8. Kosh

8

KOSH

T he suns feel good. The warmth soaks into my scales, loosening the muscles, and making me feel alive. I open my wings and flap them as I lead the way around the ship to the guster pen. Shana walks at my side, silent as she has been all too much of late.

I do not understand why, but I also do not know what to do or say to make it better. My only thought is to give her time. She is not pushing me away, not directly, but, she has been distant.

I hope this is the right action but all I can do is trust in what I know. Tajss means for us to be together. That doesn't mean the road is easy or without work. Any male worth his weight knows he must fight for his treasure.

When the pen comes into view the alpha guster is at the fence, its large head over the wall. It makes a low sound that's challenging. I ignore it. Once I'm in the pen I will show him who the alpha here is.

"Damn…" Shana says, trailing off.

I am familiar with the word. It is a curse in her language. An expression of surprise, regret, or sometimes anger. It has been a point of confoundment for me and my brothers to try and understand the humans' language. Why they use one word to mean so many things is very hard to grasp. Which is saying nothing of their penchant for saying one thing while meaning something else entirely. And they wonder why we have difficulty learning it.

Zmaj language, by comparison, is much simpler though their tongues and mouth shape have difficulty getting the inflections right. Riley does a very good job and the other females that came from the Jungle with us are almost all fluent or mostly so now.

"Do not worry," I say. "I will saddle."

"I'm not worried," she says, denying my understanding.

I glance over, wishing I could understand better, but there are many things with her right now that I do not understand. We have not mated in many days now. I do not understand that either. We were mating regularly, but since I lost control, she has avoided being alone with me. She has not said anything, but I know she was very upset with me and seems to still be.

My stomach tightens as sadness fills my head. I very much enjoy mating with her, becoming one physically with her is not only a pleasure for the body, it makes me feel as if my soul is expanding. As if we, though two, are becoming more one.

I'm distracted as I walk to the pen. All I can think about is how to fix this with her. There must be some way to make it right. I apologized, but that was clearly not enough. How could it be? I broke my word; more words will not fix that. I need to do something, but what?

I slip inside the pen holding one of the saddles in one hand. The gate latches as I close it, and I take a moment to look at Shana. She is so incredibly beautiful. The suns make her skin glisten, her red hair shining like a fiery beacon, calling to my hearts.

My breath catches in my chest, and I have to tell her I love her. I cannot wait, it has to be now. I open my mouth then something hits me in my side and all the air is knocked out.

"Kosh!" Shana screams, her voice cracking.

I land hard and instinctively I roll to ease the impact. The alpha guster charges. I don't see it as much as I sense it and feel the vibrations of his webbed feet hitting the ground. I don't stop rolling. If he catches me down like this, he will tear me apart before I have a chance to fight.

"Ho, hah, ho!" someone is shouting.

I stop rolling on my belly and push myself up into a crouch. The alpha has turned away to face the newcomer. I can't see who it is past the creature but the other gusters are stalking closer. This situation has become very, very dangerous.

The alpha growls and paws the hard-packed sand. I must trust in whichever one of my brothers is dealing with him because I need to intercept the other gusters and keep the pack from forming up. Once they get that mentality going there will be little chance of stopping them without killing the alpha.

"Hoo-hah!" I yell, waving my arms as I run between the incoming guster and the alpha. They turn their attention to me and mewl. They're not in attack mode, yet at least. I walk towards them, calm and certain, with one hand extended in front of me.

Their beady eyes watch my approach warily. One of them moves its head to look at the alpha but I make a loud hoo-hah noise again, pulling its attention to me. I do not want them following him.

When I am close enough, I place my hand on both of their muzzles and lightly stroke up and down in a constancy of motion. It soothes the creatures, putting them into a suggestive state. I move to the side, and they come along with me.

Once they are facing away from the alpha, I glance over to see who is helping and am surprised to see Urokol. Of all my brothers I know him the least. He is usually reserved and withdrawn in any gatherings, keeping to himself. His missing wing and scars are the most obvious thing but that does not stop him from dealing with the alpha.

I see him slip the muzzle over the creature's jaws and pulling it tight. I stop what I'm doing with the others. Now that the alpha is under control, they will not be a problem. I walk over to him while he grabs the saddle and swings it onto the guster's back.

"Thank you," I say.

"Heh," he grunts, bending over to fasten the straps of the saddle.

"Why are you here?"

He doesn't pause his work or answer immediately. When he finishes cinching the buckles he rises and hands the reins to me.

"Passing by," he says.

"It is a very good thing," I say. "I might have been in trouble."

"You were in trouble," he says bluntly. "Lucky."

"Tajss provides," I say.

"Pay attention," he says then looks over at Shana. "Was it her?"

I growl. I am trying to be grateful, but his aggressive dismissal is irritating. The bijass surges so hard I have to recite one of the Order mantras to keep myself from giving in and hitting him.

"Why do you ask?"

His eyes move from her to me. He frowns, shakes his head, then shrugs.

"Never mind," he says.

Shana is at the fence watching the exchange. We're speaking in our language which I know she barely knows so I am confident she cannot follow this. That is good, I do not want her to know the way Urokol is acting. He moves to leave but I grab his shoulder stopping him.

"Explain," I say and he tenses. Realizing I have no right to demand this, I soften the demand. "Please."

He looks at my hand on his shoulder and then back to me.

"She should not go," he says simply.

"She knows the danger," I say.

"No, she does not," he says. "And either you are a fool to believe that or a fool to think it is not as dangerous as it really is. Either way, you are a fool."

The red rage is a tidal wave trying to swamp my thoughts like the summer storms in the jungle. I growl and my tail is thumping the ground fast and hard, all involuntary responses to my anger.

"Brother…" I say ending with a hiss.

He brushes my hand off his shoulder and takes a step back.

"It is your choice," he says shaking his head.

His voice is not dismissive but resigned. Something about his tone cuts through the building rage, slicing through and it falls away like so much gossamer.

"What do you mean?" I ask, embracing the sudden calm.

He takes a deep breath and holds it, blinking twice, then letting it go. His tail twitches and his fingers spasm.

"You left late," he says. "Your eyes are barely open. My story is different. I know the true evil that is the Eye. You would deliver her into his clutches? I would never let my mate be placed in such danger. I do not care who or what I have to fight."

I think about his words.

"I have tried," I say.

"Not hard enough," he says. "She is still going."

I look past him to Shana. There is so much going wrong between us, I was not willing to fight her desire to come along. It felt as if I were to do that, it would drive her further away which I could not stand. But is Urokol right?

"Perhaps…"

"Your choice. Be careful," he says, walking away.

I watch him leave as my stomach clenches into a knot as hard as any rocky outcropping.