4. Shana

4

SHANA

G etting to my room is an ordeal. Everyone knows me and everyone has questions, none of which have anything to do with the problems in my world. Problems I can't share with anyone. After a dozen stops for inane questions, all of which I manage to get through without breaking down or yelling, I am finally alone.

I lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling, letting my thoughts flow where they may. I rest my hands on my belly and it's almost as if I can feel the life growing in there. Life that I want to have, very, very much. But… I don't know if I can.

It's not like I didn't know this could happen. I'm not an idiot. Of course, I did, but I really like Kosh. And he kept showing up. Bringing me pretty rocks, flowers, and pieces of meat fresh from his latest kill.

I turn my head to look at the shelf mounted to the wall. All the gifts he has given me decorate it. Every one of them is a gesture given with love. He wore me down and eventually, I gave into desire. How could I not?

I smile. Each one of those gifts has a memory, clear as crystal, attached to it. Exactly where I was when he gave it to me and every detail etched in perfect replication of the moment. He loves me. I know it.

"I love you too," I whisper, tears filling my eyes again.

The emptiness aching in my chest hurts so much I want to curl into a ball and cry. It's not supposed to be this way. A boy meets a girl. Girl likes boy, boy likes girl. Their affection grows, they fall in love, get married, and have babies.

That's what's supposed to happen. It's natural. It's the way. Except…

I don't know if I can.

*knock* *knock* *knock*

Damn it.

I roll off the bed. The floor is cold on my bare feet as I pad to the door. Whoever is out there is impatient as they pound several more times before I can reach the door. I wipe my eyes with the palms of my hands, take a breath, hold it, then exhale sharply before opening it.

"What?" I snap. Dan fills the door looking flushed. He doesn't wait for an invite before pushing his way in. "Come in."

I say it wryly, but he ignores the sarcasm. He doesn't even seem to actually see me; his eyes are wide and staring, but it's as if he's looking at something else.

"Shana, we have a problem. You need to… need to… you have to come. Now."

"What?" I ask shaking my head in confusion.

He grabs my arm and pulls me towards the door. I jerk free of his grip.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, taking another step back to avoid his attempt to regain his hold.

He raises his hand, drops it, shakes his head, then he's shaking all over.

"I told you…" he says trailing off as the color drains from his face.

"Told me what Dan? What's wrong?"

His jaw tightens and he clenches his hands into fists.

"Damn it," he curses. "I knew there was something."

"Dan, you're not making any sense."

"A month ago, I told you," he snaps, biting off each word. I try to think back to what he'd said a month ago. I've been so worried about what's going on with me that I haven't had any attention to spare. "You don't remember, do you?"

His anger focuses on me. My own anger flares and it's all I can do to not let loose on him. I've got a lot going on myself and it's not fair for him to expect me to remember a month-old conversation. But that won't do any good for either of us.

"No, Dan I don't. I've been dealing with something myself. Would you mind refreshing my memory?"

"The Zmaj," he says, slashing the air with one hand. "I told you they had a secret."

I remember this now. It comes back immediately, and I do regret not following up on it originally.

"I told you to tell Nyanna," I say.

"I did," he says. "She blew me off. Said if there was something to worry about, I'd be among the first to know."

"But you know something now?"

"I do and we need to go, damn it," he says. "Special meeting. You're not going to like this."

My stomach clenches with fearful anticipation. I don't like the tone of his words nor the implications. My thoughts jump to all the possible bad things and there are so many that I can't even pick one to worry about. Instead, it becomes a giant black mass of possible terribilities.

"Where?" I ask.

"Come on," he says, "I'll show you."

He doesn't bother trying to grab onto me now but instead walks to the door.

"One moment," I say going to the bed and sitting down long enough to put my shoes on.

Once that's done, I follow him out and through the busy halls of the ship. Though several people try to talk to us he's short and concise with getting them to move on. It isn't long before we walk into one of the empty storage rooms where we're not alone. Nyanna is there along with her mate, Shukach. There are two other Zmaj with them. Angota and Rakstan. The three Zmaj all stand with their arms crossed, tails tapping the ground almost in unison, each of them looking grim.

"Thanks for coming," Nyanna says.

"We should have been told," Dan grouses in response.

"You are right," Angota says in passable Common.

"We need one more person," Nyanna says, "if you don't mind waiting a moment our translator will be here."

I look around the room trying to figure out what is happening. All I know is that Dan is right in how bad it must be. The tension in the room is thick but it's colored with worry and hints of fear. When the door slides open, I jump involuntarily. Riley, one of the Jungle humans, walks in but she doesn't have her baby, Nadiya, with her, which is unusual.

She nods to Dan and me before walking over to stand next to her mate, Angota. Nyanna looks around the room.

"All right, we have a situation," Nyanna says. "I want to keep this as quiet as possible until we have a solution, so for right now, this is not only strictly need to know, this isn't to leave the group in this room."

"But the Zmaj all know already," Dan snaps.

Riley translates that for the three Zmaj. Angota nods thoughtfully then responds in his own language. Riley and he go back and forth before she turns to us with a translation.

"You are right, Dan, he says," Riley states. "But the Zmaj are warriors. The humans are not. I did not wish to create panic."

"You didn't give us a chance!" Dan yells.

"Dan," Nyanna interrupts. "You're angry and I get it, but please. Think it through."

Dan's face flushes bright red. He clenches his jaw until I can hear his teeth grinding. He trembles with rage.

"Anyone mind filling me in on what's happening?" I ask, hoping to defuse Dan before he gives himself an aneurysm.

"There are dangerous aliens who've been seen at the other part of the ship wreckage," Nyanna says. She looks over at Angota who nods. "One of them fits the description people have given of the ones who attacked the ship. The other… is even more dangerous."

"Okay…" I say, trying to think this through. "What do we do about it?"

"We have to move," Nyanna says.

"Move?" I ask, feeling my jaw go slack as my knees turn to water. I can barely remain standing as even thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. "Where? How? With what?"

"That's why we haven't said anything," Nyanna says. "The Zmaj are working on a plan."

"How dangerous are these aliens?" Dan asks.

Angota speaks rapidly, but it's in Zmaj and too fast for me to follow, though I am working on learning the language. Kosh has been helping me. Riley doesn't speak, only listens, but her face drains of color. When Angota finishes she asks one question, and he only nods and then gestures that she should translate.

"Remember that the Zmaj were part of the Order," Riley says.

"Yes, I remember very well," Dan inserts himself angrily.

"The Order was formed, originally, to guide the planet through the coming Devastation that was foreseen by the first Eye of the Order," Riley continues.

"He foresaw it?" I ask, not sure if I believe in alien Zmaj seers or not.

"Yes," Angota answers. "He saw it. All of it."

I look from him to Riley.

"What was the Devastation? And what does that have to do with these Invaders?"

Riley takes a slow, steadying breath. Angota places his arm around her waist as his tail curls over the back of her legs.

"The Devastation ended the Civil War that was raging. They bombed the planet with so much destructive force that it destroyed almost all life. Only the Order and handfuls of unaffiliated Zmaj survived. And among those, no females survived for long. The Devastation is why Tajss is the way it is."

I blink slowly feeling stupid. It's too big to imagine. This is the equivalent of when Earth almost nuked itself out of existence and only barely avoided that fate, but it was done by another species?

"And the Invader aliens?" I ask, a creeping numbness spreading over my limbs.

"They did it," Riley says.

"Oh," I say, looking for someplace to sit down. "Shit."

"Right," Nyanna says. "And they're back. We don't know why or for what, but they seem to be looking for us."

Dan and I exchange a worried look. I walk over to a nearby crate and hop up onto it. I grip the edges tight trying to keep my thoughts focused. I've already been dealing with random bouts of nausea, but now my stomach is a roiling storm ready to spew.

"And your answer is we move?" I ask.

"Do you have a better one?" Nyanna asks.

"Can we fight?" Dan asks.

"No," Rakstan answers.

His voice is deep, deeper than most of the other Zmaj and it echoes off the steel walls of the storage room. A resounding denial of even the possibility.

As if I didn't have enough to worry about, but now we're looking at moving the last surviving humans from the only safety we've known for the past year and a half? The only remnants of vital technology. No more air conditioning. No more food processing. No cold storage. All of it will have to be left behind and for what?

To trek across an empty desert to what? Obviously, the other piece of wreckage is out as a destination. Where could we go? Fear dances across my nerves like fingers flying over the strings of a violin in a soaring aria.

"Where?" I ask at last.

"That's the… interesting part," Nyanna says. "Listen before you object."