27. Chapter 27

Chapter twenty-seven

W e spent endless hours in the library researching with little to no progress. My patience was starting to thin. The hope I was holding onto slowly slipped through my fingers, and I could tell everyone was feeling defeated.

We needed a break.

I snapped my book closed and set it on the side table.

“I say that we all take the afternoon away from the library and away from these books.” I could see Bastian and Callum smirking at each other from across the table, and I knew exactly what they were thinking, but I also needed a break from them. Needed to clear my head.

“Emilia, let’s have tea in the sunroom. Bastian, prepare my favorite snacks for us.” It was far too cold for us to take the tea outside.

His shoulders visibly slumped, and then he nodded his head, “Of course.”

I stood. “We will reconvene after dinner tonight.”

They all nodded. I got up and pulled Emilia’s arm with me, walking out of the room with my hand in the crook of her elbow. The walk over was quiet as we simply enjoyed each other’s company, never needing to fill the silence.

We rounded the corner, and I couldn’t help but smile at the decadent room that still had the tables set up as though there were ladies and members of royalty on their way to have high tea. I hadn’t been this far in the castle in ages, not wanting to take a chance in accidentally destroying this room.

The sun room was one of the more unique rooms located at the back of the castle as the walls were pure glass. This room was everyone’s favorite for no reason other than the view. My parents made sure that nothing was obstructing the mountains beyond.

I sat at the table with an unobstructed view of the landscape and Emilia slid into the chair opposite me. We both sat there staring off as far as the fog would allow.

I took a breath and was about to say something when Bastian entered with a tray full of miniature sandwiches and fruits. There was a steaming pot of tea and two cups from the finest china that we had. I smiled when I saw that he had unknowingly chosen the set that Belle and I would always use when having tea parties in one of our rooms.

“Is there anything else you need?” Bastian asked.

“No, that will be all.” He nodded and left. I ignored the longing in his gaze as we had just fucked a few hours ago and focused on the snacks he served.

I reached over, picked up one of the small sandwiches, and took a bite. I groaned, “That man has many talents, but I think cooking is where he shines.”

Emilia made a small sound, which interrupted my savoring.

She smiled behind her hand, cheeks growing red. “I can’t speak on his skillset behind closed doors, but if this is better than that, then I can’t begin to imagine.”

While she spoke, I took a sip of my tea and then spit it out in my surprised amusement. Liquid ran down my chin as I stared at her. We looked at each other and burst out laughing. We were laughing so hard that I had to hold my stomach to try and get control of myself. But it wouldn’t end, turning incredibly painful. Every time we quieted down and thought it was over, we would glance at each other and be thrown into another fit of hysteria.

I could feel eyes on our backs and could only imagine what we looked like. Finally, the laughter gradually died down.

“Thank you for inviting me to tea.”

I waved her off. “I shouldn’t have waited this long to invite you.” This is the way that it always should have been.

I devoured the rest of the sandwich and tea, and asked, “Will you tell me about your life before?” I had never asked her, but I had always been curious about the family she left behind.

She looked over at me mid-sip. She took the sip, pondering, and set it back down with a tiny clink. “I don’t remember much of my life before arriving here. Now I know that it was my mind simply protecting me from the horrors that I faced at such a young age. But one thing I do remember is that my aunt used to bake me honeyed bread on special occasions. Similar to the cake Bastian made the other day. It was the last thing I ate before—” she stopped.

“It’s good to know that she wasn’t always cruel.”

She gave me a sad smile and slowly shook her head. “No, she wasn’t. She was kind until the taxes were raised, and she took to drinking more often and would invite random men to our home. I didn’t know it at the time, but that was how we survived until I was chosen for the Reaping.”

“I can’t say that I understand what it means to suffer and starve. I won’t pretend to. But I do know what it feels like to be desperate enough to make decisions that I otherwise wouldn’t have made.”

She huffed a laugh. “My aunt would set me on our table as she kneaded the dough, and I would sit there, listening to her tell me stories about my parents and her life.”

“You don’t remember anything about them?”

She looked away before she set her eyes back on me. “My mother died in childbirth, and my father drank himself to death after. My aunt is the only other family I am aware of.”

I let the silence settle between us, not wishing to push her any more than I already was.

“Which brother is your favorite?” She asked, clearly ready to change the subject.

This question took me by surprise; she was getting rather bold. I looked toward the ceiling, taking a moment to think about it. “I don’t think that I can answer that. I enjoy both of their company equally, but for different reasons.” I thought about their arrival. “Bastian was so passionate and determined to get away from me, but every time he disobeyed me, a thrill shot through me. No one had ever disobeyed me before, which helped with the monotony that had become my life over the years.”

I sighed, blissfully reminiscing. “Then my scholar arrived. I was stunned when he practically proclaimed his devotion to me the moment he came. His intellect drew me to him. He was a breath of fresh air.”

“And you most definitely are Callum’s world.”

We both giggled at that.

“Ah, my little bird. There has not been one moment with him where I felt as though he judged me and my level of depravity. He has always been right by my side, holding my favorite pair of blades to carve up the prisoners. I could completely let go and give in to my darkest desires. For that, I am grateful.

“And what about you?” I inquired.

“What about me?”

“Do you ever dream of a life with a family? A partner? Just… More?”

“I have allowed what happened to me to affect my life for too long. I want to move past it. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a family of my own. Though, I don’t believe that is likely to happen. I don’t think I deserve to have those things.”

“Why would you say that?”

She swallowed and sat up a little straighter, and began to fiddle with the napkin in her lap. “I don’t know what it means to be a mother. A loving wife. What right do I have to possibly bring another soul into this world?”

I took a moment and let her words sink in.

I lifted the kettle and filled her empty cup. She looked over out of the corner of her eye. “Have you not taken care of me? Have you not cried over me when you saw me injured?” I sighed and set my lips in a thin line. “It seems like we have both allowed fear to rule our lives.”

Such a cowardly thing to do, she signed and bent her head down and took another sip of tea.

I leaned across the table, placed my hand atop hers, and squeezed hard enough to get her attention. “We are not cowards. We have both lived through unspeakable atrocities that were out of our control.”

She nodded her head, but I wasn’t sure if she believed me. After a moment, she asked, “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

I set my teacup down and gave her my full attention.

“Please tell me if I am out of line, but,” she turned until she looked directly at me, “I came out of my room the day you told the three of them about your past.” She hesitated. “I saw everything. I didn’t mean to intrude, but I didn’t know how to get out of it.”

I raised my brows and nodded for her to continue. “I was wondering how you found out about the witch. What made you so sure that it was her?”

I cocked my head to the side, wondering what prompted this. She saw my confused look and rushed out, “I am only asking because there might be something in that part of your history that could help us figure out how to break the curse.”

I contemplated her question. I could see her unease, but instead of answering her with words I lifted my right hand and conjured a ball of shadows. I concentrated my memories on it until an image appeared.

I could hear Emilia gasp, “Is that you?”

“Yes.”

I could see her focusing back on the ball of shadows and light as the image became clear.

I said to Emilia, “I didn’t want to believe it, but I couldn’t deny what I saw the day Belle died, her words…everything about her felt different that day. I knew I had to get to the bottom of it before it ripped me apart.”

We watched my younger self walking through the halls, talking to herself, making her way to the servant’s quarters to confront her, hesitate, and then slip into an alcove along the hallway.

I saw Emilia sitting up a little straighter.

At the end of the hallway, we could see Circe passing by, cloaked. We watched as my younger self pulled up her hood and followed after her.

She kept to the shadows and stayed back far enough to not raise suspicions. They curved around the edges of the castle and into the treeline of the forest. She stopped and hid behind a tree when she saw Circe stop in a cluster of trees under the arch leading to the pond. She didn’t have to wait long until another cloaked figure emerged from the darkness.

“You’re late.” The voice sounded like a female.

“It couldn’t be helped, Audra.” Circe took off the hood and placed her hands behind her back.

The woman, Audra, uncloaked herself and placed a fisted hand over her heart. “Merry meet, high priestess.”

Ausra had long strawberry blonde hair that reached well past her hips and would have probably been longer if her hair wasn’t in braids. She had scars all over her body and was missing an eye.

Circe placed a fisted hand over her heart. “Merry meet, sister.” Circe looked around and kept her voice down. “I have news.”

“So, is it true? Did you kill her?”

Circe lifted her chin and nodded. “Yes, it couldn’t be helped. She found out about Princess Calathea’s powers, and I am certain she had plans to tell her father.”

Emilia gasped beside me.

Audra nodded slowly. “A shame, but good riddance. One less Everhart in the world, murdering our people. Our plans are still in motion?”

Circe took a deep breath. “Yes, but the plans have changed.”

Audra’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

“I believe if the princess is to take the crown, she will bring peace to our people. Peace that will last. She will stop this war.”

“You’ve grown attached.” The words came out sharp, and Circe’s face hardened. “Even if she can take her father’s crown, how keen will she be on murdering him to get it?”

Circe opened her mouth to reply, but Audra cut her off with a hiss. “And if she were willing to kill her own blood, what makes you think every kingdom around us will not turn on her the second they find out she is one of us? Don’t you understand, Circe? There’s no peace. There’s no world where we can coexist. They have made it so.”

They were silent for a moment before Circe continued, “That child is more powerful than the entire coven combined. She has powers she hasn’t even begun to tap into yet.” She pondered to herself. “How that blasted king became blessed with a witch of such magnitude is a cruel joke. But perhaps, she is our savior.”

Audra shook her head firmly. “We are at war, Circe. Kill the royal family… That is the mission. Spare none of them. I will tell the others to be in position when the moon has peaked at its highest. We will be ready.”

I dropped my hand and the ball of light, my memory, with it. When I was young, her plan felt like a stab in the heart, but in the memory, she looked vulnerable—desperate. At the very least, she believed in me and tried to fight for my safety.

I looked over to see Emilia crying, her hand shaking as she dried the tears with her napkin.

“How? How did you not rip her apart?”

“I hated her, and…I loved her in some ways. I had a family, but they didn’t understand me. Not like Circe. Finding out her plan broke my heart. I couldn’t feel rage, not in the moment.” Truthfully, I still couldn’t sort through the mess of emotions I felt when it came to that witch.

I reached across the table, took another sandwich from the plate, and ate it in a few bites. I didn’t know what else to say. Quite frankly, I was growing rather exhausted from all the talking and was about to excuse myself when Emilia asked an intriguing question.

“Could you ever forgive her?”

“No,” I said without thinking, and my heart felt the pain all over again. Though, I wasn’t sure if my answer was the truth. Before Callum, before Emilia, she was all I had in these lonely castle walls.

Emilia’s gaze was solemn in response. “Do you think they’ll find a way to break your curse?”

I gave her a small smile. “Gods no, but it’s keeping them busy, isn’t it?”

A grin pulled at her lips.

When she smiled, I was about to say something else—perhaps how beautiful she looked, but then doubled over in pain. Her hands shot out to apply pressure to her lower abdomen. She fell backward.

“Emilia? Emilia!”

“Your majesty, I need to tell you something!” Her eyes were wide with fear. Where was this coming from?

“Tell me?” I grabbed her shoulders tightly.

“It hurts…”

She clenched her teeth and bowed her head to bear through the pain. I took the knife from the table, cut myself, and was seconds away from putting it to her lips when she pulled away.

“Emilia?”

Her breathing was hard as she took a moment to catch her breath and then looked up at me. “I highly apologize. I must be tired from all the research that we have been doing lately. I think I will take my leave and lie down for a while.”

“Do you need me to help you? Please, let me help you.”

“No! No, please, I will be fine. I haven’t slept in days…I’m just not myself.” She bowed her head. “Thank you for sharing your story with me. I am honored.” And then left.

“Emilia, stop!”

I watched her as she rounded the corner back to her chambers. I started to follow them all when a familiar voice called to me.

She is hiding something from you, Callie. Perhaps we are not so different.

I stopped and commanded. “No more Circe. She is nothing like you. She is good.”

I was good.

“You wanted blood for blood! You used me,” I hissed, ensuring that my mind understood that I was done listening to her nonsense. “I have to let you go. You are my guilt, and you have lived inside me for centuries. I have to let you go.”

You can’t. I am a part of you.

“Not anymore.”

I took a moment, shut my eyes, and willed myself with everything I had, placing mental barriers around my mind—fortifying it and then reinforcing the walls.

Callie!

Then it was over.

My mind was cleared from the fog that had plagued me since the day I was cursed. The silence wasn’t unbearable. It was comforting, normal—human, even.

I laughed and then cried and then broke down, clutching my stomach. Was that all it took? All these years and all I needed to do was let her go?

I wiped the tears away and nearly skipped to the door.

Clear! My mind was clear, and my body was as light as air. One gust of wind and I would be swept away.

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. I wanted to punch someone. I wanted to fuck. I wanted… I wanted to walk out those doors and through those gates.

I wanted to leave .

But…did I?

Did I truly want to lift the curse? I knew they wouldn’t break it, that it was a wasted effort, but now I was considering it. Where would I go? Who would I be? Who was I without my guilt, without Circe plaguing my thoughts…without my memories haunting me.

I rubbed my temple with my fingers, adding enough pressure to relieve some of the pain. Deep breath in. One. Two. Three. Deep breath out. One. Two. Three.

I moved to my balcony.

When I thought back to being a child and what my dreams were, I came up empty. I knew that I wanted to travel the world. I knew that would never be a reality since I was the eldest and thus, the next in line for the throne. My fate was sealed.

I slammed the doors open, the wind whipping around my face, and stepped forward until I could lean over the railing. There was always a third option floating in the back of my mind, but I wouldn’t consider it. At least not for now.

They had all given me a taste of what it felt like to be loved if only I gave myself over to it. I wrapped my arms around myself, unable to stop a chill from running up my spine.