Chapter 11

Christmas remained one of my all time favorite holidays. The new year could be bittersweet, thinking of Grandpa Ted. I expected this year would be even more so with the twins coming. I wished…

Well, I wished he was still here. My grandparents too, though they'd both passed a couple of years after Izzy had been born. My grandmother first followed by my grandfather.

I'd made a point of spending more time with him in those intervening months. The guys even supported me moving him down here with us, but he preferred his house in Connecticut.

The maudlin thoughts invaded the dark hours of Christmas morning. Easing out of the bed, I made my way into the bathroom. The twins were growing healthily, but it also meant they were compacting my bladder.

Archie and Coop were both sound asleep. Ian and Jake were absent but they might have been on Charlie duty. Charlie was so much better about sleeping through the night, but not totally.

Standing in the doorway to the bathroom, I studied the guys. They were sprawled, Archie was more toward the center with Coop on the far side. Usually I was the one in the middle but it was hard enough to get up and down sometimes, I didn't want to feel like a beached whale in the middle.

The tightness around Coop's eyes had begun to ease. I'd been worried about him. He'd taken Michael's loss so hard. He cared about those kids—all of them. It didn't make me any less concerned, but at least he seemed better. I tangled my fingers around the miniature pocket watch turned pendant he'd brought to me in Seattle.

A reminder that we made the time for each other. We always had. We always would. The words resonated with me and had every single day. I still missed them while touring, but I would hold the necklace like I had my rings or my charm bracelet. Their love made tangible.

Another reason I was glad to be home. I would absolutely be making time for him. For all of them. My gaze tracked to where Archie slept. His expression was downright peaceful. It almost seemed like he was smiling in his sleep.

Good dreams, I hoped.

As tempting as it was to wake them, I slipped out quietly and closed the door behind me. The sitting room was also dark, save for a single small lamp by the main door. The doors to the other bedrooms were open. They weren't sleeping elsewhere.

We all did it. Just sometimes we were tired or restless. Sometimes we needed a little privacy. I loved that everyone was comfortable enough to not be insulted when one of us needed it.

I'd snagged my robe from the bathroom and I pulled it on. I also had on the slippers for the colder floors out in the main house. Pregnancy always made me seem to run hotter, but?—

A flutter of movement had me pausing. Then another. Oh good, time for morning calisthenics. "Thank you for almost sleeping in for Mommy," I murmured to my belly. It was just before four in the morning, so it wasn't sleeping in by that much.

I let myself out of our room and then down the hall. I checked on Izzy, she was sound asleep with one arm thrown up and her blankets kicked off. I tugged the sheet back over her and a lighter blanket so she wouldn't get cold. Her Christmas stocking lay on the foot of her bed just waiting for her to discover it.

Josh was next. He had two of his toys in the bed with him. Toys he hadn't had when we put him to bed. I moved one to the nightstand and left the other tucked in next to him. His stocking was still on the foot of his bed as well. He might have been trying to stay up to catch Santa. No luck though.

Charlie, predictably, wasn't in his room. Off I went in search of them. I found him downstairs in the movie room sound asleep against Jake's chest with a blanket over them. The fire was low, but it burned merrily, so I pulled the pocket doors closed to let them sleep.

I padded through the darkened rooms. Jeremy wasn't up yet, or if he was, he hadn't left his suite. Izzy and Josh would be awake within the next couple of hours.

Their stockings would keep them busy for a short bit, but then it would be time to rush downstairs for breakfast then presents. Speaking of presents… I nudged open the door to the big living room.

Ian glanced up from where he was setting another present under the tree. His smile was as warm as a hug. "Merry Christmas, Angel. Don't tell me the kids are already up."

"They aren't," I said, letting myself in and closing the door. There was a fire going in here too, along with some Christmas music playing softly. "I thought Santa and his helpers were already done."

They'd sent me to bed and promised to take care of all of it, though I had done a fair bit of wrapping myself. My personal elf took care to place those presents and since I'd already seen them, I had no questions about Jeremy taking care of the requests.

"They were done." He set the box down toward the back before coming toward me. "I wanted to add a couple more presents that I'd forgotten to wrap."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he dropped a light, sweet kiss on my lips. He couldn't pull me quite flush to him. The bump was in the way, but before I could say anything, they tumbled around in there. The fluttering increased.

Dropping his chin, he glanced down. "Ahh, it was these kids who woke you up then."

I chuckled. "Maybe, I definitely had to pee and then…"

"You wanted to come down and savor Christmas before the chaos?" He knew me well. One of my favorite things to do was make love to one or all of them under the tree or in front of the fire.

"Getting harder each year," I admitted. He shifted us so I was leaning back against him. It gave me a wonderful view of the fire crackling, and the beautiful trees framing the fireplace. They were comically loaded with presents. Some wrapped, and others not.

The not wrapped ones were from Santa—a decision I had never regretted when I realized just how much all of us would spoil the kids. Not to mention the grandparents. Our babies wanted for nothing, materially or emotionally.

A long sigh escaped me and Ian rubbed his cheek against mine. Now that we were home again, he wasn't shaving. Like Jake, he almost had a full beard. The softness had me closing my eyes as I let him soothe me.

He didn't ask. Maybe he didn't have to or maybe he just let me decide if I wanted or needed to tell him more. Ian could just be there for me and let me lean on him. They all shared that strength with me, without question or hesitation.

"I keep thinking about Ted," I admitted softly. "And my grandparents. It's weird…"

"Why is it weird?" While he waited for my answer, he tugged me back to the sofa and I eased down to sit next to him.

"It's—I miss them. I mean, I always miss them." That wasn't a tough admission. "This morning, it's like… I wish Ted was here to meet his great-grandchildren. I wish my grandparents had gotten to meet Josh and Charlie." A long sigh escaped me. "I know this is pregnancy hormones and then…"

The words were failing me. Ian didn't say a word, just stroked his fingers through my hair. He took his time detangling. The repetitive motion soothed me.

"Why do I miss Maddy?" I asked finally and Ian wrapped his arms around me. By the time she died, she'd done so much damage. If she'd had her way, I wouldn't have Archie. I wouldn't have anything.

My grandparents never really recovered from her loss. Eddie still grieved her. I didn't want to grieve her too.

"Because you are a wonderful, loving mother who wants everything for her kids. You are now on the other side of that equation," Ian said, stroking the hair back from my face. "You remember what it was like to not have your mom there. Or to have a mom whose agenda was always at odds with your success and happiness."

All true.

"That's why when we go on tour, it's so hard for you to be away from the kids. You spend all that time remembering how your mother would just up and disappear, abandoning you to raise yourself."

I met the understanding in his warm blue eyes. When I curled into him, he wrapped me up and tucked his chin against the top of my head.

"We get it, all of us. It's okay to miss her. I know it ties you up in knots cause you hate her choices and hate how she treated people. But you don't ever have to justify that to me."

I swallowed, playing with his shirt. "I think I need to justify it to myself."

"Okay. What do you need to do that?"

"I literally have no idea. A few months ago, I tried to nudge Eddie into seeing a woman he liked. But he said he wasn't ready. He wasn't sure he'd ever be ready."

"He might not be, Angel. Fixing him up or fixing his loneliness or whatever it is you want to fix—that's not on you." The steadiness in Ian helped. "Eddie's a good guy. Once upon a time, I don't think I would have said it. But…he and Archie have mended fences. He and Ted were at least reconciled before Ted died. That gives both of them some peace. Eddie's great as a granddad."

A real smile curved my lips. "He really is. He loves the kids. All of them."

"I know. It was hard for some of them, in the beginning, but everyone has adapted."

Everyone except Muriel. Well, Muriel and Coop's dad. The distance between Coop and his father just never recovered, particularly after he found out about him and Maddy.

Maddy destroyed so much.

"Okay," I said, lifting my head. "Enough of the maudlin. It's Christmas. Are we ready for invasion?"

"Pretty sure, we're good, Angel. The kids won't be up for at least another hour. You want to try and sleep some more?"

"No," I said. "I'm awake. I want to—I want to have all of it. I want to hear them yell and shout as they come down the hall. I want Jeremy to scold in that prim and proper tone that gets the kids to obey. I want Coop to be grouchy cause he doesn't like early mornings and Archie to hopped up on sugar and caffeine, ready to put all the big things together."

These were all some of my favorite things.

"Did Jake and I make the list in there somewhere?" The teasing tone erased any possible sting and a giggle escaped.

"Well, you're doing it now. Cuddling, making sure everything is taken care of—I've been running you ragged the last few weeks. Don't think I haven't noticed the overtime you've been putting in to look after me."

"Well, I appreciate that," he said, stroking his fingers through my hair again. "I love taking care of you. I love that you let me do it. Especially when your hormones and emotions put you on some huge seesaw."

"I never even see it until it's happening and then you're right there, already making it better."

"Good," he murmured, dropping another kiss on my nose. There was a sound of running feet in the hall and I sat up a little as a very naked Charlie came charging in.

"Oh boy," Ian said, laughing as he caught our little rug monkey. "Where are your clothes?"

Charlie burst into giggles then pointed.

"I have them," Jake said in the dryest of tones. I twisted to see him standing in the doorway with Charlie's pajamas on his head.

Like Charlie, I started laughing.

"Tell you what," Ian said as he stood. "Let me go wrangle the monkey into some clothes and you get some coffee and decaf for the wife."

I laughed when "the wife" had become a popular endearment when I was pregnant. Then again, it started right after the wedding, so it wasn't like I could fault it.

"You got him?" I asked as Ian balanced Charlie against him. The little one had his head pressed to Ian's chest and his cherubic smile promised the only thing holding up his halo were the two little horns sticking out of the top of his head.

"I got him. Go let Jake look after you, Angel. That's an order."

"Yes, sir," I murmured and that earned me an entirely different kind of heated look. Being Ian's sub gave me a lot of privileges and we rarely channeled it into everyday life. But now and then… Well, I needed to just turn off the pressure and let Ian decide.

Right now, that helped.

Everything helped.

Ian caught the sleeper from Jake as he passed him. I rose to move over to Jake, and he tugged me in for a proper kiss good morning after a breath check that actually made me giggle.

"Good morning, Baby Girl. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," I murmured. We'd just celebrated his birthday earlier in the week. The year had gone by so quickly. "How are you?"

"Not bad," he said around a yawn, then gave me another kiss. "Much better now." He studied me, the alertness in his pale blue eyes at odds with being up so late.

"Charlie?"

"Didn't want to sleep. He kept winding himself up. That's why I brought him down. Easier to settle him and not risk him waking up the kids or you."

I lifted a hand to scratch at his beard. He tilted his head, eyes half-closed at the petting.

"Keep that up and I'll be asleep in nothing flat."

I laughed. "Later," I promised. "You need to get a nap in."

"Don't worry, Baby Girl. I'll be fine." Then he gave me another kiss. "Coffee?"

"Hmm." I was more than willing to be distracted. The smell of coffee was at least something I could still savor. We'd just gotten the decaf started in the pot while Jake actually made a latte. It wouldn't be long before the others drifted in and they'd want their own.

"I feel like I should tell you something," Jake said, folding his arms and studying me. Shirtless and dressed in jeans with his dark hair disheveled from sleep and his beard…he looked practically edible and I swore my whole body went liquid at once.

"Hmm? What's up? Also…if there's time today, I'd very much like to give you a blowjob."

He blinked once, the corners of his mouth twitching. "Noted. We'll make time." Then he winked and I grinned. Honestly, if Jeremy weren't going to be out here any minute or Ian back down with Charlie, I'd drag Jake off somewhere right now.

"Thank you."

"Oh, my pleasure." He shook his head. "That said, I still feel like I should tell you about the other day before you got back."

"Then I return to my earlier question. What's up?"

He made a face then lifted his shoulders. "I took Josh to the skating rink. Mini hockey, but it's all still learning phases."

"I remember." I moved to start preheating the ovens. It would be nice to make blueberry muffins up before Jeremy kicked us all out.

"Well, before I went I had been working on Coop's car. The engine is still doing that faint ticking. I think I fixed it this time." Annoyance filled his expression. Then he shook it off. "Anyway, I had taken my ring off and then forgot it on the counter out in the garage."

"It's okay to forget the ring," I told him. I held up my bare fingers. "I can't wear mine at all right now." I probably wouldn't until after the babies came and I lost some of the water weight.

"Well, you're also very pregnant."

"True," I said as if just noticing and his eyes flashed with humor before he finished making his coffee then he focused on me again. "One of the moms hit on me and I didn't even notice what she was doing until she mentioned me having Josh on the weekends."

I bit the inside of my lip to keep from laughing. The mournful look on Jake's face told me he felt really bad about this.

"I should have seen it and shut it down, but it dragged a little before I realized then I told her. I'm a happily married man with three kids and two more on the way."

"Okay."

"It's not okay, I should have seen it sooner. Then she says something stupid like if that ever changes?—"

My eyes narrowed. "You can point this woman out to me at Josh's next lesson."

"I didn't tell you so you'd go beat her up." He actually looked worried for a minute and I lifted my shoulders.

"I'd smack her for making you feel so uncomfortable. But—" I held up a hand before he could dive back in. "I get it. I know I'm not always the sharpest when someone is hitting on me. You guys have had to deal with that for years. I'm better now… but…"

"Yeah," he said and the affection in his eyes tempered the exasperation. "Still, I hate that for an instant this woman thought I was available. I am very much not."

"No, you're not and I adore you that you were worried about telling me and yet decided to tell me anyway." I closed the distance. "I love you," I said as I put my hands on his chest and he covered my hands with his. "I love every part of you and I love you even more for telling me. But you know what I'll love more?"

"I promise if she does it again, I will absolutely let you kick her ass."

"Hmmm." I considered it. "We are supposed to be setting a good example for the kids."

"We are," he said, then he cradled my face. "We can't start the fights."

I supposed not. "It won't be a fight. It'll be a knockout."

I rose on my toes and he dipped his head to give me the sweetest of kisses. A moment later, shouting came from upstairs and there were deeper voices and high-pitched ones.

All of the earlier loneliness and dark thoughts evaporated. It was Christmas and we were all together.

"Merry Christmas!" Izzy yelled as she raced into the kitchen. Josh was right behind her followed by the other three loves of my life and Charlie.

The shouting. The chaos. The love.

It was perfect.