Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

" W ell," the elderly headmaster said with a shrug, "you can certainly see John. He is doing just fine. He fell during a riding lesson and broke his leg, but our physician has tended to it. There's no reason to be alarmed, Lady Worcester."

Judith looked at her stepmother, who glared at the man. "You mean to tell us we cannot take him home with us?" she asked. "We are only his sister and stepmother. Only Oliver, as the head of the household, has the right to remove John from the premises?"

"I am grateful that you are willing to let me see my stepson," Matilda interjected, her tone sharp. "But we will be taking him home. An injured child should be with his family."

"I'm afraid it will not be possible," the headmaster replied. "Lord Worcester has not given instructions to allow you to do so, and since you are not his legal guardians, I cannot permit it."

"This is ridiculous!" Judith exclaimed. "Are you saying that because we are women, we have no rights?"

She'd known this might happen. Aaron had warned them of this exact situation, but she hadn't wanted to believe it. She'd assured herself that as John's sister and closest living relative, she'd be allowed to take him home whenever she wanted. Alas, Aaron had been right.

The headmaster, an older man with white hair and a gray beard, shifted uncomfortably. "I do not sit in Parliament, nor do I make the laws. If you wish to see this changed, perhaps you should speak to Lord Worcester about it."

Joanna glanced at Matilda, who looked furious.

"If you will excuse me, I have other matters to tend to," the headmaster said, rising and motioning toward the door. "I will have somebody escort you to the infirmary."

"This is an outrage!" Matilda declared once they were outside. "How can they act as though we have no rights?"

"Because we do not," Judith replied bitterly. "Women do not have rights in our society. I never thought about it before because Father was always there to protect us. But now that he is gone and Oliver is not with us, I see just how helpless we are."

"It has been an outrage for quite some time that we do not have equal rights," Matilda continued angrily. "We should be able to own property, not just through our husbands or brothers. Can you imagine if your father had not taken care of me by way of jointure? I would have to find some family member willing to take me in."

Judith listened, a horrible realization dawning on her. She would be entirely dependent if Matilda decided to kick her out. Yes, she could live with Matilda, but what if they had a falling out?

"It's unconscionable," Matilda went on, "that I should find myself in this position. And why? Because I do not have a husband."

"All this time, I worried about nothing but love," Judith said softly. "Marrying, because it was my heart's desire. But now I see reality. Without a husband and without Father, I would be lost."

"What's the matter?" Aaron asked, approaching them.

"The headmaster won't allow us to take John, just as you said," Matilda huffed. "I thought surely my standing as Lady Worcester would allow me to take him home, but you were right."

Judith looked up at Aaron. On the journey to Eaton, they had planned to remove John on their own, hoping their titles held sway, but it seemed not.

"It's awful that this has happened," he said, "but I promise you, I will have John with us shortly. I promise."

Judith knew he would keep his word, but it didn't ease her dread. She now understood her position in society and the need to prioritize practical considerations over dreams of love.

The carriage rocked gently back and forth, the rhythmic motion almost soothing as it carried them back home.

Judith watched Matilda sleep, her head resting against the window, her face peaceful despite the recent events. John lay stretched out across the seat, his leg elevated and wrapped in a splint made from wood and sturdy leather, secured with cloth bandages to keep the bones in place. His leg was carefully padded to prevent further injury during the journey.

Judith sat beside Aaron, who was engrossed in a book. She couldn't help but smile as she glanced at him. He had been wonderful throughout this ordeal. It had been made quite clear that without him, they would not have been able to take John home. He had stepped in, presenting himself as the family's guardian.

How odd it was to think of him as such. Oliver had told her that Aaron was to be her guardian, but she had considered this more an arbitrary title given by her brother. Knowing that Aaron actually was in charge of the family felt a little strange. A mix of gratitude and unease settled in her chest.

Aaron looked up from his book, a small smile on his lips. "I thought you were asleep."

Judith shook her head. "I can't. I'm too riled up."

She glanced at John, her worry for him gnawing at her. His face was pale, and he stirred restlessly in his sleep. The sight of his broken leg, even though it was set properly, filled her with concern and helplessness.

Judith smiled softly at Aaron. "Thank you for your help. Truly."

"I'd help you anytime," he replied earnestly.

Judith's smile faded slightly as she looked down at her hands. "I just wish we didn't need your help. It seems so unfair."

Aaron frowned, leaning closer. "What do you mean?"

She sighed, glancing out the window at the passing scenery. "This ordeal has only impressed upon me how diminished a woman's role is in our world. We have no legal standing, no real power. I'll never own anything, have anything that is truly mine, or make my own legal decisions."

Aaron shook his head. "That's not entirely true. There are ways for women to own property. For instance?—"

Judith dismissed his words with a wave of her hand. "No, Aaron. I have to make a choice, a good one. I'm beginning to think that maybe my quest to wait for love was silly. I should have focused on finding someone decent who'd protect me and look out for me. I might be able to be friendly with such a man—maybe even love him."

Aaron's brow furrowed. "You regret your decision to wait for love? I know that you had decided to secure a match that might turn into love at least, but now…"

"Now I will consider anyone who is decent. I will not ask anyone to intercede on my behalf anymore either—not you, not Matilda. I must find someone, and I know I will if I lower my expectations."

She gulped and looked past him, but then she felt a pang of sadness as she nodded.

"I see, if that is what you want," he said.

"That's not what I want. I want time to find someone I care about and who cares about me, but seeing how I had to rely on you to get my brother from school because I had no standing… it made me realize that I can't leave my fate up to a notion such as love. I need to find a decent man. Maybe Lord Pembroke is that man."

"No, I think not," Aaron blurted out, his voice sharper than he intended. "He isn't. Pembroke has a roving eye, and while he's a decent enough fellow, I wouldn't want you married to him."

"Did you not reassure me he is a good man?" she asked, surprised.

She wasn't even certain Lord Pembroke was the right man, but if he was decent and kind to her, she might be able to look past his roving eye, if he had one.

"He isn't right for you," Aaron insisted sharply.

Judith raised an eyebrow, teasing. "So, I take it you gave me false information then when I first asked you about him?"

He remained serious, his expression unwavering. "No, Judith. I'm looking out for you. I'll help you find a good man, someone who will truly care for you and protect you."

Judith looked into his eyes. There was an intensity there that made her heart race. Why couldn't he be that man? Why did he have to insist that marriage was dull? If only he could see that the two of them might have something special.

They had so much in common. They loved the idea of traveling, they adored music… Alas, she pushed the feeling aside.

"Thank you, Aaron. I appreciate that."

"Of course," he said. "However, I want you to be happy. Do not settle too easily. We still have some weeks ahead of us before Oliver returns."

The carriage continued its journey, the weight of their conversation lingering in the air.

Judith stared out the window, lost in her thoughts. The road ahead was uncertain, but she knew she had to be practical and make the best decision for her future, even if it meant letting go of her dreams of finding true love.

Aaron ground his teeth as he looked at Judith. The encounter at Eton had been unpleasant, to say the least. The old headmaster had refused to release John until Aaron had produced Oliver's letter making him John's guardian. He hated that it had come to this. A stepmother and sister ought to have the right to remove their child or brother from school, but no. He, an unrelated man, had more power. No wonder Judith was now hesitating regarding her options in life.

He wished he could protect her, be that person for her if society wouldn't let her be in charge of her own affairs. A pang of realization struck him—could he be that person? He couldn't deny it, being there for her in her time of need had felt good. Spending time with her felt good. He wanted to be with her, be near her. He craved her company, and he was jealous—there was no denying that.

Could he possibly be moon-eyed over her? Could he envision a future with her?

He gulped, opening his mouth to voice the possibilities, but then she sighed.

"One must always strive for happiness," she said softly. "But if that can't be accomplished, then looking for someone decent is best. I must take matters into my own hands. Otherwise, I might end up like some unfortunate ladies who are on the shelf, eternally reliant on their brothers—or worse, make bad matches."

Aaron closed his mouth, understanding the weight of her words. He knew she meant Lady Lundgren. He understood then that he wasn't a good match for her.

He had made Amelia unhappy because he couldn't get past his selfish desire for freedom and adventure. How could he be sure he'd not do the same to Judith? And what if he confessed his feelings for her only to find their marriage dull within a few months? He'd rush away into the world, abandoning her, wouldn't he? That was the person he was, after all. Amelia had made that clear.

He took a deep breath, realizing that he must do the right thing by Judith. He turned to her, trying to hide his inner conflict.

"Judith," he began. "There is someone I'd like to introduce you to. Someone good and decent, a lover of music. Someone, I think, you could at least be contented with if not more."

Judith looked up at him, surprise flickering in her eyes. "Oh?"

"Yes," he said, forcing a smile. "He's a kind man, respectable, and I believe he would appreciate you for who you are."

Judith nodded slowly, a hint of uncertainty in her expression. "Who is he?"

"He is a good friend of mine," Aaron replied. "He's a gentleman I've known for some time. He only recently returned to town and has expressed a desire to wed."

He hated how perfect he was making Graham sound to her.

"He wishes to be married?" she asked, her eyes wide, though there was some subtle sadness in them as well that he could not quite understand.

"Very much so, yes. He bought a house recently, large enough for a family."

At this, she paused. "He did not have a home before?"

"Of course, he did," he said quickly. "He is a gentleman—an earl. I mean he bought a home in town."

She bobbed her head up and down, taking this in.

"An earl? Pray, what is his name?" she asked.

Aaron hesitated. If he told her his friend's name, he'd have to introduce them—there would be no going back. Should he tell her that he saw them together in the park? No, she could never know that he'd hesitated to make the introduction, and Graham could never know that Aaron had known Judith was Judith Birks all along.

Aaron would look petty and untrustworthy, and he didn't want to lose the high opinion his friend had of him—nor did he want to lose Judith's trust. The mere thought tugged at his heart.

"Graham Baxter," he revealed, letting the name tumble out rapidly before he could change his mind. "The Earl of Leeds."

"Oh!" Judith exclaimed. "I met him at the park just before I got the news that John broke his leg. He was very charming."

"Indeed, he is."

"And handsome," she added.

The word was like a dagger to his chest. She thought Graham handsome… Well, he was. Even Aaron knew this, but still, it bothered him that Judith thought so.

This is ridiculous. I am supposed to be helping her secure a match, not acting like a fool…

"Well, I am told he is. In any case, he is a good man, you will like him," he assured her.

"I already do," she replied and leaned back in her seat.

Aaron's stomach churned, and his heart clenched. He wanted to take it back, tell her that he'd made a mistake, but he couldn't.

"Well, very good then. Perhaps we will win that wager of ours sooner rather than later," he said, forcing himself to sound cheerful.

She studied his face, her brow furrowing slightly. "Perhaps we shall. In any case, thank you, Aaron. I appreciate you looking out for me."

Aaron nodded, trying to ignore the ache in his chest. "Of course, Judith. I want what's best for you."

As the carriage continued to rock gently back and forth, Aaron couldn't shake the feeling of doom building within him. He had done the right thing, hadn't he? He had to protect her, even if it meant sacrificing his own desires.

But as he looked at Judith, he couldn't help but wonder if he was making the biggest mistake of his life.