17. Heath

Chapter 17

Heath

“ H eath! Hi! Come on in.”

“Is Blaze here?”

After reading Marko’s article, I still wasn’t sure what it all meant. There were loads of words and shit I didn’t understand. But I knew someone who could explain everything better than this article did. I somehow got through my work today, but barely. Was this Marko ending things before they even got going? I just don’t understand.

“Yeah, he is. Would you like a glass of wine? We were watching Jeopardy reruns and arguing like an old married couple.” River snort laughs as Mando, their cat, races out of the kitchen to see me. After greeting him properly and acknowledging how he’s the cutest cat in the house, he saunters back where he came from, tail held high.

“Heath?” Blaze scans me quickly as he enters the hallway. He motions for me to follow him and turns back to the living room. “I think I know why you’re here.”

“Um, beer if you have it, River?” I motion to Blaze and gesture with my phone, likely not making any sense.

“We do. Go sit. I’ll bring it over.”

Blaze reclines in the couch’s corner. A half-empty wineglass sits on the side table along with a piece of wood and a jackknife .

“Do you still carve things?” I ask as I settle in the recliner next to him.

“Just spoons. I’ll never be good at anythin’ else.” He pulls the drawer on the table open. “Would you like one?” It’s filled with carved wooden spoons, and I can’t get over how cute it is to have a drawer full of his creations in the living room.

“Sure! A Blaze original.”

Blaze passes me one, and it’s small enough to tuck into my pocket. It’s kinda cool.

“Thanks. So, I need your help to explain something to me.”

“Sure. Is this about your new friend? Sorry I didn’t get to meet him on your ride. I was hopin’ to be there, but I took longer helpin’ River than I thought I would.”

“Are you two talking about me? I can leave.”

River sets a beer next to me on the side table and then tops up Blaze’s wineglass before kissing him.

“You’re not goin’ anywhere, Riv.” He looks to me. “Unless Heath prefers it?”

“No, it’s okay. I should get more than one opinion, anyway. And yeah, it’s about Marko.”

River joins Blaze on the couch and Blaze puts an arm around his shoulders while River turns the volume on the television down. Mando joins us, watching his wildlife shows on his own floor-model television. This cat is #lifegoals.

“So, um, Marko told me today his dad was a financial fraudster or something. Then he sent me an article to read and took off. I’ve read the article, and I don’t understand what exactly he did. Or Marko’s involvement. I was hoping you could help me understand. ”

“He took off? What do you mean? Did he leave town?”

Blaze knits his eyebrows together, and I shake my head.

“No, no! Not like that. He slept over, and, um, he left after telling me this. Took off from my place like Jeff was on his ass.”

Blaze nods in understanding and River chuckles.

“He slept over. That’s so something you would say, Heath.” River raises his glass in a toast to me. “Get it. He’s hot.”

Blaze raises a brow at River, who sips and shrugs. “I just speak the truth, babe.”

Blaze sighs and leans forward. “Marko’s father is Ivica Dasovich, and yes, he scammed many people out of millions of dollars. He would convince people to invest with him but never invest that money.”

“So, he just stole it?”

Blaze teeters his hand back and forth. “The short answer is yes. He would use it to buy investments or property, but not what the client thought. He forged statements and would pay them money when they asked, but he could never repay the full amount. Just enough to make you think all was well. It’s all part of the scheme.”

Jeez. That doesn’t sound nice, being lied to for money like that.

“Why would he do that?”

Blaze sips his wine and leans back again.

“Only he can answer that, but when people do it, there’s usually somethin’ small it starts with. Maybe they made a mistake or needed money at home, so they dipped in once and got away with it. Then they do it again. Or they wanted to inflate the book of investments so they can attract bigger fish.”

It’s still a bunch of gibberish to me, but Marko’s dad isn’t what I care about. It’s what Marko thinks he did .

“Well, I still don’t understand what would make someone do that, and I probably never will. But Marko seems to think I’ll want nothing to do with him and I don’t understand why. This article he sent said he…crap, I need to look it up again.”

“It said he turned evidence for immunity. Is that it?”

“Yeah! Wait…how did you already know so much about this?”

River nudges Blaze with his thigh, and they exchange a look. He nods before exhaling.

“You know I’m a billionaire and you know my company. I started one of the first online payment processin’ platforms. In the beginnin’ I needed investors to help me. It was me who contacted them and made proposals and sat through long meetin’s gaining their trust. But there was one man who approached me. Ivica, Marko’s dad. Without tellin’ you all about that, I will say that Ivica isn’t a nice guy.”

“I get that. Marko didn’t sound very fuzzy talking about him and I knew something was off with him yesterday, but he didn’t want to tell me until today. What’s Marko all scared about here?”

“Well, I imagine he’s afraid you’ll judge him and push him away.”

“I could never! Why? This is stupid. He’s, he’s…”

My everything.

But I’m not going to say that out loud just yet. I think.

“He thinks I won’t like who his dad is? Hell, I don’t even know mine. My dad could be a serial killer for all I know!”

“Heath,” River’s soft voice draws my attention. “He thinks you won’t like him when you find out he helped his dad steal.”

“What? No…did he? ”

Is the air leaving the room? It feels like my lungs are deflating. There’s no way Marko would do that. He’s so gentle and kind. And sexy and funny and he brings Jeff cranberries and…

“Heath? Are you okay?”

“No,” I croak and shake my head. “What did Marko do?”

“Immunity is asking to be spared punishment for providing evidence against someone else.” Blaze moves and stretches out to grab my knee. “Heath, look at me and breathe please.”

I do as I’m told and find Blaze and River, both with concerned faces, watching me. Gosh, I think I forgot to breathe. A gulp relieves the burning in my lungs and River sags. “You scared us, Heath.”

“Sorry, I just…like…spell it out for me. Please. Is Marko a good guy or not? Because I think I fell in love with him and…and…I need to know what this means.”

Blaze leans back, and I remember the beer next to me. A few swallows provide a brief distraction while I wait for the verdict, and it smacks into me. The enormity of it all. I love Marko. I think I have for a while and just never clued into it. Long before we ever kissed, and I realized we were dating.

So much for not saying it out loud.

Should I be happy he told me this or angry because he already stole my heart before he did?

“I follow my gut instincts a lot, Heath. It’s how I became a successful businessman. When I met Marko’s dad, it was a strong feelin’ not to trust him. Has that ever happened to you?”

“Yeah. Remember the guy who said he didn’t know his uncle had those horses we rescued last year? It was like I could see through him, see his black heart. I didn’t buy a word of his excuse and it’s like I could feel the cruelty coming off him in waves.” That guy was just gross. "I knew we had to get the horses out of there fast."

“And how did you feel meetin’, Marko? Any gut feelin’s?”

Smiling, I remember he was nervous with the animals, and he waited forever to talk to me. His hand on the cup for Jeff, and the way I had that swoopy feeling when he smiled at me. No warning bells. If I have to be honest, I was drawn to him like a magnet. Not just his tattoos, but maybe a vibe? It felt like he was a man I wanted to know. Immediately.

“All of them good. Not a single bad feeling.”

“If it helps, I sort of know how he feels. It’s sometimes hard to tell people where you come from or your past because you think they’ll judge you. You’re an exception to that. You put yourself out there all the time and it doesn’t matter to you. ‘ I’m Heath, take it or leave it .’” Blaze pauses. “Those are good qualities, by the way.”

Blaze and River both laugh softly, and a genuine smile fills my face.

“That’s true. I don’t always put it out there, but when I do, it’s just the way it is.”

“I think Marko has spent too much time runnin’ from the pain of what his father put him through rather than focusin’ on the good things.”

“But what does your gut say, Blaze? Does Marko give you a feeling?”

Blaze swirls the wine in his glass and is silent for a while.

“My gut says he’s a good man. Just maybe confused about the black and white of life.” He sets his glass down before assessing me again. “You know you’re like a son to me and Dan. Hell, even Alec. We want to see you happy, and Marko does that. He balances you. Life can’t always be about the ranch animals and Jeff. Yes, you love and care for them. It’s your job. But at some point, Heath, you need a life of your own. Another outlet and interests. Since you’ve been datin’ him, we’ve all noticed a change in you, and it’s not bad at all.”

“Thank you.” A giant lump sits in my throat and I stand. “I need to think about things, I guess.”

Standing, Blaze meets me and pulls me into a hug.

“We’re here for you. And I’m glad he finally told you. I knew you’d struggle with this and it’s not the way to start off a relationship. Come by again if you need to.”

Blaze walks me to the door, and while I put on my shoes, all I can think about is how great it would be to take a drive on Marko’s bike, but my car will have to do. Which means I won’t go far.

“Can we talk about my savings next time? I hate to admit that it’s time, but I think I need a new car.” Blaze handles all the ranch employees’ savings and benefits, and I don’t think I’ve ever cared about what he did. Maybe it’s time for that to change.

“Oh, thank god. You don’t know how long I’ve been waitin’ for you to say that. And yes, we can do that. It would make us all happy to see you drive somethin’ safer.” He squeezes my shoulder. “You can still keep it. Just don’t drive it. We’ll find a safe place for it.”

Again, I’m swamped with emotion and can only nod.

“Thanks again, Blaze. I’ll call you.”

In the evening sky, I look up at the stars before getting in my car. It’s a clear night and I know exactly where I want to go.

** *

There’s no way my car would make it quietly into Marko’s driveway.

Instead, I pulled over on the shoulder and then walked along the darkened road up to his house. As I drew closer, the light from his house spilled outside. I stood at the end of his driveway for a while, wondering if this was what I wanted to do. Every time I thought of no Marko, I didn't like how that made me feel.

After sending him a text, I continued around to his backyard.

I spread the blanket from my car on a spot to the side of his pond. Hopefully, the bugs aren’t bad out here tonight. The slide of the patio door draws my attention and the light from his sunroom illuminates Marko as he steps out.

He really is a beautiful man. Even now, when he shuffles over in a pair of low-slung lounge pants and bare feet.

“Hi. I have another blanket.”

Patting the spot next to me, I smile.

“Good. I hope the bugs aren’t bad here.”

Marko folds his giant frame down next to me. I miss a lot of signs. I’m not always quick to pick up on things, but I notice the space Marko leaves between us and I don’t like it.

“I don’t spend a lot of time out here, so I’m not sure about bugs.”

Leaning back on my elbows, I stare up at the stars. They’re so bright tonight. It’s been far too long since I took the time to enjoy them .

“Do you know why I don’t want to get a new car?”

If Marko thinks my conversation topic is odd, he doesn't acknowledge it.

“You said it was complicated.”

“It is.” Lying all the way onto my back, I fold my arms behind my head. When Marko remains sitting all tucked up into himself, I poke him with my foot. “Lie back with me and look up.”

He manages, and I keep my laugh inside. He’s really trying not to touch me. I don’t like it, but I think I understand why he’s keeping some distance between us. I’ll let it go for now until I’ve said what I need to.

“My car is the last and only thing my mom ever owned. When I was really little, there were a lot of nights we’d fold the seats back and pretend we were camping. But before that, she’d spread a blanket on the hood of the car, and we’d lay there looking for shapes in the stars.”

“Like constellations, you mean?”

“No. Shapes. Mom was…different. She liked to be free and make things up. We’d try to connect the dots in the sky to make different things like animals or letters or whatever.” It’s funny how easily children can be distracted from the truth by funny games and stories. “Anyway, I didn’t know any better, and I always thought those weeks of camping were fun, but the truth was, that car was our home now and then. Mom rented furnished apartments or rooms because we had nothing. When she didn’t pay rent and we had to leave, she’d pack our stuff in boxes and garbage bags and say, ‘ Hey, Heath baby, it’s time for another adventure .’”

Thankfully, because of the regulations around renters not being evicted during the winter, we never had to adventure in the snow. But those adventures were never something I hated. Not even when I was old enough to realize we were homeless.

“The point to all this is, I don’t want to let it go.” Reaching over, I find one of his hands and tangle our fingers together. “It’s a hunk of junk, a falling apart heap, but when I left juvenile detention, it was all I had. No pictures or teddy bears. No memories of fancy trips or knick-knacks. Just a car that my mom tried to turn into some wild adventure to shield me from the truth that we were homeless more often than we had a home. She didn’t always make the best choices, but she loved me. And that car is all I have.”

His fingers squeeze mine and tears slide down my cheeks. It's been a long time since I shared that with someone. Even the good memories can hurt sometimes.

“ Ljubavi …don’t cry. Please.”

Marko’s gentle thumb swipes at my cheek, and I turn to face him. His brown eyes mirror my sadness, and there’s no way I could let him walk away.

“I know it’s not the same as whatever it is you think you did, but I don’t blame you for your choices. Your father should never have put you in that position.” Marko stiffens, and looks away, but I yank on his hand. “Hey, I’m here for you. Why did you think I’d run away when I’ve been nothing but open with you?”

His sigh is heavy. “I guess because it’s all I’ve known since then. My friends turned away from me. People who I thought liked me for me when they learned the truth were all suddenly gone.”

“They weren’t your friends then.” My voice is a hiss and a fiery anger like I’ve never, ever felt spreads in my chest. “You shouldn’t be judged on things in the past that you’ve paid for. That’s…that’s…garbage!”

Marko’s lips tilt into a small smile.

“That’s a pretty powerful word. Garbage.”

“I’m not always good under pressure.”

He brings my hand to his lips and kisses each knuckle. “It’s not just that. I feel like I didn’t pay for my part in his crime because I made a deal. Sometimes that bothers me and you’re so full of…sunshine and light. You always do good. I was afraid I’d change your outlook or tarnish you somehow. I turned my dad in, Heath, while I remained free.”

There’s so much guilt in his voice it physically pains me to know this is how he feels.

“More garbage talk. What bothers me the most here, Marko, is that you had the opportunity to tell me this, and you didn’t trust me. I can understand why, but when you love someone, you have to trust them with all the crazy shit in your head and in your life. That’s what it’s all about. It had to be so hard for you to watch a man you looked up to lead you astray like that. My heart breaks for you. And you paid, Marko. You lost your father. Don’t you think that’s enough?”

“I try to think that, but I’m sure the families who lost their life savings don’t think so.” He rolls over to his side. “But can we go back a minute? Did you just tell me you love me?”

“Not exactly.” I guess I really am no good at keeping the big stuff inside. “But I’m telling you now. I shared about the car because I trust you. And maybe it’s crazy, but, yeah, I love you. Pretty sure anyway. You’re like no one I’ve ever met. Ever. And you kiss great. So fucking great.”

When he smiles in the moonlight, he’s so damn beautiful. The scruff and the tattoos, the way he makes me feel just being with him. If I’m not in love, I’m in something, and whatever it is, I don’t want to let it go.