18. Larkin

I pacedmy front room while waiting for Bennett to arrive.

I could still feel the ghost of Knox’s skin under my lips and regretted more than ever kissing his cheek. It had felt right at the time. That was until I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About him despite waiting for a date with another man.

The whole situation struck me as wrong.

Seth couldn’t so much as call his own children, and yet my next-door neighbor with a heart of gold was more than willing to welcome Emily and Jackson into his home and treat them like precious diamonds. And my children loved him. Looked up to him. Had fun with him like they never did with me. Which meant he was irreplicable, too important to risk an attempt at a relationship.

So I needed this date with Bennett to get Knox off my mind. Especially because he never once insinuated he was interested in me. There were only two ways it could go: I told him how I felt, and he told me he didn’t feel the same way, and he’d no doubt want space from me and my unrequited feelings. Or... he did like me. We dated. And he left, just like every other man in my life. As an unrequited crush, he was on a pedestal, and I hated the idea of him ever coming down.

My phone went off with a text, and I walked to where it waited in my purse, sitting on the couch. I took it out, seeing the message on the screen.

Liv: Have fun on your date! Can’t wait to hear all about it!

I smiled at the message. It had been a long time since I had a girl friend who wasn’t my sister.

Larkin: Thank you! Lunch Monday?

Liv: Would love that! See you then. 3

The bell was broken on the front door, but three knocks announced Bennett’s arrival. I took a steadying breath as nerves swept over me. This was just a date. No pressure.

I picked up my purse before walking to the door. When I opened it, he stood with a bouquet of white carnations wrapped in plastic from the store.

He was so big and broad he took up most of my entryway door, but he didn’t scare me—more like a big teddy bear kind of guy.

He drew the hat from his head, showing a subtle tan line that proved how much time he spent working outside. “You look gorgeous,” he said earnestly, his southern accent strong.

I smiled at him and the flowers. “Thank you. Are those for me?”

He nodded.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten flowers,” I admitted as he handed me the bouquet. I held them gingerly and invited him in while I went to the small kitchen to pour water in a tall glass. I didn’t have any vases, or much of anything, really. At first, the sting of sadness took over my senses. I’d worked for eight years to build a life, a home with all the fixings, and then I’d left it all behind. Rebuilding would take time, I reminded myself.

I peeled away the paper, opened the flower feeding packet and poured it in the water. Then I clipped the stems and set the flowers in the glass. I made a point of putting them on the table, adjusting them so they had the best view from the living room. It took a lot to keep my eyes from watering.

Seth only got me flowers after he’d been away on business trips, and looking back, I had to wonder if he’d only done so because he felt guilty.

“Thank you,” I breathed to Bennett. He didn’t know it, but he was already helping me write over the sad story Seth had written in my life. And all it took was a set of grocery store carnations.

“You’re welcome,” he said with a grin. “Ready to go?”

I nodded, picking up my purse again and following him out the door. Like I promised to Knox, I left the door unlocked.

Bennett walked me to his truck, which looked like it had been freshly washed. He held the door open for me and even took my hand to help me up the step. He was such a gentleman, but I had to wonder why my body didn’t react the same way to his touch as it did to Knox’s. Was it just because I’d made Knox off-limits?

I put the thought aside as Bennett walked around the front of the truck and got in on his side. “Any preference on the radio station?” he asked as he put on his seatbelt.

“Whatever you like is fine,” I replied.

He twisted the dial, making country music play in the cab, loud enough for me to hear the lyrics but soft enough for us to talk.

“Tell me about yourself,” I said to him, fiddling with my hands in my lap. Some part of me missed my wedding ring, if only for something to spin around my finger.

Bennett glanced my way as he drove down the highway and told me all about him. He worked as a welder, doing jobs all around the county. His parents used to own the body shop before Hayes Madigan bought it a few years back and they retired. He had a dog named Boogie and set out food for cats in the neighborhood, but I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that part.

And then he asked about me. Simple questions like where I went to nursing school and how I was liking Cottonwood Falls. The conversation was comfortable, not taking much effort to fill the silence. It was... nice.

By the time we got to the restaurant, I was feeling less nervous than I was before. Conversation flowed easily throughout the meal, talking about easy topics, never dipping below the surface to any difficult topics. He was a perfect gentleman, saying please and thank you to the waitress, and I even glanced at the receipt to see he left a decent tip.

My heart was in all sorts of knots because Bennett was a good guy, but I wasn’t feeling... anything. What was wrong with me?

Did I only like men who would hurt me? Men I wasn’t supposed to have?

We drove back to my place, and he offered to walk me to the front door, but I shook my head. “Thank you for a lovely night, Bennett,” I said, putting a hand on his arm.

He nodded like he understood. “Had to shoot my shot,” he said with a crooked grin. “Let me open your door at least? It’s a ways down.”

I smiled, nodded, and waited for him to walk around the truck.

A deep ache, a longing, settled over me as I watched him through the windshield.

He was so nice.

But I had to believe I would feel something when the time was right.

He held the door open for me and took my hand in his, helping me down. I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed his scratchy cheek. “Goodnight, Bennett.”

He took off his hat and put it over his chest. “’Night, Ms. Larkin.”

I smiled and walked down my sidewalk. I still had half an hour until I was meant to pick up the kids from Knox’s, which would give me time to change into more comfortable clothes and sort out my feelings before I came face-to-face with the man who made me feel like my heart was an open book for him to read.

Once inside the house, I looked around to see if Knox and the kids had been over. A glance in the kids’ room showed Emily had ransacked almost all her stuffed animals to bring to his place.

I leaned against the door frame, a soft smile on my face. Maybe my kids were the happily ever after I was meant to have. Maybe it wasn’t about finding a man to share my life with. Maybe it was about making sure Em and Jackson had a childhood worth remembering.

Pressing off the door frame, I walked to my bedroom to change. It was sparse, with wood floors, a queen-size bed on a basic metal frame, a thrifted nightstand and dresser, then a rocking chair that used to be my mother’s, where I rocked Jackson and Emily.

I walked to the window, brushing aside the sheer, light blue curtains. From here, I could see Knox’s house. Now I knew it faced his bedroom and the living room. Through the open living room curtains, I could see the three of them, cuddled on the couch, the television’s glow lighting their faces. Jackson rested on his chest, and Emily cuddled into his side.

And my heart jerked all over again.

This is what I wanted. Except I wanted to be there in his arms too, not watching from across the way.

I wanted a man to love me. To love my children. To show me fun and pleasure and everything in between. But he was there, and I was here.

I shook my head, letting the curtains fall. Dreams like that were dangerous. But when I pulled open my dresser drawer to get a fresh pair of underwear, I noticed my vibrator tucked amongst silk and cotton.

I bit my lip, thinking of the feel of Knox’s cheek under my lips. Of his strong arms, covered with tattoos. Of the way his eyes softened when he spoke of his mother or greeted my children.

And I grabbed the vibrator, knowing with all the emotions swirling in me, this wouldn’t take long.

I walked toward my bed, slipping out of my dress, and flicked on the vibrator, the noise making my heart beat faster.

In a hurry, I lay back on the bed and...

A loud, synthetic fart ripped through the room.

My jaw dropped open as I got up, feeling around for the source of the sound.

Yanking back the covers, I found a whoopee cushion underneath the sheets. My jaw dropped open.

Fucking Knox.