Journal Entry

I take back every good thing I've said about Sarica.

Everything!

OUR famiglia 's private jet has already been cleared to fly when we get to the airport, and from there, it's a ninety-minute flight back to New York. I'm worried it would get awkward between us, but my eyelids have already started drooping while I fasten my seatbelt.

When I wake up, it's to Lorenzo quietly saying we've arrived.

I sit up at once. "I'm sorry I fell asleep."

He only looks at me, and that look says everything.

Only an idiot would apologize for falling asleep.

I know I'm not imagining anything. I hear those words so clearly in my mind he might as well have said it out loud, and I feel offended and amused at the same time.

Everyone always talks about how the Beast of New York is terrifying, but why has no one ever talked about how annoying he is as well?

Also: why shouldn't I say sorry? It was our first flight as a married couple, and it was terribly inappropriate for me to fall asleep. Manners didn't just maketh a man, you know. It mattered to us women, too, and—-

What am I thinking about again?

I honestly can't remember. The moment Lorenzo reached for my hand, it was as if the heat of his touch had fried my brain cells, and all I could do was meekly follow his lead. I'm half-expecting him to lead us out of the airport, but instead, we end up boarding his chopper.

The next thirty minutes are a blur. The loud whip of the rotor blades doesn't just make conversation impossible. The way he's still holding my hand also consumes my every thought, and I'm unable to concentrate on anything else.

Is this normal?

My sisters-in-law all felt like this the first time they were with my brothers. But can I really compare myself to them? They all fell hard and fast for their arranged grooms, and vice versa. But Lorenzo and me?

My husband can't be in love with me, that much I'm certain of. I've been his to take for two years, but he's never even bothered to meet me. And as for my own feelings...

He's made an impact on me, yes.

But how do I know if it's really Lorenzo I'm reacting to and not the fact that he's the first man who's dared to hold the hand of La Strega 's only granddaughter?

My phone suddenly buzzes in my pocket, and Lorenzo lets go of my hand when he sees me awkwardly reaching for my phone. The sudden loss of his touch makes me feel ridiculously empty, but I tell myself that's still not proof I'm attracted to him.

Sarica : How are you? Where are you now?

A smile tugs at my lips despite everything. Will the older girl kill me if I tell her she's so unbelievably sweet and thoughtful to worry over me?

Gazelle : I'm fine. Currently aboard Lorenzo's chopper .

Sarica : This is going to sound awkward, but I'm pretty sure no one's thought to check on you about this, and since I know you've never dated...

Sarica : Let's just get this over with.

Sarica : Are you nervous about tonight? Do you need me to talk to you about anything?

I drop my phone in my shock, and I automatically bend down to reach for it when I remember too late where I am.

Aaaaaaah!

Lorenzo hauls me back to safety while also managing to catch my phone at the same time.

"Are you a fucking idiot? You do not fucking kill yourself over a stupid phone!"

All I can do is stare at him, and I don't understand. Why are suddenly there two of them, and why are both Lorenzos spinning round and round and round?

"Fuck."

I think I'm in shock, and I think the same thing has finally dawned on him.

"Fuck."

But this time, grimness has replaced the earlier fury that had darkened his tone.

"Breathe, Gazelle."

I have no idea how he's doing it, but my body is reacting involuntarily to the way he says the words, and I find myself slowly and shakily obeying his command.

"Good girl."

I can feel my heart rate gradually slowing down.

"That's it."

My head finally stops spinning and hurting. The two Lorenzos melt into one, and my vision finally clears.

Green eyes lock with mine.

"Better now?"

I don't trust myself to speak just yet, and so I slowly nod—-but stop when this makes my head start aching again.

"Lie back and close your eyes."

It's that tone again, and my body automatically moves to obey its command.

"Don't think about anything."

Everything about this confuses me.

"You're safe now."

But the moment he says those words, all the puzzle pieces fall into place, and I finally get it.

I'm safe, he says.

And I believe him because I trust him.

I trust Lorenzo.

Even if everyone thinks of him as a monster—-

I trust my husband.

I trust my beast.

And it's why I'm his to command.