56. Birdie

Confession: I'm not above begging.

Mara and I stood in her bathroom, trying to make sure I looked as professional as possible today. I'd worn my plainest black dress that I hoped screamed "keep me on as your guidance counselor."

I worked a thin strip of black liner along my lashes.

"I still don't understand why you're trying to change yourself," Mara said. "You're great at what you do."

"I know, but I need them to know that too."

My phone vibrated on the countertop. A new text from Cohen.

I swiped away the notification and got back to work on my makeup.

"You can't ignore him forever," Mara said, sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

"What would I say to him? I let sex get in the way of my career?" I capped the eyeliner and reached for the mascara.

"It was more than sex, and you know it," she said.

"But who knows how long it was going to last anyway?" I asked. "Was the risk of my career really worth it?"

"Judging by how happy you were, I'd say yes. You hadn't acted like that in a long time, not even when you were dating Dax. It was like you were finally yourself."

I frowned. Because she was right, and I didn't want her to be. I uncapped the mascara and leaned close to the mirror to swipe some over my lashes. "Did you want me to clean the bathroom this week? You sitting on the tub reminded me."

She glared at me. "You're trying to divert the topic, and that's fine." I opened my mouth to argue, but she held up her hand and said, "I'm going to say one more thing and then let it drop."

"Fine."

"If you already think your career is over, what else is there to lose by going all in with Cohen?"

"If I'm going to have any chance at keeping my job, I need to prove it was a minor indiscretion that isn't happening anymore or ever again. I need to show I'm more committed to my job than to sexual pleasure."

"But why not both?" Mara asked. "Why can't you be good at your job and have good sex?"

"Because I don't make the rules." I turned back to the mirror to finish my makeup. I had no mental bandwidth to argue with Mara, not when she was right and my heart was breaking.

It wasn't fair, any of this, but life wasn't fair. My parents had more money than they knew what to do with, while people like Cohen's parents numbed their pain with drugs. There was no fairness in that. No fairness in finding someone you really liked, only to have the door slammed in your face.

The sooner I learned to accept it and move on, the sooner I could heal. And I wanted to heal. So badly. I wanted to forget how awfully Dax had treated me and what a knight in shining armor Cohen was in comparison.

Mara stood and waited for me to finish my makeup before giving me a hug. "You're going to get through today, Birdie. You're stronger than you think."

Tears pricked my eyes as I hugged her back and then stepped away. "If you keep being nice to me, I'm going to cry and ruin my makeup."

With half a smile, she reached out and cupped my cheek. "You're my best friend, and I'm a romance author. Either I have to be nice or we have to make out eventually."

I giggled. "Thank you." I hugged her again quickly and stepped back. "I better get to work."

She nodded. "You've got this."

With a small smile, I left the bathroom, picked up my purse, and went outside to my car.

Maybe someday I'd be able to find someone like Cohen. If he'd done anything, it was prove that men like him existed. That fact alone should have made me feel better, but it only saddened me more. Deep down, I knew Cohen was one in a million. But that didn't mean he would like me long enough to make a sacrifice like this worth it. Especially after how I left him yesterday.

My nerves felt like they had been lit on fire as I drove to Emerson Academy. The entire walk inside, my legs felt weak and my hands shook around the handles of my purse. This could be my last day walking into this building.

Just the thought of saying goodbye to this place, my students, nearly brought me to tears. This was my first real counseling job. In the last three years, I'd helped multiple students get into Ivy League colleges, gotten engaged, been broken up with, and worked with some incredible people along the way. How could it all be over so quickly?

I couldn't let it.

As I walked up the stairs, I made a promise to myself. I'd set my pride aside—I'd beg, I'd plead, I'd bargain—anything to keep this job I loved so much. And the second my job was secure, I'd find an apartment, any place that would take me so I could start living on my own and be the adult I should have been through all of this.

Inside the building, I marched past the main office as if it were any other day. Because really, it was. My relationship with Cohen didn't have to interfere with my work. If anything, it made me a better guidance counselor. He and I had worked as a team to help solve Ollie's issue. With a little more parental involvement, it could be the same with the other students.

Why did we have to sit in our ivory tower at Emerson Academy like we somehow weren't on the same team with the parents and students?

I reached my door and jiggled the knob until it opened, saying hello to Ralphie as soon as I saw him. He cooed in response and tucked his beak under his wing a few times.

"I'm okay," I said, not convincing either of us. So I tried again. "We're going to be okay." It was more of a wish than the truth.

A few knocks sounded on my open door behind me. Marjorie stood in the doorway, looking me over with a disappointed expression. "Headmaster Bradford would like you to come to his office."

My heart stalled, and I felt dizzy for a moment. This was it. The moment of truth.

"I'll be there in a second," I said. I needed to gather myself, to make myself as confident as possible before setting foot in his intimidating office.

"Mhmm." She turned and left my office, as if even she knew I was a dead woman walking.

Taking deep breaths, I knelt before Ralphie's cage. "That man who came in here mattered to me, but this school, this job, these students matter to me more. I'm going to tell headmaster that. And everyone makes mistakes—it's what you do after that matters."

Ralphie tilted his head, and I took that to mean he agreed with me.

I wiggled my finger through a slat in his cage, and he gently nipped at it with his beak.

"I'll be back," I promised.

He cooed.

With another deep breath, I stood, held my chin high, and walked toward the headmaster's office and whatever fate awaited me.