Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

T he following weekend, Judith found herself at Green Park with Matilda, who had kindly offered to chaperone her, since Marianne was ill. The late February air was crisp, carrying the scent of freshly turned earth and the faint promise of spring. The park was dotted with clusters of people enjoying the sunshine, despite the occasional gusts of wind that tugged at bonnets and cloaks.

Judith felt a flutter of nerves at the prospect of seeing Aaron again. She knew she should not be excited about seeing him—she should concern herself with finding a husband, yet it could not be helped. Every time she thought back to their interactions, she wished for more of the same.

These are dangerous thoughts. I must focus on the task at hand. Aaron is not available. He's not interested. I must remember this.

Her mind racing with the events of the past week, she made herself think of Almack's instead and the gentlemen she'd danced with. Unpleasant images of her interaction with Thomas Cornell resurfaced, but she pushed them aside. Instead, she tried her best to recall the gentlemen she'd danced and conversed with, trying to decipher if any of them made her heart skip a beat. Alas, none did. Not even Lord Pembroke, who'd been so charming but whose reputation she now worried about.

"Dear, your bonnet will fall off at any moment." Matilda's voice interrupted her thoughts.

She had been so preoccupied with everything that she hardly noticed her bonnet had gone askew until Matilda's gentle hands set it right.

"Faith, I didn't realize," Judith muttered.

Matilda smiled. "There you go," she said, smoothing Judith's hair back into place. "You are a little pale. Some color would do you good. Here."

She pinched Judith's cheeks lightly, bringing a touch of color to them.

"Matilda!" Judith exclaimed, half-mortified, half-amused.

Matilda laughed, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "There, much better. You look radiant, dear."

Judith couldn't help but smile back, a wave of affection washing over her. This little gesture, one she'd seen mothers make at balls and in parks to make their daughters look more appealing, somehow touched something within her. The feeling wasn't one of daughterly affection, but it came close.

These past few days, she'd spent more time with Matilda, either going for walks, dining together in Worcester House, or sitting together while reading. It had been comforting not to be alone in the house anymore. Still, this new closeness was something they had to navigate.

"Why did you come with me today?" she asked, her voice softer.

"Does it bother you? Would you rather have me send another maid?" Matilda asked, the smile on her face faltering.

Judith quickly shook her head. "No, no, that's not what I meant. I meant… why do you care so much? Why did you offer to speak to Oliver? Why did you offer to take me in if I wanted to run away?"

Matilda paused, her gaze softening as she looked at her. "Because, Judith, I hoped that you, John, and to some extent Oliver, would want me in your lives. I know I'm not your mother, and I'm not trying to replace her, but I'd like to be here for you in whatever way you need."

Judith felt a lump form in her throat, touched by Matilda's words. She had never fully appreciated Matilda's efforts until now. Impulsively, she stepped forward and hugged her, a gesture that drew a few surprised glances from passersby. Public displays of affection were rare, but Judith didn't care.

"I do want you in our lives, I really do. I know I never took my time to get to know you when Father was alive, and I should have, but now… I… I am grateful, Matilda."

Matilda beamed, her eyes sparkling with emotion. "Thank you, Judith," she whispered.

Judith pulled back, her eyes misty. "Thank you, Matilda. I'm glad you're here."

They stood there for a moment, a silent understanding passing between them. Then, just as Judith was about to speak again, she spotted a familiar figure approaching through the park's winding paths.

"Oh," she muttered as she spotted Aaron looking dashing as always in his tailored coat and top hat.

He moved with a purposeful stride, and her heart rate quickened at the sight of him.

"Look who's coming," Matilda said, her tone light and teasing.

Judith straightened, smoothing her skirts and trying to quell the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. "Yes, it's Aaron—I mean, His Grace. I should use his title in public," she explained, hoping her voice didn't betray her nerves.

"And handsome as always," Matilda added with a wink.

Aaron reached them with a warm smile. "Good morning, Lady Judith, Lady Worcester."

"Good morning, Your Grace," Matilda replied with a courteous nod. "It's a lovely day for a walk, isn't it?"

"Indeed it is," Aaron agreed, his eyes flicking to Judith. "Lady Judith, are you ready for our promenade?"

Judith nodded, feeling a surge of excitement mingled with nervousness. "Yes, I am."

"Good, well. I have no intention of crowding you, so if you do not mind, I will sit over yonder. It is cold, but the sun is lovely. Just do not walk beyond that bend there, so I can see you and fulfill my duties," Matilda said and winked, before setting off for the indicated spot.

Judith glanced at her stepmother, who gave her an encouraging smile. She felt a swell of gratitude and newfound confidence. She wasn't alone—she had Matilda, Rosy, and Joanna. And perhaps, despite the uncertainties ahead, that was enough.

The air was crisp, and the wind occasionally gusted, sending leaves rustling across the pathways and lifting strands of Judith's hair from her face. She walked closely beside Aaron, their hips brushing now and then, making her acutely aware of his presence.

Was this proximity for show, or did it mean something more? She forced the thought away. Of course, it was on purpose. They'd practised walking like this. Although, wasn't she meant to walk with other gentlemen in such proximity?

Aaron broke the silence before she could pursue the thought further.

"You and Lady Worcester seem to be getting along well. I hadn't expected to see her today, let alone having such an intimate conversation with you."

Judith nodded, a soft smile playing on her lips. "Marianne was ill, and Matilda offered to come. We have been getting along very well of late. I've spoken to her more and more lately, thanks to you."

Aaron's eyebrows rose in genuine curiosity. "Thanks to me? How so?"

Judith glanced at him. "You told me about Matilda's past. It made me want to get to know her better. In a way, her story isn't so different from mine. She was forced into a marriage she didn't want but then found love, if briefly. I hope to avoid being pushed into a marriage I don't want and find love on my terms, as she did. Matilda taught me that even having love briefly is worth it, so I will do my best to find someone I can love and marry in the short time I have before Oliver returns. In any case, I will fight for love. I am certain the perfect man for me is out there."

"And pray, who might that be? I realize that we have not spoken of what you really want in a gentleman. We have just focused on who is available that might not offend you too much," he said, his voice thick with something she could not place.

She thought about this before replying. "Someone who cares about others, who is honorable and righteous. Someone who likes music and is entertaining to talk to. Someone who has an interest in things beyond Society," she replied, realizing she was describing him.

She looked up at him, wanting to make sure he wasn't unsettled by this, and saw that he'd paled. Mortified, she stopped.

"Are you unwell? Did something I said upset you?"

He shook his head, dismissing her worry with a wave of his hand. "No, I'm fine. Indeed, I must confess, I did not hear much of what you said. I'm afraid I cannot focus—I slept poorly."

Judith was at once relieved that he hadn't heard her accurate description of him as her ideal man and disappointed, which was of course silly. Even if he had heard her, the description could be applied to many gentlemen, surely.

"Would you like to sit down for a while?" she asked, concerned.

Aaron smiled but shook his head again. "No, we have a task to do."

She nodded her head, but she did not feel like being charming. She was stuck in her own head, which swirled with questions she could not answer and feelings she didn't understand. But they were here for a reason, he was right.

As they passed a group of gentlemen, Aaron leaned in slightly and whispered, "Smile."

Judith forced a smile, but it felt unnatural, almost as if she were baring her teeth.

Aaron chuckled softly. "Judith, you look like a tiger at the Royal Menagerie. Do you mean to scare them off?"

"Of course not," she replied, but he stopped again.

"Smile. Look at me and smile. I did not think we'd have to practice this," he said, but his eyes twinkled with amusement, which inspired her to flash him her widest smile.

"There we are, that is much better. You look like…" He blinked, and it was clear he was at a loss for words.

"Please do not say a horse," she said quickly, eager to ease the tension.

This time, he chuckled. "I would never. I was going to say you look… lovely."

They stood across from one another, neither able to speak. Her lips parted, and her heart thundered so rapidly that she felt it in her throat. Alas, he suddenly stepped back.

"So, smile like that, and you will surely be approached. Now, it will do you no good to be seen walking with me all afternoon, as people will think we are together. I suggest that you wander down to the water and feed the geese," he suggested, nodding toward the water.

"Geese? I did not bring food," she protested, for she hadn't planned on walking anywhere alone.

Judith looked at Matilda. Should she call her over? For, of course, he was quite right. If they continued to walk together, everyone would think they were courting, and it would defeat the purpose.

Why hadn't she thought of this? Why hadn't Oliver? Indeed, this exercise was futile for?—

"Judith?" Aaron said, handing her a small sack. "I brought some. Here. Take it and go down to the geese and feed them. Look at ease and smile serenely."

She raised her eyebrows. "Who will approach me if they think we are together?"

"I will take care of that. I know a lot of the gentlemen here. I will mingle and make it clear we are not together, and, in a few minutes, I am sure word will spread and you will be approached. Now, go."

Judith inhaled the cool air and did as she'd been told. Of course, Aaron had thought of everything. He was always prepared. How silly of her. As she went, she could not help but feel a sadness settle in her bones. She wanted more time alone with him—a thought she couldn't share with him.

At the water's edge, she withdrew the small sack of feed and tossed breadcrumbs to the geese and ducks that gathered eagerly at her feet. The serene sounds of the park and the gentle ripples of the water provided a peaceful backdrop, but her mind was elsewhere.

She glanced over her shoulder, her gaze drawn to Aaron, who was surrounded by a group of four gentlemen. He was engaging them in conversation, likely trying to encourage them to approach her. She sighed, feeling a pang of sadness. He was doing his duty, fulfilling his promise to help her find a suitable match. But in doing so, he was distancing himself from her.

She turned back to the animals, her heart heavy. The ducks quacked, and the geese honked, seemingly oblivious to her inner turmoil. Just then, a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"May I borrow some of your feed?"

Judith looked up, startled. Standing beside her was a tall, dark-haired man with bright blue eyes and a charming smile. He was impeccably dressed, his demeanor confident yet warm. She glanced back at Aaron, who was still engrossed in conversation with his friends, then returned her gaze to the newcomer.

"Of course," she replied, offering him some breadcrumbs.

"Thank you," he said, taking the feed from her. "I'm Graham Baxter, the Earl of Leeds."

Judith's eyebrows rose in surprise. She had heard of Graham Baxter, the heir to one of the wealthiest earldoms in the realm.

He'd been out of the country for some while, but she remembered that years ago, back when she was still a fixture on the marriage mart, he'd been well sought after—though unwilling to commit.

"A pleasure to meet you," she offered with a smile. "I am Judith?—"

She got no further, for behind her, a bone-chilling shout rent the air. She spun around, and she saw with fright that Matilda was sprinting toward her, one hand on her hat and the other swinging at her side, as though she were running for sport.

Something had happened, something dreadful, Judith knew it in her heart, and as she staggered toward her stepmother, leaving the young man behind, she could not help but feel dread sink its cold claws into her.