyss, “I want to share this side of me. I think it’s time you see me, just like I see all of you. I have to face it and I would rather have my family here when I do.”

I turned to find Callum wiping at something on his cheek and Emilia patting his back, smiling at him. The brothers straightened their shoulders and looked proud of themselves, like they accomplished the impossible.

With that, I started climbing and my family followed behind. Each step felt like a brick being placed upon my chest. I was so very afraid to finally face my past, but I would do it. I would be afraid no longer.

It was a long hallway that had only a few doors down it. Annabelle’s room was the first on the right, my parents’ room was down at the end of the corridor, and my room was between both of theirs on the left. All the doors were identical, with intricate detailing painted in different golden hues.

I stopped directly in front of it. The door was moving—no, I was. I was shaking so terribly that Soren and Bast both held onto a part of my body, lending me their strength. I slowly reached for the door handle and grabbed it gently so as not to frighten it away—more like making a sudden movement that would frighten me away. I remembered the memory that happened last time I was in the West Wing and didn’t want a similar one to manifest.

“Breathe, Thea.”

I had not realized I had been holding my breath. I let it out and turned the knob, pushing it open.

I stood there for what felt like eons before saying quietly, “This was my room when I was eighteen. Well, technically I am still eighteen, but…you get it.” I was rambling, running short of breath once more. I hadn’t been here in so long that everything was covered in dust and cobwebs. But it was all how I had left it.

I had a tall, four-poster bed that took up the majority of the space on one side of the wall. The balcony was straight ahead and looked over the back of the castle where I could see the panoramic view. I loved looking at the scenery so much that I had my bed placed on a side of the wall where I could lay in bed and stare straight out the balcony doors.

There were paintings of my family that I had placed intricately around my room. Some were paintings that Belle and I would do together—we were not professionals by any means—and they were the ones I most cherished.

My new family was behind me, waiting to see what I wanted to do, but I was stuck at the door frame.

Deep breath in. One. Two. Three. Deep breath out. One. Two. Three.

I opened my eyes and took a shaky step forward through the doorway. I wrapped my arms around my stomach as I slowly made my way around, not touching a single item, too afraid my touch would taint it.

I could feel doubt and regret filtering through me as I felt someone thread their arm through mine. I looked over to see Emilia giving me an encouraging smile. I nodded. I would not allow the past to control me.

Callum stopped in front of my dresser and stared at all the trinkets, using his finger to wipe a smudge of the thick dust off. He picked up a small stuffed animal as I walked beside him. I watched him as he was turning it over in his hands.

“It’s still soft after all this time.”

“My father gave it to me when I was a little girl. I wanted to play outside with all the other children, but when he finally let me, I got hurt. So he gave me this doll to make everything better. He said that I should hold her tight whenever I felt sad and everything would be better.”

He gave me a small smile.

He held it for another moment before setting it back on the dresser. “This was Belle’s favorite toy of mine when she was a small child. I would often find her sleeping with it at night, holding it close.”

I felt hands caressing my arms, sliding up and down as Bastian whispered in my ear, “Can you show us any good memories of Annabelle?”

I nodded, but before I could play the scene in the ball of light, Belle and I materialized before our eyes. Soren stood next to us, lacing his fingers through mine and brought them to his lips as we watched the scene play out before us.

“Belle, please! Stop it!”

“You may stop me anytime, Sister. You are stronger than I.”

We were both on my bed with Annabelle on top of me, tickling my stomach. She was right; I was far stronger than she was, but I never wanted this to end. I loved her with all of my heart. Her laughter was my favorite melody.

“You are, dare I say, evil, little sister! What crime have I committed that you would torture me so?”

She stopped for a moment and pondered the question, before accusing, “You ate the very last piece of my blackberry pie.”

“I did not!”

“Did so!”

We stared at each other, willing the other to break eye contact and admit defeat. I never would—well, that was a lie. I always would for my Belle.

My beautiful little sister.

I broke eye contact first, and she raised her arms in victory. I took the distraction and launched my assault, throwing her back on the bed and started tickling her.

Her hands and feet were clawing at me to stop, screaming at the top of her lungs as I didn’t let up. Tears started stinging her eyes when our parents burst through my doors with a few guards in tow, nightgowns and all.

We all stopped and looked at each other. Time paused until both my parents were sighing with relief at the sight.

My mother put her hand to her heaving chest and my father laid his hand upon Thesius, our head guard, as if to catch his breath, chest moving just as fast as mother’s.

“My girls, why are you still up?” Mother chided.

We both looked at each other, waiting for our punishment when Father said, “Move over, my darlings.” He took Mother’s hand and strolled over to the bed, getting in.

“Thank you, Thesius. You may leave.” Thesius nodded and exited swiftly with a smile.

We all snuggled under the covers when Annabelle asked, “Tell us a story, Father.”

He groaned and we all laughed and started begging—even Mother had joined in. He could never say no to her.

“Alright. But then bed.” We both nodded our heads enthusiastically, getting comfortable.

“I was twenty-three years of age. I had been a soldier in my very first war, which went on for nearly six years. But we had won because I had gone out in the middle of the night to scope out where our enemy slept, seeing if I could overhear any of their plans. I had been lucky that night because where I was perched in a tree, a couple of their generals had come over to the base of my tree to pis—” Mother gave him a look, and he corrected himself, “--to use nature's bathroom, and I heard the plans for their attack the next day.”

We were all on the edge of our seats, not knowing how it ended even though it ended with him alive as the king with us.

Father continued, “After they left, I hopped down and went directly to our generals and told them everything I had heard. I was reprimanded by my father, who was angry at my violation of his direct order to not engage, but I knew he was proud of me. So we won the war on my intel, and my father knew I was ready to become king. This is when I had my very own coronation ball and met the love of my life…your mother.”

They leaned toward each other, effectively smooshing us in between their bodies as they kissed and we protested, squirming.

They laughed as they pulled away, and Mother said, “I wasn’t even after your father that night.”

We all looked at her with surprise and asked an array of questions, to which she replied, “I wasn’t of high status, and I wouldn’t have been a good match for your father. I came from a bloodline that married courtiers and dukes—not a king. I was dancing with Sir Claes when I looked over to your father and our eyes met. I was smitten. Though I made no move to approach him, he had other plans, and now I have the two most wonderful little girls a mother could hope for.”

They kissed each of our temples. “Now off to bed.”

“Goodnight, darlings, and have the sweetest of dreams.”

My family faded away until nothing was left to indicate they were ever here. I stared at my bed and willed the memory to come back, but it didn’t. I wanted to see them again. The last few years of their lives were spent with me hating them for what they did. I hated them for so long I had forgotten this memory.

“Your parents seemed like wonderful people. I know why you miss them dearly,” Callum whispered into the silence.

My chest was still heaving at the guilt I felt for what they went through because of me. My father was so loving, so understanding, until he wasn’t. I swore to Circe he’d accept me, but in that final moment, I knew otherwise. His hatred for magic would always overpower his love for me.

No matter what they did, they were still my family.

My legs wouldn’t keep me up any longer, and I crumbled to the ground and cried. I didn’t look up to see their reaction to me falling apart, but I could feel them sitting next to me. They didn’t make a move to touch me as I sat there and cried, but they were just present, lending me their strength when I was quickly losing my own.