25. Heath

Chapter 25

Heath

“ H ere are the keys. It’s all yours.”

The salesperson hands over the keys to my brand-new Jeep Cherokee .

“Thank you so much for your help.”

The salesperson wishes me the best again, and I step out into the afternoon sunshine.

“How do you feel?”

Blaze waits outside, insisting I do this part on my own, and I’m grateful. He still hasn’t told me where my old car is but promises something is in the works and I’ll love it.

It’s been a weird two weeks, though. My car died, Jeff left, and I met Marko’s family. Blaze reviewed my savings with me, and it turns out he’s a great advisor and I have more money than I ever thought I would. More than Mom had probably ever seen in her life. Buying the new-to-me Jeep wasn’t an issue with Blaze’s help, but it’s been almost too much to process. Too much change in a short time.

“I’m a little out of sorts, to be honest.” The keys weigh heavy in my hands. “Do you have time to talk?”

“I’ll always have time if you need me, Heath. Where would you like to talk? ”

“Could we go to the brewery? Maybe walk the gardens?”

“Sure. Want me to ride with you now or meet you there?”

“I’ll meet you there in about thirty minutes?”

Blaze nods and returns to his truck while I climb behind the wheel of my new ride. A new vehicle should make me excited, but it reminds me of things I no longer have. No more car with memories of Mom and Jeff. No more peacock filling the back seat. Memories of our pretend camping trips no longer close.

After adjusting the mirrors, I send Marko a quick text and selfie from inside. He has several clients today, all back-to-back. Since we took a week off together to visit his grandmother and explore our relationship, Marko booked himself heavily in the coming weeks to catch up. I don’t expect him to reply, but when he responds with a heart, I rub at my chest before connecting my phone to the Bluetooth and pulling away from the dealership.

Me and Marko have connected with each other in the evenings because going for coffee without Jeff is still too raw for me. I didn’t think the little things without Jeff would hit me so hard, but when three people in one day asked where my bird was, I cracked. I’ll need more time before resuming that routine, and I’ll get back to it when my heart is a little less bruised.

I’ve spent every night at Marko’s, though, since. When I leave at the ass crack of dawn, as he likes to say, we kiss each other good morning and see each other by suppertime.

Marko has definitely helped ease the sting of not having a peacock rule my life. But Jeff still left a Grand Canyon-sized hole in my life. While Jeff can’t be replaced, not having to be responsible for him anymore has resulted in a shift in my priorities. For once I’ve thought about my future seriously .

And that’s what I need to talk to Blaze about.

He’s already at the brewery waiting for me, leaning against the side of his truck. After parking next to him, we fall into step, towards the garden paths. He says nothing. Just walks with me, and that’s what I like about him. He has more patience than the other guys and lets me sort my shit without interrupting.

At the top of our first small hill, next to Jacob’s favourite lavender garden, I stop and lean on the railing at the top. Blaze does the same, and I smile.

“I know I’ve thanked you for taking over my savings and helping with all the car shopping, but thank you again, Blaze. It’s changed my life.”

He dips his head with a smile. “You’re welcome. Again.” He pokes me with his elbow and chuckles.

“You probably know I’m in love with Marko. Like, head over heels for that man. It’s so strange how it creeps up on you sometimes.”

Nodding, he flips the toothpick in his mouth over and it hangs from the side of his mouth.

“I figured. He’s good for you. I know I’ve said it before, Heath, but we’re all happy you’ve found your person.”

“I know, and I owe you guys so much.” My eyes burn, but I don’t want to cry. This isn’t a sad time. Not really. “Um, I’ve been thinking a lot about…my life, I guess. I’d like to…” Fuck, I can’t even say it.

Blaze turns to face me with a soft smile. “You let the tears fall if you need to, Heath. It’s a big change to leave. It’s okay to be emotional about it. ”

Shaking my head, I wipe at my unshed tears. “Not the ranch. I can’t leave the ranch. The animals are my babies, you know? And Hank. He’s mine. I can’t walk away from him. Working at the ranch, I think is what I’m meant to do. But…I don’t think I want to live there anymore.”

Blaze hums under his breath. “We expected this day to come, Heath. We’re not mad. Not even disappointed. We’re fuckin’ thrilled for you.”

“It’s just hard to say out loud. It’s the only home I’ve known for ten years. I’ve stayed because I love everything about it. Jeff needed me and I knew I couldn’t just leave him, but…”

I sigh and look out over the gardens below. Jeff had to leave anyway. It was one of life’s inevitable happenings. But I was there for him when it mattered. I found myself through that bird. Which sounds so completely stupid, but Jeff taught me a lot about myself. That I was valuable and had a purpose. And that my heart is likely bigger than my brain. Watching him leave was damn hard, but seeing him thrive with Terry makes me so happy. This must be what parents feel like when their kids grow up and move away. I’m just happy he’s happy even though I miss him like crazy. With Jeff thriving somewhere else, it feels like I have permission to do something for me.

And that was a revelation I felt a little uncomfortable with.

“But the one thing you love the most isn’t at the ranch.” Blaze mirrors my stance and finishes my sentence. “It’s hard to be apart from your person. I get it, Heath. Me and Riv did the same thing. Swappin’ nights at each other’s houses before I begged him to move in with me. He had his business and his dad to keep him busy and he was only at the ranch for peak times.” Blaze runs a hand over his face. “Jeff was a lot of work, and you were there when we needed him wrangled. He gave you what you needed, and you did the same for him. It’s okay to want something just for yourself now.”

Which has been my greatest struggle since spending time with Marko. I want to spend all my days and nights with him. My loft is a place I never want to sleep alone in again. I loved it, but I was there for Jeff. Blaze is right; I need something for myself now.

“So you don’t think Dan or Alec will be upset when I tell them I’m moving out?”

“They’ll be sad they won’t see you in their kitchen at all hours, but they won’t be mad about you havin’ a life.”

“I never told you this before, but the three of you are like the dads I never had. You’ve all been so patient and cared about me. Your advice, your job help, everything. I don’t know how to thank you for any of it properly. Without Dan taking me in, I’d probably be homeless and an addict like Mom was. You rescued me just like everything else on the ranch.”

Blaze looks away and clears his throat. He says nothing for a while, but when he does, it’s with wet lashes and a gruff voice.

“You don’t have to thank us. Just love us, like you said. That’s all we need.”

“I will, Blaze.”

I hate seeing the big guy all teary, so I hold out my arms and he wraps me in a hug. “I’m so proud of you, Heath.”

I needed this bit of time with just Blaze more than I realized. My chest is a little lighter now .

“Why don’t we round up the guys tonight and you and Marko can come over? It’s the perfect time to show you what we’ve done with the car for you.”

“Really? Yeah, okay. I’ll check with Marko, but I think he’s free tonight.”

Blaze and I walk back down the path and with every step, the future seems more clear. When my phone buzzes with Marko’s message telling me he’s free, I reply that I’ll meet him at his place so we can come back together.

“Marko is in.”

Blaze smirks. “I had no doubt, Heath. He’d move mountains for you.” He pauses at his truck and hesitates. “You know, when I heard who you were datin’ …well, not datin’ at the time, because you couldn’t see it.”

He chuckles when I punch his arm. “Don’t remind me! I’m surprised he kept coming back. He must’ve thought I was the thickest guy in the world.”

“Maybe. You should ask.” He laughs before schooling his face. “When I found out who Marko was, I knew you’d have no problem gettin’ past his history. I hope you’re not angry that I interfered a little and pushed him to tell you. From what the boys at the ranch were tellin’ me, you seemed pretty smitten. I didn’t want you to get hurt with secrets.”

“I’m not angry at all. Kind of happy you did, actually. It gave me the push to examine what I wanted, too. Besides, there’s not much you could do that would make me angry.”

“That’s true, I suppose. You’re the most laid-back guy I know.” Blaze opens his truck and slides in. “See you both tonight. ”

As he drives off, I lean on my Jeep, smiling and taking a few minutes to myself.

One hard conversation down, and I’m feeling confident.

Now… I wonder how hard it will be to convince Marko we really need ducks.

***

Marko’s fingers tap his thigh as I drive. Since we decided I should move into his place, the plan was to pack a few things from my loft and bring them over after dinner at the ranch tonight.

But Marko doesn’t like enclosed vehicles.

“Would you prefer to drive? I don’t mind.”

“What? No. You drive just fine. Maybe a little like my baka , but your driving is fine.”

I snort because yeah, okay. I was so used to babying my old car and driving slowly. It’s just natural for me to drive like I’m eighty and on my way to the coffee club on a Sunday morning. That car needed to last.

“But you’re all fidgety. What is it?”

Marko reaches over and rests his palm on my thigh.

“It’s just a little claustrophobic for me. When I was a kid, I developed an irrational dislike of cars since my mom died in a car accident. That’s why I like bikes instead.” He shakes his head. “I know it doesn’t make sense. Sometimes I’m okay and sometimes I guess I fidget. Before you ask if I’ve talked to anyone about it, yes, I have. It comes and goes, and it’s just a weird little hang-up I have. ”

“You never told me that before.”

He shrugs like it’s no big deal and I flick the signal light on to pull onto the shoulder.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re driving. Get out.” I don’t even give him a chance to reply. I’ve already walked around to the passenger seat and Marko still has his seatbelt on. He finally exits when I knock on the passenger window.

“Heath, it’s your new Jeep. You should drive. I’m fine.”

“I’m sure you are, but don’t forget I’ve been your passenger for a few months now and I know how much you love driving a bike. So let’s make this be like a bike.”

“I don’t—”

“Get. Out.”

Finally, the man walks around to the driver’s seat and slides in. After he adjusts the seat and mirrors, his fingers flex on the steering wheel and his lips twitch.

“Put the windows down, please. Even the back ones.”

Marko lifts an eyebrow, but does as I say.

“Now drive.”

After pulling off the shoulder and back on to the road, I stick my hand out and tap on the roof. The cool air rushes into the cab, ruffling our hair and making me laugh. Marko sticks his arm out, too, and I turn up the radio.

“It’s good, right?” I shout over the rushing air and music.

Marko glances my way before reaching over and holding his hand palm up for me. After lacing our fingers together, he brings my hand up to his lips and kisses my knuckles.

“The best, Heath.”

** *

“Thank you so much for this, Zane. Delicious as always.”

Blaze and the others at the ranch had arranged a BBQ at Alec and Zane’s. When Blaze said to come over tonight, I didn’t think it would be for something like this. Zane had made all my favourites, and we sat in their gazebo laughing and eating.

Alec and Dan played horseshoes off and on outside and showed Marko, too. Watching Marko fit in and laugh along with these men made me all squishy inside.

“Hey, help me carry these dishes in and quit mooning over the guy. Do that later.”

Laughing, I scoop a load of dishes off the patio table and follow Zane inside with it. After placing them on the counter, Zane asks me to sit on the couch for a minute while he disappears.

When Zane returns, he finds me getting a closer look at one of Alec’s violets. They’re so pretty up close.

“You can take one. Consider it a housewarming gift. Plants make a house a little more welcoming, I think. I started that one from a sprout a few years ago.”

“Really? Yeah, thank you. I’d love one of these. It will make me feel like I’m still here.”

“Um, so…Dan has something to show you shortly, but before he does that, I wanted to give you something.” He holds a small box in his hand, and I place the violet on the table to take the box from him .

“I know how much you’ll miss Jeff. I sort of do too. Mainly because I’ll never forget how that bird chased you all over when he first got here, and you insisted you knew what you were doing.” He laughs softly. “One time you lost a shoe. Do you remember that?”

“I do! That was the first time he…ah…tried to mount me and his toe ripped off my shoe, but I was so freaked out I just kept running without it.” I laugh hard at the memory. “And that’s when I knew the bird was mine. I just didn’t understand what was happening then.”

Zane motions to the box. “Open it. And promise you won’t cry.”

“Okay. Promise.”

Zane waits with a smile as I peel off the paper and lift the lid on the box. Inside is a man’s necklace with a dog tag-shaped pendant like someone in the military would wear. Etched on the pendant is a photo of Jeff in the front of the chicken coop.

“Zane…” My voice hitches as I run my finger over it. “This is gorgeous. Thank you.”

“You said you wouldn’t cry.” He swipes at his eyes.

“I’m not crying. You are.”

He pulls me into a hug and both of us laugh as he releases me and reaches for the tissue box.

“I’m super happy you found the next part of your life, Heath. I hope you’re as happy as me and Alec because I love that man more than life itself. If Marko makes you even a fraction as happy as that…then I’d be thrilled.”

“He’s great, Zane. Really. It was odd at first when I finally clued in that I was attracted to him that way. But he’s just so thoughtful and kind and—”

“He’s hot, dude. You can say it. And I agree.”

“Five alarm fire, Zane. Like so hot I just want to drop to my knees when he —”

“Stop!” He laughs as he pushes the wrapping paper into the recycle bin. “I don’t need details.” He looks at his phone and abruptly pushes me back to the patio. “Dan’s ready. Come on.”

When we head back onto the patio, everyone is seated and there’s a folder on the table. Dan and Marko stand shoulder to shoulder, whispering, and when the door closes, they turn to me.

The chatter stops amongst the others, and Dan clears his throat.

“Heath, I don’t need to tell you again how much we care about you. When everything went down with Jeff and your car, we insisted you take time to deal with that for a few reasons.” He picks up the folder on the table. “One reason is in there.” Dan squeezes Marko’s shoulder. “The other reason is right here.”

“I told you I’d take care of your car,” Blaze chimes from the corner. “So, all of us sat together one night and threw around ideas until we found one that we agreed on.”

“Nobody is more dedicated to our animals than you, Heath.” Alec, who usually keeps quiet, comes to stand near Zane. “You’re a friend to everyone; animal, bird, and man. We’ve all watched you grow from an unsure teenager into the confident and caring young man you are now. We all love you. I think you know, it’s not just as a friend, but as family.”

Marko beams at me and holds out a hand, so I take it, and he kisses my forehead.

“I get the fun part, ljubavi .” Taking the folder from Dan, he opens it and there are a series of sketches inside. “Your family said the car should stay on the ranch because you love it here, and I agree. When you told me what this car meant to you, I came up with this idea.”

Three sketches, all slightly different in design, illustrate my car as part of the landscape around a pond.

“Duck boxes?” My gaze finds Dan, and he nods eagerly.

“We have that spot of land that’s too marshy to plant in. At the back of the pasture where Hank plays. So I thought it would be cool to put the car on a platform to slow the decay of the body and plant some vegetation the migrating birds like to eat. We’d build a few bird boxes, take the doors off and leave the body open for anything that wanted to nest inside.”

Dan’s excitement is palpable and I’m still trying to wrap my mind around what exactly he’s proposing.

“So you want it to be a place for ducks?”

“A place for any bird or wild animal seeking refuge. Maybe it’s squirrels—”

“Or a raccoon!” Zane adds with excitement and Alec rolls his eyes.

Dan continues. “Birds, ducks, animals, whatever needs some stuffing for a nest or a burrow for their young. The sky is the limit out in the wild. Your car would give them something they need; a home.”

“I added these duck boxes because I read some ducks like them. And songbirds. Did you know the ranch is right under a popular flyway for migrating birds?”

Marko shrugs when I stare at him. “You researched birds for this?”

“I wanted it to be perfect for you. That’s why there are three designs. You choose the one you want and we’ll build it. ”

“We?”

“Well…I want to help.”

“You don’t need to decide now, Heath,” Dan says. “Until the spring, the car is in the machine shed and we’ll remove all the fluids over the winter, so it’s ready and safe to be there. But what do you think?”

Closing the folder, I look around the patio where every person I hold dear to me sits. My found family in every way possible. Brothers, fathers, and the man next to me who has slotted into my heart in a way I didn’t expect. Boyfriend doesn’t feel right. He’s far more than that.

“I think I’m the luckiest guy in the world. But one question.”

Turning to Marko, I grip his hand. “You researched ducks and birds. Does that mean we can get ducks now?”

The guys all laugh at Marko’s expense, but I’m serious.

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s not a no.”

Marko shakes his head and kisses me.

“It’s not a yes, either. One step at a time, ljubavi .”

“I’ll take it. Now let’s pack some stuff and go home.”

Marko smiles softly. “I like the sound of that.”