12. GRANT

There was an electricity between our bodies that bonded us, almost welded us together like we were both made of metal. After we showered together and then dressed, Henry showed me some more of his little play gear. He had boxes of plush teddies and toys, lots of plastic animals he would give random names to and act out a scene where they were the best of friends.

In the living room, amongst all the colorful sparkles coming at me from every corner, Henry showed off his tea set. A pink plastic set with small crowns around it.

“We play most evenings,” he said. “Sometimes, we use wine in the tea pot, and then other times, we will just play around with apple juice and little sandwiches.”

“I remember you telling me about that, actually,” I said. “I’d definitely love to see you play sometime, unless it’s an invasion of your little space.”

He bit on his bottom lip and nodded, trying his best to hide his pretty smile. “I really like the sound of that. But only if you got involved. You’d need your own seat at the party, and maybe you’d also have to dress up for the occasion.”

“Absolutely.”

I wanted to hold him in a large hug for as long as humanly possible. I wanted to inhale his smell and to kiss every part of his head and body. It didn’t matter if I’d already kissed it before, I wanted to kiss it again.

There was far more to do in Henry’s apartment than there was in mine, probably because I’d rarely spent much time in my apartment, and he had so much going on wherever you looked, from colorful posters on walls, to a fridge covered in drawing pages. This was a testament to living authentically for him as a little, and I adored it.

It wasn’t long until Fallon came back to the apartment with his boyfriend, Sterling. He was similar age to me with more gray hair happening. After we were introduced to each other, Henry and Fallon went off, leaving us alone to talk.

Sterling had been the man Fallon had met down in Mexico, an American who’d been working at the resort they’d been staying in. We knew we shared the Daddy thing in common with each other, but we didn’t mention it. It felt like those times I’d visited the Playhouse Club where the Daddy Doms waited around not speaking with one another as they watched the subs, boys, and littles play around in the uniquely designed rooms.

“Fallon mentioned you and Henry have been talking for a long time,” he said. “The first time I’ve heard about you, and they kinda share everything. I once said it felt like they shared the same brain.”

Saving me from explaining around the relationship we had, the boys walked back into the living room, giggling in unison. Henry now had a jacket and scarf on, as well as a plush reindeer headband. Fallon put a matching pair over his head.

“Is this festive?” Fallon asked.

“Compared to the apartment, not in the slightest,” Sterling laughed. “But I think you know that already.”

“I also have this on,” Henry said, unzipping his jacket to reveal a Christmas sweater. “Ta-da!”

“That reminds me,” I said, snapping my fingers. “Next week, I need to check the internal company calendar but there’s going to be an ugly Christmas sweater competition. Not saying your sweater is ugly, at all.”

“I do have ugly ones,” he snort-laughed.

“And I’m not sure if it’s happening this year because I’ve been in France, but we also usually have a Christmas cookie bake-off,” I said, suddenly feeling like I was forgetting a lot.

Fallon whacked Henry’s arm. “You need to make your grandma’s cookie recipe.”

“I told you, she wasn’t my grandma, she was my great-aunt,” he said. “My grandma wasn’t much of a baker.”

“But you are,” Fallon continued to nudge Henry. “A cookie bake-off, you could quickly become friends with everyone at work.”

“If it makes it better, or worse, I’m usually the judge of it,” I said.

He laughed. “Well then I definitely can’t do it, you won’t be able to be impartial.”

I knew I wouldn’t, but I had to tell him I would. I wanted him to get recognition and positive words thrown at him by the entire firm. “You could be like Elliot and buy from a store and try to pass them off as yours.”

“Whose Elliot?” Fallon asked.

We went back and forth for a moment where I tried not to give too much away about how everyone sucked ass in one way or another at the firm. The only difference here being, Henry was below me, and I was so desperate to have him compete so I could fill his mind with all my words, and then later, his body with my body.

“I’ll think about it,” he said. “Now, let’s go. We’re gonna get stuck in the back of all the crowds.”

“Did Henry mention the Christmas ball tickets as well?” I asked.

“Yes, I did, I texted him the moment you told me. I’m just waiting for you to hand them over,” he said.

Fallon looked to Sterling and wrapped an arm around him. “It’s next weekend,” he said, up on his toes to give his boyfriend a kiss. “I forgot to say, so I hope you haven’t already made plans for me.”

“I’m always trying to make plans with you,” he said, kissing him back.

Henry and I watched, and then back to each other. We were mentally well-connected, but we’d yet to grow into a space were we could both be completely physical with one another in a way that felt symbiotic. I just wanted to hold him and somehow understand what he was feeling and vice versa.

“It’s only in the evening,” Henry said. “But every year we try and get tickets, and they’re always sold out. Like, the tickets where you’re in the pit. The action zone. Where you could potentially get hit by a stray Mariah Carey-esque whistle tone if you’re lucky.”

Christmas in the city was always magic. It wasn’t like it in the small county I grew up in down in Texas, we had the winter-themed fairs, and people celebrated, but unless there was an unseasonable chill in the air, snow rarely hit us. I liked that snow could come down on us at any moment, and last for days, or even hours. We didn’t have that luck right, but it would’ve made the evening perfect.

We didn’t get to where Henry would’ve wanted to view the tree lighting ceremony, but we still managed to get a good enough view. We both had knitted beanies on, keeping our heads warm, and somewhat obscuring our faces as we cuddled close to each other.

“In the movies, this is when the huge climax would happen and they realize how deeply in love with each other they are,” Henry said.

“Are you confessing to something?” I asked.

“No, I was just saying, in the movies, this is when that would happen,” he said. “And then the woman would tell the man she’s selling the trinket store she owns and will be leaving the town.”

I gasped, it was a predictable narrative for the movies, but every single time, I told myself to act surprised as if it was the first time indulging in a deliciously warm Christmas flick. “I definitely hope you’re not telling me anything now.”

He giggled. “After this, I’m going to need to find a little Christmas market stall somewhere that sells snow globes,” he said.

There was so much to Henry I knew but was re-learning. He was a collector of all things cute, so it didn’t surprise me he was eager to seek out another snow globe to add to his collection, the collection that had seemingly blended in with the entirety of his Christmassy apartment decor.

Fallon and Sterling had left us once we arrived at the tree lighting, mostly because Henry had wanted to squeeze a little further into the crowd of people. I didn’t blame him, the tree was magnificent. I wondered how many times we’d both been in the same place at the same time. I hadn’t always managed to make it to the reveal, but I did always make sure to come and stand by it.

Once the moment happened, people snapped pictures and left. There was always a healthy crowd of people around to surround us as we got closer to nearly touching it. It was impossible to do so since there was a fence around it, and security. Our necks craned as far back as they could get just to view the entirety of the tree dressed in its glitz and glamour.

“I think this is my second favorite tree,” he whispered.

“My tree is your favorite then?” I teased.

“Well, I decorated it, so it might be the third favorite,” he giggled. “But I mean of all time. My ultimate favorite reveal which cannot be beaten was the reveal where they had that large red velvet bow around it. I think that was the year they had a little stand selling those red bows and I saw people with them in their hair for so long.”

“Sounds like you want a little bow in your hair,” I said, stroking a gloved finger under his chin.

“I have one of them, it’s in my Christmas keepsake box under my bed.” He wiggled his brows at me. “They’re little things I don’t put out or use, but remind me of the holidays.”

“What’s going in it for this year?”

“We have so much time until Christmas, when it happens, I’ll know,” he said.

I slipped my hand into his, holding it. “You want to go skating on the rink? Or we could get some overpriced cocoa.” The ice rink was possibly at its peak busiest, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t take the opportunity to try. The lingering idea and doubts over being spotted with Henry had since faded into the background of my mind, while still there, they weren’t screaming at me. The fresh air probably helped clear my mind.

“I think that’s where Fallon and Sterling went,” he said. “They probably got in before the crowds. But yes, although I will skate rings around you.”

“Oh, well, this would definitely buck the trend of all those FlixMas movies,” I said. “I’m supposed to be the one good on the ice and helping you get your shaky deer legs working on the ice.” As much as people passed us, bumping around in all directions, it felt like we were the only two people there our faces being blasted by the glowing white-yellow of the Christmas tree lights.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Daddy,” he said, biting his lip playfully.

I leaned in and kissed him. “We’ll see just how well you can skate.” The reality of it was, I’d rarely skated, unless we were counting the ice rinks over Christmas. But I couldn’t give in and let him think I wasn’t good at every single thing. I didn’t want to set a bad example of the nurturing Daddy hands I had.

There was a rather large queue for the ice rink, so we grabbed two piping hot Styrofoam cups of cocoa with all the works added on top; whipped cream, sprinkles, marshmallows, and a peppermint dusting. They were absolutely divine, like a dessert my stomach hadn’t yet earned through a nice dinner.

“We should also think about what we’re doing for dinner,” I said. “Do you want to come back to my place? I can cook.”

“I know you can cook,” he said, sipping from the rim and immediately pulling back at the heat. Whipped cream collected on the tip of his nose. “But what can you cook?”

“What do you want me to cook?”

He shrugged. Of course, it wasn’t on my boy’s head where he should’ve been thinking about food. I should’ve already had his little menu set and planned for him. I had spaghetti shapes, several kinds, as an over planner, I hadn’t known which shapes he’d like, but he was more likely to enjoy them than not.

“Something fun,” he finally said.

“Fun shapes?”

“What shapes?”

I went through the panic shopping trip where I’d bought the pasta, and as I recalled the list, I added in the mac and cheese option too. I knew little space foods were mostly frozen nuggets and potato faces, they were easy. I didn’t want him to think I was patronizing him with the food options.

He had the biggest grin, ear to ear, he smacked his lips. “Yes,” he said. “Any of that is good. And you had this last night?”

“I did,” I said. “But I didn’t want to come on too strong. You only get one chance to make a good impression on a boy like you.”

“Well, dinosaur nuggets are always a win for me,” he said. “I wish they did more Christmas options, but stars branded as Christmas stars do not feel the same to me.”

It was funny he mentioned that because I’d bought those Christmas star shapes. “I’ll let you look later,” I said. “You can have your pick of the food in my kitchen. There’s plenty of it.”

After learning about his tea parties, I realized how important the caretaking aspect of feeding a little was. Perhaps a baked camembert hadn’t been the best option last night, maybe if it came in a fun shape, he would’ve enjoyed it more.

We were soon at the front of the queue for the rink. Fallon and Sterling spotted us immediately. They nearly rammed into the edge of the fence. Fallon unable to keep steady on the ice and Henry snort-laughing about the whole ordeal, trying to offer him advice.

After getting tickets and going to the skate rental, we strapped those boots onto our feet and I was already bracing for impact. I didn’t want to topple head first, but something about being my height and well-built in the mid-section made me feel like it was inevitable.

“Come on,” Henry said, holding my hand. “I’ll keep hold of your hand. I promise.”

“Good boy,” I said.

“Only for a good Daddy,” he said as my hand throbbed a squeeze in his hand. “Do you want to skate around the edge first, so we get comfortable?”

“Hey, that’s what I’m supposed to ask you.”

“Then yes, I would like to skate around the edge of the rink please,” he said.

Once I was on the ice, I was fine. It was like riding a bike, one foot in front of the other, letting your feet glide across the ice. Before the first full lap, we’d left the railing edge and had caught up to Fallon and Sterling. Fallon was ramming into the barrier whenever he needed to stop. Sterling was skating with purpose and poise.

“I was on the ice hockey team in high school,” he said. “You never lose it.”

“Ice hockey,” Fallon said, thumping a hand to his chest. “Be still my beating heart. I didn’t know you were a jock.”

Henry laughed. “Were you on any teams?” he asked me.

“Debate,” I said. “Guess it fits. I played football, not for the school team, but you know in gym class.”

Henry mimicked Fallon’s expression of faux swooning. “Oh wow.”

Once we were worn out from the skating and chasing each other around the rink, Henry and Fallon had a talk as they untied their skates. Sterling sat by me as I undid mine.

“Where did you say you were from?” he asked.

“Originally, Texas,” I told him. “So, no ice hockey team in my little county. It would’ve been fun, I think they have a team now, but you high school definitely changes in twenty years.”

“Right, yeah First time on the ice then?”

“God no, didn’t you see me out there, I was practically born to skate,” I laughed, although I think the joke went over his head with my plain delivery of the line. “Obviously I’m kidding. I only skate when the rink is out at Christmas.”

“Damn, you had me there. Are you and Henry headed back to his place or—”

The objective of the conversation was clear. “I think we’re going back to mine, maybe a pit stop for a change of clothes, I’m not sure.”

It was exactly what we were doing. Henry came back to me, we had a little cuddle, and then we headed off as a group. Henry needed a new onesie to bring back, and a couple more plushies to bring to bed as he’d confessed to sorely missing the comfort of his little pals.