25. Chapter 25

Chapter twenty-five

B astian would not allow me to heal until after a few days of eating and drinking consistently. He took his role as my caretaker seriously, and only when I kept my food down did he re-offer me the deal and stop cutting me.

Soren had set up an area in the chapel to read over the books, but would come in to check on me throughout the day. He stated that keeping away from me all those days before was unbearable, and he would never subject himself to that kind of torture again.

I would never tell him this, but every time he said it, a part of me would melt at the dramatics of it all. And when I thought of one brother, the other wasn’t far behind. I found myself often fantasizing about the brothers’ lips. Soren’s attention to detail and Bastian’s passionate abandon.

I absentmindedly touched my lips as I thought back to that kiss with Bastian. It was everything I had dreamed about but would never have given away voluntarily. Yet he took it, which seemed to be a theme throughout his life. He simply took what he wanted, and what he now wanted was me. If he was to be believed.

He wouldn’t stop telling me everything he loved about me, including my sharp wit. As much as I wanted to believe him, I couldn’t. Not yet.

We were all in the library because Soren had come in the night before to tell us that he needed help going through the enormous stack of texts and documents. I stretched, feeling my magic humming beneath my skin as if it were telling me that it was happy to be back and connected with me.

I looked out the window and wondered when Emilia was going to make an appearance. I was content in giving her space, but it was proving to be quite a challenge as the days dragged on. I would often sit outside her room and wait for her. Sometimes, her nightmares woke her from sleep, and it would take everything in me not to burst through her door.

I blew out a breath and told myself that if she didn’t come out today, then I would drag her out just as Bastian did to me.

I heard books slam against the table that Bastian and Callum brought in. I snapped, “Be careful with the books. They are far older than even myself, and I don’t need idiotic boys ruining them.”

“Can you please drop the ‘boy’ thing? Having fucked you and then being called ‘boy’ is rather absurd,” said Bastian.

I could see Soren stiffen as Bastian said that so callously. I knew he only said that to get a reaction out of his brother. It was childish, but fun to watch.

They pulled all the books that Soren gathered from the chapel and brought them in, but there were hundreds more in my secret room. I walked over to the portrait, hesitant to share another part of me, but knowing that I had promised to give them a shot at breaking the curse. I took a breath, lifted my hand to the book, and pulled.

The hidden door opened, and Callum exclaimed. “Woah! I had no idea this was back here.”

“That was the point, little bird.”

Bastian looked to Soren to share in this moment of surprise and found that Soren was smiling wide. I wanted to roll my eyes, knowing that he loved to be in on this little secret with me.

“You knew, didn't you,” Bastian asked incredulously. “How could you keep something like this from me?”

Soren looked at his older brother and said, “Don’t be jealous brother, it is not a good look on you.” He patted Bastian’s back as he walked into the small room.

Bastian and Callum shuffled in after Soren to get a good look at the space. “And remember pets, set them gently on the table.”

Soren stuck his head out of the doorway and raised an eyebrow. “You think calling us ‘pets’ is better than ‘boys’?”

I lifted a shoulder. “It’s one or the other. I wouldn’t want you to think that I like any of you.”

I could hear Bastian scoff. “You seemed to like me the other day.”

Soren shot his brother a glare, knowing that Bastian was taunting him.

Callum groaned, and stepped inside the room. “As much as I love imagining her grace naked, can we please get to the task at hand?”

Ever the peacekeeper. Seconds later, he walked out with a stack of books in his hands. It didn’t take long before all of the books were set up along the table, everyone taking a seat.

Soren walked over to sit next to me, much to his brother’s protests, and said, “I have read through all of these.” He pointed to a stack of books at the far end of the table. “I found some relevant information, but even after hearing and…” he continued hesitantly, “seeing her grace’s past, I am no closer to breaking it. Though I have some theories.”

The stack of books that he hadn’t read was far larger than what he had read, and I knew that this wasn’t going to be fast or easy. This would take time, something that I had an abundance of.

But they don’t. I wonder if they will die before they get through half that stack of books.

I ignored her taunts as I leaned back in my chair, curious about what he found that I didn’t. He looked at the three of us. His features were set, and determined, and he was in full research mode.

“There are way too many books for us to thoroughly go through each one, so skim over each sentence looking for anything related to curses, magic borns, or the surname ‘Morahan’.” Soren paused and looked at me, knowing that Circe’s surname might cause a negative reaction. He hurried along, “Poetry and storybooks should also be skimmed through as you never know where the answer lies.” He then turned to me, a crease forming between his brows, and said, “Remind me of her exact words that she said when she cursed you.”

I could recite the words in my sleep, even if I hadn't seen the vision a few days ago:

All you know will fade like mist. As you have shown the heart of a beast, so shall you live as one. Silence your prison; loneliness your true companion. Isolated. Unloved. Cursed. Only when our tangled thread unbinds, can you reclaim what was lost.

Soren was scratching his chin, deep in thought. “Word choice is vital when placing a curse upon another. The mist makes sense because that is what eviscerated thousands of people.”

“Soren,” Bastian hissed.

Soren winced at the tone, realizing what he said. He cleared his throat, not wanting to bring more attention to the massacre of my kingdom, and continued, “Circe, obviously, had an immense amount of resentment toward you if she believes you have shown the heart of a beast.”

“Simply because you did the right thing and told your mother about Circe’s ill intentions,” Bastian scoffed.

Callum intervened, “Back to the topic at hand.” Then, he turned his attention toward Soren. “Is there anything else we should be looking at when going through the texts?”

“I suppose anything related to the War on Witches.” He shrugged. “Other than that, take notes of anything that jumps out to you.”

We all seemed to nod as Soren mumbled to himself, “‘Our tangled threads unbind.’ What could she have meant by that?” He sat down in his chair and pulled his journal out.

I grabbed a book and could see Bastian out of the corner of my eye as he stared at the endless pile, dread crossed over his features. Callum, I could see, was doing his best not to stare at Bastian. It was a look I couldn’t quite place, but now wasn’t the time.

I turned away from them and back to the pile of books. As much as I hated to admit it, Soren was right. I needed help and a fresh pair of eyes. Hopefully, they would find something that I couldn’t.

We all turned when we heard someone enter and found Emilia walking toward us with a smile and a large platter of food. Callum hurried over to her and lifted the tray out of her hands and onto the table.

My back stiffened, and I shot up.

“Callum told me that you were fully healed and that you were all researching. I thought you all might be a little peckish.”

Hope blossomed in my chest at how relaxed she seemed to be.

She looked down, suddenly nervous, and my stomach dropped. It was another moment before she barely looked into my eyes and asked, “May I speak with you…alone?”

I nodded and followed her out of the library.

We walked down the hall far enough away so we wouldn’t be overheard. We stood awkwardly as she mustered up the courage to say whatever she had been thinking about. She twirled a strand of hair between her fingers.

I had thought long and hard about what she could be worried about, what could be making her slowly lose her mind. The only reason I could fathom was her desire to still want to move on with her life.

“If this is about you leaving, just know you have my blessing. I will give you plenty of money so that you won’t need to worry about your needs.” She looked up at me, tears welling in her eyes. “You can come back anytime you want. Long ago, I told you you could leave when you were strong enough. I’ve known for years you were ready, I just couldn’t let you go.”

“You made me strong,” she said softly.

I shook my head. “No. You persevered against all odds. I had nothing to do with it.” I paused for a moment. “You changed me; turned my entire world upside down, and helped me see past the darkness that had overtaken my life. You are my light.”

She lunged for me then, wrapping her arms around me as her body shook, the side of her head resting on my shoulder. I stood there in shock, my hands limp at my sides.

Her hug was tight, and I wasn’t sure if this was goodbye. Before I could overthink it, I slowly raised my arms. I leaned into her touch and hugged her just as tightly.

I could feel something wet on my shoulder, and I knew she was crying, though not a sound was coming from her. We had been through so much together. Her body was still shaking, but then I felt a hand slowly circling my back and realized that I was the one who was crying. Tears cascaded down my face as I let go and leaned fully into her embrace.

The sobs slowed as my breathing returned to a normal rhythm, and I pulled back to look her in the face. She wiped at the tears that I let flow freely down my face as she said, “I am so sorry. I should not have yelled at you the way I did before. I was just—”

I grabbed her by the shoulders. “I am sorry that I forced you to be around them, that I thought I knew what was best for you.”

She shook her head. “No. I was wrong about them, about so many things. I would like to start over if they will allow me. And what I really wanted to say was that I am not leaving you. You are my home, the only one I’ve ever known. How can I let that go?”

Her sudden change of heart was startling, to say the least. Part of me didn’t want to believe her because she seemed so sure of herself not too long ago. What could have happened to change her mind? But I mentally shook my head.

No. She was here, and she said she wouldn’t leave me. She was staying, and I wasn’t going to ruin the news by questioning it. I was going to try to live in this moment.

Everyone was staying because they wanted to and not because I forced them. They were choosing me.

Part of me was still upset with Bastian, not because I was truly upset but because anger was as much of a lifeline to me as Emilia and Callum were. I depended on that emotion to keep me grounded in the present, but maybe… Maybe I no longer had to hide behind those feelings.

My breath hitched, and I straightened my back, willing the tears to stop because we had more pressing matters at hand. And I was sure the rest of them were dying to know what we were talking about. Best not to wait any longer.

I turned to leave when she piped up, “Your majesty, if I may…” I turned back around. “Bastian is a good man. He made a mistake, and I feel as though he has suffered enough. It is not my place, but I wanted you to know that I do not blame him—either one of them—for what happened with their father. If I can forgive him, why can’t you?”

She was already speaking so calmly about their father that it sent a chill down my spine. I could barely talk about it without wanting to burn down the forest.

I pushed the thought away, not wanting to press her. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

She gave me a small smile. “We have limited time to be here with you. One day, we will die, and I am afraid that it will break you. Don’t let your anger cloud your time here with them.”

I watched her walk away, giving me a moment to contemplate everything she said. She wasn’t leaving. She didn’t blame them. So I shouldn’t? Yes, Bastian had tried to kill me. But did he? Or was he so afraid of his father that he thought he should strike me down to save his brother? Would I have not done the exact same if it were Belle?

I knew the answer immediately.

I took a deep breath before following her back into the library. I entered just as she grabbed a book and made herself comfortable on the lounge chair. She looked up and said, “No time to waste.” As if nothing happened.

I could tell the brothers wanted to say more to her, feeling as though they didn’t get to apologize the way they wanted. Especially Bastian.

Emilia looked into each one of their eyes, smiled at Soren, and then landed on Bastian’s. She said, “Your stew smells delicious.”

She was being brave, and so would I.

I walked over to Callum, who was silently watching everyone and smiling to himself. I sat on his lap, placed my hands on either side of his face, and brought his lips to mine. It took him one single moment of shock before he wrapped his hands around my lower back and deepened the kiss.

I was tired of living life in fear and hiding behind anger. They’d spend years trying to break my curse and never succeed, and maybe I selfishly didn’t mind that. At least they’d be here. I’d have them to myself.

I licked the seam of his lips, ordering him to give me entrance, and he happily obliged. Our lips moved in sync, and I chastised myself for denying me this pleasure. Tingles shot down to my core, heating as I heard someone cough.

I pulled back just enough so that I could smile against his soft lips. I sunk my teeth into his bottom lip and pulled. He hissed as I bit down on him, then pulled back fully and slapped his face just hard enough to jolt him. His length hardened beneath me.

I got up without any sort of explanation, picked up the book in front of me, went over to the couch to get more comfortable, and began to read. I could feel their questioning gaze on me, but I ignored them as the light from the large stained glass window beamed onto my back, illuminating the book in broken shards of light.

The book was from the early twelfth century, and its pages were worn from time. Dust had collected over the pages, and it made me think about all the books in the library that were probably close to falling apart. I should have taken better care of them. I could worry about that a different day when the pressure of breaking the curse wasn’t looming above us.

A few hours had gone by, and I had barely made a dent in the book with well over five hundred pages left. I stood up and stretched my arms above my head. I had chosen to wear something with more coverage than I was used to, but still cut low enough to leave nothing to the imagination. I heard someone’s breath hitch and found everyone staring at me.

“Seriously? All I did was stretch,” I teased.

“In our defense, you are stunning,” Bastian said, leaning forward, resting his head on top of one of the books, eyes darkening.

I scoffed, rolled my eyes, and sat back down. “Keep dreaming, hunter.”

I leaned back onto the cushion of the chaise and began to read again when he said, “Oh, I do. Often.”

My eyes snapped to him over the top of the book, thinking about the words left hanging in the room. I knew exactly what he was insinuating, what he was offering.

“Blatantly flirting with me?” I said, my attention back on the book, flipping through the pages. Not wanting to look directly into his eyes because I knew I would have him take me right there, but I wasn’t ready.

“How else are you going to get it through that thick skull of yours that I am yours?”

“When you stop with whatever it is you think is going to get you back in my good graces.” Then I laughed, the sound strained. “It’s rather funny if you think I am going to let you fuck me again.”

He closed his book and slowly leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. “You don’t have to like me to fuck me, your grace. I think you rather enjoy how rough it can get after one of our arguments. So…is this foreplay?”

Soren cleared his throat. “I would rather not be privy to whatever game this is. Some of us would like to help find a way to break the curse.”

I rolled my eyes and ignored his comment. He hadn’t touched me in weeks, but I knew he was thinking about our time just as much as I was. I could tell from the longing looks he would give me when he thought I wasn’t looking.

We all went back to reading, and when there wasn’t enough light for us to continue reading, I recommended that we all get some sleep and start fresh in the morning. I set my almost finished book on the end table next to my chair and looked toward Callum, my smile turning wicked. It had been too long since I had him balls deep inside me.

I spared a glance at Bastian and found him staring at me from under his lashes. The look he was giving Callum and I promised punishment. His eyes had darkened, a deep green so dark that they appeared black in the light.

He strode out without another word, and Soren went with him, stopping in front of me to say, “You’re playing a losing game with him. Once he has set his eyes on something, he gets it.”

“I think you forget who the beast is.”

He slowly shook his head as he passed us.

Sometimes, I wondered what they thought about me, knowing that they each wanted me badly. That thought led to other salacious thoughts about the both of them in my bed. I groaned at the mental image that assaulted me, and I opened my eyes, focusing on Callum. I needed release.

I stood and saw that Emilia hadn’t moved. She’d lit a small candle beside her.

“Emilia?”

She looked up and nodded, bidding me goodnight.

I grabbed Callum by the front of his shirt and pulled him from the room.