13. Birdie

Confession: I made the walk of shame.

The first thing I noticed was how warm I felt, surrounded by thick blankets, cradled in a multitude of pillows.

But then I realized Mara's bed didn't feel like this. My heart beat quickly, realizing I had stayed at Cohen's house, in his bed. I listened to see if he was awake, but the house was dimly lit, pale light coming through the sheer curtains.

My shirt had hiked up overnight, so I carefully pulled it down in case he came in, then slid out of the bed. Part of me wanted to keep lying there to see where the morning took us, work be damned, but I couldn't face him. Not with how absolutely pathetic I'd been. Plus, Headmaster Bradford would have my head (and my job) if I no-call/no-showed.

I tiptoed to the other side of the bed, grabbed my purse and moved toward the living room, where I'd left my shoes the night before.

He lay on his back on the couch, a small throw blanket around his feet. His face was so relaxed—peaceful instead of charged and chiseled like it had been the night before. I found I liked both versions a little too much.

My eyes trailed down his body, the strip of stomach visible where his shirt had ridden up and.... holy shit.

A morning erection tented his pants, and the tip of his cock pressed against the fabric, thicker than I ever could have imagined.

Holy shit.

I needed to leave. My head clearly was in cahoots with my vag because I was thinking far too much about staying and making both of our morning wishes come true.

I found my shoes by the island and slipped them on. In my heels and an old bar T-shirt, I left his apartment and came face to face with a mom and two children in the hallway. They were dressed for school with too-big backpacks on their backs.

"Good morning!" the little boy said.

The girl looked at me skeptically. "Why aren't you wearing pants? Is it no-pants day?"

With my cheeks turned on full blush mode, I straightened and said, "This is a T-shirt dress. Maybe your mommy has one..."

The mother's horrified look didn't help with my embarrassment. I wanted to say, we didn't have sex! But then again, there where children here. And also, was it any of her business if I had a fabulous one-night stand on a Wednesday? I mean, not really. Except for the fact that her children were offering hallway decorum lessons to me.

Ignoring the situation altogether, I turned and walked away, calling Mara on the phone instead of responding to her incensed texts.

When she answered, she said, "What do you mean you didn't have sex!"

A guy said something in the background, and she shushed him. "I saw you two leaving. He was a total silver fox."

I shook my head, squinting against the bright sunlight. "I had a panic attack in front of him! It was so humiliating. And then I didn't want to come home and interrupt you, so I stayed in his bed by myself until I snuck out! How much more pathetic can I get?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm getting an Uber to Waldo's Diner. Come meet me with my bag? Please? I can't afford to miss work, and I need some sympathy syrup."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." She ended the call, surely to inform her partner there wouldn't be another round, and I continued down the sidewalk, my feet hurting just as much as my head.

That's the last time I go out with Mara. I was only closing in on thirty, but I was already too old for this. How Mara maintained her stamina was a mystery to me. Well, actually I knew. She took long walks on the beach while daydreaming up stories. But I wasn't crazy enough to try something like cardio.

Finally, an Uber picked me up and drove to Waldo's Diner, but I blanched when I saw the old car out front. My grandpa owned the place, but he usually didn't get here for another half hour! He couldn't see me in this state.

I slid down my seat and asked the driver, "Can you drive around for a bit?"

"Umm... you paid for the ride," he said.

I began digging through my purse. "I have a ten with your name on it if you pull around."

Just then, I saw Mara's truck pull in, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "Never mind."

"What about that ten?" he said as I reached for the door.

"Rule number one. Don't hesitate." I got out and scrambled to Mara's backseat, hoping Grandpa Chester didn't see me looking like this.

Mara was already laughing. "You're seriously that worried about your grandpa seeing you in some guy's T-shirt?"

I glared at her, reaching for my bag. "No need to add to the humiliation."

"That's fine," Mara said. "I'll tell you about my night."

While she went into detail about her hot and wild night, I got ready for work. Thankfully, I'd packed a dress that didn't need to be ironed. I struggled to pull on my shapewear, then slipped the gray knit dress over my head. My makeup bag was in there, so I used a makeup wipe to take off what I could, then hurriedly slathered on some foundation and added eyeliner and mascara.

"Too bad we can't swap stories," she said pointedly.

I ignored her, making sure I got a straight line along my lid. Once I capped my makeup and packed it up, we got out of her truck and walked into the diner.

It was decorated in a fifties theme with a boomerang pattern on the tabletops and chrome and pleather chairs. Sounds of sizzling food came from behind the bar, and delectable, greasy scents filled my nose.

But the person that made Waldo's Diner feel most like home sat a few rows down in his usual booth with a newspaper and a cup of coffee.

He grinned at me, deepening the wrinkles on his face, and pushed himself up. "There's my Birdie Girl."

"Hi, Grandpa," I said, going to give him a squeeze. He gave the best hugs. Just a second longer than you'd expect so you knew just how loved you were.

He stepped back and offered the same kind of hug to Mara. Anyone who set foot in his diner became family, especially his granddaughter's friend.

"Join me," he said, scooting his newspaper over. As we sat with him, he said, "Is there a reason you were wearing a T-shirt earlier?"

My cheeks flushed bright red, and Mara burst out laughing.

"It's not what you think," I muttered.

Grandpa chuckled. "Does Dax have something to do with that?"

Mara aimed her eyes at the table, and I shook my head. "Dax and I... aren't together anymore."

He grinned big, then quickly hid his smile behind the newspaper. "I'm sorry to hear that."

I raised my eyebrows. "Are you?"

Mara chuckled quietly.

Grandpa shook his head at her and then slowly set the paper down again. "Well, I... might have imagined someone better for you."

"Better?" I said.

"You know, someone who actually makes a paycheck from time to time. And the guy has tattoos in languages he doesn't even speak! Who's to say he doesn't have ‘asshole' tattooed on his neck in Vietnamese?"

Mara snorted with laughter, and I restrained a smile of my own.

"Tell me how you really feel," I said with a laugh.

He put his arm around me, kissing the top of my head. "I feel like you deserve the world. And Ralphie does too."

Mara nodded. "Here, here."

My favorite waitress, Betsy, came by the table and asked Mara and me what we'd like. Along with a black coffee, I ordered a big stack of pancakes and bacon for the hangover. Mara got close to the same.

"Hi, Ms. Melrose!"

My eyes widened, and I turned to see a middle schooler standing near the table with a woman who looked like her mom. Although I worked with the high school students, I went to the middle and elementary buildings from time to time to help their school psychologists.

I recognized Ginger because of her bright hair.

"Hi, Ginger," I said. "You can call me Birdie, you know." The girl was sweet, with curly red hair and a brace-filled smile. Judging by her mom's looks, she would grow up to be a beautiful woman.

Her mom said, "We were just grabbing a bite before school. Looks like she's going to have all As for this nine weeks!"

"That's amazing," I said, smiling despite my hangover.

Her mom agreed and excused herself to pay.

"Thank you." Ginger gripped her other arm with her hand. She was nervous.

"Come by my office any time," I said. "I'm sure Ralphie would like to see you too."

"Sure." She looked over her shoulder. "I better get back to my mom, so..."

"I'll see you at school."

She nodded and walked away, and I practically slumped in my chair out of relief. Thank god for semi-normal interactions with students outside of school.

"So explain to me," Mara said. "Why didn't you have sex with Hottie McHotHot?!"

My cheeks heated, and I hissed, "Mara, one of my students is sitting over there, with her mom! And my grandpa's here!"

"And?" Mara glanced toward Ginger and her mom, waving. "They should know their counselor has a sex life and actually knows what she's teaching them about."

Grandpa nodded. "The world's a different place now."

I rubbed my temples. "The Academy isn't that progressive, Mara. And maybe neither am I. I kept thinking about Dax, and I don't think I could take disappointing yet another guy."

Her forehead creased, and she tilted her head to the side as she took my hands. "Honey, Dax left because he's an asshole."

"Exactly," Grandpa agreed, raising his mug.

I snorted softly. "I'm sure that's what the twenty-year-old he left me for thought too. You know, the one he chose over me."

She shook her head. "He did you a favor, B. Are you seriously telling me you were happy with the way he ate spaghetti?"

Now I was confused. "What?"

"He slurped the noodles last time we were at La Belle. It was so disgusting. And I thought, my poor best friend has to listen to this for the rest of her life."

Grandpa nodded. "Those things will drive you crazy after a decade or two. You know it took a bit to get over the way your grandma left her teabags laying around when she was done steeping her tea."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, you two worked it out, and Mara, I'm sure you'll forgive spaghetti slurping for the guy you love someday."

"Of course not. The guy I love will be suave, debonair, rich, have neck tattoos, and probably a pierced tongue."

I made a side-eye at my grandpa, who was blushing and hiding his face behind his coffee cup. "I know Dax wasn't right for me," I said. "There were a lot of things I looked past, but Grandpa and Grandma are the only people I've ever seen in love like they are in your novels. My parents only slept in the same bed so the maids wouldn't gossip about them. My brother's at work all the time even though his wife is amazing. I thought what Dax and I had wasn't that bad."

"Not that bad?" She let out a sigh and faced Grandpa. "What's your advice then? What are we doing wrong?"

Grandpa finished sipping from his cup. "You're looking," he said. "Love isn't something you can find. It finds you, and usually when you least expect it."

Betsy came back, crowding our table with plates full of food before walking away. As we ate, the subject changed to the restaurant, to work, and eventually to goodbye. I needed to get to work, and Mara had writing to do.

Grandpa Chester gave Mara a hug, then held me tight. "You might not see it, Bird, but you deserve the best. Someone who would actually let you bring Ralphie home. Someone who loves you for you."

I smiled, thinking of Cohen and how he'd admired me the night before. "Thanks, Grandpa. I'll come back soon, okay?"

He waved. "Don't be a stranger."

Mara and I went to her car, and I buckled into the passenger seat, feeling much better than when I'd walked into the restaurant. I was still disappointed about how the night before had gone. I'd gotten in my own way with all that overthinking.

"What?" Mara asked as she drove toward the school. "What aren't you telling me?"

I shook my head and relayed the entire embarrassing night to her.

"Okay, that's definitely going in a book." She laughed. "And when is the not-date?"

"It's not happening."

"What?!" She leaned forward and turned toward me. "You're kidding! This was like the best foreplay ever."

"Oh my gosh, can we pause with the sex talk?" I said, blushing. "It's not going to happen because he never got my number. And he wouldn't call me even if he had it. He probably felt sorry for me."

Mara pulled into the school parking lot, putting the truck in park. "I feel sorry for you. Missing out on a silver fox like that."

I lifted a corner of my lips as I reached for the door. "Me too. I went to his house, and all I got was this stupid shirt."