Chapter 11

Azazel

We did eventually train.A little.

I’d let Zoe sleep in my arms for a while, unable to move a single muscle for fear of shattering that moment of pure, unexpected bliss. Holding her like that, her naked body trustingly pressed against mine, was already more than I’d hoped for in this short amount of time. Years of waiting, of planning, of working myself ragged, and every single second of pain and despair had been worth it, just so I could feel her slight weight on top of me, breathe in her scent, feel her heart thud in sync with mine.

She’d come to me much faster than I’d thought, so open and welcoming, as if she, too, had been waiting years for me to step into her life, and once I did, she jumped in with both feet. Maybe it was another sign of her memory being closer to the surface than we’d assumed. It might be giving her an intuitive sense of rightness regarding being with me.

In any case, I didn’t question it, not when the result was her lithe body draped over me, smelling like sex and happiness and mine. The dark possessiveness inside me was momentarily quiet at having claimed her, even if it wanted to go further yet, take her in the most carnal of ways until she carried my scent in her skin.

We’d get to that. I was nothing if not patient. A lifetime of thousands of years had a way of teaching someone the virtue of not rushing what would be better served with thorough preparation. I could have taken Zoe with nary a suggestion, and she’d have gone along willingly.

But I didn’t just want her to be willing.

I wanted her to be so desperate for my claim that she’d beg me for it. I wanted her to burn for my touch, to yearn for the feel of me inside her, to crave this ultimate union with excruciating need. We’d build up to it, exploring each other so thoroughly that she’d be as familiar with me as she was with herself. I wanted neither hesitation nor insecurity for her when we took that step, wanted her to be so comfortable, so well prepared, that she’d enjoy it to the fullest.

If this was to be her first time—at least as long as she didn’t recover her memories—then I’d make it the fucking best it could be.

Once she remembered everything, she’d recall all of our past moments of intimacy, yes. But she’d still have this new experience in addition to that, and I’d make sure it was one she’d always cherish.

After Zoe had woken in my arms, we’d fallen right into another make-out session—naturally—before we’d finally managed to put our clothes back on and start the actual training exercises.

It had taken no small amount of effort on my part to focus on sparring with her without tackling her to the floor and summoning the clothes off her body—yet again. I’d had to remind myself every few minutes to give her actual advice on how to improve her form.

And Zoe herself hadn’t seemed to fare any better. She’d been distracted, slow, and prone to unnecessary mistakes, her pupils dilated and the scent of her arousal perfuming the air. One time she’d licked my neck when we’d gotten close while sparring.

“Other parts of my body,” I’d murmured, unable to resist inserting a quote from our shared past, hoping it might help chip away at her wall, “are even more delicious, if you’re hungry.”

Zoe had shivered, making a needy sound, but otherwise hadn’t reacted to the brief reenactment of a scene from her memories.

In the end, I’d cut the training session short and tumbled her onto the cushion again, eating her out as if faced with starvation if I let up. She’d reciprocated with fervor, and now we sat snuggled on the cushion with her on my lap, my back to the wall, while I fed her bites of cheese and grapes.

“Tell me about yourself,” she said while chewing.

I stilled. This could be dangerous territory. “Well,” I said with all the earnestly faked seriousness I could muster, “I’m six foot six, my eye color is gray, my hair is black, my wings are snowy white, I have perfect teeth?—”

Her slap against my chest made me choke on a laugh.

“Cut it.” She glared at me in that impossibly cute way of hers. “I mean, where are you from? Like, who’s your archangel?”

Thatkind of dangerous territory. I didn’t want to outright lie to her, and I’d tried to stick to the truth as much as possible when we’d talked, but when she asked me a direct question like this, I needed to lie, or risk arousing suspicion.

“I’m from Sariel’s domain,” I said, choosing the archangel whose territory was farthest from here. Chances were slim that Zoe had had dealings with someone from there.

Her eyes widened. “That’s a long distance to fly to get here. How long are you in the air every day?”

I shrugged. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

She worried her lip. “And here I thought flying an hour to come here was far.”

I fed her another grape, and she chewed thoughtfully. When she spoke next, it froze me to the bone.

“Are you related to Azrael?”

I plopped a piece of cheese into my mouth to win a few seconds before I answered, trying to disguise the shock to my system her question had caused. “What makes you think that?”

“It’s just…you guys look very similar. Like you could be brothers or something.”

I took another moment to choose my words. “There are no family ties between us.”

It was a half-truth, after all.

Officially, Azrael had renounced us all when he’d received the pardon and had been allowed back into Heaven. He’d repudiated Naamah and disavowed the children he’d had with her, formally breaking all family ties to us.

Unofficially, those bonds of flesh and blood still remained to this day, evident in the fact that I’d been able to call on him in my moment of need when Zoe had lain dying in my arms.

“Huh.” She frowned, and I stuffed her gorgeous mouth with a bite of cheese to forestall any more questions.

Instead, I asked one of my own. “How do you know Azrael?”

“Well,” she said after she was done chewing, “after he made me ascend, he kind of kept checking in on me. He said it was his duty, seeing as he turned me from human to angel, and he just wanted to make sure I was doing okay.”

I stared at her in complete bewilderment. None of what she’d said made any sense to my brain compared to what I knew of my father.

I tried for a casual tone when I asked, “So, you’re well acquainted?”

She shrugged. “I mean, he comes to visit maybe once or twice a year. I wouldn’t call it frequent, but it’s a regular thing. He asks me how I’m doing, we talk a bit, I roast him for being a robot without a sense of humor, and then he says goodbye and goes poof again.”

None. Of. It. Made. Sense.

“It’s not like we’re good friends or anything,” she went on, unaware of my puzzlement, “but it’s been nice to have him swing by here and there. I don’t have that many folks with whom I’m comfortable asking weird questions, but he’s been a good source of information about all things Heaven and angels and stuff. He and Naamah are pretty much the two people who have been good company up here.”

My brain had broken. I simply had no way to process that both of my parents had been—separately, and likely unbeknownst to each other—a factor in Zoe’s life in Heaven.

And what the fuck was Azrael’s intention? There had to be some ulterior motive for keeping in touch with Zoe.

“So, if you’re not related to him,” Zoe asked, pulling me out of my cynical musings, “do you have other family?”

“Oh, yeah,” I said darkly.

She peered at me. “That doesn’t sound too happy.”

I sighed. “I have a handful of relatives with whom I am on good terms. The others…I could do without.”

“That bad, huh?” She petted my chest, her touch a soothing balm to my soul.

“You have no idea.”

“Tell me about the good ones, then.”

A small smile snuck onto my face. “There’s my mother. She has a wicked sense of humor. She’s confident, clever, and doesn’t suffer fools. If there’s a rule, she’s broken it.”

Zoe’s soft laugh was like feeling the sunshine on my face when visiting Earth after a long time in Hell. “She sounds amazing.”

“You two will be getting along wonderfully.”

She blinked at me, something like shy surprise flitting over her face. “I’ll meet her?”

“Of course.” When she seemed to hem and haw with something else to say, I pinned her with a look. “Tell me.”

“It’s just…that sounds like you’re planning into the future beyond our training here, and I…I wasn’t sure if you would want to keep this going even after your favor to Naamah has been paid.” More quietly, she added, “To be clear, I’d like that. A lot.”

I tilted my head and regarded her for a moment. “I see.”

Her eyes darted between mine. “What?”

“I’ve been remiss in making my intentions clear. Let me remedy that.” I framed her face with both hands and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “You are mine. I have no plans to let you go, neither at the conclusion of this favor nor beyond.”

Her breath hitched. “Oh.”

“I want you in my life, now and in the future. So, yes, you will meet my mother. And my sister. My nephew. My grandmother.” I paused, my brows drawing together. “Though, I might change my mind about my nephew.”

“Why?”

“He’s reckless, disrespectful, and a general pain in the ass,” I growled.

She gave me an amused narrow-eyed look. “Yet you counted him among the good family members, didn’t you?”

“My sister loves him,” I grumbled.

“And so do you.” She grinned and poked me in the chest.

I gave her a look full of challenge. “How would you know that?”

“When you talked about your mom, your eyes were full of warmth. Same as when you mentioned him. Your tone and words might have been grumpy, but your eyes showed affection.”

I stared at her, one corner of my mouth slowly tipping up into a crooked smile. “Don’t ever let him hear that. I’d never live it down.”

She chuckled. “He can’t be that bad.”

“No, I’m serious. Years from now, he’d be greeting me with a dramatic ‘Uncle! Your eyes! So full of affection!’ He’d be gifting me special glasses, telling me to wear them before a visit in order to shield him from the love streaming from my eyes?—”

Halfway through my explanation, Zoe’s chuckles had turned into giggles, and now she was outright laughing, her eyes watering, her chest heaving. “Oh, my God,” she wheezed. “Now I have to meet him. He sounds like a hoot.”

“He has his moments,” I muttered.

“What about your sister?” she asked after she’d calmed down a little. “What’s she like?”

“She has the biggest heart that she takes care to hide behind an armor built of frivolous playfulness. She’ll only let you glimpse behind that veneer if she deems you worthy, but when she does, she’ll be fiercely loyal to you. Always supportive, will drop everything to help those she loves.” I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “She’ll take one look at you and bring you under her wing.”

A lovely blush washed over her cheeks. “Your family sounds wonderful.” After a pause, she added softly, “I wish I remembered my human family. Whether I loved them, or they me. I don’t know what it’s like to have that connection.”

“You will, one day.” Because she’d remember. And because my family would become her own.

* * *

Much later,after I’d sent Zoe off with a kiss, still basking in the sated happiness of our encounter, I waited for the obligatory visit from Naamah. Three things in life were certain—death, taxes, and the nosiness of my mother.

She appeared by quickly glancing around the bend and scanning the cave. When she spotted me leaning against a tall stalagmite, fully dressed and waiting for her, she called out, “Oh, bless the Heavens! You are done with your sinful deeds. My eyes have been spared the depravity of seeing my son engaged in unholy, un-matrimony-ish acts!” She fully sauntered around the corner, adding with a contemplative expression, “Though, I guess what you two are doing is actually A-OK for the matrimon-ay, considering that you are, in fact, married.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“So, more progress? Judging by the sweet smell of pleasure that doth linger in the air, you have been getting even closer.” She intertwined her index fingers to illustrate the point.

“I need you to procure a few items for me,” I said, valiantly ignoring her innuendos. I produced the list I’d made and held it out to her.

“So am I to be your errand boy, then?” She cocked her hip and gave me a look that could have been the twin to Azmodea’s “you dare” glare.

“Do you want me to woo your daughter-in-law or not?”

She raised her chin, but her eyes glittered with amusement. “Look at you, bringing out the big guns. Okay, then. Let’s see it.” She snatched the list from my hand and skimmed it. Her brows climbed up to her hairline. Tapping at a point on the paper, she said, “That’s oddly precise. Why specify the exact make and model? Wouldn’t any old vibrator do?”

“Sentimental value,” I said with a smirk.

“You sly dog, you,” she murmured. “All right, I’ll get on it. It might take a little bit, though. I’ll have to send my people to Earth for most of this.”

“How long?”

She pursed her lips. “A couple of days, maybe.”

I nodded. “That’s fine.”

“So you don’t think you’ll crack her memory sooner?”

“Hard to say.” I shrugged. “I’m doing what I can, but there’s no telling how much longer it’ll take. Not like I can look inside her and check to see how close to shattering or unraveling that containment is.”

She studied me for a moment, her expression pensive. “How is your energy? Now that you’ve been here a few days.”

“Same as always.”

“No detrimental effects?”

I shook my head. “I don’t feel any drain. It feels the same as if I were in Hell.”

“Fascinating,” she murmured. “I wasn’t sure if it would actually work.”

Part of the equation of me being able to be here in Heaven did not just come down to whether or not I would be able to pass the gate or camouflage my appearance—physical and energetic—but also to the question of whether I’d be able to draw nourishment from this realm. As a demon in Hell, the matter was simple. Just being in that dimension replenished my energy, whereas if I spent too long on Earth, I would slowly lose my powers and weaken until I was but a human.

The same was true for angels in Heaven. They drew their strength from this realm, and going to Earth for too long would diminish their powers.

I hadn’t known before I’d gotten here whether my angelic heritage would be enough to sustain me here in Heaven. It had been a bit of a gamble, and it would have added a complication if I’d found that I’d need to return to Hell in between to recharge my energy. I should probably have been fine for two to three weeks, same as the amount of time I could spend on Earth before I’d feel a significant drain on my powers, but it was good to know I wouldn’t have to leave my mission here at all to replenish my energy in Hell. If things did take longer with Zoe, I’d be perfectly fine hanging out here.

“I feel a steady undercurrent of energetic feedback,” I said. “It feels different when I’m on Earth. There, the sensation is like being cut off, and it’s palpable long before a true drain on my strength sets in.”

Naamah nodded. “I know what you mean. Well, I’m glad this is working as we’d hoped.” She huffed, a sardonic smile on her face. “This might be the only good thing that’s ever come out of your father having been an angel when he sired you.”

I uttered a dry laugh. “True. This wouldn’t be possible if he’d been a demon.”

It was a strange kind of blessing, a weird twist of fate.

“And how’s your demon side doing?” She tilted her head. “Are you feeling any strain suppressing it?”

I rolled my shoulders and stretched my neck to get rid of a kink in my muscles. “A little.”

I’d lived perfectly fine with my angel side suppressed for thousands of years and had never felt so much as an itch of it wanting to surface, but for some reason, it was different the other way around.

Maybe it had to do with the fact that I’d denied my angelic heritage from the very start, the burning hatred I’d felt for my father fueling the fervor with which I’d pushed it deep down, never acknowledging it. That part of myself had never gotten a chance to manifest, whereas my demon side had been dominant since the beginning, meaning it’d had millennia to shape my self-identity and entwine itself with every aspect of my being.

I’d been working on switching which side I stifled and stuffed down for years now, but a mere couple of years of practice were nothing compared to millennia. It still felt off, and it definitely required active effort on my part to keep up the suppression of my demon nature. I could sense that darker power writhing in my core, quite different from what my angelic energy had felt like when I’d repressed it. I’d gone centuries without feeling a twinge from that power, and at times, I’d completely forgotten it was even there.

The same was most definitely not true for my demon energy. Far less manageable, it did not seem content to be shoved down into the darkest recesses of my being. Instead, it reared up again and again, pushing to the surface, and every time, I had to focus to wrestle it back down.

Naamah regarded me with a pinch of concern on her face. “Maybe you should take a break and go to Earth, release that side of you for a while.”

I gave a single, vehement shake of my head. “No. I won’t leave here until she remembers.”

“You have several hours every day where she can’t be here because she’s working. You could easily use that time to fly to Earth and seek relief from that pressure.”

“And travel all the way to the gate again, and go through it, twice, risking exposure?” I leveled a hard look at her.

“I can pull some strings again to make the gate safe for your passage, same as I did before.”

“I know you’ve got a good network of trusted people here,” I said, my voice rough, “and that you’re able to use your influence to smooth the way for me, but that setup is not infallible. With every move I make outside this cave, I roll the dice, inviting discovery. No, your resources notwithstanding, it’s better I keep my movements outside to a minimum. I can handle my demon side.”

Her brows drew together. “You’re playing a dangerous game, son. Should your demon energy slip its leash and emanate from you, there’s no telling the consequences. There has never been a demon in Heaven. This realm is not made for that power. Chances are the second your darker energy touches this world, it will be felt like a shock wave, and you’ll be exposed anyway. Either you risk discovery by traveling through a gate to release your power on Earth, or you risk it by having your demon energy break free because you lost your grasp on it.”

I clenched my jaw so hard it hurt. “I’ve got it under control.”

The look she sent me was doubtful.