35. Birdie

Confession: I got my nose from my father, and my mother got hers from the plastic surgeon.

I used my best handwriting to write a note in the card for Anthea's baby shower.

Mara stood beside me in a pretty russet dress and shifted in her heels. She looked so pretty with her brunette hair in loose waves and bright red lipstick painting her lips. "I'm glad you could help her," Mara said. "I wish I would have had someone like you when I was in high school. When I dropped out, my principal told me I'd be a single mom working at the diner by the time I was twenty."

I shook my head. "I can't believe the way some people treat children."

"Me neither." She shifted the rings on her hand, clearly uncomfortable.

I tucked the card in the envelope. "She's going to make something of her life, you know. Go somewhere else. Experience things I've never even dreamed of."

"Don't do that," Mara said. "Don't undermine what you've done."

"What's that?" I asked, my eyes feeling hot. I hadn't heard from Cohen all week. I'd been threatened to be fired. I was living in my friend's guest bedroom. This was not the life I'd ever imagined for myself.

"You've lived, Birdie," she said, her hands on my shoulders. "You went to college, had a serious relationship, lived somewhere other than your parents' mansion. Why would you feel any less than the amazing woman you are?"

I shook my head as I taped the card to the wrapped gift. "It's not just that. Headmaster Bradford practically threatened to fire me if I deigned to discuss colleges with this one student."

Only Mara could look that disgusted and beautiful at the same time. "They're threatening to fire you when you're changing lives? And you're sure you want to work there?"

I picked up the present and began walking toward her front door. "The apartment manager said they don't have an opening at that other building for a month. So unless I want to lie and tell them I have a job that I don't anymore, losing this job is out of the question."

"You know you can stay with me as long as you want," she said, letting us out the front door and locking it behind us.

"I know, and I'm grateful—you know I am—but I'm embarrassed, Mara." I held the present against the car with my hip so I could unlock the door. "Look at me. The only thing I own is this car, and it's already well over a hundred thousand miles. I'm in student loan debt up to my eyeballs because I didn't qualify for financial aid, and I don't have a boyfriend."

"Cohen could be your boyfriend," she pointed out as she sat next to me in the car.

"Allegedly." I buckled my seatbelt and turned my key in the ignition. It fired up, and I pulled out of her driveway. "After what happened, he's probably not interested. No, I just need to help Cohen find out what's going on with Ollie and then get him out of my head."

"Are you sure?" Mara asked. "I don't want you to do something you can't undo."

I nodded. "It's probably better this way. I haven't been apart from Dax for too long, and I probably need time just to focus on myself."

Mara waggled her eyebrows. "I actually have something that might help with that."

"Ew, Mara."

"It's not used!" she argued, laughing. "This company sent me a few toys to review and share on social media if I like them."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "How is what you do a real job?"

"Some of us just like getting lucky."

My cheeks flushed as I giggled. "Okay, but no sex talk at the party. My parents might pop a blood vessel if they hear any mention of masturbation."

"Ugh, I still don't get why they're such prudes. Everyone there knows how you get to have a baby shower anyway, right?"

"You would think," I murmured.

The closer I got to my parents' house, the more uncomfortable I felt. I didn't want to be like them, but right now, having true financial security sounded like the biggest blessing in the world. If only I could grab a drink from the gas station without worrying about how it would affect my bottom line or my ability to afford a down payment for a place of my own.

"What work has your mom had done lately?" Mara asked. "I always like seeing her latest upgrade."

I rolled my eyes. "I have no idea. Anthea hasn't mentioned anything, but she's pretty preoccupied with the baby."

My parents' house came into view, and I pulled into the driveway, where a valet was waiting to take my car. The kid took my keys and handed me a slip of paper I tucked away in my purse.

Mara shook her head. "I want to have fuck-you money someday."

I raised my eyebrows. "F-you money?"

She nodded, stepping toward the front door surrounded by a cascade of pink balloons. "You know, like if someone makes you mad, you can just give them the big middle finger. Like you could pay your school off to date that hot bartender. Or if someone insulted my car, I could get a Porsche the next day, just for fun."

I laughed, realizing that's what my parents had. Plenty of fuck-you money. "I only have I'm-fucked money."

Mara cackled and pushed open the front door. People milled about my parents' sitting room, but the main event was happening out by the pool.

"So," Mara said, leaning closer to whisper, "you have to tell me who all the eligible bachelors are. You know, in case writing falls through on the fuck-you money front."

I rolled my eyes. "If there are any eligible guys here, my parents have them lined up to marry me."

"No fair, why do you get the reverse harem?"

I gave her a look. "I can't even handle one guy, obviously. I have one kiss, and I'm all flustered. I can't stop thinking about his hands on me." I closed my eyes, stifling those feelings before one of these rich partygoers caught my flushed cheeks or the crossing of my legs.

"Call him!" she said. "Plan to meet up with him later! This holding back stuff is literal insanity."

I opened my mouth to argue, but my mom assaulted us instead. "Hello, darling. Greetings, Mara."

Mara took my mother's extended hand and shook it. "Is that a new nose, Mrs. M? Amazing."

Mom made the shame symbol. "You are too sly. You know, if you like the work, I can refer you to my surgeon. He has a wonderful friends and family discount."

"You're the best, Mrs. M," Mara said. "Can you refer me to some cute man candy?"

I rolled my eyes behind my friend's back. My mom didn't see either—she was way too interested in scanning the crowd for single men with all the predatory instincts of a hawk.

I looked around on my own, seeing who I recognized. All these people were a part of my old life, going to bar mitzvahs and weddings and baby showers and whatever other excuse there was to drink and show off the latest designer purchase.

Now these people were nothing more than strangers. How had my life drifted so far from where I began? I always thought people on the outside looked so happy and free, but now that I was out of the loop, I wasn't so sure.

I had to worry about things my parents never worried about. Hoping my car wouldn't break down so I could get to work and pay my bills. Waiting until Friday to eat out so I'd have plenty on my card. Getting gifts on a store credit card so I could pay a little at a time.

But as I caught sight of Pam Alexander and her husband, I thought my parents and I did have some similarities after all. I still had to impress the right people to succeed in my career. I had to play the game.

I gave Pam a wave, and she lifted her chin, her lips lifted but her eyes cold.

While Mom introduced Mara to one of her approved suitors, I found Anthea talking to Great Aunt Mildred. "Hi, Auntie M!" I said, stopping her short in her infamous story about her pet Dalmatians. Her eyesight was so bad that for a week, she mistook her feather dusters for the dogs. Luckily, the maid was feeding the actual dogs while Aunt Mildred petted cleaning supplies and bragged about how well-behaved they were.

"I'm sorry," I said, "but I have to steal Anthea. Baby shower business."

Mildred pointed a crooked finger at me. "You take care of her, alright? Precious cargo!" She patted Anthea's belly.

I could practically feel Anthea's spine stiffen. As we walked away, she muttered, "I'm not a damn airplane. Or a Buddha statue. Rubbing my belly is not good luck."

"I know, I know," I soothed.

"Thank you for getting me out of there. If I hear about her damn dogs one more time, I'll shove her in the pool."

"I'd like to see that," I said with a giggle, leading her past the pool and toward the mound of presents under the cabana. The water was no longer pink, but sparkling clear once more. "How's everything going? How are you feeling?"

"Huge. Like a cargo plane."

I leaned my head against her shoulder, giggling, and she managed a laugh as well.

Anthea's smile fell though, and she stopped walking. "Oh no."

"What?" I asked, following her gaze.

Mom was coming our way with none other than Walter on her arm, the boring, straight-laced businessman she'd tried and failed to set me up with at the last shindig. Of course, Mara was nowhere to be found.

"Get me out of here," I said to Anthea.

"If I have to get called a cargo carrier, you can talk to the boring man."

I glared at her, then turned a smile on Mom and Walter. They would be getting here in three, two... "Hi there," I said with a smile that was far too forced.

"Hello," Walter said with all the personality of a saltine cracker.

Why did the sight of bland smiles and polished dress shoes make me want to run? Why did I have to be attracted to the artists of the world? To off-limits guys with rough edges and even rougher hands?

Walter wasn't ugly. No, he had straight teeth, probably from braces he had at twelve. He probably went to summer camps as a kid and church on Sundays with his parents now and probably did great work on the job too. He was exactly the kind of guy who would give me a life of ease. The kind of guy my parents would approve of.

Mom put her hands on both of us, as if she could somehow transfer by osmosis her desire for us to be together. "Beatrice, I made a huge mistake." She frowned deeply between Walter and me. "I made reservations for your father and me at La Belle for after the party, but I accidentally set it two hours early. Of course, I've been trying to get in good with the ma?tre d there for years, and backing out last minute would really hurt that relationship." Then her surgically altered face lit up. "Hey! Why don't you two take it? You would be doing me a huge favor. Charge it to our account, please, as a thank you."

Walter shrugged. "I suppose I could enjoy a free meal at LaBelle."

I shook my head with a frustrated, albeit admiring, smile. My mom was good. She was. But even she couldn't ask me to make such a huge transgression. "Are you sure I should leave my sister-in-law's baby shower?"

Mom pointed over my shoulder where Anthea had gotten sucked back into a conversation with Aunt Mildred. "Anthea should mingle with guests she doesn't get to see on a regular basis." She whipped out her cell phone. "I'll have the driver bring up a car."