Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

E liza's future might be out of her hands now, but she was not a woman to sit around and allow things to happen to her. She needed answers – and there was only one man who could provide them.

Which was why she was now sitting in his bedchamber awaiting his arrival, tapping her foot impatiently, even though he did not know that she was here.

After the confrontation between Eliza, Fitz, and their mothers in the orchard, the women had convened in the drawing room. Even though all of the ladies who were closest to her in the entire world had been at her side – her mother, Siena, Henrietta, Sloane, as well as the rest of the women in Fitz's family – Eliza's cheeks had remained rather heated as she had stumbled through a half-fabricated explanation about how she and Fitz had drawn closer over the past few weeks and had decided that they would be well matched.

Eliza had seen the rather skeptical expressions on the women's faces, but they had accepted the story – what other choice did they have?

She sat up quickly now in the armchair in front of the fireplace when the door opened, and Fitz stepped into the room. He didn't immediately look up, as he was rubbing his fists over his eyes, giving her the opportunity to take a closer look at him without him noticing.

She had always found him striking. Add that to his charm and it was easy to see why women were so intrigued by him.

She wondered if that was going to be a problem in their marriage. If theirs would even be a marriage in truth or one in name like she had heard of so many times before. How sad would that be?

His hands fluttered away from his face, which was full of exhaustion. Was that all because of her or were there other factors at play?

"Fitz?" she said tentatively, and he jumped when he saw her.

"Eliza," he said, bringing his hand to his chest. "What are you doing here?"

His eyes instantly lit up as they ran over her body in interest, but that wasn't her intention.

"I am here to talk to you." She paused, looking at him meaningfully. "And only to talk."

"Very well," he said cautiously. "What would you like to talk about?"

"About why you reacted to me the way you did," she said, blinking away the tears beginning to form in her eyes as she recalled how his words had hurt her. "What did you want me to do, Fitz? Not tell you? And the fact that you assumed such awful things about me?—"

Her voice broke, and she dipped her head downward, not wanting him to see how he had affected her.

"Eliza," he said gruffly, and when she looked up, his hands were in his pockets as he scuffed his toe against the floor. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" she scoffed, annoyed that he thought two simple words could fix the hateful ones he had spewed earlier. "Very well, but I'm going to need a little more of an explanation than that. You may think that we do not know one another well, but I thought you had become well enough acquainted with me to know that I would never try to trap you into anything. We had agreed on an experiment, but we did spend a good amount of time together and I thought we were… friends, if nothing else. Until your reaction to my news."

He rubbed his temples as he took the matching chair across from her, slouching down within it, his elbows coming to his knees.

"You're right," he practically mumbled, and she had to lean in to properly hear him. "It wasn't just about you."

"Then what was it?"

"I'd rather not speak of it."

"Just as I would rather not be in this predicament with you, but here we are."

He sighed as he tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling before finally dropping his chin.

"Very well," he said, waiting a beat before continuing. "I was in another… situation before."

She lifted her brows. "Are you referring to the woman you said you thought you would build a life with?"

"That's the one," he said. "She also told me that she was with child and that the child was mine. She was the widow of a minor lord, so someone who I thought I could just… have some fun with." He cringed. "I realize how that sounds."

"Oh, do go on," she said, annoyed, but mostly with herself for how she was reacting to his story of another woman.

"I agreed to marry her, even though she was not the woman I would have wanted to marry nor was I ready to marry at the time. However, I knew if I didn't do the right thing, there would be scandal."

Eliza could see where this story was going. "Was she lying about being with child?"

"No, on that she was telling the truth. Only, it wasn't my child."

Well, that was interesting.

"Did she lie on purpose?"

"She did," he said, nodding grimly. "Along with her lover who was the father of the baby. They concocted some scheme to have me believe the baby was mine. The plan was that by the time we were married and I realized the timing of the pregnancy, it would be too late for me to deny anything."

"How did you learn the truth?" Eliza asked, more invested in this story than she liked.

"The father came to me and told me what they had done. He said that his conscience made him confess, but I am fairly certain that the impetus was his jealousy that she was with another man and that I would be raising his child as my own."

Eliza absorbed his story, trying to make sense of it and everything that had followed between her and Fitz.

"I can see the similarities, of course, and can better understand your reaction," she said. "I still wish you hadn't assumed I was just like this woman."

"I know," he said, his head still facing the carpet. "I can see that now. I do trust that you are telling me the truth. It just… shocked me for a moment. Took me back to another time."

As much as she would like to hold onto her annoyance at how he had treated her, she couldn't change the past – she could only make certain that it wouldn't happen again.

"I would appreciate it if we could start anew," she said. "Why do we not do all of this over?"

"Do what over?"

"I'm telling you the news," she said. He eyed her with uncertainty but eventually nodded.

"Very well."

She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply as she assumed character.

"Fitz?"

"Yes, Eliza?"

"I have reason to believe that I am with child."

His expression flickered for a moment as though he was uncertain whether to continue with this charade. Eventually, he gave in to it.

"My goodness, Eliza, that is some surprising news." He was fairly good at this. Were he not an earl, he could have had a career on the stage.

"I can understand that this might come as a shock."

"It certainly does."

"It did to me as well. That's why I was so overcome when I realized the truth of it."

"I… assume that I am the only man you have ever had relations with."

"You assume correctly," she said, giving him a hard look.

"Well…" He cleared his throat, "since that is the case, there is only one thing to do."

"Which is?"

He took a breath. "Eliza, would you marry me? Be my wife, and we can raise this child together?"

When she met his eye, understanding formed between them, the understanding that she had been hoping for.

"Yes, Fitz," she said softly, no longer acting. "I would like that."

He reached out and took her hands within his. "Thank you for understanding."

"I am still cross with you," she said, fixing him a stern look. "I wish you had told me all of this from the beginning."

"It's not an easy thing to discuss."

"But a required one with your future wife. No more misunderstandings, you hear me?"

"Very well," he said. "I will try my best." He wiggled his eyebrows in a way that would have looked ridiculous on other men, but somehow, he still made it seductive.

"You know, since you are here, we cannot exactly create more scandal. Perhaps?—"

"No!" she said, getting to her feet. "Have you not learned your lesson, at least the second time?"

"I cannot get you more pregnant."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, I have learned my lesson, at least. And not the lessons that you were teaching me. No more experiments. This has gotten me into more trouble than even I can handle."

She walked to the door. The truth was, she was not ready to get any closer to him. He had proven how badly he could hurt her, and she didn't trust him with her heart. Not yet, at least.

"Good night, Fitz."

And with that she left, closing the door behind her. Feeling better, but still unsettled.

She had an inkling that was going to last for some time.

Fitz barely saw Eliza over the next four weeks leading up to their wedding. She didn't come to him with the news that she had been wrong in her suspicions of expecting a child so she must have been correct in her original assumption – that, or she was playing him. But he had to push that thought aside or it would drive him mad.

With his entire family preparing for their small nuptials, when he asked why Eliza had been avoiding him, she told him that she had been consumed with their preparations.

"I don't understand why it is taking so much planning when we will be the only ones in attendance," he said one night at dinner. "Not that I would mind additional guests, but we do not want to risk that at the moment."

"It is still an occasion to celebrate," Henrietta had said, seemingly aghast that he wouldn't realize that. "We would like to make it a most joyous occasion for both of you."

And so, the day finally arrived, the weather as perfect as could be, the skies clear and the sun shining through. The vicar had agreed to marry them in the small, barely used chapel next to Appleton's orchard. The season was appropriate as the fruit had begun to grow, dotting the landscape in various shades of red and orange.

As he arrived at the chapel, Fitz noticed Eliza standing in a rare moment alone near the front door, staring out over the orchard.

His feet began to move toward her of their own volition and he murmured a quick "excuse me," to Levi before continuing toward her, enjoying watching her as he strolled up behind her.

He thought he had been nearly silent in his approach, but it seemed she had noticed him coming, for she spoke before he could, although she still didn't look back at him.

"This is beautiful," Eliza said wistfully as the wind softly blew back pieces of her hair. "I couldn't ask for a better location."

"What about your choice of groom?" he asked, and she finally turned to him with a smirk.

"He'll do."

"I shouldn't even be seeing you at the moment, I am told," he said. "But I wanted to make sure all was well. That this is what you want. After this, there is no going back."

"I am fairly certain we crossed past that point some time ago," she said, furrowing her brow. "This is about the child now. One which is as real as I ever thought he or she would be."

He nodded, not wanting her to believe he was questioning her once more – not, at least, on their wedding day.

"Of course," he murmured, staring at her for a moment longer, with so much he wanted to say on the tip of his tongue, words that he couldn't seem to voice.

Instead, he nodded at her and continued within the chapel, a strange sense of melancholy tugging at him. Not because he was marrying her – his intention to do so was certain now. It was because they were doing so with so much unsettled between them.

There was only one way to go now, however.

Forward.