Chapter 24

CHAPTER24

“You’re going to send me away?” Violet stumbled toward him, walking around the furniture in haste to get to him. “You can kiss me like that one minute and then the next tell me that you have to return to your first love? No. No. You cannot kiss like that and not mean it. Surely that is not possible.”

“I never gave you my heart, Violet. You know that.”

“So it belonged to her all along?” Violet blinked madly. Her view of Xander was skewed now, blurred by the tears in her eyes. “It was always hers?”

She felt small, insignificant, reduced to nothing but a body in her bed. Someone to keep him warm, someone to pass his time with, but nothing more worthwhile.

“How could you do this?” she asked wildly. “How could you?”

“I have no choice.” He spoke the words with sudden strength, and she wiped her eyes so she could see his expression clearer. His face was stern, his gaze fixed on hers. “I have to do this.”

“You made a vow to me in church. You have made no such vow to her.”

“I made a promise.”

“And a promise to her is worth more than the vow you made to God to stay with me? Until death do us part? Oh, God!” She flung her hands high in the air and marched away across the room.

He followed her, but his manner was still infuriatingly cool compared to her own.

“I cannot believe I was so blind. So foolish to not see that all of this, everything that has happened between us, mattered no more to you than a cloud over your head. Something to move on and be forgotten about. You married me, Xander!”

She turned around and pushed against his chest, startled to find him so near and needing to push him away.

“You married me!” She pushed him again. “Does not mean nothing? Nothing at all?”

“The promise was made,” he said quietly. “I have to help her now.”

“Help her?” Violet backed up even more.

Everything was about Tilly. Even now when Violet was trying to point out that she mattered, that she was the one he had married, his defense was to mention Tilly and completely ignore her.

“You really do love her, don’t you?” Violet said.

“I never said that!” he suddenly boomed.

She scurried away. In all the times that she had been around him, attracted to his darkness, she had never once been afraid, not until that moment. She moved toward the bed, and he followed her.

“Violet?”

She stood on the bed, climbing across it to the other side and jumping down to put it between them. He halted on the other side, gripping the bedpost as he looked at her.

“You run away from me now?” he asked, his voice deep. “You were the one who always ran to me, never away.”

“And now you’re sending me away,” she said wildly, gripping the other bedpost and mirroring his position, waving her other hand at him. “I would have happily stayed here forever, Xander. Maybe you could never love me, maybe your heart was never mine, but did you honestly have no idea how I feel about you? Were you honestly so blind not to see that from the moment I met you, you changed me? That you made my heart… yours?”

Silence followed. His lips were pressed together firmly, his eyes never blinking.

“A stranger might as well have confessed to such a thing, eh?” she said, breaking that silence. “Why should my declaration matter when you have the love of your life back?”

“I never said that I—”

“Enough!” She matched his volume, practically shrieking at him in order to be heard.

She’d never known she was capable of such volume. She turned and sat on the end of the bed, gripping the post beside her as if it would somehow give her the strength that she felt was slipping from her. She refused to look at him, staring at the floorboards instead.

He moved toward her. She could hear him walking her way, though she didn’t angle her head toward him.

“Vi,” he whispered, then his fingers touched her shoulder, but she flinched away from him.

She couldn’t bear for him to touch her now, not after finding out what she had discovered.

Maybe every time he made love to me, he was picturing another. Maybe he saw Tilly in his mind’s eye, and it was never me.

She felt disgusting, and bile rose in her throat. Any minute now, she was going to be sick.

“I need you to leave the house,” he said coolly and calmly. “I’ll come to you at some point and explain everything better, but for now, you need to go—”

“Oh, I was going to leave anyway, YourGrace. You think I will want to see you?” she asked bitterly. “No. You have made your decision. Why should I wish to stay for another minute with a man who cares so little about me?”

“Violet—”

“Go!” her voice boomed.

Suddenly, the power had shifted.

It no longer belonged to the cold and shadowy man before her. It somehow had gone to her. Even though she was far smaller than him, even slight in figure as she sat on the bed, he obeyed her. He walked to the door and opened it wide.

“At least,” she called, knowing there was one last thing she wanted to say to him before he left her for good. “Now I know how to finish my story.”

“What?” he said, his voice so deep that it made her flinch.

She stood and turned to face him. She sniffed, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Something twitched in the skin around his eyes, but she didn’t know what it meant.

“I have several ideas of how to end The Dark Duke.”

“How?” he asked.

He didn’t move, but there was a tone in his voice that was foreign to her. The best description she could find for it was desperation.

“The heroine will see him for who he really is. In love with another. Both afraid and determined to never fall in love again. She’ll see the truth about him.”

His eyebrows lifted high, clearly waiting for her to go on.

“She’ll see a coward.”

He stepped toward her, anger on his face.

“She’ll be disgusted.” Her next words rooted him to the spot.

Silence followed this declaration. They both stood there, staring at one another, but neither of them said anything. She breathed deeply, finding at last she could no longer hear her heartbeat, but heard her own breath instead as her chest rose and fell.

For one wild second, she thought he would melt into darkness, that maybe he was nothing but a character she had imagined, no hero, but a villain.

Perfectly seductive, he had drawn her into the darkness with him, showed her everything about sharing their bodies, indulging in pleasures that some in the world might have frowned upon, and now that he had ruined her, made sure she could never marry another, he was letting her go.

He stepped back, turning and moving toward the darkness of the corridor.

“I’ll have Mrs. Winters come to help you pack.” The plainness of the words, the practicality, made that sickening feeling even worse.

As he vanished out of view, she dropped to her knees and reached for her chamber pot under the bed. She knelt over it and emptied the contents of her stomach into the pot. Partway through her sickness, she felt a soft pair of hands on her shoulders, and then those hands shifted to holding her hair.

“There now, Your Grace. Perhaps this is some awful misunderstanding. Maybe all will make sense soon.”

Yet, nothing Mrs. Winters said could make anything better again, even as kind as her words were.

My life is tainted now.

The thought struck Violet hard as she sat back on her knees, wiping her lips with the damp cloth Mrs. Winters passed to her. She started to cry, no gentle thing, but great, heaving sobs as the tears ran down her face.

“Maybe all will be all right soon,” Mrs. Winters said with hope again.

Violet turned away and dropped her head in her hands.

Nothing will be all right again.

* * *

Xander was torn. He stood in the doorway of his house, watching as Violet’s bags were packed into the carriage that awaited her on the drive. With his arms folded, he watched her, feeling the mist of the rain soaking him in the doorway, though he made no effort to find a greatcoat or even a tailcoat. He was happy to suffer the rain as he watched her.

She didn’t turn to face him but kept dabbing at her cheeks, refusing to give way to more tears as she moved around the carriage with Mrs. Winters, ensuring everything was packed.

Go and bring her back. Now.

Xander couldn’t get rid of this thought. He kept wishing to march toward her, to sweep her back into his arms and carry her into the house. He wouldn’t stop for anything, not until the pair of them were in his chamber again and he could lower her down onto his bed, to show her exactly how much she mattered to him, and how little Tilly had ever mattered.

I cannot do any of that. Even though I want to. I have to do this—to protect her!

“Is she gone yet?” a voice cried from behind him.

He glanced over his shoulder to see Tilly had appeared in the doorway of the parlor. She still looked frantic, red in the face and her golden hair wilder than it had been earlier. In her hand was the medicine bottle she had carried earlier.

“Nearly,” he said, his voice deep.

“Good.” She returned to the room and said nothing more.

Xander fixed his gaze on his wife, watching as Violet turned toward the carriage. She and Mrs. Winters said goodbye to one another, and Mr. Matthews stepped forward for a parting word, too. Then, Violet turned to climb up into the carriage.

The door was shut, though the window was left open. As the staff stepped back, Violet’s eyes looked out the window, and she looked at him, at last.

Oh, Vi.

He felt an ache in his chest, a desperation, a need. There was so much there that he wasn’t sure how to put it into words.

Come back.

He pleaded internally, even though he knew he was the one mad enough to send her away.

She raised her hand and offered the smallest of waves, biting her lip as she did so. He nodded at her, and she angled her face away. He caught the briefest glimpse of her eyes closing tight.

She is crying again.

Then, the carriage lurched forward, and he could no longer see her as it moved down the drive.

“I have to do this,” Xander muttered aloud, somehow hoping that by whispering the words to himself, he could make more sense of what he had done. “She is safe while I deal with Tilly, then I’ll bring her back home.”

If she’ll forgive me for this.

* * *

“They’re here,” Xander said, standing calmly by the window and looking out at the drive.

“Who’s here?” Tilly muttered distractedly. She was tidying the ornaments on the mantelpiece in this room now, so focused on her task that she didn’t even look around as he spoke.

Rather than answer her, he walked out of the room and hurried out of the house. It had been two days since Tilly had arrived at his house. During that time, she hadn’t changed out of the gown she continued to wear constantly.

It had taken that long for Xander to get messengers out, even using the express riders who would ride through the night for more money. He’d sent messages to his mother and sister, as well as Antony and his parents.

Two carriages pulled to a hastened stop on the drive as Xander jumped off the front steps. The first carriage he went to was his own, carrying his mother and sister. The door was flung open, and Katherine practically fell out of the door. Xander went to catch her.

“Is it true? She’s back?” she asked uncertainly, her hands gripping his arms tightly.

“She is, but she’s not the same,” Xander hissed so only his mother and Helena could hear him as she too stepped out of the carriage.

“What do you mean?” Helena asked, moving toward them.

“You’ll see.”

“Where’s Violet?” Katherine released him and looked around the drive. “What does she make of all of this?”

Xander hesitated, uncertain how to explain what had happened.

“He sent the little mouse home.” Tilly’s voice was cold and dominating.

The three of them turned to face her as she stood on the top step. There was that odd expression of victory in her eyes again, but even as she bore such a look, her hands tried to smooth her frayed gown self-consciously.

“Is it true?” Katherine whispered, a horrified look in her eyes.

Before Xander could say anymore, the second carriage door opened, and Anthony stepped out. He moved to the side, his jaw slack as he stared at his sister.

Behind him, his parents stumbled out of the carriage. Antony’s mother, Elizabeth, covered her face. A rather strangled cry escaped her lips, but she didn’t manage any words as she stared at her daughter.

“Mother?” Tilly whispered. She walked down the porch steps toward her mother. “Is that you?”

“Tilly.” Elizabeth lowered her hand and went to move toward her daughter, but a hand clasped her shoulder, keeping her in place.

Tilly’s father stood beside Elizabeth. Malcolm’s face was set sternly, his hair gray.

“Father, please.” Anthony moved to his side, hissing, but loud enough for Xander to hear. “Remember your heart. The doctor said—”

“I remember what the doctor said, thank you.”

Xander watched on, his eyes unable to rest on a single figure. He’d heard from Antony recently that Malcolm had a problem with his heart.

The doctors, unable to find a name for it, had just explained that sometimes his heartbeat was erratic and out of control. At times like this, he took medication, but it was very important he stayed calm and didn’t lose his temper.

“Malcolm, let me go to my daughter,” Elizabeth pleaded.

“I need to understand what has happened,” Malcolm said sternly.

“Stay calm, Father,” Anthony urged again.

“I am calm!”

“Yes, you sound like it.” Anthony looked away. His gaze met Xander’s, and they exchanged panicked looks across the driveway, but they said nothing to one another.

“Why are you here now?” Malcolm asked his daughter. “For so long, you have turned your back on us, refusing to even let us know you were alive and well, and now when you reappear, you go to the Duke of Barlow. You do not even come home to us.”

Tilly flinched a few steps away from them as if he had struck her with the words. “I came home,” she said firmly. “This should have been my home.”

“Tilly.” Anthony used a much softer and more understanding tone. “You turned your back on the idea of this being your home, did you not? You ran off. You eloped with another.”

“I… Well… Yes, but that’s beside the point.”

“Then it’s true?” Elizabeth turned on the spot. Her eyes met Xander’s, and he felt for the first time in years that she looked at him with softness. Whatever doubts she had before, now she clearly saw the truth. She saw that he had nothing to do with Tilly’s disappearance. “You eloped?”

“Do you have a ring? A marriage license? Anything!” Malcolm hissed.

“Father!” Anthony turned to his father and took his arm. “You must keep calm. You must breathe easily.”

“Yes, I know.” Malcolm took a moment, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. “I cannot do this here, Anthony. I must take time to process this. To understand it.”

“Very well.” Anthony released Malcolm and moved toward his sister. As he walked toward her, she hurried to him and embraced him tightly. Anthony closed his eyes and hugged her back.

Something ached in Xander’s chest to see the relief mingled with pain on his friend’s face. Anthony ruffled Tilly’s hair as if they were children again and he was taking care of his little sister, as he had always done.

“Come home,” he pleaded as he pushed her back a little, his hands on her shoulders.

“This is my home,” she said with the same wildness as before.

Anthony looked at Xander, and in that expression, Xander realized Anthony was considering his letter.

In his letter, Xander had written in a rush that Tilly had returned, but he’d also given a clear warning.

Please know this. She is not who she was once before. I fear some sickness of the mind. I do not know whether her sensibilities have been warped by her experiences in life, but she seems intent on marrying me now and has urged me to get rid of my wife. She no longer seems a sensible creature and frequently clutches a tiny glass bottle containing some colorless liquid, though she will not permit me to see what’s on the label.

Anthony nodded at Xander, showing he understood now what had been in that letter.

“It’s just for a short while, Tilly.” Anthony took his sister’s hand. “Come, come home with us, where we can talk freely.”

“Well, if it’s just for a short while.” Tilly at last consented and walked forward with him.

As Anthony wrapped an arm around her, steering her toward the carriage, he looked over her head and mouthed two words to Xander.

“I’m sorry.”