Chapter 1

"Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama." Charlie's chanting from his playpen was enough to make me laugh, but I bit the inside of my lip to keep the chuckles contained. Josh and Izzy were on their way to school with Jeremy. Jake and Archie had to be at the flight lab early today, they had a new engine to test.

Coop stuck around long enough to help me and Ian get the kids ready before he had to head to the community center. It was his week to be there as onsite counselor for anyone who needed it. In addition to his own practice, he maintained a regular volunteer schedule. Once we'd cleaned up in the kitchen, Ian headed to his studio. He had some work before we recorded.

"Mama." Charlie banged his hands on the little wall enclosing his play area. It wasn't just a little four by five spot. Archie and the guys had converted part of the family room into a play area, as well as a secondary one up in the nursery. It had been perfect when Izzy was getting her feet under her, and then for Josh.

Charlie invading their space had taken some adjustment, but they were all handling it so beautifully. Well, except when Izzy and Josh butted heads. They could go from besties to at each other's throats in no time at all. The tempers they got from their fathers, despite the boys saying that was all me. Nope, not it.

"Yes, Charlie my love, I'm coming." All of the kids had been dependent on me in different ways. They loved their fathers—adored them—but their demands where I was concerned shifted and changed as they got older. It meant, especially with a few months to go until we added another infant, we had to teach them to share me.

Izzy had been the most difficult. She'd been an only child until Josh and we'd all spoiled her. Still, once convinced that she would still be my best girl and that I wouldn't love her any less, she made accommodations. Her reaction the day we brought Josh home still made me laugh.

Squatting, I met Charlie's green eyes and winked. They were losing some of the gray, which made me a little sad. I loved Coop's gray-green eyes. He didn't mind so much, said Charlie was getting my eyes. Still…

"Do you know what Izzy said about Josh?"

Charlie canted his head to the side looking every bit like his father. "Mama?"

I chuckled. "Not quite. She said," I continued, rising and reaching for him. As soon as I had a hold, he pushed up from the floor like he could jump. Once I had him on my hip, I booped his nose. "He's all wrinkly, Mama. Did you leave him in too long?"

Between the general soreness from the delivery, the exhaustion of staying at the hospital—I never slept well when I was there—and the delirium of welcoming our new little one, that comment had made me laugh so hard. For a week after, I kept bursting into spontaneous giggles.

Izzy had been very proud of herself.

"So when you came, she was really concerned you would also be all wrinkly. I had to remind her that Josh worked out okay." Lips twitching, I headed out of the family room and made my way down the hall. Ian and I had some recording to do later today. First, however, Charlie needed to be cleaned up, have some quality mom time, and then playtime outside before his nap.

Jeremy usually watched him for me when I had to be in the studio. The soundproofing meant we couldn't hear as well in there and I couldn't have the monitor on while we were working.

"Needless to say," I said. "You were wrinkly and now you have the cutest little cheeks." I blew a raspberry against one of the aforementioned cheeks. Charlie's laughter rippled through the air. I was almost to the stairs to head up when the doorbell rang.

Maxie and Murray both started barking from the backyard. The pair of herding dogs were just at their first birthday, while they'd been learning—their enthusiasm often outweighed their obedience when one of the guys wasn't right there.

Miss Abigail was probably asleep in Jeremy's suite. She was thirteen going on fourteen? Somedays I lost track, but despite the grey everywhere, she still enjoyed playing and walks. She also enjoyed good naps. They were quite cross that they weren't in here, but I pivoted and headed back across the house toward the front door.

"Maybe we have a package," I told Charlie as I bounced him a little.

"Box!" He clapped his hands together. He loved opening boxes with me. We always had a delivery of some kind arriving. The doorbell sounded a second time just as I got to the entry hall. I pressed the intercom and camera that let me see who was on the porch.

"Oh, Charlie, it's a grandpa." I was still smiling when I unlocked the door and pulled it open. "Grandpa Eddie is here."

Eddie Standish, Archie's father, and one of the many wonderful grandparents our kids had, stood there in his expensive, three piece suit and silk tie. The touch of silver in his hair gave him a distinguished look. There was also an easier smile in his eyes and on his lips. The resemblance to Archie had never been stronger.

"Gandpa! Gandpa!" Charlie pitched himself forward, grabbing hands demanding attention.

Chuckling, Eddie swooped him up and gave him a little bounce. "There's my little man, and how are you today, good sir?"

"Hungwy."

"Hungry?" Eddie made a comical face. "Hasn't mama fed you?"

Charlie slid me the slyest of looks and I raised my brows. The little sneak was so good at convincing everyone he needed food. The playful streak was just a little too mischievous sometimes.

"Want candy. Gandpa candy."

I swallowed another smile and had to bite the inside of my lip.

"Ah…" Eddie hummed and slid his hand into a pocket before he pulled out the butterscotch treats he'd started to carry with him. Something that Grandpa Ted had used to do with Archie when he was little. The first time Archie saw his dad sneak one to Izzy, he'd been a little rocked by it.

"I forgot…"The whisper and the missing in those two words had me wrapping him up in a hug. Grandpa Ted always came with candy, so now, Grandpa Eddie did too. I rather loved it for all of them.

Charlie lit up and held out his hand, then looked Eddie right in the eye. "Thank you, much."

I had to turn away to keep from laughing. He was so incorrigible. The little snotweed absolutely could charm his way to what he wanted. As soon as Eddie unwrapped the softer butterscotch, he put it in Charlie's palm.

"Remember," Eddie told him. "We suck on it. No chewing and swallowing."

"Unda my two-ng."

"Yes," Eddie watched him carefully then resettled him before he finally looked at me again. "Good morning, Frankie."

"Good morning, come on in." We were still standing in the doorway. "Did you forget your keys?"

"No, but I don't like using them unless we've already planned for it."

I could respect that. "There's still coffee in the kitchen, I was going to take this one up and give him a good clean up and change his clothes." He was still in diapers, but potty training had been going well, even if he preferred his diaper at night. Sometimes, I wasn't as in a hurry as I should be to graduate them up. He would be fully potty trained before the new baby came.

Oh—had Archie told Eddie yet?

"If you don't mind making me a cup," Eddie said. "I'll take this little buster up and get him ready. I've got a couple of hours and wanted to visit. We can go over some of the new figures if you're up for it."

"Absolutely," I told him. "Play clothes for him? They're in the third drawer. He is in a blue phase and will absolutely not wear anything red or purple."

"Got it." Then he was striding up the stairs, totally comfortable with the drool escaping Charlie and the way he tightened his fists on the suit. Eddie had been spit up on, actually Josh had an accident on him mid-diaper change, and Izzy threw up after a rather rambunctious ride at the park. It never fazed him, he just stripped off his jackets and rolled up his sleeves.

Dad told me more than once that Eddie loved being a grandfather. He was making up for all the missed time with Archie, but our kids weren't a replacement. He was also building a strong relationship with Archie. They were in such a better place now. In the kitchen, I poured my decaf into a cup before I made Eddie a latte. The fact he enjoyed the indulgence hadn't been lost on me. Still, I was glad that he indulged himself.

After his coffee was ready, I pulled out my phone and messaged Archie.

Me: Have you told your dad yet?

The decaf was still hot. Jeremy had found a really nice blend since the last pregnancy. It almost tasted like the real thing. Granted, cutting it back was smart and I did all the things the doctors told me to do. But giving up coffee wasn't an option I really wanted to explore. The fake out my brain method worked for me.

My phone buzzed.

Archie:No, I keep forgetting and you usually like to wait to the end of the first trimester.

He wasn't wrong.

Me: That's next week. We have the ultrasound then too.

Three little dots blinked up at me before his new message showed up.

Archie: Wanna take him out to dinner and tell him?

Me:Yes. He's here to visit Charlie and to talk business, so I wanted to check.

Archie: Babe, do you want to go ahead and tell him?

I smiled.

Me: Together.

Archie:Pick a night for dinner, we'll make it work.

Me: Love you.

Archie: Love you more.

I chuckled.

"Before you say anything," Eddie called as though announcing his presence. "I let Charlie pick it out."

When he walked into the kitchen, I laughed. Charlie was all dressed up in his panda onesie that Izzy had gotten him for his birthday. She liked dressing the babies up even more than she did the dogs.

"I see," I told him. "Were you picking on Grandpa?"

Charlie just gave me the sunniest smile. "Pway?"

"We can go outside and play." That onesie was going to be absolutely filthy. Oh well, it would wash.

The dogs were barking as soon as we stepped out onto the patio. There was a play area that was separate from the dogs. The stone patio was one step up from the grass. I carried our coffees and Eddie carried Charlie.

Once he set him down, Charlie toddled over to the little cabin the guys had built out here. It was practically a village, with reinforced everything and pads on edges. Not plastic. It was adorable and they kept adding to it.

"Thank you," Eddie said when I handed him the coffee. He took a drink before he set the cup down and pulled out a handkerchief. There was a sticky spot on his lapel.

"You are so good with him," I murmured.

"Dad used to say that having a stain on your suit was the sign of a family well loved—or an attitude that needed correcting. Strut the first and fix the second."

Another wave of laughter escaped me. That sounded so much like Grandpa Ted. I missed him. He would have loved all these kids and would probably spoil them worse than any of their other grandfathers.

"Mama!" Charlie called and I found him climbing the small slide. He wasn't allowed on the bigger one without one of his siblings.

"I can see you!"

He waved and then slid down with a whoop. Maxie and Murray had come over to watch us through the fence. They wagged their tails and waited patiently. Another lesson that we'd been teaching them. They had to be calmer around the littlest ones. Murray was much better at it than Maxie. She was constantly circling Josh and making him come back to one of us.

But one step at a time.

The dogs loved the kids and the kids loved them.

"What did you want to go over?" I asked as I took a seat. It was a gorgeous day. The sun was warm without being hot and the air was cool. Charlie was racing around chasing a butterfly now, but he kept checking on where we were.

"Oh, I thought we could discuss the quarterly distributions. They're next month, but we've had some new requests."

"The children's foundation from Braxton Harbor. They're opening three outreach centers in various parts of the city. Then in a year, they want to expand to a neighboring city." I'd read the applications. They'd submitted detailed breakdowns on their plans for the facilities, for improvements, and what they wanted to do in the first, second, and third years with longer term goals outlined as well.

"That's one of them. The other is from Blue Ivy Prep, they're seeking donations for a couple of new buildings they want to add. Including a better musical facility. They always start by reaching out to alumni first, but in this case, I think they want you to link it to your work with Bound Hearts and Torched."

"Did that just come in? There are a lot of wealthy donors on their alumni rolls." I'd also never gone to Blue Ivy. KC might be willing to do her own donation, but that was totally up to her. She'd had a unique experience there. Then again, Archie had been one of their students. There'd been a brief discussion about sending the kids.

I did not want to send any of them to boarding school. We had plenty of private schools right here on Long Island. The guys agreed with me, and that was that. Eddie had only proposed it because several generations of his family had attended there, including Archie.

I had to resist the urge to lay my hand over my belly. No, our kids were going to be raised in a home with us. They would have family around them, not a bunch of strangers and distance from us. Just—no. My stomach sank and my eyes burned. It was hard enough to send them to school some days, much less send them to another state to live away.

"Hey," Eddie said, concern in his voice grounding me in the present. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't," I told him with a sniffle, before swiping away the tears.

"Mama!" Charlie raced over and then clambered up onto the step before toddling to me. "No cwy Mama."

Oh boy, the tears were sliding down my cheeks too swiftly to be just wiped away. "Mama's not crying—well she is, but Mama isn't sad."

Emotions ping-ponging, I scooped Charlie up for a hug. He clung to me like a barnacle and I tucked my cheek to the top of his head. One common thread through all of my pregnancies had been wild emotional swings. They hadn't been so bad with this one.

Until now.

Worry filled Eddie's eyes as I met his gaze. "We can skip giving Blue Ivy anything ever again. I know Archie wasn't always a fan."

"No, it's not that and Archie didn't like being dumped there. His words, not mine. But he did like being close to Grandpa Ted and his Nana."

Eddie nodded slowly. "We could have handled a lot of that better."

"Maybe," I said, then sniffled again as Charlie patted at me. He was trying to rub my back but could only pat my shoulder. It was adorable. "I can't imagine how it was for you and Muriel." Not that I liked the woman. I didn't hate her, but I didn't really like her. Mostly, I just felt sorry for her. "You guys missed out on a lot. I was just thinking, I couldn't imagine sending any of them to boarding school. Just the idea made me miss them so damn much."

"I remember when we discussed it for Izzy," Eddie said before taking a long drink of his coffee. "I know we could have done things so differently. I wish I could turn it all back and fix it…"

"But we can't," I said and held his gaze. There was a loneliness in his eyes. A sadness that shifted, and sometimes decreased, but never went away. He still missed my mother. Despite everything that happened and all the hell she put him through—the hell she put all of us through—he missed her.

I hated that for him so much. I didn't even miss her these days. I had for a while but after Izzy? After holding my own daughter and the love that filled my chest then seemed to consume me whole? No, I didn't miss Maddy one bit after that.

"We can only move forward, and you're an amazing grandfather. My kids are so lucky." Because Eddie, like Archie, didn't treat any of them as anything different. They might have different biological fathers, but we were all family. Eddie was every bit Izzy's grandfather too. "I think sometimes you're the favorite grandfather, but don't tell Dad I said that."

That earned a real laugh from Eddie. "No, the real favorite is Jeremy, but I'm definitely a close second."

"Gonna go play again?" I asked Charlie and when he flashed those worried eyes up at me, I smiled. "Mama's not crying anymore. All better, see?"

Charlie studied me like he wasn't quite sure then he pressed a wet kiss to my cheek. "Mama betta."

"Definitely better now." I raspberried his cheek and he let out a shout of laughter. Then he was all squirms to get down. The sadness that had struck so profoundly retreated like a passing cloud on a beautiful day. "As for the children's foundation, I really like what they have in mind. I don't know if the grants they applied for will be enough. Maybe we write into the grant acceptance that we review in one year and increase the amounts as needed to hit their major goals?"

They had some good ones.

"I like that," Eddie said slowly. "I'll put a pin in Blue Ivy until we talk to Archie. What did you think of the language programs for the local schools? It's a smaller charter, but it will provide second language support and tutoring for elementary age kids to help them develop sooner rather than later. There's a lot of studies that suggest longer term language study can lead to greater comfort and more open minds. It also works the other way for immigrants and others who may not have English as a first language at home…"

"Eddie?"

The animation in his eyes was real. "Guilty," he admitted. "This is the program I wanted to talk to you about most."

"Doesn't Helena Endicott currently run that whole program?" I'd met her briefly at a lunch back in the spring. Eddie had been…quite interested in everything she had to say.

"Don't start," he told me, lips compressing. "Helena and I are friends."

"I didn't say anything." I also kept my smile buried.

"Uh huh. Helena is an old friend, her husband was also a friend before he passed away."

"Of course."

Eyes narrowed, Eddie half-glared at me. "Don't bring it up to Archie."

"Why would I?" I went for total innocence.

"Because I can see the wheels turning in your head."

"I like Helena," I told him. "She's really nice. Sharp. Savvy. Absolutely a shark when it comes to closing a deal for raising money. I think the language program is fantastic. It's up there with the arts one. What if we ask them to expand to community centers as well?" Coop's devotion to the series of community centers he worked at was a constant reminder that not everyone had access to what we did.

I liked making sure they had everything they could want or need.

"I can take the meetings with her if you need a break." His offer was delivered in a tone so blasé that I almost laughed.

"I appreciate that. Ian and I are looking at doing a small tour in October and November. Possibly January." We would have to wait and see. "We have to finish the album he's working on first."

"Then let's make arrangements to do a meeting next week…we'll go over the budgets for the foundation, then pick our favorites. We can then handle any negotiations on a case by case basis."

"If this runs up against time, you can take care of Helena for me." I barely smothered my smile before I drained the last of my coffee.

"You're not funny," Eddie groused and this time I did grin.

"I'm hilarious and you adore me."

"I do adore you," he admitted with a smile of his own before he sobered. "I'm not ready, Frankie."

My own smile faded.

"Don't know if I ever will be. Helena's—a nice woman. A bit prickly and definitely keeps me on my toes. But—I'm not ready for anything more."

"You don't have to be." I reached a hand out to him and he took mine. "You really don't. But don't just shut the door on the possibility, even if you're not ready to walk through it yet."

Eddie squeezed my hand. "Archie and the boys are very lucky."

"Maybe," I said with a grin. "I know I'm the lucky one."

"Mama!" Charlie shouted and we both looked over to see him at the top of the big slide. Took my eyes off him for two minutes and look at him.

"Hey now," Eddie said as he rose and crossed the yard easily but swiftly. "Wait for me."

Like a good boy, Charlie sat down at the top and waited until Eddie was at the bottom. Then he pushed off. He laughed all the way down and cheered when Eddie picked him up and swung him around.

"See Mama! Big boy!"

Yes he was a big boy and those tears flooded my eyes again. Our babies were growing up and our family was growing again. I didn't think I could be happier.

I sniffled.

I was definitely the lucky one.