26. Larkin

I saton my front porch after the kids had gone to bed. It had been a hard morning with them.

Regardless of what society thought or all the reasons I needed to get him out of my head, I couldn’t stop thinking about Knox.

Couldn’t stop wishing that we could be together.

That it wouldn’t break my children’s hearts to lose him if things went south.

His headlights panned over the street and then his driveway as he got home from work, and he got out of his cop car, looking sexy as hell in his uniform. The black material hugged his strong biceps, and something about knowing he could protect me, would protect me when the chips were down, made my heart beat faster.

He caught my gaze and started walking my way. “Hey,” he said with a gentleness that belied the brute force of his body.

“Hey.” My voice was weak. Maybe all of me was weak when it came to him. Or maybe I’d used all my strength standing up to Seth today. Saying the words that were true and holding back even worse things I could have said to him.

He sat beside me on the front steps and glanced to the monitor where my sleeping children lay in black and white. With the volume up, you could hear the soft sounds of their noise machine playing peaceful lullaby music.

“How did they do today?” he asked.

My heart fell for him even more. Because with all the stuff going on between us, he put my babies first.

“It was a rough day for Emily,” I said. “All the feelings, all the behaviors. She kept asking to talk to Seth. I called him for her, and of course he didn’t answer.”

Knox let out a low swear.

“I know. And Jackson feeds off Emily so much that he was a Velcro baby all morning. But after they napped, I took them swimming, and I think that helped take their minds off things. And it tired them out, so they went down pretty quickly tonight.”

He reached out, touching my hand where it rested on my knee. It sent warmth flowing from the point of contact. “And how are you?”

How was I?I hadn’t even thought to ask myself that question today, knowing I needed to be strong for my children. But here Knox was, looking out for me when I had never asked him to. It took a second for me to feel my feelings and articulate them. “I’m hurt, disappointed. Seth and I didn’t have a perfect marriage, but I never envisioned it spinning out like this. I feel guilty, like our problems are keeping my kids from their father. Being a mom is... It’s my most important job, and I feel like I’m failing.”

“No,” Knox said firmly. “You set a boundary that needed to be set. Behave respectfully and he’s welcome over. Your kids don’t need to hear their dad badmouthing their mom or the other way around.”

He saw me through the best possible lens. When all I could find was my dirt, he saw the gold, and it made me feel so much better in a way I couldn’t put to words. “I made brownies for you,” I told him. “I wanted to thank you for—well, everything. And I wanted to talk to you about...”

“Everything?” he said with a lopsided smile.

“Yeah, that,” I replied. “The brownies are inside.”

“Let me change, and I’ll come over?”

I nodded, taking a breath to steel myself. While he walked back to his place, I stepped inside, propping the front door open to let in a breeze. Utilities were no joke in the summertime.

While I waited for him, I couldn’t just sit still. Especially knowing the type of conversation we were about to have. It felt like one of those moments that would change everything. So I made myself busy, getting out plates for the brownies and trying to dish them up special like he had the other day.

I’d paid so much attention to him then, I knew each step, starting with microwaving the brownies. I had to fumble through my cabinets for chocolate syrup but realized that I’d used it all making chocolate milk for Em earlier. Luckily, I kept extra on the top shelf. My fingertips brushed the bottles, and I stretched a bit taller, wondering if I could wiggle it out without getting a chair. I wanted the brownie to be heated and topped with chocolate for Knox when he was done changing and came inside.

But then I felt a warm chest behind me and his arm brush over mine as he easily grabbed the bottle. My heart hammered forcefully as I turned to see him so close to me, heated blue eyes on mine. “Is this what you were reaching for?” he asked, his voice husky.

I swallowed. Nodded. “For the brownies.”

He handed it to me, still standing close, and I could feel the heat rolling from him, the fresh cologne. I forced myself to swallow, but my voice was still breathy as I said, “Thank you.”

With a nod, he stepped away, reaching for the microwave door to stop the beeping I hadn’t even noticed until this moment.

He took the bowls with the brownies out then used the ice cream scoop to dish us both a serving. We worked together silently, a charge humming between us. Once we were at my table, our bowls in front of us, I took a deep breath.

He looked at me, then took a bite. His eyes closed. “So good.”

I smiled. My mom would have liked Knox, would have loved knowing that her brownies were bringing us together. I took a small spoonful of my brownie and ice cream and took a bite. Then I set my spoon down, knowing I couldn’t eat anymore without knowing where we stood, what was coming next.

“About earlier,” I said.

He looked up, searching my expression.

“I...” I glanced down at my lap, fiddling with my nails. “I like you.” It was three words. Simple. But powerful enough to change everything.

When I met his gaze again, he didn’t look as if he pitied me or was uncomfortable like I half expected. Instead, a slight smile ghosted along his lips. “I like you too.”

Butterflies danced inside my stomach. “But Emily likes you too.”

Now his eyebrows drew together. “That’s good, right?”

I nodded. “But she can’t lose another man in her life because of me.” My lips trembled as I held back tears. I hated what my daughter was going through right now. Hated that I had a part in creating this terrible situation.

Knox reached across the table, extending his hand for mine. When I accepted the offer, he covered my hand with his. “Larkin, I don’t know what will happen for us. But I want to figure it out with you resting in the fact that I’m not going anywhere when it comes to your kids. I’ll be here for them no matter what happens to us.”

“You say that now, but...” I had to swallow the stinging lump in my throat. “I’ve seen how people can change.”

He shook his head, resolute. “I lost an adult when I was young, and it wrecked me. I’d never put a kid through that, not if I had a choice.”

Every intonation in his voice, every feature on his face confirmed he meant what he was saying. And it made me wonder about what Seth had mentioned earlier. “Seth said...”

“What?” Knox asked, eyes narrowed like he was already poised to defend me.

“He said you got into a lot of trouble. That you were a criminal.”

Knox leaned back, taking a long sip of tea. The movement of his throat was hypnotizing. His large hand on the plastic cup, the chunk of ice against the cup as he set it down. Finally, Knox uttered, “He’s not wrong.”

I raised my eyebrows. That statement was so at odds with the man I knew. “You? In trouble?” There was only one way I could see this kindhearted man ever doing anything wrong. “A prank went a little too far, right, not anything serious?”

His expression was grim as he shook his head. “It was serious. So serious I got sent to juvenile detention. I was lucky not to be tried as an adult and sent to jail.”

Shock parted my lips. “What?”

An invisible heaviness settled over him. “After my mom died, I was mad. An angry kid. My dad did his best to be there for us, but he had five kids to care for on top of grief from losing his wife. Fletcher was the perfect one, always getting good grades. Ford threw himself into sports, spending every spare second training or practicing. Hayes just fought all the time, butted heads with Dad, and Bryce was too young to really understand. But me? I wanted everyone to feel as badly as I did.”

I covered the ache in my chest with my hand. I knew what it felt like to lose a parent, and it was hard as an adult. Inconceivable to go through as a child.

“I fought my dad, fought my brothers, fought my classmates. I tore shit up for the sake of seeing it break. And one day, when I’d had enough, I got behind the wheel of my truck.”

I held my breath, already knowing what was coming next.

“There was this teacher who couldn’t handle me and my behavior. He said something shitty about my mom getting off lucky and my dad having the short end of the deal for having to stick around and deal with me. So I went to his place, put a brick on the gas pedal, and drove it into his shop.”

“Knox...” I breathed, imagining how horrible he must have felt. How bad the fallout must have been for him.

“The engine exploded, and he had gas cans, stain, flammable stuff stored inside. The whole thing went up in flames. No one got hurt; I made sure not to do it when he was home,” he said. “But the teacher told the cops I’d threatened to hurt him because I told him he’d regret what he said to me. So they suggested I go to juvenile detention. And my dad couldn’t fight it. He didn’t know what to do with me anymore. He just let me go. I was there for six months, and I saw two things: I saw the kids on the same path as me. And I saw the cops doing what they could to help us. One of them especially invested in me. Said I reminded him of his younger self, and he told me once I did the work to clear my record, there was a future for me being on the right side of the law. For once, I wasn’t angry at the past. I was thinking of the future.”

He watched me like he was waiting for me to run away. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to hug angry teenage Knox because I knew better than anyone that what he needed most of all back then was for someone to love him and never leave. I promised myself again that I would be there for my kids, no matter what challenges we came across.

I reached out this time and settled my hand on his forearm. “Thank you for telling me.”

He nodded.

For a moment, we were silent, all our truths hanging between us.

He broke the silence, saying, “I understand if you don’t want someone with my past around your kids. I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “I hope my kids will become as honest and caring as you are when they grow up.”

He let out a soft breath, an amazed smile on his lips. “So where does that leave us? I know you’re worried and that we’ve only known each other a little while, but I care about you. I want to give us a shot.”

Just the idea of an “us” had nervous, excited bubbles fizzing inside me. But I was scared too. Because dating me wasn’t like dating a single, childfree woman my age. “You know, it’s not just me. It’s my kids too. We’re a package deal.”

His lips slid into an easy smile. “Which is why I got us four tickets for the Dallas Diamonds game tomorrow. Right in the front row.”

I gawked at him, something in my brain not registering. “What?”

He grinned even bigger. “Since you’re all such big fans of my brother, I want to take you to a game. If you can take Monday off, Ford offered for us to stay the night at his house. There’s plenty of extra bedrooms, and he even has a trampoline room I’d love to show Emily.”

Now my eyes were stinging. “Knox Madigan, you’re too good to us.”

He shook his head, pressing out of the chair, and drew me to his chest. We stood by my table, hugging, and it felt so warm and safe to be cocooned in his arms. But there was a heat too, feeling the strength of his torso, the muscles of his chest against my cheek.

All my emotions I’d been holding back for him came bubbling to the surface, and I tilted my head up to look at him. Our gazes held, and slowly, he lowered his lips to mine. What started slow quickly turned into an unstoppable kiss. I kissed him desperately, wanting to taste all of him, and he met every move of mine with one of his own.

It wasn’t fireworks.

It was a flame, consuming every one of my senses. My core burned with heat; my nipples ached with desire. I wanted him to take me to the bedroom and make me forget about this day, make me forget about everything except for him. I broke from the kiss long enough to say, “Knox... I need you.”

He stilled, and my heart immediately fell.

A horrified expression took over my face, and I stepped back. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, eyes darting about the room. I covered my mouth with my hands. “Oh my gosh. I’m sorry. I know it’s too soon. I shouldn’t have—”

He stepped closer, silencing me with his hand over my tender lips. “Stop,” he said.

I looked up at him, searching for an answer. Had I ruined everything by moving too fast?

He let his hand go from my mouth, bringing his arms around me so my body was flush to his. So I could feel his hard length pressing against me.

“You feel that?” he asked, speaking into my ear, his voice rough.

I felt every inch of his arousal, intensifying every bit of my own. I nodded, lips parted.

“I want you so fucking much.” He ground his hips against me like he too was desperate for some form of release. “But not like this.”

My eyes fell, but he put the crook of his index finger under my chin, forcing my attention. “When this finally happens, your ex will be the furthest thing from your mind. All you’ll be thinking of is me and how good I make you feel.”

My throat felt dry as I swallowed, and I stepped back, nodding. Trying to gather my senses. But Knox Madigan was hard to ignore, towering in my kitchen, hard cock pressing against his jeans.

“I should probably take some time to... cool down,” he said.

I nodded. “I should get ready for our trip.” I swallowed. “Em will be so excited to watch a game in person.”

His lips lifted into a gentle smile, and then he gave me another kiss, chaste, like even he, with his steel willpower, couldn’t handle fanning the flames. “Goodnight, Larkin.”

I breathlessly told him the same and watched as he walked away from my house, imagining what it would be like when he fulfilled his promise.