Chapter 19

19

T wo months pass by in the blink of an eye, and I rarely think of the world I left behind. I don't have the time or the space in my mind to occupy anything but the present moment.

I train with Jace every day until I have muscles in places I never have before. Until I can run for miles without stopping. And until I can take down a fae using nothing but my own body. He's tough on me, but he's a damn good trainer, I'll give him that.

I learn about Solterre and its inhabitants—the fae and other species. Monsters and dragons I thought only existed in the books I read. I learn the history and geography from Zadyn, as well as their customs and ways. But my magic remains dormant. Aside from mastering the art of lighting a small candle with my mind, I'm as good as human. And I still pass out sometimes when I do it.

Gnorr tries to track down a Blueblood contact, but the entire clan has relocated and centralized in secret. No one knows where they all disappeared to. She searches for alternatives to unbind my magic in the meantime.

I barely see the king, but Jace relays his restlessness. Time is against us. The longer I spend here under this false identity of Lady Accostia, the bigger the risk of being found out. Of being hunted by the other kingdoms.

That fear looms over me like a sword above my head. Not to say that my treatment here upon arrival was exactly hospitable, but I don't think the other kingdoms would hesitate to use whatever means necessary to bend the last Blackblood to their will. I've come to feel safe here. Comfortable even.

I try to avoid letting my mind skip too far into the future and what awaits me—the impossible and life-threatening task of bonding a living, fire-breathing dragon.

My afternoons and nights are spent as part of the princess's regular entourage, partying and kicking up harmless mischief. I come to look forward to their intimate revelries of pure, unadulterated fun. We play like children, singing and dancing with abandon, celebrating for no reason other than being alive. It helps me escape the harsh reality of what I'm really doing here. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy being in the company of royalty. The gowns, the jewels, the decadent luxuries. But despite the material benefits of being Lady Accostia, it's the actual company I enjoy most.? *

For the first time, it feels as though I have friends. Despite the worries hanging over my head, I find myself laughing and joking. Lighter of heart than when I arrived. In a way, it's the most normal I've felt in a long time. They offer me a temporary reprieve from the weight that's been thrust upon my shoulders. And for that, I'm grateful.

Jace, however, is not so quick to offer me the same reprieve.

I roll over my shoulder and land on one knee, my arm releasing the dagger into a smooth, straight line that slices the air. It was intended for Jace's head, but instead, it skims past him, shoring a few stray hairs off the side. He gives a wicked smirk and advances fast as lighting, appearing behind me. I turn, throwing my weight behind a sloppy punch, which he easily evades. Palming my outstretched fist in his calloused hand, he twists my wrist behind my back, sending a shooting pain up my arm. I rear my head back with all my might, slamming it into his chin as he loses his balance and releases me. I take the opportunity to land a rare punch to his jaw before dipping low and sweeping his legs out from under him. Rivulets of sweat skate down the back of my neck as I straddle him. I pull my fist back for another blow, but he spins us in the blink of an eye.

My back meets with the hard dirt of the training ring, and I groan in pain, my back arching in response. Jace slams into me, pinning me beneath his strong hips. I wriggle beneath his weight as he cages me between his arms and angles a dagger above my breast. Heat rolls off his body as we stare into each other's wide eyes, fighting for breath, and for that split second, his rough touch feels intimate. I bite my bottom lip to keep the traitorous smirk off my face. Jace's eyes narrow on the slight movement before he snarls and pushes off me.

"That was total shit. You're not focused."

How can I be when you look like that?

Sisyphus's karmic retribution was pushing a massive rock up a hill every day for all eternity.

Jace is my rock.

I watch his sweat-slicked body move across the ring, each step confident and assured. Even more torturous than the obstacles and drills he puts me through daily is being forced to bear witness to his perfectly lethal body in action. To spar with it. To be pinned helplessly beneath it. How can I not be distracted when his hands are constantly on me, correcting my posture, stretching my body out, putting me flat on my ass? It's taking sexual frustration to a whole new level.

"You're extra cranky this morning." I lie star-fished on the ground, staring up at his stone face. "What's eating you?"

He doesn't answer.

"You know, it's rude to ignore people when they're talking to you. Were you raised by wolves or something?" I grumble mindlessly.

He turns to me, his face vicious.

"You know, it's rude to make assumptions about people's upbringings," he snaps.

"Woah. Okay, sorry. I didn't know it was a touchy subject for you. Probably because I don't know much about you at all." I sit up and give my barking legs a stretch.

He turns his back to me, striding to put away the scattered weapons, sweat beading on the tips of his dark hair. "You know nothing about me," he mutters under his breath.

"Because you don't let me. We've spent every morning together for months. We might as well get to know each other. Maybe it will ease some of this hostility."

"You haven't seen hostile yet, witch," he says. With hostility.

"So you'd prefer to shut everyone out? It's getting old. This act where you belittle me, degrade me, pretend not to care about anything. I don't think you're as tough as you pretend to be."

He heaves an annoyed sigh, tossing the weapon in his hand to the ground and turning to face me in a dramatic manner.

"What is it you want to know?" He holds his arms out.

"Anything." I pull my knees in, wrapping my fatigued arms around them. "How did you become Captain of the Guard?"

"The normal way. I worked for it. "

"Were you a fighter before?"

"I fought in the king's armies, yes," he answers tightly, annoyance edging his voice.

"Have you…" I trail off, suddenly wondering if that's too personal a question to ask.

"Have I what?" His brows raise expectantly.

"Killed people?"

I hold my breath. He looks at me like I have a third eye.

"Yes, witch. I have killed before. It's sort of a requirement for winning a war."

"Right." I nod. "Of course it is."

"When the time comes, you'll do the same," he says, casually pushing his hair back. I jolt forward.

"Woah, woah, woah. I don't plan to kill anyone."

"Your destiny is to ride the last dragon left in Solterre. Killing comes with the territory. It comes with defending a nation."

"I can't." I shake my head. "I can't kill anyone."

"Why not?"

"Is that a serious question?" I sputter.

"Yes. What are you afraid of? What are you afraid will happen if you do?"

"I won't be able to live with myself knowing that I killed someone, that I took their life."

"Believe me when I say from experience you can. Not everyone is good." His eyes harden.

"That doesn't mean we should be the ones to decide who lives or dies."

"When the time comes, you'll be able to do it. When you're faced with the choice to kill or be killed, you will choose to kill. To survive. You will kill just like the rest of us vile creatures."

With that, he stalks off, leaving me to contemplate my destiny. What they're hoping I will become for the good of the kingdom.

A killer.

After the grueling training session this morning, it's the sweetest relief when I sink into the sea of blankets strewn across the expanse of plushy, fresh-cut grass.? * I followed the princess and her entourage across the immaculate grounds—past the pristine flower gardens and marble water fountains, past the small temple near the edge of a thicket of giant cherry blossom trees, down a sloping green hill met with a shimmering pool of water. We set up our fortress of blankets and umbrellas near the water's edge.

I sprawl out, flexing my sore muscles against the butter-soft blanket. I breathe deep, noting how different the air feels compared to the air at home. Ours is thick—polluted with toxins. But here, the air is sweet, light, and thin. You can smell nature around you. The trees, the grass, even the water has a scent. I don't know if it's the whisper of my buried magic responding to this world, but everything has a slight charge to it. Every sunbeam on my skin or breeze that kisses my neck, every ripple in the water feels alive. Feels awake. And so do I.

I glance at my new friends, and marvel at how perfect they all look—individually, but also together. Dressed in complementary shades of white and cream and pink, they look like they stepped out of a Vogue photoshoot at Versailles. They belong to each other. And with the cap sleeved off-white corset and skirt, blush pink lace gloves, and wide-brimmed cream hat that Igrid insisted I wear, I fit right in.

"So, how are you finding life at court, Lady Accostia?" Marideth asks from beside me. Eyes closed, she lies on her back, the soft sun dancing over her splayed auburn hair. Her silk-gloved fingers fiddle with the buttons down her beige bodice.

"Please." My head lolls to the side, squinting at her beside me. "Call me Serena. Court is different ." My tone is heavy with implication. A soft chuckle slips through her uptilted lips.

"I'll say. I can't think of a more modest upbringing than a temple. I imagine this must be a big change for you."

"It's a welcome change," I lie smoothly.

I'm getting better at pretending. I don't know if that's a good thing or something to be concerned about. I know it's for everyone's safety, but I hate that I can't be honest with them about who I am. I feel a twinge of guilt anytime Sorscha calls me " cousin " or I have to play along with some falsity about my past.

Mar cracks one eye, sliding it in my direction as a peal of delighted squeals erupts from down the hill. Kai and Dover are calf-deep in glittering water, their cream-colored pants rolled up as they splash at Sorscha, Ilsa, and Cece. The ladies protest mildly, skirts gathered in their arms above the water's opalescent surface. Dover's eyes catch on Marideth up the hill, and he dashes toward us. She squeals as he throws his body over hers, nuzzling sweet kisses along her neck until she swats him away.

"You're soaked, you fool!" she chides affectionately. He answers with a boyish laugh and a smacking kiss on her cheek before racing back to terrorize the three females downhill. I turn to Marideth, who watches him keenly, a small smile on her lips.

"You and Dover," I start. She looks at me, her expression open. "He's engaged."

"He's engaged." Her chest rises and falls with a heavy sigh. "Not to me. "

"Why?" I flip onto my side to study her, propping my head up on one hand. "You two seem so?—"

"We're mates."

My eyebrows lift at the admission.

"But he lives in Vod. I only get to see him when Kai comes to visit the queen. His parents arranged the marriage when he was three. They won't break it despite our many pleas."

"Who is she?"

"Wyneth?" Her eyes slide toward me. "A mealy mouse High Fae from Iaspis with more money than Aerill herself. The thing is, I could probably learn to tolerate her if she had a backbone and some dignity. But she knows about Dover and me—she has for years—and has never said a word. I could probably fuck him right in front of her, and she wouldn't bat an eye."

I choke on a laugh.

"It's true!" She mirrors my position, turning to face me.

"And she knows you and Dover are mates?"

"Everyone knows. We haven't exactly been discreet about it." She casts a glance in his direction. "His parents don't care; they want a cut of that diamond money. And hers just want her married off to a male with a good family name."

"That's awful. I'm so sorry."

"Don't pity us," she says mildly, looking back to me. "We have no intention of stopping what we're doing. We're a mated pair by the will of the gods. Their parents are idiots to think they can stand in the way of something so strong. They'd sooner make a mockery of the marriage than break the engagement for us."

"You'll be his mistress?"

"I'll be his everything. They'll be married in name only." She falls silent for a moment, picking at the blanket. "If I have to give up the chance to marry so that I can follow him wherever he goes, then I will. If he has children with her, I will love them and treat them as if they were my own. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. There is no life for me without him."

I find my heart hurting for this female I barely know.

"He's an idiot." She breaks the somber tone, shaking her head at him. "But he's my idiot. And he loves me."

The sound of footsteps lightly rustling the grass draws my attention uphill. I twist around to see Zadyn making his way toward us. The sun washes over his caramel hair and tan skin, coloring him even more brilliant. I smile warmly as he approaches and sinks down beside me on the blanket.

"You made it," I say, sitting up.

"Apologies for being late. My meeting ran longer than I expected."

Zadyn was meeting with Gnorr this afternoon to research some theories on how to extract my magic.

"Lady Marideth." Zadyn nods to her in greeting. Marideth's eyes roam over him indiscreetly, top to toe, not even bothering to hide her blatant curiosity. Those steely gray eyes toss a knowing look in my direction. I tilt my head in confusion.

"Lord Rhodes." She tips her head before her eyes are pulled toward the tall figure stepping around the big umbrella above us. "And as I live and breathe, the Captain himself ," Marideth crows, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Jace stands above us, eclipsing the sun. I can't pry my eyes away.

"Marideth," he says in greeting. A curt nod is all the acknowledgment he gives me. For reasons I can't even begin to understand, he's still a dick to me when people are around.

I take that back. He's also a dick to me when people aren't around.

"Not feeling social today, or are you still recovering from last night?" Jace peers down at Marideth, his form an imposing shadow against a picturesque backdrop. She rolls her eyes dramatically, reaching for a grape.

"Be grateful I bowed out when I did. Or you would have lost your trousers to me in cards. Again." She pops the grape in her mouth and chews loudly.

I was beat from yesterday's training, so I skipped out on the party last night. But it seems Jace attended. I've barely seen him at any of Sorscha's gatherings this month. Lately, he's full of excuses as to why he can't attend. Personally, I think he just tries to avoid being around me at all costs.

"Quite the party animal?" I squint up at him. His eyes are cold and his posture standoffish as he literally looks down his nose at me. I don't get a response.

Rising to my feet, I say to Zadyn, "I'm going to dip my feet in. Wanna come?" He nods and follows behind me. As I pass Jace, our shoulders brush lightly.

"Wait," Marideth hauls herself up off the ground and stretches like a lazy cat. She grabs Jace by the arm and starts towing him downhill toward the water alongside her.

Kai greets Jace with a welcoming clap on the back as Sorscha, Ilsa, and Cece flock to Zadyn, who responds bashfully to their shameless flirtations. Making him blush has recently become one of their greatest sources of amusement. Beside us, Marideth shoves Dover into the water until he is fully submerged and flailing.

Looking around at these faces I've known for such a short time, I realize that I care for them. I never expected them to be this way. To be kids, moonlighting as adults, just trying to figure it out. Just like me.

I notice Sorscha tear her smiling eyes away from Zadyn to look at Jace. His head inclines slightly toward the hill in silent invitation, and she quietly extricates herself from the pack to follow him. I try not to eavesdrop or stare, but I can't help glancing toward them as they make their way a few feet up the hill.

They stand surprisingly close to one another. Jace is talking, but I can't make out what he's saying. Sorscha nods, a curl falling loose from the chic, messy pile on her head. I hold my breath as he places a hand on her arm. It's a friendly gesture, but I find myself clenching my fists.

"Someone likes to watch," Marideth whispers in my ear. I start, but she just chuckles.

"I was just curious," I admit. "What's going on there?" My tone is casual. Nonchalant.

At least, that's what I'm going for.

"Exactly what it looks like." She plops a floppy hat over her brilliant hair. "They keep it kind of quiet, but Jace has been courting Sorscha for the past few months."

"What?" I sputter, facing her.

"They've been seeing each other," Mar explains slowly. "The king has been pushing for a marriage between them, but the queen wants Kai to marry Sorscha."

"Oh?" My stomach tightens in disappointment. "And how do they feel about that?"

Their hands dangle close to each other, fingers practically kissing.

"Oh, they've been trying to talk their way out of it. Sorscha and Kai love each other, of course, just not in that way. But the king has politics to consider. Wed Sorscha to Kai and the alliance between the two kingdoms strengthens. On the other hand, making a Vod prince into king consort puts an awful lot of power in foreign hands."

My eyebrows knit together as I force myself to look back at Mar. "Why not wed Sorscha to a noble instead?"

"The king practically raised Jace. He fought in the king's armies for a long time and rose through the ranks exceptionally fast. Now he's on his way to being appointed Hand of the King. He would be a good match for Sorscha. The king wants her to marry soon, to produce heirs, and come into her full power."

The knife twists as I watch the two of them make their way further up the hill, her hand nestled in the crook of his arm. A peal of angelic laughter sounds from her as she beams up at him with the warmth of a thousand suns. The thought of the two of them producing heirs sends a shot of envy through me. Envy I have no business feeling because he and I can barely stand to be in the same room without ripping each other's heads off.

"Are you alright?" Mar lays a gentle hand on my shoulder. I shake my head reflexively.

"You don't hide it very well," she says with a knowing smirk.

"Hide what?" I tilt my head, looking at her.

She heaves an exasperated sigh, resting her hands on her hips. "I have eyes. I'll just say this." She leans in and rests a hand on my arm.

"Be careful."

* ? Cue: ICU by Phoebe Bridgers

* ? Cue: My Fun by Suki Waterhouse