Chapter five

Taking a deep breath, I sit in the grass across from Mila, away from the others. It's quiet over here. Dead leaves rustle in the small gusts of wind, raising the hair on my arms, and the mate bond in my chest is comfortably tight with Gideon nearby. Kaylus is asleep in the branches above me, and the warmth of Mila's hands as she rests them in mine is grounding.

Just breathe,my wolf says. Simple and easy, as it was with Jaz.

I nod, swallowing past the nervous lump in my throat. If I fail at this… No. I won't fail. I clear my throat and ask, "Have you been to your wolf's world at all?"

Mila grimaces, then sighs, staring down at our hands. "No… she's always been quiet. She only just started speaking to me in the last few years." Glancing at me, she shrugs. "Moren was always good at beating people into silence. Silent means obedient, and obedient means weak, right?" She laughs—dry and humorless.

I squeeze her hands. "Silent does not mean obedient or weak. Look how strong you've become since then." I give her a small smile. "Close your eyes and breathe." Closing my eyes after I watch her do the same, I try to focus on her wolf, but it's like trying to grasp a shadow. "Focus on your wolf. Reach out for her, and ask for entrance into her world. It's her piece of your soul. Remember and respect that."

Mila nods, chewing on her lower lip, eyes tightly shut.

In my mind's eye, I stare out into the darkness, sensing Mila standing beside me. Focusing on her wolf, I try to guide us toward her, just like I did with Jaz, but she slips through our fingers every time we get close.

Let her approach you instead,my wolf suggests.

Irritated that the first helpful thing I try to do isn't working, I pull back—almost completely exiting Mila's mind. Just as I'm about to release my hold and open my eyes, her wolf appears in front of us. Her blonde ears are flat against her head, blue eyes narrowed as she stands there, lip quivering in a barely contained snarl.

"Please," Mila whispers, her voice echoing around us. "Please let me in."

Her wolf's gaze snaps to her, eyes softening as she lowers her snout. The void around us dissolves and shifts. Mila gasps when we land in ankle-deep, lukewarm water. We're standing on a sandbar in the middle of a lake, water as far as the eye can see in every direction. Lily pads and water lotuses dance over the waves as a light breeze creates ripples over the clear blue surface. The sky above us is a deep twilight, stars beginning to dot the inky canvas.

"Wow," Mila breathes, then jumps and turns around.

Her wolf stands a few feet behind us, looking just as unwelcoming as before. She glances over at me before looking back at Mila, keeping whatever she said between them.

"Why let me into your world and keep me at a distance?" I ask, annoyed at being left out of the conversation.

"She's wondering why I—we—came." Mila sighs, her cheeks heating. "I never knew how, or if you'd even allow me to come here after… everything."

"Moren was not your fault," I say, grabbing her hand. "If she doesn't understand that—"

I understand more than you ever could,her wolf snaps, stomping her paw and splashing the water. Moren isn't the betrayal—that cursed witch is.

My heart lodges into my throat, and I glance between them. "Witch? Mila… what did you do?"

"I…" She tries to back away, but I squeeze her hand, refusing to let go. Tears trickle down her cheeks, and she covers her mouth with her other hand as a sob breaks free. "I'm sorry. I-I thought…"

You didn't think! That's the problem,her wolf growls, a loud warning bark bursting from her.

"Stop!" I glare over at her wolf, my wolf's fur prickling under my skin. "You don't get to talk to her like that. I don't care what happened. She—both of you—went through so much. Whatever she did, I know she did it with good intentions." I wrap my other hand around our joined hands, looking at Mila. "That's who you are. You're a good person."

Her wolf scoffs. Would a good person give a witch her children?

Pulse thundering, my blood runs cold.

"I-I couldn't give Moren a child, so I… I met a witch, and…"

"Oh, Mila…"

She granted her infertility, but she never thought of the repercussions of such a request.

"What happened?" I ask, trying to keep my voice as gentle as possible.

"I can't have children because… because she took my eggs," Mila whispers, her lip trembling. "I didn't know at first, I swear. I didn't know until later that I… was pregnant."

"Was the witch—"

Mila nods, and my mouth goes dry. Of course it was Monique. Who else would help a wolf in such a way, taking advantage of them when they're so vulnerable and at their weakest?

"I didn't know until Ruya showed me the vision." Mila sniffles, wiping a tear from her cheek. "Your sister… she looks so much like Monique, doesn't she?"

She looks—

"Don't," Mila pleads.

"Looks what?" Sweat drips down my back, and I wish the breeze would pick up or that the water surrounding us was cooler than bathwater.

Nothing like you,her wolf finishes.

"We… have different fathers," I say lamely. "I take after my father and his mother." Something has never sat right with me about the story of our fathers. My grandmother was around enough for me to piece together that mine was around at some point, but I'm older than Jules, and our mother never dated. I don't ever remember her being pregnant, either, but… If she was messing with my magic, who's to say she didn't mess with my memories?

Her wolf shakes her head, her lip curling back. Different fathers? Or mothers?

I shake my head, not wanting to believe it. To believe that my little sister isn't even half of my blood. That we aren't related at all.

You'll always be family,my wolf says, sadness lacing her words.

"But… you were a wolf." I gesture at Mila. "Jules isn't a wolf. She couldn't be… she isn't…"

"I'm so sorry," Mila says, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other fisting her shirt over her heart. "When Ruya showed me her vision, there was… there was more."

"More?" I whisper, my head spinning. "More what?"

Her voice shakes as sob wreck through her. "The river witch, it was her who took my eggs, but one egg was already… Jules. Monique froze the baby—the embryo. S-she use her own blood to give her witch's magic."

Jules's face flashes in my mind—Mila's blonde wavy hair, similar enough to Monique's that it could be from either woman. But it's more than that—the sharp arrogance that lives in Monique's eyes, that lines each of her features, has never existed in Jules's. She's always been kind. Bubbly. Giggling and smiling at everything she can find a glimpse of happiness in.

Just like Mila.

More than that, it's her laugh. That same light, girlish giggle that comes out of both my best friend's mouth and my… little sister's.

"But her eyes… were Moren's…" A lump forms in the back of my throat, holding to the fact that while Mila has blue eyes, Jules's are green, like Monique's.

"He had green eyes,"her wolf says, the anger stripped from her voice.

I rip myself from the world, opening my eyes and surging to my feet.

"Addy, wait," Mila says, reaching for me, but I'm already halfway to the house. "Addy!"

"Why?" I whirl around, yelling across the lawn, not caring who sees or hears us. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"How could I?" she cries, her face crumbling. "I could barely tell Frank until recently, and even still, he—I didn't know, Addy!" She wraps her arms around her waist, as if holding herself together. "I had no choice. It was already done."

"There's always a choice, Mila. You just made the worst one." I spin back toward the house and rush inside, climbing the stairs two at a time until I reach the bathroom. Sobs burst from my mouth, just as painful as if they were breaking free from my gods damn soul. Throwing myself under the water the second I turn it on, I don't bother to strip free from my clothes or even wait for it to warm up. The shock of the ice cold temperature coating my skin from head to toe is enough to force me to take a breath, and I lean against the shower wall, sliding down to the floor.

"Adara?" Gideon's voice comes from the other side of the door before he opens it and steps inside, shutting it softly behind him. Crouching down, he reaches one hand into the stream of water that's slowly warming up and brushes his thumb over my cheek. "Talk to me."

"Jules isn't my sister," I whisper, hot tears mixing with the water raining over me.

He presses his lips together. "That's not true."

Closing my eyes, I pull away from his touch and rest my head back against the shower wall. "It is true. We aren't related, Gideon."

"Is this pack not your family?"

My brows draw together before I lift my head and look at him. "Of course it is."

"Then, darling, why would your sister be anything but that?" He crawls over me, grabbing my hips and pulling me into his lap, letting the water soak his own clothes as he holds me against his chest. "She read that journal. She mentioned her father being a human, but nothing about your mother. Maybe she was mistaken about Moren, thinking he was human when he was really a wolf. But you know what she did say?"

I chew on the inside of my cheek, waiting for him to continue and trying to not hope too hard for it to be something that'll mend the brokenness I feel aching in my chest.

His thumb rubs circles on my arm as his voice rumbles against my ear. "She said she wanted you to know that she loves you, just as she always has. You're family, Adara. Nothing Monique has done—past, present, or future—will ever change the bond between you two." Kissing the top of my head, he rests his chin on my hair. "Don't let her win, mia fiamma."

Turning my face into the crook of his neck, I inhale his sweet scent and let it soothe my heart, smoothing all the cracks and chips. "I won't," I promise, not only to him but myself.

After getting on some dry clothes and pulling myself together, I let Gideon guide me back downstairs and into the yard. I give Parker a small grin when he walks over, sitting cross-legged in the grass before me.

"Hey," he says, running a hand over his bright orange hair. "I'm, uh, not sure how this works, but I can hope it goes better than the last one?"

I snort, laughing slightly. "I hope so too." I hold out my hands, palms up. "Have you ever been to your wolf's world?"

Glancing at my hands, he swings his gaze back up to mine, his cheeks reddening a bit. "No, I haven't. Though, I've never really tried."

"Why not?" I ask. "Is your wolf hard to reach?"

He shakes his head. "No, it isn't that. I… I guess I'm just worried about what I'll find."

I grimace. "I can understand that. Just relax, though. I'm sure there's nothing to be worried about. Close your eyes and put your hands in mine, okay?"

Taking a deep breath, he releases it slowly, then puts his hands in mine and closes his eyes. "Okay," he sighs, "ready."

I close my eyes along with him, forcing my mind and body to let go of the spiraling thoughts and tension from earlier. A similar black void as all the other instances greets me, and Parker's presence is strong to my right. A rust colored wolf approaches us, sitting back on its haunches as it tilts his head to the side. His fur is darker than the carrot orange of Parker's hair, and the brown of his eyes seems darker too.

Opening my mouth to tell Parker to ask entrance into the wolf's world, I gasp as the void melts into one of the most beautiful landscapes I've ever seen. Pink and orange streak the sky above, dark indigo clouds scattered across it with apricot rays of sun peeking through them. Dark blue mountains sit in the distance, towering tall above us, their snow-capped peaks brushing through the clouds. Tall grass surrounds us, the tips brushing against my thighs, tickling my skin.

"This is beautiful," I whisper, glancing at Parker. I touch his arm, noting the frown tugging at his mouth. "Are you alright?"

This is home.

Spinning back to face forward, I watch the rust wolf peer through the tall grass. Unlike Mila's, Parker's wolf holds no malice in his steady gaze, a calm sense of understanding oozing from him. "Home?"

Parker nods. "Yeah," he says, voice tight, "this is home. Or what home used to be." He holds his hand over the grass, letting the tips graze his palm. "When I was little, there was an earthquake that destroyed everything. My parents were crushed when the building came down, but…" He sighs, turning his face to the sky. "My mom shoved me beneath the bed, the metal frame protected me, and later, Madrona found me and took me in."

"I… I had no idea." I wring my hands together, unsure how to comfort him.

He smiles wryly. "It's fine, Adara. It was a long time ago, and look where it got me." He spreads one arm before him. "A hunter among the Silver Wolf Pack, and now this—the perfect reminder of home." Turning toward me, he adds, "I could never thank you enough."

"Oh, you don't have to thank me for anything." I gaze back out at the landscape before us. "This was all you—and your wolf."

"Yeah," Parker whispers, "I guess you're right. Do you mind if I stay here a bit longer?"

You can come whenever you'd like,his wolf offers, laying in the grass and closing his eyes. But we need to talk eventually.

"I'll leave you to it." Releasing myself from his world, I open my eyes to find Parker still sitting across from me, his face contorted in concentration.

You did well,my wolf says.

I smile to myself, hoping whatever conversation he has with his wolf is everything he needs to find some closure within his past and deepen the bond and connection with his wolf. My head feels heavy, so I rest my eyes while I wait for Parker to come back to this world, knowing I have a handful of wolves to work with next.