22. Ciel

22

CIEL

I forced myself to leave the house one full day after Ryan left. I’d been lounging around in misery for too long, and though my hair was not nearly as smooth or silky as usual and my robe was wrinkled so badly it looked almost intentional, but that first breath of fresh air when I stepped outside was magical.

I didn’t know where to go, so I simply started walking. I walked and walked and walked until I found myself outside the gate leading to Draven and Teddy’s house. Fortune of fortunes, it looked like they were home, so I opened up the gate and slipped inside.

I paused at the front door, debating whether to knock or leave them alone. I hated to disrupt a perfectly lovely Monday afternoon only days after I’d been their guest — and a rather perverted one at that.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to knock because Teddy appeared at the window and saw me standing on their doorstep.

“Ciel, what brings you here?” he asked, swinging the front door open.

“I’m going through quite an inner turmoil,” I told him.

Teddy smiled sympathetically. “Oh, well, that won’t do. Please, come inside. I’ll make us some tea.”

“That would be lovely, thank you. Is Draven home?”

“He is. Would you like me to get him?”

“No, no, I’m sure he’ll turn up any moment now. That sly little devil seems to sense the presence of creatures like me, doesn’t he?”

Teddy chuckled. “It wouldn’t surprise me. Ah, look, here he comes now.”

I sat back on the burgundy sofa in the living room, swinging one leg over the other and spreading my arms over the back of the couch. “Well, well, speak of the devil.”

Draven smirked. “Why, Ciel, you’re back. Did you forget something from Saturday night? Your dignity, perhaps?”

“Draven, stop that,” Teddy hissed.

I ignored Draven’s more unsavory comment. “I don’t know why I’m here, really. I came for some advice, I suppose.”

“Advice?” Teddy looked back and forth between Draven and me. “From an incubus?”

“ And a former priest,” I added.

“Well, I’m happy to give it,” Teddy replied, “but let me finish up with that tea first. You look like you could use a nice, hot cup.”

He vanished into the kitchen and I glanced up at Draven. “Do I really look that bad?”

Draven sat down opposite me in a velvet wingback chair. It fit his lithe body beautifully, his tail coiling around the arm while the pointed tip twitched. “I don’t think so, but perhaps Teddy is merely sensing some negative aura surrounding you. Do tell me, where is your little playmate?”

“Ryan?” I furrowed my brow.

“Yes, Ryan.”

“Well, not with me, obviously.”

“No, I can see that. Why wouldn’t you bring him? The two of you seemed attached at the hip — or somewhere, anyway — a few days ago.”

I let my shoulders, along with my wings, slump. “Not anymore. I doubt you will be seeing him with me at all, in fact.”

Teddy came back to the living room, tea tray in hand. “Oh, dear, you and Ryan broke up?”

“We weren’t–“

“Anyone could see it, you fool,” Draven said dryly. “That man was obsessed with you, and I must say, you were quite preoccupied with him as well.”

“It’s true.” Teddy nodded resolutely. “So, what happened?”

“He insists that he’s not into men,” I said bitterly, taking a sip of the piping hot tea Teddy handed me to keep myself from saying anymore that I might regret.

“Perhaps he’s not,” Teddy offered unhelpfully, joining me on the sofa.

“No, he is,” Draven insisted. “I felt it on Saturday. He can deny it all he wants, but I know a fellow fruit when I see one.”

Teddy sighed. “Draven, you can’t tell people what their sexuality is. Believe me, you’re attracted to whoever you’re attracted to, no matter what you try to say or do.”

I nodded. “Teddy is right. The problem there is that, as both of you already said, the attraction between us was undeniable. Or am I simply projecting?”

“I don’t think you’re projecting,” Teddy told me. “But why did he break up with you if he’s so in love with you?”

“He never said it was love,” Draven interjected.

“Exactly.” I leaned forward, pointing at Draven. “It was lust, not love — only, I think I was falling in love until he broke my heart.”

“Did he get bored with the relationship?” Teddy asked. “Or was it something else? He didn’t meet someone new to replace you, did he?”

“No, of course not.”

“No, our dear Ciel is irreplaceable.” Draven smirked, and for a moment my darker side took over and I fantasized about wiping that smirk clear off of his face.

“He left because his parents were coming into town and he didn’t know how to tell them that he was seeing a man. He wished to keep me a secret and have us abstain from, well, anything, at least until they left. I, understandably, was a bit offended.”

“Ooh, that’s tough.” Teddy set his teacup down with a gentle clink . “I don’t think that either of you is in the wrong here, but I understand if you’re feeling betrayed. All I can say is that I know firsthand how difficult it can be to come to terms with who you really are.”

“I know,” I said quietly, suddenly regretting how obtuse I had been toward Ryan. “I had to do it once as well, though not in quite the same manner as you or Ryan.”

“Perhaps it wasn’t meant to work out,” Draven added.

“Do you think that’s possible? For a match to be incorrect, rather?”

He and Teddy exchanged glances while I shifted nervously in my seat. We all knew the answer, and if it was as we thought, both Ryan and I had made a terrible mistake.

“You might want to talk to the Librarian about that,” Teddy said.

“They have more knowledge on the subject than either Teddy or I,” Draven agreed.

“That’s all right. It doesn’t matter now.” I stood up, taking some time to smooth my wings out after crumpling them against the sofa back. “Well, if I don’t leave soon, I’ll have outstayed my welcome here. Thank you for the tea, Teddy, and thank you both for the bolstering conversation.”

“No problem,” Teddy said, that sad, sympathetic smile returning. “Don’t hesitate to stop by again if you’re ever lonely. Draven and I are more than happy to have you here.”

I laughed. “It’s not a question of if I get lonely, but thank you, my dearest Teddy. I must simply get used to being alone again. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off fighting for my place in Heaven, and it’s days like these that I truly believe I would have.”

Draven jumped up from his chair and crossed his arms fiercely over his chest. The black chain around his neck swayed after his wrist hit it and his tail twitched angrily. “That’s utter shit,” he snapped.

“What?” I raised my eyebrows and took a step back.

“You were not better off in Heaven. You’re happier here on Earth where you can finally be yourself and live the life that you want, not that one-size-fits-all drivel that angels are meant to be pleased with.”

“Draven, please–“ Teddy held up a hand to silence his partner, but Draven continued his tirade unbothered.

“You need to grow up, Ciel. Ryan is merely a human — a weak, worthless human — and you are an angel of the most high. You are fallen, yes, but an angel nonetheless. Men for creatures like you and me are a dime a dozen. If Ryan doesn’t want to fight for you, then he’s not worthy of you.”

I disagreed with Draven — Ryan was well worth my time and attention, if a little misguided — but I was not about to argue with him when his scorn had just turned to praise.

“Draven is right, if a little intense,” Teddy said. “While I think your Ryan is a good man, he may not be ready for someone like you. And there are plenty more fish in the sea, as they say. The right one — the second right one, if that’s the way it goes — will find you one day, and when that day arrives, you can rejoice and be thankful.”

I nodded, shaking my wings to loosen the ruffled feathers in them. I was rattled after Draven’s speech, but I wasn’t about to show it. “I shall remember that. Now, I must go and plan for a rather different future than I was expecting.”

Draven stepped forward to plant a kiss on each cheek. “Forget about him,” he said, his breath hot and heady.

“But maybe say a prayer for him too,” Teddy said, pulling me into a gentle half-hug. “Best of luck, Ciel.”

“Yes,” Draven nodded enthusiastically. “You’re going to need it.”