Chapter Five

The moment we arrived home, I went straight to my room, and I gathered my stuff for the shower. Exhaustion hits me like a ton of bricks. I can hardly keep my eyes open as the hot water sprays down on me. That is, until what I thought was the bathroom closet door opens, and I peer out the curtain to see Kyson.

He's achingly beautiful to gawk at. Broody and mysterious. Full of secrets and danger that only serve to hurt anyone who dares to go near him, and yet I crave the violence of him like I've never tasted anything as beautiful as his attention. The warmth of his lips.

"Get out," I whisper yell, not wanting anyone else to hear us.

"We both know you don't want me to leave."

I hate that he's right. That he sees straight through me. I steel my spine and gather my resolve before I make another mistake. Before I betray Matt again.

"Yes, I do. Go. Now. Before I scream bloody murder so fast, your head will spin."

"You should lock the door next time. This door leads to my room. Come on over when you're through." He shoots me a shit-eating grin and leaves.

Ugh. I may kill him. My dad is probably rolling over in his grave. I twist the purity ring on my finger, remembering the promise I made to save myself for marriage. At the time, I'd only started talking to Matt and Dad was worried to death that I'd get pregnant or something. I can't recall his precise explanation at the time. He gave me the ring on my fifteenth birthday. I only agreed because the gesture seemed important to him. Not that I'm in a hurry for sex, but I've definitely thought about it a lot. Especially when things would get passionate with Matt in the backseat of his car.

And yet it strikes me that I never felt this level of intensity when we were alone that I experience when Kyson looks at me. Sure, I adore my boyfriend, but he was always the one to stop us before we went too far. What crackled between us was nowhere near this electric. Maybe I'm lonely. Is this what it means to act rebellious?

I finish my shower, towel off, get dressed for bed, and brush my teeth. The house is quiet, and I hope Kyson will leave me alone so I can get some sleep. Unpacking will have to wait until tomorrow. My cell phone is flashing with missed calls and messages. All from Matt. We agreed that we'd catch up this weekend. Life is hectic for us both. He's in his freshman year at college and it's my senior year of high school.

I should end things. It isn't like we'll ever get to see each other. I trust him, but it isn't fair to expect him to wait for me, either. A lot can happen in a year.

I haven't told him that I'm not sure if going to college straight away is what I want. That was the plan. We'd attend the same school. Freshman year I'd live in my dorm, but the next summer we'd get an apartment together. Then my father passed away and life changed. I've changed in ways I can't explain. He wouldn't understand.

I'm no longer that girl with a perfectly detailed view of her future life.

Of the life we'd been planning. Family dinners. Listening to our fathers bicker over who would man the grill and buy the beer. The two of us laughing about the latest friend his mom would attempt to set my dad up with.

That pretty picture is ripped in half. The half with my dad and me has been stripped away completely.

We were a team. Even through his failed relationships, it was always the two of us.

Matt says that nothing has changed on his end. How do I tell him I no longer want those things?

Hey, just checking on things. Did your flight go okay? Is your uncle treating you well?

I know we said we'd give each other a little space to settle in, but I miss you. We haven't spoken much since the funeral and the way things ended…I need to see you.

Thanksgiving break I can fly you here or me there. What do you think?

I flop back on the bed and let out a sigh as I scroll through his messages.

I think I'm the worst type of person there is. I kissed Kyson the first day I've been here. Then Matt…he says he misses me. Part of me wishes I could go back to being the girl he thought I was. Life made sense before all these changes. I also had my father.

I click on Matt's contact info and stare at his picture. He's always been cute. Dark hair, tall, green eyes to die for. Nice dresser. Preppy. Good grades. The girls at school all hated me because I was his girl. We were perfect.

Maybe too perfect.

I miss you too. How's classes going? You studying hard?

Going great, but wish you were here.

I need to get to bed. Talk later. Xoxxo

I avoid the question for now. Do I want to see Matt? Certainly. Should I see him? Probably not.

Long distance never works out.

I kissed someone else, and I want to do it again.

What's wrong with me?

I try to push all these troubles from my thoughts, and I spot the panda Kyson won for me sitting on my desk which means he was in my room. He better not have snooped through my stuff.

Snuggling down into the covers, it doesn't take long for sleep to claim or for me to awaken to the bed dipping under the weight of the intruder.

"Told you I'd sneak into your bed. If you didn't want me to, you'd have locked the door," Kyson whispers against the shell of my ear.

"What the hell are you doing?" I try to sit up, but he presses me back down on the bed, looming over me. His minty breath fans over my lips. My pulse leaps to my throat as his fingers curl around it.

"Shh. Just go with it."

"Get out," I hiss, my plea dying on his mouth as his lips meet mine. Heavy breaths pass between us. I know it's wrong to want him. That I should knee him in the nuts and scream, but I don't want to. Instead, I return his kiss and when his hand floats down my side and slides up under my tank top, I don't end it here either. I welcome his touch as he palms my breast. I've loved to hate Kyson Allen since we were in grade school. Brushing a thumb over my nipple, he continues to tease the sensitive skin.

A light knock sounds at my bedroom door. Holy crap. If Kyson is caught in my room with the door shut and the lights out, we are both dead. "Dahlia," Helen calls out softly. My eyes bug out, but Kyson is already rolling under my bed.

"It's open," I answer while praying she doesn't find her son hiding out beneath the bed.

Light spills into my room from the hallway. Helen pokes her head through the opening. "Sorry, I had to drop and run earlier. I'd hoped to be home sooner. You settling in okay?"

"Yup. I'm great. Thanks."

"John said Kyson took you out for dinner. Are you guys getting along? I recall you guys always being at each other's throats when you visited. You were always chasing him, and he was running away. I told him it was a crush back then."

"Yeah." I laugh awkwardly. "We're good." I don't fully understand what compels me other than annoying Kyson, but I ask, "Do you think it'd be okay if Matt came for thanksgiving?"

"Matt?"

"My boyfriend from back home. Well, he's at college, but he wanted me to see if he could come visit."

"An older boy," she muses. "I'll talk to John. I'm sure we can work something out."

"Thanks."

"Of course. We want you to feel at home, and if my son gives you any trouble, don't be afraid to speak up."

"I think I can handle Kyson. We're a lot older and different now."

"You kids have grown up too fast. I wish your dad and John hadn't grown so far apart. Kyson would kill me if I told you this, but he used to look forward to your visits. You two seemed to have that classic boy girl love and hate relationship. You know how when a boy likes you, he kicks the back of your chair."

"I find that hard to believe, but appreciate you saying it, anyway."

"See you in the morning. We do breakfast at seven."

The door closes and I peek under the bed. Kyson isn't there. Before I can look for him, fingers dig into my hips and those torturous lips are brushing against the shell of my ear again. "You said you didn't have a boyfriend."

"Shouldn't you be in your room in case your mom is looking for you?"

He nibbles at my neck. "She'll think I'm in the shower. I left the water running and the light on, lil' doll. Let's talk about why you lied to me."

"I didn't lie. We're on a break." The lies keep coming.

"Trying to make me jealous, then?"

"No," I swear as he sucks on my neck, and I give up arguing.

"You have to admit there's something hot about almost getting caught."

He's not wrong.

"I think you need to go to your room and let me get my beauty rest."

"You think you can handle me?"

"Kyson," I murmur when he sucks harder on my neck. "Don't give me a bruise."

"I want it right where everyone can see. Want them to know you belong to me now."

"I don't though. We can't be doing this. It's risky, and I don't even like you."

"We'll see about that." He kisses me once more, then slips out of my room.

I didn't sleep for crap, but then again, I never do. I've had night terrors since I was little. Not even medication helps. You'd think I would have outgrown them by now, but if anything since my father passed away, they're worse than they've ever been.

I was hoping that maybe a change of environment would be the trick, but no luck.

I've tried everything. Counting sheep. Melatonin. Therapy. None of it has helped.

Most nights I end up reading until the words blur on the pages and if I'm lucky I will get a few solid hours in without tossing and turning like a rotisserie chicken.

Last night when I'd close my eyes and drift into the dream state I'd awaken flushed with chest pains. The nightmares aren't like most people think. They happen in flashes that I can't make sense of and usually I forget most of the details.

My last therapist wanted to put me under hypnosis. She had some theory that the night terrors were created by my subconscious in order to protect me from something I don't want to remember. My dad thought she was a quack and stopped taking me to see her.

I go through the motions of getting ready for my first full day at my new school, wishing I'd taken my uncle's suggestion that I wait to start until next week. It's probably too late now to do so and I might as well get it over with.

Kyson has spent most of breakfast ignoring me completely, which is for the best. That is until my uncle brings up Matt visiting for Thanksgiving.

"How old is this Matt character?" The moment he brings it up, Kyson puts his hand on my upper thigh under the cloak of the table.

"Almost nineteen," I squeak when he gets a little too close to somewhere he shouldn't be touching me.

"If he comes to visit, he can sleep in the den on the pullout sofa. You known this guy long?"

"Of course. Matt's dad worked on the same crew Dad did for the logging company. He was there when… well, you know."

"Does this mean I get to invite a guest over for a sleepover?" Kyson practically growls at the question.

If I didn't know better, I'd think he's jealous.

"You are well aware Britney isn't welcome in this house after… Well, it's not polite conversation for the breakfast table or any table," Helen says.

I can't help but wonder what she did to be banned. Although considering how Kyson can't keep his hands to himself, I don't need to wonder too hard.

"I need to get to the school. Do you want to ride with me?" Uncle John offers.

"Thanks, but Lauren is supposed to pick me up."

"Okay then. Glad you're already making friends. Helen works a middle shift tonight, and I have a meet with my bowling team. Kyson and you will have to fend for yourselves again tonight, I'm afraid. Just don't stay out past eleven." He kisses his wife, grabs his briefcase, and is out the door.

"We make it a point to do breakfast since we rarely see each other for dinner, but I promise this weekend I'll be making up some stuff for the freezer and all you guys will have to do is pop it in the oven next week."

"Sounds good. I meant to ask Uncle John, but do you think he'll be able to take me to look for a car soon? I'd like to be able to drive myself as soon as possible." I don't have enough saved for something yet, but they can access the money in my trust once the insurance pays out.

"Of course. I'll remind him. We can go one Sunday. That's usually one of my days off."

"Great." My phone chimes with a text from Lauren. I glance at her message that says she's out front. "My ride's here. See you later." I push my chair back and Kyson moves his hand quickly, rushing to grab his keys, then follows me outside.

I wave to Lauren and go to get in her car when Kyson jogs to catch up and closes the door as I try to open it.

"Hey. Uh, rude much?"

"You ride with me. Told you I want everyone to see you're with me now." He flashes me those irresistible dimples with a smile that reaches all the way to his gorgeous blue eyes.

"And I told you I'm not with you. I'm riding with Lauren."

"Get in that car and I'll tell everyone that you crawled into my bed last night and gave me a blowjob."

"Your threats don't scare me."

"You think I'm playing? I'll show them proof and send it to your little boyfriend, Matt, too."

"What? That's crazy."

"It's amazing what you can do with technology." He holds up his phone, and he has an altered photo that looks like us engaged in a sexual act.

"You're a psycho. Anyone can see that it's AI generated."

"Are you willing to chance it? I always get what I want."

"Hey," Lauren calls out, cracking the window. "Are you coming or what?"

"Go on. I'll see you at lunch." I scowl at Kyson and stomp toward his car. Don't even know why I'm feeding into whatever game he's playing. It's not like people would believe him. Matt would think he's a liar because I never… we never took things that far when we were together. We may be in a weird place, but I'd never ever want to hurt him like that. It was nothing more than a stupid kiss. I should call his bluff. Only I don't think he's messing around. He's the type who'd send it for the hell of it.

Consequences be damned.